[ productive ]
just how my night was.. not. i didn't do shit today. i.. woke up, got online, talked to somebody, got offline, went out to dinner with my mom, went and bought a cake, came home, went to tj's, came back home. woo..

but anyway, i'll talk about the highlight. i met jacki's 2nd 'friend' for me. bruce. he's from arkansas lol. he got a cute lil accent. i love it. and he looks familiar, but.. whatever. he's nice. i like him. jill was there too, but i don't think i can ever look her in the eye or.. at her really.. at all.. for very long without feeling the urge to punch her in the face. but.. anyway, yeah. so bruce is cute and.. he smells good. lol. he's 21, so that's fine. i don't gotta problem with that. he's nice. gotta good voice lol. it made me smile the first time i heard it. so cute lol. im such a GIRL.

okay, so yeah. that's.. it. i'm gonna go lay down maybe. we'll see.

holla!
- Jejuan

[ i love not being in high school ]
it's.. just a blast. all the drama shit is gone.. -rolls eyes- well. for me it's gone. because when somebody pisses me off, i can just ignore them forever and move on with my life. i enjoy that. i really do. so i have.. many problems. if you didn't know that already, then you do now. but.. moving on.

alright, so i decided i'm not gonna be jill's friend anymore. i.. decided this on my own. why? because. i can't stand her anymore. she called me a liar. nobody calls me a liar about my own thoughts. so i'll just.. move on with my life without her input. that whole.. kevin thing. yeah, i don't care bout the HIM part, i got over that real fast. but then i decided to.. call jill the other day, and talk to her about it cause.. she was presisant on talking about it. so i told her, and then she called me a liar about something i said and i was thinking. um.. i don't believe you are my brain, and i do believe you misunderstood what all i said about the matter, but that was your decision. now.. i'm not ending my friendship with jill because of kevin. hell nah. i'm ending it because she called me a liar about what i was saying. i wasn't telling her about somebody else, i was telling her about me. how the fuck can i lie about what i was thinking? not possible. but, whatever. that's my thing. people can't call me a liar anymore, because i'm not gonna waste my time on proving myself to somebody who i shouldn't have to prove myself to. it takes too much time and energy. that's not the only reason though, that's just the main one. and the whole kevin thing in general is a big one. okay. oh, and just cause i gotta walk with her, don't mean i gotta talk to her.

so i had another epiphany the other day, and earlier today. i been cool by myself. i like being by myself, so i've decided on a few things. i just need one other person that i've been talking to to.. help me out i guess. i'm pretty much.. indirectly asking this person. but, anyway. i'm moving.. someday. into dorms. i want to move into the dorms of university of central florida. i really do, but we'll see how that goes. or i want to move into the dorms of a university here. i'm just.. not sure yet. i want to go to florida, quick. i've wanted to move there since i was 9 so i'm going to, damnit. and my mom said she'll help me. i just.. need to find out when. i believe i'm done now.

loves it,
- Jejuan

ps. i changed my lil look here. it's.. special :)

[ thinking ]
i was just listening to this song, thinking about graduation.. then i started thinking about ryan. and how he wanted to graduate just as much as any of us, then he made a mistake, and he can't walk. i wanna cry for him. i really do. i'm not gonna, but i just.. do. i feel bad for him. i realize he made a big mistake, a stupid one, but everybody makes mistakes, and they have consequences. but depriving somebody from doing something they were working 13 years for is something that shouldn't happen. punish him, just don't take away his graduation.

i wanna talk to him. i wish i was closer with him, so i could talk to him, and ask him questions.. but i can't. i know ryan, he's a good kid, but i don't know him that well. that works with.. a lotta people to me though. like.. dan laatz. last day of school, he told me to jus call him up sometime. i can't do that. i know dan, and i talked to dan a lot in school this year, but i'm not that close with him. same with keegan loye, tyler mull, and.. just.. a lot of people. then there are people i wish i didn't know outside of school, which will remain nameless. seniors that i like, but wish they were just school friends. well, actually, only like one.. but that's fine. i can't.. change it now. i'll be.. going someplace. central. michigan or florida, who knows. but one of them. my aim is central florida, but.. yea. we'll see.

my birthday is tomorrow, and i graduate in 1 week. and.. my dad is coming up on saturday. :( i don't really want him to, but oh well.

alright, i'm done. time for bed. and.. it's 4 am lol. awesome.

loves it,
- Jejuan

[ thursday ]
got school off today and again tomorrow. that's wonderful. i just have to go back on monday. damnit. oh well, i'll survive.

i got my prom pictures back. i got.. a lotta pictures. :) i gotta give everyone they doubles n stuff.

um.. i'm sick.

okay, i'm done.

[ i hate my life ]
my mom's a piece of shit that won't be nice to me and gets drunk and fucks random guys, j's an asshole that disappeared, and i'm a fat ass girl who can't do anything right, nor look good with whatever i wear.

life sucks, and it's way too fuckin long.

[ well.. alright then ]
i'm in florida right now. my mom wanted to go and sit by the pool allllll day, and i didn't.. so she got me this web tv thing. it's alright. i miss my computer tho lol. it's just somethin ima have to deal with. can't get on aim or msn or anything like that. oh well tho. i got my email at least so that's alright.

prom was.. different. the actual dance was lame until about 10 minutes before i left. kinda wanted to stay longer since i was having fun at that point, but oh well. prom night i realized i'm never gonna trust a guy, ever again, for the rest of my life.

j didn't come like he said he was going to. since he got shot and all.. which is fucked up. it's one of those things where i'm torn. i wanna believe it because.. i hate thinkin somebody would lie about somehin like that. but whatever. either way, he wasn't with me like he said he was going to be. let's say he did get shot and all that, dont you think that he'd avoid a situation like that if he cared enough to come here? whatever. i'm not gonna sweat it anymore because i'm done with him. for real. if he lives, he knows my email and my number and.. whatever else he knows. he can talk to me if he feels like it, but i'm done with him. -shrugs-

okay, then there was josh. which isn't a big deal really, but since i've been lied to already in a major way on prom night, it's great to know that i was blown off again.. by someone who wouldn't spare 4 minutes with me. thanks.

anyway, i'm done. i'm gonna just enjoy being away from cedar springs for the next 4 days and then.. get back to my pathetic life.

oh, jacki got me in on some blind date thing. we'll see how that goes.