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2005 1 August :: 9.54 pm
Praise Be to God
I think I nailed my presentation tonight. The professor seemed impressed and my classmates, who are all high school teachers, did too.
Tonight I will be going to bed happy for the first time in a long time. I thought you should all know that.
1 Meaning |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 23 July :: 11.51 am
:: Music: "Back To The Way We Were" RCG
Things move on
Well I had a very hard morning this morning. i woke up and It was just in my head, the whole situation. I thank you so much Brianna for being there for me, but talking about it brought it all out to the forefront. I can't figure things out without her, but that is the problem. Yeah, it sucks, but I have made a determination.
Well, I was trying to grow the beard back. I've gotten like 8 days into it now, but it itches like crazy and I think I'm about to shave. It was a nice thought on my part though.
I've decided to be a pimp. I'm just going to forget all this stupid stuff. Ever since i can remember I've been very serious about a lot of things and that is why I can be so crazy now. Also, ever since I can remember I've been a hopeless romantic. Now some might say that that is a good quality for someone to have, but it ain't gettin' me anywhere. So, just as I am really wacky sometimes, and I really do like it when I am. Mostly because I'm so outside of myself, and I don't care what other people think, I'm going to just start going for it. If I don't set myself up with an idea in my head, I won't get my heart broke when it doesn't work out. Yeah, it really sucks that sh'e fuckin' with my head like this. I just choose not to let er have that power over me anymore. It's just that simple, I choose.
4 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 19 July :: 11.44 pm
"Sweet Southern Comfort" - Buddy Jewel
Well, we've got a gig that starts at like, 4pm on Saturday. It's a private event. Really what I'd like to be able to do is get done withour gig and then go to Muskegon. A girl who sits behind me in my history class has an all girl rock band that is playing in Muskegon. There name is Elixia and I'd really like to go. Except I don't know when we'll be done. If anybody wants to go, drop me a line.
5 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 19 July :: 12.17 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: "I Just Wanna Make Love To You" Foreigner
Thank You All
Thank you all for your wonderful support.
See the great thing is that this can be the place where I just let all my frustrations out. Of course, it seems I can only attract married girls.
As for the other things said. Desparation. Sure, maybe a little, but not so much. It seems like that from what I've said and if this is the only knowledge you have of me right now (well, I guess it is for all of you here) I'm not. I'm just going through a tough time right now and it feels like I have no one. And that if I did have just that one person, that special bond that it would make it all better. But that is a lie to myself. It won't. I need friedns to help me deal with the pain, that I can talk to and hang out with. Last night was going to be good, with Keith and Dustin, take my mind off things. But Nikki was there and she brought up the situation again, I was stuck there.
I guess it's a mending of a broken heart that I'm looking for. Once I thought I was over Shari, but then I spent a day around her and I showed up on Jessa's doorstep that night. I guess that's what I'm looking for, just veiled in this idea of man.
And all these statements are just great. Some of the things I feel deep inside, but they won't be applicable in five minutes. I'll still need that person, but it will change back.
And as for dealing with one jerk too many, you haven't dealt with this jerk yet. Get back on the horse and give the male race a chance to redeem itself. Sitting out of the game doesn't make the game change. The only way you can get what you want is to get back in there, break some old rules and right new ones (yes I used the wrong form of right, does it work).
Anything else?
3 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 18 July :: 5.38 pm
So I've layed prostrate enough now, it has to be worth mentioning.
Either there are no single ladies looking at my journal
-or-
They simply don't want me.
Now being the pathetic pessimist that I can be sometimes, I would choose the latter option if I don't get some encouragement soon. So
ENCOURAGE ME!!!!!
6 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 14 July :: 10.05 pm
When I say I"m going to someplace liek the Whitecaps game Friday night, and that I would like some female company, that means if you're single and female, I would like you too accompany me. You must be post-high school though.
So I'm going to a Whitecaps game Friday night. (hint hint).
3 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 14 July :: 12.13 am
:: Music: "Red Rag Top" Tim McGaw
It's really strange how that song really gets at the heart of what is going on in my life right now. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not responsible for anything right now, thank God.
Anyway, I'm coaching the Northview league this year ond two of my players, who are both between their Freshman and Sophomore years showed up to the game last week talking about this thing called Xanga. Their explaining to me what it is, "like an online journal thing." Telling me, like I'm ancient and am completely naive. So I responded, "Kind of like Woohu, huh?" And their like "Yeah. But Woohu was like the first one." Now these girls are from Cedar Springs. I thought some of you old timers would appreciate something like that.
3 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 4 July :: 10.14 pm
Kim and I are no longer together. IT's been a heart wrenching three weeks. I would tell it all, but it's very personal. Maybe someday the truth will come out, but it's just somehting i can't talk aobut right now.
On the bright side, I'm single again. I saw Lori in Sand Lake Friday night and gave her my number. I hope she calls me. I'm in somewhat desparate need of affection.
We had big weekend. The band made almost $1000. We took first place at Lake City Battle of the Bands against some very good competition. Smoody took second and Praise band took third. It was a good time. Sand Lake sucked so bad. The stupid idiots that were running the board didn't know how and really screwed up the sound. The band that took first, their singer was screaming into the mic and you couldn't even hear him. But we took second, which is reverse of last year. Then we played Saturday night in Luther and Sunday night before the fireworks. IT was a good time. I got to know Josh's family and Colleen (Josh's g/f) and I seem to have this natural chemistry, kind of like brother and sister.
I was disappointed though. Zack started playing "The Dance" by Garth Brooks and Ashley told all the couples to come up to dance. Well I wanted to know if there were any single ladies out there who wanted to dance. Nobody came up. I would have unplugged my bass and gone out and danced if it was a pretty girl.
3 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 8 June :: 11.51 pm
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
This could get interesting.
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 21 May :: 6.13 pm
:: Music: "Untamed Man" Rose Colored Glasses
Life
Well. We have all had those days. It seems I'm having that week. Or maybe that month.
A lot of what you say is true. Things that you do in your adult life take over your identity. Your pregnant, your going to be a mom, I'm a college student. Mine's goign to pass, so I can live with it, yours isn't. I think we're all finding out that life is both more than we anticipated and less.
I haven't been working for almost two months now, and I think it's starting to wear on me. I've been so busy, but everything is so frustrating right now. I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing in the past few weeks. I feel, now, being out of school for the summer and without a job like I'm powerless. I cannot seem to get anyone to cooperate with me at all. The things that I thought would make me feel like I'd accomplished something are not giving me the satisfaction that I thought they would.
It doesn't help that Kim is being overworked, tied down to her family because she's back at home. Right now, it's been one full week since we've spent any time together. And when we did last week it was with other people and only for about two hours. There was a point in here somewhere when we spent nine straight nights together last year.
I spent today up in LeRoy at our drummers uncle's place recording our demo. I'm listening to it right now. Soon I'll have a web address for you all where you can order that CD, but that all depends on Ashley. I swear, I had all winter to do this crap and now, during softball season, when I'm super busy, we've got push to get this done because they couldn't think ahead enough to get this taken care of. Oh well.
P.s. Jessa, I haven't seen you pregnant. So to me, your still the girl I remember in high school. I don't think you could be anything else to me ......
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 21 April :: 7.40 pm
Something for everyone to consider:
The high school is considering running a "freshman academy" next year. This would entail freshman wearing a certain shirt to every assebly and on designated days, or being sent home.
I just got done reading an article where a school is giving breathalyzers before allowing kids into dances and football games.
Is it just me or is this going a little too far?
Today my history prof was railing against the Patriot Act. He was saying that no one has had the courage to stand up to the President for fear of becoming a victim of it. Well, he made a god point about the things that can be done to you under the Patriot Act. It is a bit disconcerting. Silda would say that I am stupid for trusting the government. The are not opposing the Patriot Act out of fear, but out of political gain. If the damned bill wasn't supported by a crap load of Americans, the Democrats would be agianst it. Hell, most Republicans would be too. It's not about fear of reprisal, it's about fear of the voters.
1 Meaning |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 31 March :: 11.25 am
Well I'm going to say things. And most of you can ignore them, because you all don't post. Now Jessa has been great, giving me tons of material on my friends page, so now I will respond to her (sorry Steph, your life just seems to crazy and similar to mine to say much).
It's really weird how all our lives intersected for that brief moment in time that we call high school. That you, the crazy flirty girl that you described, was who I know you as. The person that you represent in your journal now, it's like someone I wouldn't even recognize. I definitely know that if I were to see you now, all inpregnated and stuff, I definitely wouldn't recognize you. I don't think that the evaluation that you took represents the idea that I have of you. It may very well represent you, but not of the girl who I knew. It was so long ago wasn't it? But not long in time terms. You showed me what platonic love could be. The basic understanding, and empathy for another person. All I could do is laugh when I watched you fall for another guy that I had introduced you to. I see it all now. you talk about Marty's former girlfriends. Sarah and I were great friends. Despite all her flaws, and she had many, we were still friends. And I saw her on Red Flannel Day, and the conversation we had. The evolution of friendship that people experience is amazing. I know my thoughts are nowhere near coherent. BUt they are my thoughts nonetheless. We are, you and I, destined for great things. And for fear of someone taking it the wrong way, it's not about us. You and I even, and that time in high school. It's about all of us, that unique group of people at a time that, even in our foggiest imagination we couldn't imagine the present. Us, me you and Brianna at the lunch table, could we imagine where we are now and what our relationship with each other is. Us, me you and Andy, in my living room while you were trying to bring him out of his shell. Us, me and you sitting in your living room, no words being spoken, but just you understanding the pain. We couldn't imagine what life had in store for us, what God had in store for us. Friends change, but do friendships? I hope I have provoked thought because, despite of scientific evidence to back the claim, it's good for your kid.
3 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 24 March :: 6.53 pm
So here we go again. Another teenage gunmen. You know, it bores me to read the press coverage. They interview the popular kids at school. "oh he was a freak." "He listened to heavy metal and was, like, a goth." It's so stupid. These adults all have this view that their kids are perfect little angels at school. They have no clue. High school is such hell. I think the funny thing is that I fit the description of all these guys to a T, with a few exceptions. 1. I have a stable family 2. I don't wear dark clothes. Other than that I was the atypical teen gunman.
2 Meanings |
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 23 March :: 6.10 pm
So I don't know what I am going to do. I got an email from my professor today telling me that if I miss three more classes I'm going to fail. But wait, oh yeah, I already am going to fail. I should really go talk to her, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know it's me. I know I am the reason I'm failing. And I'm just not willing to do the things that it takes to learn. Maybe it's not even that I'm not willing, it's just that I can't. I can't do it, it's not possible. I don't quit on things. When I don't do well at things I realize that I'm not good at them and move on. Right now, I just want to move on. I just don't want anyone to be mad at me. I don't want to piss the prof. off. Maybe I just give too much of a shit. Other class I could pull a cat and a rabbit out of the bag and be fine, but not in this one. No way. That just makes my night. I had other things I wanted to talk about, but that's it.
What is your life meant to be? |
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2005 22 March :: 10.07 am
Well I guess no one actually cares about my whiny little life.
I'm in a different mood than I was in last night. I have a sense of accomplishment now. I finished the paper. I worked on it for abour 1:15 last night and then woke up this morning and pounded out on it for another half an hour, bringing my grand total to
1:45
My balls hurt, just in case you were wondering. I don't know why either. huh.
Anyways,I spent that much time and I'm sure that the whiny little kid who is in my class that hasn't hit puberty yet because his voice hasn't changed and he squeeks everything (I think I spelled squeak wrong(you can also tell that I really don't like this kid because I'm going on and on and on and on and on (smacks self up side head to stop the skipping record) and on)). He is so annoying. He had the nerve to tell me that I didn't have enough "textual" evidence to support my argument when he had one single citation and his paper was slightly over ONE PAGE long. I had fourteen citations FOURTEEN and he had the nerve to tell me I didn't have enough. It's a good thing I never see that kid outside of school. I would throw him up against a wall so hard. UGH. It's like the time I wanted to smash someones head into a brick wall, yeah, that bad. Anyway. I think I'm done now and I don't think that "Anyway" is a sentence to itself either.
1 Meaning |
What is your life meant to be? |
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