You would kill for this, Just a little bit, You would...

:: 2005 30 October :: 10.07am

note to self : 5 beers and 3 cups of coffee in an hour = not good.

:: 2005 30 October :: 1.14am
:: Mood: should be asleep...

a;sldkfj a;sldkfj a;sldkfj a;sldkfj
alskdjf; alsdkjf;a lskdjf;alskdjf;alsd kjf;alskdjf;alsdkjf;lasdkjf;alsdkjf;als dkjf;alsdkjf;alskdjf;lasdkjf;lasdkjf;as ldkfj;alsdkjf;alsdkjf;alsdkjf;lasdkjf;als kdjf;laskdjf;alskdjf;laskdjf;lasdkjfl;sak jdf;laskjdf;laskdjf;laskdjf;laksjdf;lasdkj f;alsdkjf;alsdkjf;laskjdf;alskdjf;alskdjf;la ksdfj;laskdjf;lasdkjf;alskdfj;aslkdfj;alsdkf ja;lsdkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfj;alsdkfj;las kdjf;laskdjf;laksdjf;laskdjf;laskdjf;alskdjf;l asdkjf;laksdjf;lajksdf;lkasjdf;lkajd;flaksdjf; laksdjf;laksdjf;lasdjf;laksdjf.

that was fun.

and now for something completely the same:

a man with 2 noses.

.

.

.

i went and saw jackie's play last night. it was incredible. she did so well. i mean, i figured it would be good, but i was still exceedingly impressed. dinner and stuff was awkward for me... because of the last month or so... i'm terrible at keeping secrets. especially ones so big. but james was really sad to leave. i think he's really starting to like me. which... i think is a good thing? i don't know. it kinda freaks me out just a sk�sch. wow. i just made a 6 letter word with only a single vowel. and it's pronounceable. neato.

then i came back up north after the show, and went to hunter's for "movie night". which was kinda silly because we didn't watch any movies. we basically played N64 all night. rockin' it old skool (grandpa stylz). but i had a riot. it was just so much fun. and the pure clean fun like when i was little. i thought that was really neat.

and i've discovered that the comedic duo of hunter and myself are quite a hit with the ladies. which is kinda ironic, because we're both in relationships. however, it's still nice to make a joke, and have somebody laugh at it. and even better if the somebody happens to be a girl. or somebodies...as the case may be. i may never live down the reputation as a cradle-robbing chippendale, though. that's kind of unnerving.

then this morning, i left hunter's and went over to mom's. we drove around. got mexican for lunch. i just hung out there. it was nice to just chill. but i'm getting squat done on my homework and junk.

and tomorrow's the color tour. i'm supposing it's still on. i'm excited. i'd like for someone to go with me. but i suppose it'll be nice just to jam out by my lonesome, and take in the sights.

hope nobody gets arrested.

and halloween is simply a good excuse to dress like a slut. *digs up old leather pumps...

:: 2005 27 October :: 10.31am

So I've done a lot of thinking lately.
Finally got my answers from Brian.
Not sure if it helped at all. Only time will tell.
Travis still doesn't understand why I'm so against drinking and driving. He doesn't want to listen so theres really no point in telling him. A waste really.
For those of you who might care. This is why: I grew up wondering if my mom was ever going to make it home. If she was going to be home in one piece. If I was going to have to go visit her in the hospital or in jail. I was always wondering if she was okay or if she killed someone. I'm not against it because I know of someone who died, or was killed or injured. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is. And I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be stupid enough to drive drunk. I've never even been in a vehicle while under the influence. Maybe I'm too paranoid. Or maybe I'm just a goody goody or maybe I care too much.

Ack. I wish my sickness would leave. Disappear. Vanish.

3 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 26 October :: 11.54pm

Ich fahre gern im das Auto.

yeah. it's good to have my baby back. and that timing light was the shit.

still need an O2 sensor. and maybe i'll take that throttle body from drew. but it's distinctly better than it was.

there are still so many problems, it's absurd. but at least we're heading in the right direction.

however, i have a vacuum leak at the bypass adjustment screw, and the lifters are still rediculously loud. i think i need new shims for them, to get the valve lashings into spec. but i really don't feel like doing that right now, so it's going to be a bit... so i can build my ambition back up. right now, i'll just enjoy the fact that it's running again... and running better than it ever has before. let me bask, okay?

sleepy tired. 9 am class. homework not done.

fuck.

spud	:: 2005 25 October :: 8.52pm COGNATES!!!! (i told you i'd remember) 2 Open Fire \| [x]

:: 2005 25 October :: 8.44pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: BnL - Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank

garbage

yeah. working on the car tomorrow. german and a history essay yet to do tonight. i gotta stop fucking around on the internet.

coolest thing today!!!!:

i went to the msu library. we got to see some rare books!!!
seriously. i totally slapped some white gloves on, and leafed through a book that was older than this country.

too bad it was entirely in French, so i couldn't understand any of it. except for the similar words... i forget what you call them. syllogism? no. something. i'll remember at 3 in the morning. but yeah. i totally read the "2nd Tome" of the Encyclop�die. i found what seemed to be Blancmange, but i think was actually a home remedy for chlamydia, and an entry about cannibals that was cross referenced with "politik".

i thought it was a riot. maybe i'm a nerd. whatev.

i really wish i'd have smelled it. and i should've told mle i'd be in town. i didn't think of it until we were like on the bus there. i suppose i still should've called. but i would have felt a little weird, so i decided against it.

car tomorrow.

kalamazoo friday.

etc.

:: 2005 25 October :: 8.21am

i love kanye west. one of the very few rappers. not to mention the song gold diggers has so much god damn bass in it.

10 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 25 October :: 7.58am

Travis has a girlfriend. Of 4 years. Her name is Rachel.
Shaun and his girlfriend broke up. I'm supposed to call him.
I have cocoa puffs. And my temp is 96.4.
Randy the tech is no longer my hero. He left without saying good-bye.

Anyone else have interesting, useful news?

:: 2005 24 October :: 2.44pm

midterm grades.

com - A
german - A-
eurociv (hist) - B
eurociv (lit) - B+
GPA: 3.515

all in all... could have been a lot worse. i really need to get on top of my homework stuff. no more puking out mediocre assignments at the last second. except for com. it doesn't matter how crappy those assignments are - they're all pass/fail.

i still need to step it up. or at least maintain. that'd be good.

as long as i keep it at or above a 3.5

8 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 23 October :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: not bad.
:: Music: ambient circumstances.

sex.

yeah. it's been a pretty good weekend. not sure where it went though. not sure why i feel so tired.

car's still not right. i keep fucking up the timing. i can't get it to fire.
hopefully i'm going to have a guy or two from betten take a look at it with me on wednesday. i felt bad... because i couldn't really pay him. but i'll offer him food or whatever. i said i drew the line at fellatio. but if he gets it running for me, i might just have him whip it out right there on the spot anyway...

i'm joking. you guys realize that right? good.

i don't know why i get the 'gay' rep. it's not constant, but every so often, someone creeps up.

i read an amazing dissertation on oil viscosities. it was seriously incredible. next change i'm going to go to mobil 1 0W-20. and if i can't find 20, i'll take 0W-30. no more of this molasses shit. mhmm.

i have a speech tomorrow. shit fuckers.

time to do dishes. and maybe laundry. no wait. the laundry room closes at 10. nevermind.

8 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 23 October :: 1.54am

I sent him a text saying "Thanks for calling. It means a lot." He calls me like 30 seconds later like he had been watching his phone waiting for me to call or text. I told him I'd call him back later or text him because I was busy. I text time later to see if he could call me when he got out of work to be my wake up call so i could head home. So we'll see. Makes me miss Brian even more. He called when he said was going to. He offered to be my wake up call. Or he'd surprise me as a wake up call..

:: 2005 22 October :: 1.26am

Myspace is an evil place. I just came across someones myspace who I had pretended fell off the face of the earth. Now my heart is beating really fast and im breathing quite hard.. :(

:: 2005 22 October :: 12.29am

For the first time Travis has actually showed interest. And I've just been standing back. Not getting my hopes up. Pretty much watching and waiting to see how things may or may not go. I called him once this week. The rest of the times (like 10 or more times) he has called me. And we've had lame conversations. Or he'll call just to tell me he's going to sleep. In a way it's cute. But tonight was just ridiculous. He text messaged me a day late to see if I made it here okay. I text messaged him back telling him he could call if he wanted. So he called me. He called me like 2 hours later DRINKING AND DRIVING. I was pissed. I'm not a big fan of people who drink and drive. But I guess thats their choice. He calls me like 20 minutes ago to tell me that he's wasted and drove home. I was so upset. He knows I don't like that he was drinking and driving. But whatever. He said he'd call me when he wakes up. But I doubt he'll even remember.

Pretty much a waste of time.

:: 2005 20 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: the police - king of pain

Harry Potter
okay. i reread the whole damn thing. all six books.

i'm firmly convinced that Regulus Black took slytherin's locket, the real horcrux.

and i've decided that, although there's evidence supporting both sides of the argument, i would say snape is evil and dumbledore is definitely dead. but really there's no conclusive evidence. and my reasoning is from the perspective of the author.

she (through dumbledore) has said that there are worse things than death, death is nothing to be afraid of, etc. so, really dumbledore's death wouldn't be devastating or tragic. and just the things he does leading up to the incident. i don't think he KNEW what exactly was happening, which clashes with his characteristic omniscience, but he wouldn't lie to harry. he has proven in the past to withhold certain things from harry until such time as harry is ready to hear them, but he's never actually lied to harry, or put on an act like that. and i don't see how it would be beneficial in this instance for him to do so.

and as far as snape goes, he's always been controversial. voldemort and dumbledore are both extremely powerful, and so snape could be lying to one just as likely as to the other. and i suspect that it's in his nature to use people to go places in the world, and he could obviously go farther with voldemort than with dumbledore. and dumbledore has also admitted in the past to making mistakes of judgement, and why would snape be any exception. this isn't verbatim, but he says "being rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes seem to be proportionally huger." snape was just a huge mistake. and there are the magical implications that he died. his spell over harry being instantly broken. his picture in the headmistress's office.

they didn't turn his hat inside out, or break his wand. i have no answer to those arguments. and it may be that fawkes regenerated him or whatever. but it really just seems against rowling's style. i mean. sirius is dead. harry's parents are dead. and yet, they've reappeared in some ways for harry, but never by coming back to life.

i'm sure there are surprises in book 7. surprises up the wazoo. because that's totally her style. i'm sure there's something up with aunt petunia. that may come into play when he goes back to privet drive. and he's going back to Godric's hollow. and he's going back to grimmauld place for sure: he has to retrieve slytherin's locket, once he realizes where it is. and the wedding at the burrow. the hufflepuff horcrux. the gryffindor/ravenclaw horcrux. then the snake and voldemort himself. marvolo's ring was in the gaunt shack. the locket was at the cave. there's gotta be something in little hangleton at the riddle house, i'm sure. surely not at the orphanage? maybe. i don't know. borgin & burke's? nah. there's gotta be more to the story. have to go back to the facts again. write them down.

but i'm sure dumbledore's dead dead dead. and i am equally sure that he hasn't left harry alone. maybe unprotected, yes, but certainly not unaided. there's still aberforth. and maybe slughorn and everyone in the order/hogwarts. yeah! the order! they're all still there. now that dumbledore's gone, they're bound to look to harry. i don't know. i'm starting to confuse myself.

she's got something up her sleeve. i know she does. in the meantime, we'll wait. there's definitely a theme about pushing the boundaries of magic, and how there's a line that sometimes gets crossed. it's gotta be a commentary on the scientific revolution.

if this doesn't have a good ending like lord of the rings did, mark my words, there'll be blood.

12 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 19 October :: 4.57pm
:: Mood: sehr gut!
:: Music: BnL - Some Fantastic

Deutsch (with translations provided by yours truly)
One of the things you will learn is that Germans aren't so good with making words up on the spot. I'm sure they do it, but not like we English speakers do. And if you're speaking German with an accent, then forget it ... they'll just assume you're an idiot. :) Of course, I probably sounded like an idiot even when I was using the right words.

Ja, das Umlaut. (yeah, the umlaut) Das ist schwer. (that is difficult)Einige Beispiele sind einfach, andere sind unm�glich. (they are simple to play with, and at the same time are impossible. )

� = long "a" sometimes: �rgern = air-gurn
short "e" other times: h�sslich = hess-lich
� = "ur" without the "r"
h�ren = hur-enn is easy because the "r" is already there
(But you need to figure out how to trill the "r" on your
own. I'm terrible at that.)
bl�d = blurd but de-emphasize the "r"
sch�n = schurn, again de-emphasize the "r"
� = A total mess. We just don't have that sound in English.
You need to literally learn to round your lips when you say it.
Try saying EEE-EWWW but with rounded lips on the EWWW (and
don't say it like you're disgusted!). The EEE kinda gets your
mouth going with the voice and the EWWW with the round lips
gets you closer to the final sound. You really will need a
true German speaker to teach you that one. I still don't do
it very well. But learning this one is necessary, it can mean the
difference between hot & humid, and homosexual! Honest!
schw�l = shvuel, kinda like "fuel" = hot & humid
schwul = shvool as in "fool" = gay (I'm not trying to be
politically incorrect and equate gay with fool!)

Genders are something you just need to memorize. But I will say, once you get a good number of them memorized, then you'll be able to get new words right probably 80-90% of the time without looking them up. I can do that.

Some are absolutes, like anything ending in -heit or -keit is always "die" and anything ending in -chen (the diminutive form or a noun) is "das". I'm sure your textbook has the rules. Others aren't absolute, but are damn good guesses. Ending in -e generally makes it "die" and the plural generally adds an "n" on the end. Of course, two extremely common exceptions are Der Name and Der Junge, although the plural still works.

Hey, it's lunchtime. Gotta eat something.

Viel Spa�! (have fun! )

Ryan (which is completely unpronounceable in German!)

*

wow, that really helps. a lot. seriously.

Ich habe viel Arbeit. Ach.

spud	:: 2005 18 October :: 11.11pm :: Mood: aufgeschlossen Was spielen Sie gern? Ich bin im das Wohngemeinschaft immer. Ja. Und Ich bin vielleicht teil-Ent. Nein. . . . Ich habe keine F�deren. - i totally just hax-jorbed the plural of feather. go me. [x]

:: 2005 18 October :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: contemplative

... as ever.

fun times, i guess.

this damn computer sucks my soul away. and i let it.

i took a nap in the common room this afternoon. that was flippin' sweet. definitely a do-again, as grandpa would say.

i'll just go look at porn now.

:: 2005 18 October :: 4.10pm

I suppose I should elaborate why I called him this morning. Maybe some of you will understand. I called him when I got off the phone with my mom. Many of you may not realize this, but when it comes to my mom he's my strength. Since I met him, I have been able to stand up for myself to my mom. I was able to move out. I am more confident than I have ever been. Anyway. My mom told me this morning on the phone that her and Jim have been seeing each other. And that tomorrow evening, they are going to have a "serious" talk and work things out. I felt so betrayed by my own mother. She lied to me and broke a huge promise. I broke down when she told me this. I was crying so hard. Which wasn't good because I was driving home from work. And the last thing she would have needed was her 18 year old daughter getting into an accident because she upset her and her hearing the entire thing happen. When I get in situations like that after talking with my mother, I get so upset and stressed out. So I call him. Everytime. Crying. He comforts me. He knows what I am going through. He was in a similar situation when he was my age. He's always there for me. Even though we broke up, we are still really close. He has been there for me through everything. When we broke up, he was there for me. It's strange. Confusing. And I can't just stop talking to him.

Ahh.. I love cheese puffs.. Still undecided on what time I am leaving for Ohio thursday. Not sure if it's going to be right after work (probably not a wise decision.) or if I'll leave around 1. Eh.. I'll figure it out when it comes thursday.

And Derek farted in dads ear last night.

:: 2005 18 October :: 8.39am

I cry. I call him crying. He comforts me. I get off the phone laughing. And later on that day call him again, crying. It's a cycle I can't break.

Thursday I leave for Ohio. Not sure what time yet. But I am for sure going. I'm excited. However I don't really want to drive all by my lonesome.

Time to go fill out some forms..

9 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 17 October :: 10.02pm

home sweet home.

i have to quit doing this shit to myself. gotta start being the college kid i'm really supposed to be.

which means i shouldn't be in here on the compy right now. i should be out in the common room with all the other turbo geeks, trying to do whatever. they're probably playing euchre.

the gig was fucking sweet. i had an awesome time. and everyone seemed to think i was pretty kick ass. i don't see what's so special, but i still enjoy the compliments. it's just hard to not let words like "phenom" get to your head... but it feels good. he had me stand up and take a bow and everything. it was just amazing. i've never really done anything quite like that before. i mean, band yeah, but it's not the same.

anyway.

the contour puked. so i helped dad put in a new alternator and serpentine belt. should be all set to rock and roll for awhile. needs new tires and an alignment, though. that'll be to the sum of like $300, give or take. and after $175 for a new alternator, the tires have been pushed back a bit. i know none of this is coming out of my pocket... but i still really feel for him. and i just know there's nothing i can do.

lifters on the gti probably came in today. i didn't pick them up. i need to order shims yet. this is taking forever. it needs to be done by next friday, so i can go down to kalamazoo. i'm excited about that.

and hopefully this sunday will work out. it really doesn't matter what we do... just as long as we're together.

but i definitely have a couple of things in mind...

ahem.

.
.
.

i'm a very bad influence.

:: 2005 16 October :: 12.08pm

If I get a flower from a guy, Kayliegh shouldn't get one too. It loses all importance when that happens. Which is everytime it happens. Argh!. However it was sweet of him to give me a flower for sweetest day. But Travis is still a dick, for telling us to leave so he could go to the bar.

:: 2005 15 October :: 6.20pm

I went to Silver Lake today. Oh my damn did I have one hell of a good time. I got to drive a little bit. I went with Brian and his friend Tom as well as Toms brother. Brian got us stuck and we almost tipped over. That was fun. =S So now more than ever I want a truck. I want a Z71. I also want an el camino. Silver Lake is my new favorite place.

I needed to cut loose. And I finally did. Now I am drained because I have been up since 2 yesterday. And I worked last night... Ah sucky sucky..

3 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 14 October :: 2.33pm

So If I am here, then I must not have gone to my doctors appointment. Which is true, I slept until 2:15. I set 2 alarms. Slept through them both.

:: 2005 14 October :: 12.39am
:: Music: franz ferdinand - fire

practice went pretty well, i think.

my band aid fell off. it was disgusting. as a matter of fact, i still haven't replaced it. *looks* yep, still disgusting. it just better not get infected. i need my thumb. no sense getting it lopped off. none whatsoever.

i guess i'm picking up the drumset tomorrow. and the new lifters for the car. then hopefully i'll be able to finish the car tomorrow night. that'd be sweet.

color tour on the 30th. don't know if jackie can make it yet or not. i hope she can.

i'm running out of money. i don't want to have to get a job.

and i'm not doing my homework. again. shit fuckers.

:: 2005 13 October :: 1.31pm

Last night I hugged him.
I refused to let go.
I asked him when I was going to get some answers, and it was like he pushed me away.
Then he got sent over to Cedar St. And by the end of the night, everyone I talk to went to Cedar St. There were only about 4 people left not including me at our plant. We ran out of material.
Because we ran out of material, we needed more techs. We needed a die setter. To do multiple changes as once. So that meant all the first shift guys had to come in early. Meaning that Jimmy the die setter was going to be there. And fortunately enough I was on 23. Back in the corner by the molds and all that stuff. Which meant that Jimmy would be spending an awful lot of time back there hooking up the new mold, changing things on it, and what not. So I got about 3.5 hours of seeing Jimmy. In tight pants. He saw me starring. He didn't seem to care too much.

To take my mind off things all I have to do is see a guy in tight pants.

:: 2005 13 October :: 12.49am

skiving off of homework...

yeah. so i got the car all apart today. made some good progress. dad did an awesome job on the valve cover with the PCV hose. i think i'm going to run it to a separate breather tank, as soon as i can find a place to mount it. and i'll just put the old filter on the breather. i don't like running it straight to the intake for some reason.

but anyway. the timing belt is off. old valve cover is off. the cam is out. i have the wrong fucking lifters. and i guess the right ones are like $100 more than i had originally budgeted. marvelous. so i don't know what i'm supposed to do about that. and i managed to slice my thumb wide open while i was rerouting some fuel lines. fan-fuck-tastic.

honestly, it's been a good night. there was a lot of great progress. and like i said, dad did an awesome job with the PCV stuff. but my thumb is fubar, the lifters still need to be addressed, and i didn't do squat on my homework.

maybe next time. but all in all, a good night.

9 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 12 October :: 11.13pm

FLAME WAR!

1 Open Fire | [x]

:: 2005 12 October :: 8.48am

Yesterday after writing 4 pages of my thoughts I felt really sick. I felt even more drained than before. It was like my thoughts were giving me just enough energy to get by. I managed to get a shower in last night. That was it. I had to refrain from getting sick in the shower. So I didn't go to work last night. And I slept all night. For the first time in a week or so, I slept. Comfortably, in my own bed. I made it through the night without waking up a hundred times. I woke up wondering if Brian had called. If he had text messaged me. I woke up and immediatly grabbed my phone to check. At 7:20 this morning. He sent me a text asking if I was okay. If everything was alright because he was worried. And work sucks without me. So I called him. Got no answer. So I waited patiently by my phone. Tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't, not until I knew that he knew I was okay. Finally he called back. And I didn't even say hello. I said Please don't worry about me. You've got to stop caring so much. And I broke down in tears. I lost complete control. He kept telling me that he couldn't stop caring because he loves me. One of these days I am going to be in so much pain, I'll have suffered so badly, that I will be so sick from all of it, that I'll die.

I went to the doctor yesterday. To try and figure out why I haven't been sleeping, and why I've been getting sick so much. Well I already figured it out. I already knew. Its from stress. So when I was at the doctor I asked about the Depo-Provera shot. So friday I have my exam and what not. Then 2 weeks after that I get the first shot. Hopefully that will take away from my stress.

Travis called me this morning. He said he was worried. I guess Brian asked him last night at work if he had talked to me at all yesterday and heard anything about my doctors appointment. Which Travis had no idea about. So that was wonderful to try and explain. And he felt like an ass because when I told him of the stress I have been under and explained some of it, he reminded me that at least I have a mom and that I should be thankful for what I have. Because he doesn't have a mom or dad. And so of course I started crying. Fuckin' yay.

:: 2005 12 October :: 7.31am

Brenton: "Oh shit, i just shot an american. Sorry America."
Me: "Nah, thats a Brit."
Brenton: "Where did that piece of shit go."

man, medal of honor is such a good quote producer. well, maybe if you're under mind altering substances.

yay, 2 days off. to bad todays going to be pissed away by sleeping and having to take a fucking exam.