I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me

------------------------------------------

Will you want me when I shift my shape
when I hold my breath
when I speak your name?

Will you want me when I’m not the same
when I’m full of shame
and my hearts to blame?

Will you feel me when I’m far away
will I fade away?
Tell me not today.

Would this apple taste as sweet as now,
maybe in a week...
stay ripe somehow?

And my heart it beats for only you,
I succumb to you,
rely on you
pacify for you.

Will you want me when the sun goes down,
when the blinds are closed
and the lights are out?

Will you want me when the news gets out,
when our graves are dug?
When the moon ascends?

Can I hold you while the rain pours down
soaking into me,
kissing me sweetly.

will you disown me if I change my name,
tell me will you claim
me when I’m not myself.

Will you need me when you’re on your own,
will you be alone?
And remember me?

Will you know me when the warmth is gone,
and the summer fades away?

will you kiss me in your memories,
when I shift my shape,
when I change my face.

Will you feel me when I’m far away
will I fade away?
Tell me not today.

-------------------------------------------

White
Oleander

Beauty in deceit.
Practice your witch craft, In tainted lies.
In the hearts you bind,
In this blood of mine..

And I am but a victim
I am helpless, in distress.
Must dispel this evil wardrobe,
Dust the past off of my dress.

Take the time to cough out past years,
Shed old tears, Salt mature wounds.
come out in the darkness,
Under the safety of the moon.

And bite my swollen vessels,
Steal life from these cold veins.
Intoxicate me with your beauty
Then send this soul away

Wake me when I’m sleeping,
Hand me a glass of milk.
With your homemade euthanasia
Turn this pale skin into silk.

Drown me in my memories,
Before sending me away.
Then come with such obscurity
In the dimness I will lay.

White oleander hold me,
Encompass all my precedent.
Let me go with laws that bind me,
Hold on to all I hold self evident.

Drink away the sadness,
With tepid milk in a glass.
Send poison through my body,
So this life can fatally pass.

Venom racing through me,
Never thought to stop the pain.
I’ll remember you, white oleander,
As you sink into my veins…

---------------------------------------

Slowing sink into me
Beneath the skin,
Penetrate.

I am nothing but an atom,
An element,
An equation waiting to be solved.

Will you play with my numbers?
Toy with my answers?
And teach me to the world.

I’m dying for containment,
I’m feeding off your beauty,
And when you take your pencil to me,
I feel the rush again.

I’m nothing but a letter,
Petty but high-strung.
And in your arms, you’ll hold me.
But I slip across your tongue.

And you try your best to hold me,
Maybe I’m just out of reach.
For I am nothing but one atom.
One particle of dust.

These eyes have seen a massacre
A fight without an end.
And I am the blood which sheds the fears
Of the officers who refuse to cry metallic tears.

Put my lines together,
Create a parallel, in life.
And fit me into the equation,
The puzzle,
In a rhyme.

Fore, I am nothing but a number,
An equation in your mind.
I’m nothing but a letter,
Petty but high-strung.
And in your arms, you’ll hold me.
But I slip across your tongue.

--------------------------------------


hehe a taste of my new style :-)

ive had a pretty interesting week...
its had some ups and downs but i guess over all it was ok

im pretty bummed about valeintes coming up. ima lways alone and it fucking sucks. hey but i guess that being alone for htis long will make it better when i finally have some1 cuz its like ive been waiting for it.. hum im such a hopeless romantic

ive been writing some new stuff lately.. and drawing leik naked ppl haha i actually think tehya re pretty good but i guess youll have to see for yourself..

keep you posted...

1 .from you. | .to me.