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2005 26 April :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: exceedingly pissed
my poor baby
i've been so angry today, it's strange. i haven't been this angry in a long time. it worries me. i don't like being angry. well, that's not true. i don't like how much i like being angry. it's very empowering. i'm normally a good natured guy, so it freaks people out when they see me upset. because i'm either one extreme or the other. i go from 0 to furious in about 0.007 seconds ... but it usually takes quite a bit to get me to that point. at least, a lot more than it used to. the only thing is, i used to be a seventy pound weakling. i couldn't do much damage when i beat the hell out of things as a kid. NOW it's an entirely different story. sometimes i underestimate my own strength. i guess that's why i like to weightlift when i'm angry. i actually use 100% of my potential capacity that way.
the reasons i've gotten upset today. well, first it was calculus... the entire second half.
and now the car. it's very nearly dead. well, the engine is fine. and the rest would last me the summer. the brakes are very fixable for cheap and with a nominal amount of energy, could be done within a week, maybe even a weekend, if i pushed myself. but it's not worth transplanting a new tranny into. not even a used tranny. and it's getting to be not driveable, because the fluid is leaking onto the clutch plates, and i'm not getting enough friction. and there's still the issue of guiding the clutch cable through the firewall. that would be such a pain in the ass to fix properly, but i can't seem to come up with anything else that works at all. i thought when i had to give up my baby, i would be sad. but i'm not sad. i'm just pissed at it. for some reason i just expected it to puke on me one day. some part would just blow, and i would be forced to find something else, because it would be too costly and time consuming to replace. but no, it's just kinda slowly drifting away, in a very frustrating, smelly, leaky manner. and for some reason that bothers me. like i don't want to give it up, because there's still that chance. but i have to give it up... and soon.
which means i'm gonna have to steal the toyota for prom. which is not at all an appealing prospect. i could tolerate the stinking thing, if only the throttle wasn't so muddy. that just makes the whole driving experience a total nightmare. and it's just not cool. not that my car really is. but at least i like my car. i don't like the pickup at all; least of all, not well enough to delude myself into pretending it's cool.
well... i'm faced with a decision. a decision that requires me to borrow money either way i go with it...
source a cheap (yeah right $$$$) donor tranny, and a poor unfortunate soul (one who has tools) to help me install it.
-OR-
buy a newer used car. which may not even be a volkswagen... a very depressing prospect. if i sold my soul to the devil, i would get this one...
it's a 1984 GTI. it has a sports suspension, is ready to have a sound system installed, and has 200+ ponies under the hood. all for $3000. the guy is taking a huge loss on this (he has the receipts for 8 grand worth of parts). and i'm still too fucking poor...
i suppose i would need to get a job in order to remedy my indigence, eh?
shit fuckers...
i'm so tired anymore. i just have no drive. it pisses me off. then once i've vented, all i've managed to do is waste more time getting nothing done, and wind up more tired than i was in the first place. and that really pisses me off...
it's a vicious cycle.
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spud
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2005 26 April :: 5.13pm
just picked up suit. will now try on, to make sure it fits. i'll have to figure out what i'm wearing to interviews tomorrow. probably grey, witht the purple tie :)
also got the money for car insurance. i'm getting sick and goddamn tired of draining the steelcase account...
hopefully i won't be too poor to pay for prom stuff (dinner, gas, flowers, hookers, etc.)
i'm such a little bitch sometimes. but i had a nice talk with mrs. millard today so it all worked out. and maybe i can do some homework tonight, since i get to sleep in an extra half an hour tomorrow. well, i should probably get up at the normal time, just so i'll be ready.
GO! GO! GADGET: lethargy...
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spud
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2005 25 April :: 8.46pm
:: Music: still miles davis.
sandwich update ... egg food
i am having some trouble recollecting my previous food adventure specifically, so please forgive me. if you had seen as much as i have, you'd have trouble distinguishing between food adventures after awhile too...
well, my latest endeavour was one born out of necessity. after all, only the strong survive. apparently i'm strong. either that, or i'm morbidly obese (bmi = 31.5). anyway, after a long day of study at the local potato academy (high school), i went to my friend trevor's house for a game of "keep your eyes on the ginsu". most of me is still here, after 2 and a half arduous hours of dodging whirling blades. what parts of me that aren't here are not required for procreation, and have been donated to Charity (trevor's pet ferret). i never knew ferrets liked french fries. well, actually they're american fries. anyway...
i had to refuel my bushel of washers on my way home, which was a huge fiasco, and cost me the most money in the history of money i've spent on peanut oil.
....needless to say, i had to then go to the auto wash adjacent to the fuel distibution hub to get the mess cleaned up.
by the time that was finished, and i had returned home, i realized that i was famished. and as i looked for food, i realized that my cupboards were barren, because mom ... er, i mean... my roommate... had cleaned everything out in preparation for our relocation to something a little more suburban.
thinking on my feet, knowing that soon my feet would be out from under me if i didn't replenish my glucose, i took three eggs from a container that said "do not consume after April 21 under penalty of 'you die'." ... or something like that. i scrambled the raw eggs in a disposable plastic bowl with a salad fork, because everything else in the house was completely gone, put half a stick of butter in our lone frying pan, and once it had melted, poured the raw egg mixture into the pan (on medium heat), and covered the pan with a ceramic plate. then i praised my ingenuity. upon the conclusion of my egpcentric acclamations, i found a large bag of lunchlady cheese in the fridge, that i'm sure was too saturated with preservatives to ever spoil or mold, and something in the pantry that resembled a cinderblock composed of a starch-based material. the cinderblock came pre-sliced, so i retrieved 4 slices, and placed the remainder back in the pantry... not in the garbage, where it should have gone. once the egg/butter amalgamation solidified, i sprinkled some of the indelible (but not inedible) cheese on top, replaced the lid, and melted the cheese over low heat. once the cheese had melted, i cut the concoction in half, and placed each half on a slice of starchbread. i took the 2 remaining slices of starchbread and placed them both on one of the sandwiches, leaving the other openfaced. i poured myself a solo(tm) cup of milk, and placed it on the floor. then i sat on the floor indian style, with the plate of sandwiches on my lap (yes the same plate i used as a cover) and proceeded to ward off the dogs who were vying for the "food" i had made, even though i had fed them THEIR food, not ten minutes ago.
from there, it's pretty self-explanatory...
but i will say this:
... legend has it, that if you go there today, you can still hear his ghost in the dining room screaming "GAAAAAH, THE KNIVES IN MY TUMMY!!!!!" which is inevitably followed by a particularly excruciating bit of flatulence.
then i made my bed.
THE END
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2005 25 April :: 8.40pm
fried prom odyssey
got tickets. got gum. got picture frames. we have both been appropriately clad (meaning: we both got our dresses, handbags, earrings, purses, shoes, lederhosen, bill clinton masks, etc.).
dinner is to be at one trick pony or bluewater grill. i'm leading toward the pony, just because it's more unique, and i've actually been there before. i need to make some phone calls.
the rabbit has been cleansed, refilled, stroked, refilled elsewhere, and stroked elsewhere. it still needs to be filled everywhere else, emptied in a few places, vacuumed, and thoroughly wiped down.
brakes and transmission are issues i will conveniently overlook for the interim. or until i can't overlook them anymore.
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spud
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2005 25 April :: 8.19pm
:: Music: miles davis - kind of blue
OPEN HOUSE !!!
alright, here's the deal...
MOM'S
May 21 (yes, that soon, don't ask me why.)
in cedar springs, at my house. mapquest the address if you don't know it, or ask and i'll tell you.
217 East Beech, Cedar Springs, MI, 49319-9505
catering was supposed to be by maynards, but seeing that they're now defunct, i don't know. we have salted peanuts, and denise thoms will be making the cake (frosting to die for!!). should be afternoon time or so.
DAD'S
July 2 (yes, that late, because mom wanted to leave june open for hers)
at the community bldg in ferrand estates. directions to ferrand estates are as follows:
us 131 south (approx 20 miles), 44th st west (approx 3-4 miles). it's past byron center rd. on the left. if you hit ivanrest, you've gone too far. it's almost exactly halfway between them. nearby landmarks to look for are Damon's, on the south side of 44th, and ramblewood center on the north. once you're on the driveway, just go til you hit the stop sign. at the stop sign, there should be a building smack dab in front of you. circle around building in a clockwise direction, while looking for spot. park. enter building. have good time. leave.
catering provided by GFS, simmered in elbow grease for at least 10 minutes. let cool. serve. dessert likely by kathy (dad's mrs. to be) ... mmmm *drools.
....
if neither of those work for you, then, tough! i never liked you anyway...
if they do work for you, please tell me so, and also indicate which one you are coming to. this is so i can tell my folks how much cake to build, etc. and also to get a ballpark figure of how popular i am.
i honestly don't care which one you come to. i just want you guys to have a good time. if you're looking for alcohol, don't come within a hectare of my dad's, because there won't be any. honestly, mom probably won't either. so there. but lots and lots of soda, especially at dad's. and if you're looking to see me super stressed out ... then mom's is the place for you.
like i said, post a comment, or email me, or give me a slip of paper with your name on it, and say which one you're attending. just because i'm a bitch like that. (honestly, i need to know once and for all how AWESOMELY POPULAR i am!)
coming soon from a spud near you: "prom update" and "fried egg sandwich ... food odyssey?"
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spud
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2005 23 April :: 1.29pm
:: Music: mmmm... coffee and light jazz .....
... at dad's
waiting for the windows media plugin for nero to download. i forgot how crappy dialup can be.
anyway...
supposedly gonna hook up with jackie today. we'll have to see what happens. i know kevin wanted to go bowling, but we never confirmed or finalized any plans, so i don't know what he expects from me.
i also forgot i'm kinda broke. so i don't really have even ten bucks to go bowling... crappity butt poop ... or something like that.
i got nothing.
i'll talk to you later, i guess.
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upchuck
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2005 21 April :: 7.40pm
Something for everyone to consider:
The high school is considering running a "freshman academy" next year. This would entail freshman wearing a certain shirt to every assebly and on designated days, or being sent home.
I just got done reading an article where a school is giving breathalyzers before allowing kids into dances and football games.
Is it just me or is this going a little too far?
Today my history prof was railing against the Patriot Act. He was saying that no one has had the courage to stand up to the President for fear of becoming a victim of it. Well, he made a god point about the things that can be done to you under the Patriot Act. It is a bit disconcerting. Silda would say that I am stupid for trusting the government. The are not opposing the Patriot Act out of fear, but out of political gain. If the damned bill wasn't supported by a crap load of Americans, the Democrats would be agianst it. Hell, most Republicans would be too. It's not about fear of reprisal, it's about fear of the voters.
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m&ms487
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2005 21 April :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: sad
It's going to be cold out again. Gas went up.
If I know I was born to perform on stage, then why does it scare me so much to know that I want to do that for the rest of my life?
Maybe because it's not a stable job like being a teacher or an accountant or a dietician.
Maybe it's because I want it so bad that if I fail I'm not going to know what else to do.
Maybe it's because I love it so much.
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spud
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2005 21 April :: 3.00pm
quick prom update
dinner is still up in the air.
last night my mom purchased, for yours truly, a rediculously stupendous suit. that is: jacket, slacks, long overcoat, shoes, cuff links, dress shirt, and pocket silk. i'm gonna look frickin' HAWWTTT!
Jackie is now registered as a guest. Tickets will be bought as soon as possible next week.
Blardy Blar...
i'll talk at you kids later.
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m&ms487
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2005 20 April :: 5.26pm
I wore my brand new woohu.com t-shirt today.
It made me feel special.
Spahgetti for supper tonight. Summer is filling in with things by the week. I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I remember all those summer vacations where I sat and did nothing every single day. I didn't go anywhere for days at a time. Those were my most precious days. Those were the days when I knew things, characters in books don't betray. The lilac bush outside my window is budding. In a few weeks it will be bursting with purple and white. And then in a week it will be over.
The flower only gets a while to shine, while the bush lives the year 'round. It seems like that sometimes. We have only a few select times in our lives in which we can impose our beauty on the world. Are you a lilac or a venus fly trap?
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spud
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2005 17 April :: 6.51pm
well, i went to jackie's today. that was fun. i'm sure it didn't seem like it by the way i was acting, but i really did have quite a good time. it was really refreshing to sit back and just do some of the simple stuff.
i need to do calculus and shit. but i'm sure i'll find something else to do.
yesterday i worked all day. then we took donny to dinner, and went to see sin city. jessica alba was the only redeeming factor in that movie for me. her story was the only one that i truly enjoyed. but even though i didn't enjoy it, i can still respect the phenomenal job they did in post-production. it was just incredible.
man, i'm totally beat.
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m&ms487
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2005 14 April :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Everything is upon me. Or so it seems. Do you ever have those days where your head is just buzzing with things that you think you have to do, or just actionless emotions, and then you realize that it all means nothing? Everything is going to be just fine. You aren't being overstretched or spread too thin as the jumble of things in your head might want you to think. Like a well organized space. Things take up a lot of room when they are unorganized and you don't know what to do with them, but if you just sit down and figure out where everything goes, in the closet, on the shelf, next to the window, on the bookcase, and you know that it's where it belongs and you can easily find it again, then they take up a lot less room and you have more area to move around.
I've taken to observing people a lot lately. How they walk, talk, gesture. It's all very interesting. I realized that I do it a lot when I become withdrawn. It doesn't make me as happy, but I learn a lot. Just slow down and not talk, pretend that I'm not there, and just watch what happens without interacting. Many things are apparent when you only sit and watch. Today I watched a group of three people. All three are "involved" with another person. Two are guys, one is a girl. She controls them like nothing could ever control a man. She touches them and looks at them with large eyes when they are jokingly rough with her. She knows it's just play, but likes the attention. She gets hugs and lots of physical touch between both the guys. The two guys are friends, although from very different social cliques. They bonded in the way men do best, through competition. You can easily tell the younger is the submissive one because he always walks just a little behind the older, although he is in better physical condition. Both practically beg for her attention, although I'm sure not intentional, but the practices are reminiscent of some long burried mating interaction they do not recognize, but still put to action by their instincts.
Are you scared yet? I'm sure most of you know these three people. Have you ever looked at people in this way? Not as your friend, enemy, or associate, but as a human. Humans are quite odd creatures.
I've also observed that the overweight female, as long as she carries herself with convidence and a friendly nature, along with good grooming habits is far more accepted by her peers than a female with a perfect figure and ugly diposition.
It's all in the way you carry yourself.
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m&ms487
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2005 13 April :: 12.20pm
Rueben
Hey, if you get out of class and want to come to the auction at grand valley tonight.....go to grandvalley's campus (take 131 to Pearl, get in either one of the two center lanes, go past GVSU to fulton, turn left onto fulton and park in the parking lot just before the river)
to the L.V eberhard center walk past the back of the bulding, past the other parking lot, go in glass doors and follow signs
you don't have to come, but if you get this i'll be there til almost 11pm
We can give you a ride home if you want to come and volunteer....free chinese food!
And for anyone else, those are the directions.....if you want to volunteer you have to be there by five pm....you'll get free food and be on tv (if you want) for a little bit...Plus it counts as community service hours.
The people are really nice...and it runs through saturday.
michelle
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spud
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2005 12 April :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: The Police - Every Breath You Take
i just can't fucking do it all. and mom doesn't help. she tries, but fails miserably. i still love her. i just get sick of being dragged down all the time.
but seriously... if you look at it one thing at a time, my workload doesn't seem all that unreasonable. like tonight, i only had 2 moderately sized homework assignments. and social life wise, i'm growing up. just like all other well-adjusted people do. college wise, i'm way behind, but lots of other people are. i just need to fill out a couple pages of some personal information, write a measly essay, shuck out my parents' money, and do a little legwork. that's it. and socially i have to learn how to tolerate and communicate with my friends and family, and help them do the same with everyone else. i'd like to have money for a car, which i need to drive around. and for music equipment, which is one of my most serious passions.
they tell me to aim high, but i'm having a bitch of a time with all the little mundane bullshit. how the hell am i supposed to provide all the great things they (and i) expect from me, when i can't even handle the mediocre tasks set forth now? i really don't see how i can.
i'm not exactly a go-getter. but i do try. and i'm sick of having things blow up in my face, that i shouldn't have to be dealing with if i had a normal and well adjusted family, and interrupt everything.
i go to school in the morning. i don't bust my ass at school, but i try. and i get interrupted constantly. but i learn to live with it, and do the best i can. i get out of school to have a sudden crisis with the evening's events, then supposedly it self corrects. so i go to kevin's to work out. no working out gets done, because more important matters needed to be discussed. and i think it went well. but it ate up an hour or so that, although worthwhile, was not spent doing the millions of other things that need to happen. then i come home and do the workout that never happened at kevin's. take a shower, because i haven't had time to take one since sunday. feed the puppies because bruce was upstairs sleeping, with some headache. put some music on, and flip through college shit i got in the mail. start in on homework. budgets are due tomorrow, and my floppy is all fucked up. which means all the work i'm trying to do, suddenly can't be done. and any that CAN be done will likely get fucked up in translation. and it wasn't backed up on my H drive, because i'm a moron like that. then i fuck melissa over, because i didn't finish the project. mom needs a ride to grand rapids to take the car back (it's 8 pm by this time) so i take mom to town, and we get dinner at steak & shake. i get into this huge discussion with her about prom and college and work and the new house. basically all this shit that i really didn't need on my mind right now. and now it is. and suddenly it's 11 pm, none of the homework is done. in fact, it feels like nothing has been done at all. and i go into school tomorrow saying, duhhhh.... sorry mrs. millard. i was too busy talking to my friend about his girl troubles and talking with my mom about life, and doing chores, and working out. and at that point it seems like there's no good reason for me to have done all the shit i did instead of homework.
i just can't fucking do it all. i can't go through school and support myself financially, and support anybody else morally, and be a competent human being, and develop as a person, and have hobbies, and go out with friends, and work on my car, and fix everything in my life that's broken, and sleep and eat and get fatter. it's just too fucking much.
i'm going to bed. Modern Business = *double deuce*
POOF! ... YOUR HEAD A SPLODE!
... shit fuckers ...
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spud
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2005 11 April :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: drained
it's hard to type with this band aid on my pinky.
stupid tab button.
any7way, i jsut thought i wouidl like to type to you guys abobgue my wekend.
i got ot go to the racew trasck with hextor asnd connie. which was a real blast. not only tid i get to go for a few rides, but hector actually let me drive EVIL BETTY (the silver car in my avatar). i took fifteen minutes on the track with hector coaching me through the line. then on the next run, i took greg fro a rided. about five or ten minutes into it, i was coming really hot into turn 8 (a sweeping right) and jumped the gun on the transition into turn 9 (a sweeping left). so, when i jumped the turn and was going too hot, the rear end got squirrely through turn nine. since he has the car tuned for drop throttle oversteer, i fucked myself, because the natural tendency is to let off the gas. if i had just mashed the throttle, we would have been home free, but instead i tride to countersteer, and fell off into the grass on the left. i managed to get back on the track, but they black flagged me, so i had to come in. he would have let me go out again, but i didn't want to drive anymore after that.
that was saturday night.
then sunday morning, i kinda wanted to drive again, but i didn't since it was the official race day. after riding with connie in the VR6, though, i noticed some spots where i could've fixed the lines i had been taking. and hector is just a phenomenal driver.
there were some sweet cars there. there was a dodge viper that kicked everyone's ass in the straights, but didn't corner so well. there were 2 Porche 911 Carreras, which almost matched the Viper, but didn't have the power in the straights. they cornered a little better than him though. i think hector had the best lines in the rabbit, and he had the sweetest suspension. not to mention with the R-compounds on there, the rabbit flew through the curves like none other. he figured we were pulling about 2 Gs steady through the corners. but he always got his ass kicked in the straightways. which you can't really help with only 96 ponies under the hood. but it's so light. he said once the 8v dies, he wants to put in a 1.8 liter 4 cylinder Turbo. he said something with 200 horsepower would give him the same power:weight ratio as a Formula 1 car. which is just mind boggling. i totally want one now.
actually, i want to get a mk2 GTI with a VR6 in it. i'm fairly certain. i could pick one up pretty heavily modded for 3 grand, max. permitting that someone will be looking to get rid of theirs this fall. i'm gonna have to prowl the classifieds forum when i get the dough. i don't want to put a bunch of cash into the engine. i want to get just a standard VR6 setup, then start scrapping things to lose extra weight. and do suspension work with the strut tower braces, and poly bushings and everything. that's the way to make a car fly through the track. light and agile. doesn't need to have balls. but balls definitely help. anyway. that's what i want to do. the only weight that doesn't make it go faster will be the stereo equipment. which will have to be permanently fastened down somehow.
shit. i have so much other stuff i should be doing. and haven't done. i'm such a whore sometimes. oh well. i'll get over it.
i need to make a list and a budget and a plan. what the fuck.
new countertop and floor in the kitchen. today i picked up some bedroom furniture for hte new house with bruce. some antique dressers and a bedframe. i also ran the hose to the icemaker. which i forgot to open the valve to. fuckers. and i reinstalled the sink. which was a huge PITA.
well, i'll go now. g'night.
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m&ms487
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2005 11 April :: 9.07pm
School tomorrow. That sucks ass.
I fucked up.
I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
I have lessons tomorrow.
I have a AP Chem test tomorrow.
I'm voluntering at WGVU's auction Wednesday evening. My mom was one of the people that put the auction together. Jessie's probably comming too. Anyone one else interested? Let me know by tomorrow.
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. ~William Feather
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spud
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2005 8 April :: 7.25pm
:: Music: The Rippingtons - Kilimanjaro
if i could ...
... i'd make you understand.
yeah, those are seal lyrics. but i'm listening to the rippingtons. go figure. this drummer is more than slightly insane.
smooth jazz really r0x0rs my s0x0rs. seriously.
i taste and smell like cheap cigar. honestly, why the hell did i buy those. well, it smelled good at the time. i just know to never buy them again.
i talked with dad last night. the whole, "god made you with a purpose in mind, and will take care of everything that needs to be done in order to facilitate that purpose, if you ask him to."
which is reassuring, but it's not a big motivator. although, i really think that i can't possibly be motivated in this house. it just sucks my will to live. or at least, get anything done. i always thought it was mom, but she's not here. it's this house. it's creepy, and i don't like it. so, whatever.
i'm just so toast, and for no reason. i've done nothing at all, all day. and i still feel so totally drained, it's rediculous. i almost hate myself. tomorrow i'm going with H3k70r! jigga w00t w00t. that's gonna be superhella hot. i'm so excited, it's absurd.
still haven't heard from jackie. my life feels so weird. it's felt weird for a long time now. and it's not going away. well, it goes and then it comes back, then it goes again. so, i don't know. it's really just on a whim. whatever. i'll get over it or something.
i need to get offa this damn computer.
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m&ms487
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2005 7 April :: 3.32pm
I'm listening to "Jesus Christ Superstar"....on record.
It's so old school. Yeaaah maann. *takes drag from joint*
They use a lot of bass in the pit. I guess that's what you get with a rock musical, huh?
Work was excruciating slow today. I don't have to work again until Saturday.
Well I suppose I should do some homework or something....hmm...how about..no.
-michelle-
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spud
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2005 7 April :: 10.42am
:: Mood: relaxed
stuff, junk. mom and libby should be somewhere on the ohio turnpike by now. they left at like quarter to six. i remember vaguely coming to as mom said goodbye this morning. but by the time i was coherent, she had gone back upstairs. i glanced at the clock, then fell back asleep. i set my alarm for nine. this is the first time i haven't gone with them. it's weird.
i should be doing calculus, or cleaning, or showering, or something.
so, i'll get on that shortly.
i should probably also eat something.
i need to call dad.
i haven't heard back from jackie. i'm not really worried, i just hope i didn't say anything stupid. which is like, constant with me - i'm always saying stupid crap.
MIVE track day at gingerman this weekend. i'm so horribly excited, it's rediculous. okay, i have every reason to be extremely giddy. so, i am.
i'm not feeling too good though, because i haven't lifted at all this week. i probably won't. but let's face it, without kevin here to kick my ass, i knew i wasn't gonna do it. i just really don't want to. for some reason, having kevin there, makes me want to do it.
no, not that, you sick fucks. well .... maybe a little bit. but no, not really.
sick fucks. you seriously think i'm gay? whatever, i'm totally over it.
i've actually been in a good mood for the last 24 hours or so. just really funny stuff with the motion picture show. just a great time. too bad it's all inside my head, so none of you can see it.
speaking of inside my head, i ran into sarah at the store yesterday, and let me tell you, it was really great. *swoons*
anywho.
um...
yeah. ...
i can't really follow that up all too well.
in other news, i need to get prom crap all sorted out.
*-*
mom just called. she was on the ohio turnpike (am i good or what?). but now i can't remember what i was gonna say.
but yeah. lots of stuff to do.
i'll talk to you kids later. and stuff.
SHUT UP, PUPPIES, I'M COMING!!!! good gravy...
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m&ms487
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2005 7 April :: 7.56am
I just woke up about ten minutes ago. Blah. I have to work at 10:00am until 2:30. Last night I had to work until 10:30. It wasn't too bad. I'm glad it didn't rain last night. I had to clear the lot of carts. Blah. I hate carts.
Tomorrow Rueben and I are going to the mall. Yay! I like walking around and looking at things, just being around people. I mean, usually I hate people, but hey, if they don't open their stupid mouths, then I probably won't have too much of a problem.
Spring break is halfway over with. It's really going to suck going back to school. These past few days have felt like summer vacation, and I even caught myself imagining them as such a few times. But, alas, I must return to school come Tuesday.
I went and saw Stacy before my Tuesday lessons. She said I had a job back there as soon as school gets out! It's not the best job in the world, but it's better than Meijer.
I don't believe I'm going to quit Meijer, though, although having two jobs was quite conflicting last summer.
Oh well.
-michelle-
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spud
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2005 3 April :: 11.25pm
i'm on the computer waay too freaking much.
or, at least, i have been today.
something to rectify tomorrow, i guess.
this is bullshit.
i WANT to be tired.
i told mom to wake me up tomorrow at nine.
i'm hoping that'll fix it.
i'm sick of feeling so unaccomplished and unenergetic.
and it's only been a day or two.
shit.
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spud
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2005 3 April :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: lethargic
well. i'm back from krispy kreme. i had fun. saw cool people, and cool cars. there was a guy there with a yellow convertible beetle, who had just moved here from virginia, and named his bug after mustard plug. i thought it was hawt.
and hector was there with "project liger". it was fricking schweet. and paul was there, so he got to hear the stereo, thus relieving me of something that has been on my mind way more than it should've been.
next weekend is track day at gingerman. i'm so excited. and a loser.
this week until then, however, is chock full of working and stuff. and not even for money! grr. oh well. it's what i need to do to get the things i want.
went to the new house today to try and figure out the schematics of the new bedroom. i'm trying to figure out a way to cram all my shit into a 10x10 foot living space in a way that allows me to maintain stereophonic imaging while i'm in bed, as well as when i'm at my desk. then you throw in the fact that i'd like to be able to watch tv from bed. it's a tricky mother. i also want to keep in mind that the cords running from my amp to my speakers should be exactly the same length, so the speakers are getting signal at the same time. it's my amateur way of adjusting the timing of all this stuff. it's gonna get trickier in the new car, whenever i wind up wiring that thing in. of course, that requires having a new car first.
in other news, i wrote some lyrics friday night. i edited them saturday when i woke up. here they are in all their glory:
The sun sets low on a crimson horizon.
The day dawns inversely, admittedly wizened.
The nigh that impends upon pastel creation.
The dark that unites in the hearts of all nations.
Bloodbaths in secret are secret no longer,
When worldwide media proves itself stronger.
Then the day breaks, shedding light on the matter.
While bodies lay broken, men's wallets get fatter.
But new hopes and dreams arise with the sun.
Rays of red silence portend life begun.
Those versed in violence know this cannot end.
Yet there are still those who can somehow pretend.
So why are we here? Have we yet reached meridian?
Plebeian ignominy accentuates mortal sins.
Those passing judgment will cast the first stones.
Meanwhile, the platypus ascends to the throne.
....
* i can get the words to sound good together, but they still don't tell a story. i'm just babbling jibberish. cool sounding, but jibberish nonetheless.
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spud
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2005 1 April :: 3.04pm
stuff
i just got out of the shower. it feels good, what with my exfoliating experience in sam's driveway and then working out, and everything.
it was funny. i had just gotten back from kevin's, and while i was in the shower, the radio played "daughters" or whatever it is, by john mayer. it just seemed like such a perfect coincidence.
i'm feeling good. lot's to do, though, lots to do.
so, with that i leave you, to go do my "lots".
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spud
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2005 31 March :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: RHCP - by the way
Polyvinyl Chloride
i didn't realize how depressing it would be to see the talent show, and not be in it. some of it was painful to hear, but most of it was pretty good. i'm sure eveyone who saw me plugging my ears thought i was a big dick, but i'm just trying to preserve my hearing as best i can. i could still listen to what was going on - it just wasn't so harsh. they were totally overdriving their amplifier. i think the speakers couldve handled it, but they weren't matching the amp properly. not that it really matters. i just know that once i get everything on dad's stuff wired up right, it's gonna be sweet.
it still sucked to not be playing, though. i always think that at weddings and stuff too. i'd rather be the one up on stage or spinning the tunes, than the one out on the dancefloor. that's just the way i am.
anyway...
i just wrote a cool rhythm. it's an accent pattern in 4/4 time, but the accents go: . . . . 2 . . . . E . . . . & . . . . UH . . & . . . . UH 4 . . .
i know most of you won't understand that, but whatever, i thought it was cool as hell. it has this really odd, kinda sporadic feel to it, but it comes out to be 4 in the end. well, it's actually 2 measures long, so it's 8. you know what i mean, though, right?
yeah, sure.
i'm also likin' this samba thing that Mr. Robuck is having us do now. it's an old jazz tune called Caravan. it's cool.
i'm getting better at my swing too. just the whole double strokes on the ride deal. i'm finally getting my speed up, after HOW many years? my left hand is still a puss ass, though. i'm trying really hard to work it out more, but it's still tough, just to force myself to do it. it's very tempting to do a right hand lead, just because i can do rhythms that are more fun to play, and it just feels more natural and flowing. but the only way to get the left lead to flow is to work it, so there you are. i'm just a lazy bitch.
speaking of which, i need to do my 4 pushups. and my crunches. spring break is gonna suck not lifting. oh well. i'll do what i can.
i'm so busy for the next couple of days, it's nuts. i hope to god i don't forget anything important.
that's all i have for now, so - until next time - i'm really naked right now.
okay, not really. but it was fun to pretend!
okay, i'm really gonna go this time.
seriously...
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upchuck
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2005 31 March :: 11.25am
Well I'm going to say things. And most of you can ignore them, because you all don't post. Now Jessa has been great, giving me tons of material on my friends page, so now I will respond to her (sorry Steph, your life just seems to crazy and similar to mine to say much).
It's really weird how all our lives intersected for that brief moment in time that we call high school. That you, the crazy flirty girl that you described, was who I know you as. The person that you represent in your journal now, it's like someone I wouldn't even recognize. I definitely know that if I were to see you now, all inpregnated and stuff, I definitely wouldn't recognize you. I don't think that the evaluation that you took represents the idea that I have of you. It may very well represent you, but not of the girl who I knew. It was so long ago wasn't it? But not long in time terms. You showed me what platonic love could be. The basic understanding, and empathy for another person. All I could do is laugh when I watched you fall for another guy that I had introduced you to. I see it all now. you talk about Marty's former girlfriends. Sarah and I were great friends. Despite all her flaws, and she had many, we were still friends. And I saw her on Red Flannel Day, and the conversation we had. The evolution of friendship that people experience is amazing. I know my thoughts are nowhere near coherent. BUt they are my thoughts nonetheless. We are, you and I, destined for great things. And for fear of someone taking it the wrong way, it's not about us. You and I even, and that time in high school. It's about all of us, that unique group of people at a time that, even in our foggiest imagination we couldn't imagine the present. Us, me you and Brianna at the lunch table, could we imagine where we are now and what our relationship with each other is. Us, me you and Andy, in my living room while you were trying to bring him out of his shell. Us, me and you sitting in your living room, no words being spoken, but just you understanding the pain. We couldn't imagine what life had in store for us, what God had in store for us. Friends change, but do friendships? I hope I have provoked thought because, despite of scientific evidence to back the claim, it's good for your kid.
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m&ms487
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2005 28 March :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: sad
I desperately want to talk to you. Where are you?
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spud
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2005 27 March :: 11.21pm
if you feel the urge, don't be afraid to send up a quick prayer for me. i figure it can't hurt. but there's no expectation.
i try and pray for you guys as often as i can. probably not as often as i should. but i try. and it usually makes me feel better.
maybe it's stupid, but katie's the one i pray for the most.
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spud
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2005 27 March :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: drained
Eatser
yes, i said eatser. just because it's a typo, and i like it.
i figure it's the equivalent of holy pron, or something.
anyway. this weekend was good. i had a great time with jackie on saturday. i hope she had a good time as well. it seemed like she did.
it's still strange for me to see all these girls, and think that suddenly they're not "off limits" anymore. for me, i've always been like creepishly loyal to all of my friends, so it's natural for me to have that mindset. and it's weird when i don't. but it's not all bad, because there's this one girl that does the communion sometimes at St. John Vianney, and she's absolutely gorgeous! i mean i've never met her before, and honestly don't intend to, but it's just nice to be able to ogle at her beauty, and not feel guilty about doing it. it's just wonderful. i haven't had that feeling in a long time.
anyway. easter was good. lots of family and stuff. it was nice, very laid back. looks like my summer schedule is already beginning to fill up.
it got me thinking about all this graduation bullshit. all the things to schedule, and parties and everything. i'm totally not ready. and it gets me to thinking about all this college shit. and dad talked about GVSU. which i never really considered until he said it. so when i sat down to do my calculus, i just started going through all this crap, and then my budget for BST and i started talking with dad about all of it. i just broke down right there at the kitchen table. on the one hand, it was awful. just all the feelings, and all the shit that's going on. but it felt really good when it was over. i mean, i still had that empty feeling that you get after a good cry, which - trust me - i haven't had in a very long time. when katie left, it wasn't a good cry. it was a very very bad cry. but this was a good one.
my brain is just a garbled mess right now. and there's all this stuff that i'm "supposed" to be doing, and "supposed" to HAVE DONE MONTHS AGO! and it's just all such crap. all the things i need and want, and what everyone else wants, which is always the same thing: what's "best" for me. and dad is the only one who gets what i'm feeling, and responds in a way that makes me know he understands. and he says things that actually help. maybe more of the adults in my life understand what's going on, but they don't effectively communicate that to me, and they don't tell me anything that i find extremely helpful. if anything, they just contradict every goddamn thing that they just finished saying, which really leaves me with a lot of loose ends, but a convenient stance for them later on.
i'm just pissed. and what's worse, is i don't know what to do about it. so i'll just spin my wheels some more, then run to dad, then get bitched at by mom, then get called a puss ass by bruce.
GAAAHHHRRRRRR! i need some sleep.
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Upchuck
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2005 24 March :: 6.53pm
So here we go again. Another teenage gunmen. You know, it bores me to read the press coverage. They interview the popular kids at school. "oh he was a freak." "He listened to heavy metal and was, like, a goth." It's so stupid. These adults all have this view that their kids are perfect little angels at school. They have no clue. High school is such hell. I think the funny thing is that I fit the description of all these guys to a T, with a few exceptions. 1. I have a stable family 2. I don't wear dark clothes. Other than that I was the atypical teen gunman.
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m&ms487
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2005 24 March :: 1.51pm
So I gave blood today. My arm still hurts a bit, but all is good.
The antiseptic tickled. haha.
It's getting warmer out. It's actually warm in here (school) for once. Huh. Interesting.
I guess Mr. Pilar sent Mr. Andrus an email saying that a student told him he was putting paper towel over the thermostat. Mr. Andrus is not heating his room anymore.
Band is going okay. The next big thing is fine arts night.
You know, it doesn't even seem worth it. No one knows. No one cares.... I just do it and then it's gone.
Well, whatever.
No school tomorrow.
Work 3:30 - 7:30.
Blah. I haven't worked in like two weeks.
Get to see Rueben tonight. That will be extraordinarily wonderful. I don't know why. It just will be.
michelle
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