I'm really pissed off. I left my entire music folder in the band room on friday. That means I've played nothing but the clarinet all weekend! I could not practice the new song at all! GRR! I'm also pissed that my parents made me delete Kazaa. -.- Apparently it lets in all kinds of viruses. Either that or they have no idea what they're talking about and just decided to delete something that I liked, so now I'm limited to things that I've burned to listen to while I'm writing. Not a good day.

This stupid percussion disease of not being able to keep my hands still anymore has given me freaking aim add. I can't sit here and not type. Not many people are online right now, so I came to woohu to write about absolutely nothing just because I have no music to practice and no one talking to me online. I don't know if that made any sense at all, but just go with it. Oh, and sorry about last night/this morning's post of all those quiz results...I was really tired and bored.

Today I finally went to church with krystle. (I told you I would!) I like her church a LOT better than mine. We got out of "big church" and went to help out with krystle's sunday school group of 5 and 6 year olds. They have a lot of energy for it being AM. I think I used to be able to be like that. Once. About 11 years ago.

I'm still trying to figure a lot of stuff out. I think IB is turning me into one of those people who needs a crisis. Either that, or there are a lot of crises right now. It used to be all about band. I don't really have too much to say about the workload of junior year, because I knew it was coming. I think that the whole lack of eventful things to deal with is leading to my whole blah-ness. It's like...I don't feel like doing anything, but it's not because I'm just lazy. There just isn't anything worthwhile to do. I guess theoretically I could "do my readin'," but I said worthwhile. I'm going to fail history no matter what I do. Actually though, I'm doing a lot better in this class than I did in last year's. I think it's just because I was so screwed over for last year by Mr. Lemon Head. The only thing I knew from world history in middle school was how to surf. God bless private schools. (>:o)

HEY! I just found ALL the music I downloaded!!!!!! WOOT!! It's all in a folder, but I'm no longer connected or whatever with kazaa. Now I can listen to music while I post!!! YAY! *adds music to top*

Anywho...I really don't know what's going on in terms of a bunch of ...stuff. I HAVE BECOME SUCH A BANDO! I think a lot of it has to do with Nikki leaving, but she got aim now, so ...woot! But seriously. I am spending all my time that I'm not in class practicing, even when I knew all the music. Now I'm all like obsessive compulsive about it, because I'm freaking out that I have to go TWO WHOLE DAYS without music! *gasp* Last year this would have been something to celebrate: I would have an excuse not to practice. It's just something weird. I practice more than leah. o.O That kinda scares me. I'm noticing myself slowly turning into someone else and it's kinda freaky. I'm actually being nice to people sometimes.. o.O Who would have seen that coming?? I dunno, I guess it's not that big of a deal, but just something thats....there. Is anyone else noticing anything? I can't tell if it's just inside my head, or if it's totally noticable, because no one has said anything, and I can't decide whether all these things I'm semi-unvoluntarily changing are good or bad.. Feedback please! I mean, come on, I'm listening to Good Charlotte right now, and actually liking the song. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! Atleast it's only this one song I like, and I'm still listening to more dave than his mom is.

Speaking of Dave, I saw his new video "gravedigger" from Some Devil in the middle of the night, WOW! That's a cool video, and it's a sweetness song. He played it at the concert I went to, but we didn't know what song it was. We were expecting it to be on busted stuff, but it wasn't so we decided it was just something unreleased, which it was, but no longer is. Some Devil is gonna rock the house!!! I can't wait till I get it! That'll give me something new to listen to so the people on my bus don't complain that I listen to the same 8 songs every single day on Busted Stuff on the way to school. If they would only listen to it, they'd understand. Or maybe it's just that I'm more weird than I realize. I just think that everyone else has music ADD. Those people that can't stand to listen to a whole cd from the same band.. I just don't get that. I listen to the same cd every day for months and then switch it to like another cd from dave. Almost the only time I listen to non-dave is when I'm writing this, which is why very few of my songs listed are from dave. Because I know all of you were wondering! o.~

Ok, I think that's enough bs. I have nothing left to talk about, so I guess I'll go actually study for my history dbq. :-(


I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway…
You don't know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no I'm a man.
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
Yeah the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I’ll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.

I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.

Quizzie-Poos

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Death by Monkeys
Date when you fufill your destiny	January 25, 2017
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Your Claim to Fame by Danika
Name:
Day of Birth:
Lucky Number:
Hobby:
Claim to Fame:	Honorary Degree from Every University in the World
Years You Will be Remembered:	98
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

hmm...I dont think they have seen my history grades...

Which Wacko in the world gets you cornered in a dark Alley? by SunCrush
Your Name
Your Age
You had this in your wallet	$240
Your attacker was a	Mr. President George Bush, Jr
Did you win or lose the fight	Yes you won.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Hell ya, I so kicked the President's ass.

F A M E by spazyspag
Name:
Youre famous for:	Getting the most plastic surgery noted in history
You get famous:	September 2, 2024
You make $$ per/year:	$451,496,217,385,280
Do people like you?	You're okay.
Dead/Alive:	Alive, but not for long
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

F A M E by spazyspag
Name:
Youre famous for:	Writing a novel
You get famous:	February 19, 2072
You make $$ per/year:	$1.84523185340996e+15
Do people like you?	48901954 People think you rock.
Dead/Alive:	Alive, but not for long
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Haha, I apparently am better off with my band-name.

Umm...today should be a short journal entry, or so I say now. Not a whole lot going on since Thursday. I thought the game last night went pretty well. I mean, the football team won, but besides that.. I think we did pretty well marching/playing, from what I heard. I didnt really see it, kinda had my back turned, and nobody in pit can hear the band AT ALL. Amy can't either, I don't think. It's kinda a problem I would guess, since it will lead to separation of pit and band as far as sound goes. I think part of the problem is that hardly anyone is surrounded by people in their own section, or so everybody tells me, so I wouldnt imagine that they would be playing to their full ability like that. There actually is a point to sitting with your section in class.. I think Lerner's just an idiot. Although, much as I hate to admit it, he earned huge points in my book last night. When Gabe almost passed out, and scared the CRAP out of me and krystle, we were lined up to go running frantically around the field, and lerner actually went up and sat with gabe for a few. It was at that point that I thought, hmmm, maybe he does care somewhat about our well being.. Dunno. Just an observation. I still dont like him though. I'm closer, but not there yet. Pit so did an awesome job last night. Way to go guys! And I actually hit my 3 note solo! lol. I was so afraid to screw that up.. It's not like an actual solo, but I'm still the only one playing. You guys know how bad I am at playing anything by myself in front of people, and...thats a lot of people!! I was so nervous before the show though. We were just kind of standing around. We were trying to find people in the stands that we knew, we only found the youngman family. All of them. It's kind of funny that they bring their daughter to ATL football games.

So anyway, I talked to nikki on the phone last night for like an hour. I laughed at her because her band is so weird. They sing all the time. Haha. Northwestern band is even more of a cult than Atlantic's. Nikki, there's always room for you at uf band! ;-) I think Ryan's still saving you a seat! hehehe. But I am expecting more updates AFTER classes start! (grrr....they have not even started yet. -.- ) Oh, and I so dedicate today's song selection to Nikki!!!

Well, this is a short journal entry for me, but that's really about all that's happened, other than the fact that everyone is now calling me skillet.. hm. So...uhh..I'll post more someday when I feel like it.

When you're the best of friends
Having so much fun together
You're not even aware
You're such a funny pair
You're the best of friends

Life's a happy game
You could clown around forever
Neither one of you sees
Your natural boundaries
Life's one happy game

If only the world wouldn't get in the way
If only people would just let you play
They say you're both being fools
You're breaking all the rules
They can't understand
The magic of your wonderland

When you're the best of friends
Sharing all that you discover
When these moments have passed
Will that friendship last?
Who can't say
There's a way?
Oh, I hope, I hope it never ends
Cause you're the best of friends

I MISS NIKKI!!!!!!!

We went out on Wednesday and had a blast.. We went to see American Wedding, where I so got carded (my first time!) then rented Drop Dead Gorgeous and hung out at chez moi. It was like the best time ever. Or atleast the best time since Christmas Parade last year. o.~ But the whole "leaving" thing was so awkward. What do you mean Nikki's going to Chicago? It's not really registering at all. That doesn't happen. I'm feeling better now than I was a few days ago, but it still feels really weird. I was telling Krystle when I got home wednesday that I just didnt want to do anything. It's a weird feeling ya know.. Didnt feel like sleeping. Didnt feel like eating. Didnt feel like talking to people. Didnt feel like sitting there. Just kinda wanted to not exist for a little while.

This whole thing though has made me realize how lucky I am to have the friends I do. I really appreciate you guys and I dont often say it. You guys really have gotten me through a lot of shit. Band/IB/life has put me on this emotional roller coaster (parenthetical to Krystle) that I can't seem to get off. All my friends really keep me grounded. I can remember after we marched at festival last year, and we all did so bad, we went back up into the stands and me and gabe and teri just sat there with each other and it was like the best ever, because I knew that no matter what we had done, my friends were there with me. That's the only good thing about IB. I have the best friends ever. I love all you guys so much.. *hug* (ahh!...*right eye twitches*) hmm...well Krystle, I tried. Just doesnt seem to work as well as when nikki forced me.. And with all the crap that's going on now for everyone, I know we all have issues, we can just rely on each other (uh huh, from one corner to another, uh huh...sorry.) You guys all know that no matter what happens in band or school or home or all three or what have you that we'll all make it through okay. It's just good to know. And I need my friends more than ever now. All this shit has been getting to me lately and just has not let up. All you guys are so great and you know exactly how to make me feel better whenever I'm down. Just wanted to write this entry kind of as a tribute to friends because I need you the most now, and I know you're there for me no matter what.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way (clap clap clap clap)
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year, but...

I'll be there for you...
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you...
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you...
'Cause you're there for me too.

You're still in bed at ten, though work began at eight,
You burned your breakfast, so far things are going great,
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these,
But she didn't tell you
when the world was brought down to your knees
that...

I'll be there for you...
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you...
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you...
'Cause you're there for me too.

No one could ever know me. No one could ever see me.
Seems your the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with.
Make it through all the mess with.
Someone I'll always laugh with.
Even at my worst, I'm best with....
you - yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year, but...

I'll be there for you...
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you...
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you...
'Cause you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you...
I'll be there for you...
I'll be there for you...
'Cause you're there for me too.

Ok, so the Rembrandts can say it a little better than me... o.~

Band Aid
"It's just one of those days
When you dont wanna wake up
Everything is Fucked
Everybody sucks
You dont really know why
But you want to justify
Ripping someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away...
...It's just one of those days.."
-Limp Bizkit, "Break Stuff"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

There. I needed that. French club sucks. It can kiss my ass. THANKS FOR VOTING FOR ME GUYS!! >:o Sorry...that sarcasm was not directed at anyone really reading this, because your probably my friend, and IF you voted, I'm just going to make myself think you voted for me. But I hope Farrah or whatever goes to hell. This is so unfair. She just decided to show up and run for office?! I've put so much time and energy into this freaking club, finally work up nerves to actually run, and SHE beats me?! I hope she gets a poor on the scrapbook. She told me that she only came to run for office. That if she didnt make it she was just not going to be in French club. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER?! Or me, I guess...I'm the one who lost. Dont pay any attention to what I'm saying really. I'm just very...bitter. Congrats to Ale and Amy though. You guys totally deserve it. UGH! I'm just SOOO pissed off though!! I'll get over it. This week has just sucked so much. This is exactly what I needed to send me over the edge. Thank you God! You really do want me to be institutionalized!! Then I wont have to take history essays!

Anyway, for those of you looking at the subject of this post and going ...quoi? (ugh, I hate french so much.) Band aid. Yes. I know that some of you...almost all of you had a HORRIBLE practice today, but I had a great time! (lack of sarcasm) I love pit this year! lol. I know you never thought you'd here me say that! Today I got the whole show, or what we have of it, memorized. I can play it ALL!!!!! Leah was like Lauren I'm so proud of you! Band makes me feel so much better this year. Practice, not class. And at practices I dont have to deal with lerner at all! It's so great. Only Markgraf. And I dont get why some of you guys hate him so much. Well, I do, but I like him anyway and so does Leah. He's a good guy people. Who none of us can STAND is Lerner. Atleast everyone in pit that I talk to think he is absolutely an idiot. That thought is actually not limited to pit people.. Music knowledge or not. He doesnt listen to anything anyone says. Well, he does listen and then "politely ignores" what you suggested. Even markgraf today was complaining that every single suggestion he has made has not even been considered. I'm really afraid that markgraf is gonna leave. I know, or hope, that he is just blowing off steam with some of the things he's said, but like he is probably the biggest reason I'm even in band at this point. You guys know well enough that if I had to deal with lerner all the time I would not be here. I love you all, but ....I cant stand the man. I think, though, that it is bad for us to have two directors at this point. Well, not necessarily bad to have two directors, but rather two directors that hate each other. I keep on thinking about how bad it is that now the directors are sending another rift through band. It was bad enough last year, in terms of number of rifts, when everybody unanimously hated voldemort. Now, on top of a few other rifts, we have the director rift. Some people hate lerner and love markgraf (*raises hand*), others hate markgraf and love lerner (o.O) and still others are what I like to call "floaters." These are the people who when you ask "Do you hate lerner as much as I do?" they answer with "that depends...what day is it?" Simple. Although I must say, this is now the biggest rift I feel personally in band. But maybe that's because I've committed the immortal sin and am a percussion player and a clarinet player at the same time. There's another funny thing. Every day I get someone new saying ...you're in pit?!! haha. People at ATL are slow. Although people in pit constantly forget that I play clarinet in the stands and for concert and are always asking me why I am not in seventh hour. But let me tell you, we set a record time for getting all that crap back up there. Although, (and this is for Kristen) there ARE 10 of us. o.~ We made it our mission to get all the crap up before the band got in, and we so did. I think honestly that pit has a better sense of unity than most of the rest of the band. (MOST) We all help each other out. We have to. Have you ever tried to carry a marimba up those rafters by yourself?? Well? Have you?? It's cool though. Not many people realize it, or think about it. I know I didnt until...last week. Just, I have finally found a silver lining. Today was the worst day ever. Nothing made me feel better. Until like 3:10. I guess it's just good to accomplish something that no one ever would have guessed I could. I've written this in my journal like every tuesday and thursday. lol. Anywho..sorry to those of you guys who are not accomplishing things in band, or feel like you are not. I know that this year will be tough, and we probably won't get a superior, but if I stuck with marching band and joined PIT to do so, then you have to stay too. You will find your silver lining too. Don't worry about it.

I won't be in school tomorrow or at the game or online for a few days. I'm going to Gainesville to see the boy. Krystle and Adam, HAVE FUN TOMORROW NIGHT. Just do. Trust me, forget about band for the night, forget about whether or not the show is awful, or thinking that you may never get the marching right. (doodoodoodoo doodoodoodoo ...that was from Wayne's World.) Just have a good time no matter what. Well that's about it I guess. If you're wondering about the song choice, there was a point at practice today when lerner was sitting up on his pedestal, oh, sorry...bleachers, screaming at you guys to run, he's like "you should look like little ants scurrying around down there." It's also a good song. Listen to it. Oh, and just a word of advice to all you "marchers" out there, either memorize the fight song, or STRONGLY talk to lerner about not doing it in the future. It sounds so crappy and it's pointless to even play it in the first place. Don't talk to markgraf about it. He knows. But I do doubt that lerner will actually take into consideration what you have to say. So..uhh...yea. See you guys monday.

"Welcome to the real world she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dream of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you Stay inside the lines
But something's better on the other side

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
Faded white hat grabbing credits, maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
All of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you Stay inside the lines
But something's better on the other side

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait for my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for"

Today for the first time since...whenever I posted about it, my day was good, BECAUSE OF BAND. I know, it's hard to believe, but it does happen occaisionally. I am really actually glad that I'm in pit. I'm having a really good time now, and it actually feels like I'm accomplishing something since I can now play more than heart and soul on the marimba. Today I got the second song for the first time at practice, and in two and a half hours, I CAN PLAY THE WHOLE THING!!! =-O All you music people, shut up. This is huge for me. I know the part is rediculously easy, but it's still good for me. And I have a "pit solo." Or rather, I'm the only one who plays it in pit, but I have no idea what the rest of the band is doing. It's really not that big, since it's just 3 notes, but I didnt miss it all practice! :-) Wow, you know, it's nice to use happy emoticons for a change.. Anyway, while I know that I am one of the very VERY few pro-Markgraf people out there, this is my journal, so :-P. I like his teaching better then Lerner's. I know that he can be taken as rude, and sometimes probably is, but it doesn't bother me, because I'm rude too and you guys still love me or you would not be reading this. Or so I tell myself. Granted, he does cross a few more lines than I would, and I am not under any circumstances asking you to love Markgraf, I'm just kind of justifying I guess why I still like him. This is mostly in response to Amy's entry about Amazing Grace. Not that I dont think what he said/did was totally out of line, but I dunno... It just doesnt change my opinion of the guy. But he's not totally rude and stuff. It was great watching him try to build my confidence in my marimba playing though. Funny thing is it actually worked come to think of it. By the end of today's practice I was playing atleast half of the volume that he wanted it. lol. Only pit people would probably understand this I guess. He like came over to the marimba and was like ok, Lauren, give me the sticks. He played a few measures of what we were currently working on in the drum break REALLY LOUD and said that's how I want it. Can you do that? I kinda looked at him and was like uhhhhhhh....(it was at this point that I thought of my personal hero paragraph)...sure! Mind you, I did not/could not play that loud, but I was louder than I think I ever had been. And I'm actually hitting a majority of the notes now! I know that to most of you guys, this sounds like psh! I could probably play most of those notes now! And I have no doubt that you could. Only people probably who saw that first time leah was trying to teach me to play could understand the improvement on this one. It's just a really great feeling for me to go from absolutely not believing at all that I would be able to play anything ever to playing a whole song (however easy it may be, it's still a song) by the end of the practice that I got the music. It's nuts. But see, this is what I'm saying. Markgraf had a lot to do with this. The whole entire time if I would go up to him and be like Mr. Markgraf I suck at marimba and I cant do this he'd just go sure you can! Which, as I'm typing it, sounds like nothing, but can any of you imagine kayla (voldemort) ever having any faith in her students at all? I think it's just this great leap in directors that makes me like him so much. I was the one who all last year said that it did not matter who came, it would always beat the alternative. I came into this year ready to like the director, because remember, I did not have Mrs. C or Mr. Saint. This is pretty much my first opportunity to actually like a director; all you SRCS alums, you know what I mean here. It's just....I guess I've rambled enough...if you dont get it by now, just like post questions in the comments.

On a much less....happy note, I am so nervous about French club!!!! That is the most nervous I think I have ever been for a speech, and the nerves have not gone away, because I wasnt nervous about the speech, I was nervous about the outcome of the election! grr! But, oh here's something many of you can relate to: My happiness from practice today has surpassed my nervousness about French club elections! I know how hard that is to believe, but that's how happy band made me today!!!

Also, for those of you who did not give me a beagle with a big head this morning, yesterday was my 17th birthday. :-) I got tickets to the eagles game!! :-D It's on a day before an exam, but....oh well. It's the eagles. I also got the special edition lion king preordered, which is something I knew I would get, but it's like this deal you get the dvd, 4 lithographs, and a "plushie" when you preorder it. AND when my mom called to order that, she preordered finding nemo too! YAY!!!! That means that as soon as it comes out, I get the nemo dvd, the lithographs and the plushie! FINDING NEMO LITHOGRAPHS!!!! WOOT! (parenthetical documentation to kristen) But that's about all.. I'll try to update more often, just for you kristen. Kristen: lol woohu! I've been wondering when you'd update again.

Just a note before I really begin: That mood above is just for you Adam. There. Now you cannot say I never say giggle and you can accept the fact that when I say "gg" in an im, it does in fact mean "gotta go."

Fair warning, this will be a short entry. I am writing this as per Kristen's request, cause I think she had a good idea. In English class yesterday we were to write a paragraph about our personal hero using a tone of admiration and respect. Here's what I wrote:

The claymation brings hope to millions of children around the world. With one simple question he instills them with a confidence no one else can: "Can we fix it?" "Yes we can!" reply the wide-eyed children, as Bob the Builder builds and repairs any obstacles in his way. Not only does he help millions of children with self-confidence issues, but this one clay man has provided jobs for hundreds of unemployed talking tractors. He truly is a saint among us.

Thought I should share that with everyone in woohu-land. Actually, Kristen did, but I'm the one who actually did it. :-P

On a more issue-resolution-y note, I can feel the stress peeling away. Today was my first day in third hour band. (Yay!) It was great. I decided that band class sans krystle is not an option. As for next year....I don't know. Ask Mr. Lerner. The history test was another layer of stress relieved today. It was so much better than I thought it was going to be. I actually knew some stuff! =-O We had this really really REALLY hard assignment in French. It was like 20 verbs in a word bank and a sample letter with 42 blanks. Go. You have 25 minutes. ?!?!?! Good thing no one finished and we got to take it home. I was so screwed on that. I hope no one is expecting me to pass that IB exam...oh well. Short journal as promised, so I'm off. I'll post more tomorrow. Maybe.. ;-)

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF!!! Wow! I think 3 million tons have just been lifted off my shoulders! I FINALLY got my schedule switched. Krystle, I think you were right about that day with my "clinical depression" (thank you Amy). I think it was just a huge stress problem and it just overwhelmed me. Cause I feel so much better today! I'll tell you guys all what happened.

So, I went in this morning and went to my IBO meeting first thing. I was kinda nervous that ms. kelly wouldn't switch my schedule, since I had nothing signed from Lerner (grrr). But I think since I went in to switch chemistry, she kinda forgot about band. Anyway, long story short, she gave me the schedule I wanted and I got one of those nice little schedule changey forms. So I went to precalc and then english and was all happy because now the system had overruled lerner and there was nothing he could do about it. Unfortunately for him, chemistry happens to be above band in the schedule pecking order. Then after english I went to band to get signed out of the class. When I went in, Amy was already there talking to him. (Thanks Amy! Tell me what you said too...I'm just curious.) Anyway, Lerner looked at me and was like see me after school. And I handed him the thing and was like well, I have to switch out of this class anyway, so can you sign this? He tells me NO! =-O What does he mean no?! I mean come on, he should know that this is not an option here! I hand him a paper and he signs me out of the class! So I asked Amy what to do, and she just said go to chem. So I did. Good thing to throw in here, I was in fact switched in at exactly the right time, since I don't have anything to make up! :-) Yay me! Anyway, I went to health after chem and let me just say that that health class rocks! I'm sorry Kristen, but there are so many IB kids in 6th hour health. It is so much better than my old health class. We had someone come in and talk to us from like the domestic abuse hotline or something.. But after health I went back to the portal of hell formerly known as the band room and practiced inside. :-P Let me just say though, that I have made HUGE progress on that music. There was a time in practice today that I actually thought that one day I might be able to have that entire piece learned. And then I remembered that we have like 3 more pieces coming, including a percussion feature, which we have to play.. *sigh* Oh well. I'll be okay if I can just play through the opener. I'm working on it. But after practice, as per his request, I went and talked to Lerner. That guy pisses me off. That aside, however, he told me that the level that he heard me play the other day, which was a piece of crap audition by the way for those of you who were not aware, I would "have difficulty with the assignments in third hour." I stood there for a second.."Are you talking about like how hard the music is?" "Yea." O.o So I told him (AGAIN) that that audition was most definitely NOT my best performance. That I had not practiced the part since I've been working on the marimba part. So he's all like well, it's not my recommendation that you go to third hour. And I said well that's fine, but I have no other choice. So I told him again. Listen. These are my two choices. These are my only two choices. I can either switch to third hour band, or switch to psychology and forget band. I am in AP chemistry fourth hour. There is no possible way that I can stay in fourth hour band. So he says, okay, but don't complain to me about grades you may recieve, and you'll have to practice more. "Yea, I know.." *shoves paper in his face* He signed it and then paused for a minute. "You said you play the marimba?" "mmhmm." "How many more non-percussionists are there in pit?" "Umm...I dont know. I think I'm the only one..." "How did that happen?" Then I told him I hurt my knee and whatnot. "Oh, that'd do it." Yea, then I just left. Several of you may have seen me waiving my schedule change paper on the way out the door. You have no idea how glad I am to finally have this done with. I think I'm going to freaking frame that paper.

So that's about all the news that's fit to publish. I'm going to go study for my history test now.

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell...

Not much news. Just had a bit of time doing nothing, thought I'd write something. Usually I get on here to write about nothing and end up writing about something eventually. I went out car shopping today. No, not for a car for me.. We went to look at a Nissan Quest. We need a van or something probably to have for the electric wheelchair my dad's getting. Yesterday I went to Petsmart to get Sasha a new collar. It's nice and blue and has reflective pawprints on it so if she gets lost at night cars can see the reflective-ness on her collar. But it was adoption day. You would think that I would have learned by now to not go to Petsmart on adoption day. There were THREE BEAGLES!! =-O There was one there that was 2 years old, purebred, and housetrained. My mom wanted her so badly, but my dad said no. :-( Maybe this summer we will get a puppy though!! Hopefully...we're not sure yet. Anyway, enough of the puppy that we dont have..

Today I was in my room (it tends to happen..) and my mom came in to like wake me up or something. I have that Ecclesiastes 1:13 taped to my door now, the one that Krystle was telling me about. It seemed like a good thing to post on my door for the time. Anyway, so my mom came into my room, she's like "I like that scripture on your door. You must be going through some tough times.." I was like...uhhh...sure. So she just goes on with her mom crap "If you need to talk.." blah blah blah. It's like the stupidest thing to tell me. Anyway, just a random passing thought. It doesn't really have any purpose in here, but I needed something to write about, now didnt I? ;-)

My parents keep asking me what I want for my birthday. That usually happens about this weekend in September. Odd... But usually I have an answer. I just really don't want anything. Any suggestions? I think I'm just gonna ask for a new lens for my camera. It's something I really wouldn't buy for myself right now. I'm too broke. But in my family "what do you want for your birthday" does not really equal "give me a list of things so that I can pick a few of those things you really want." It's more like "come with me to the store and pick something so that I can more efficiently get you something." Ehh.. Surprises aren't really birthday events here. So anyone who is asking me what I want for my birthday, that's what I'm going to answer you. "A surprise." Just ask Amanda. She knows. The one deal that is a surprise is a birthday cake, since you can't really screw that up (oh, gosh, I just jinxed it, didn't I?). My mom goes nuts w/ the cake. She asked me like 4 weeks ago when we were talking about what to do for my birthday "But I get to pick the cake, right?" "Sure mom..." ahh... One week and one year until I can legally move out. But one week until I can legally see American Wedding! o.~ So speaking of spending a half hour typing nothing, I'm gonna go. Comment on....whatever you feel like. (maybe I should not have said that for everyone's sake, knowing that Kristen will eventually read this :-\) But I'm sure there were a few question marks put in there for you guys somewhere...

I'm so sick of things being how they are. I wish that things would just get resolved or end or something. Everything that's happening just never goes away and I'm really feeling that today. Like none of the problems that are in my life ever end. It's just one endless cycle. I think that I am just at a point where I am ready to move on from what I'm doing. I'm ready to move out and I'm ready to be done with high school. I think that's why I'm doing all this college crap. I'm so ready to just start the next phase of my life that I'm just trying to start it. Anything now that I can get involved in in terms of college or independence or anything I am. I'm switching my schedule around to get into more college-ap-friendly classes. I'm thinking about what party to register voting under. I just think I'm having difficulty realizing that this is my 17th birthday. I keep on going through all this crap about how old I am. I'm older than Harry Potter, I've outgrown the growing up girls series, I'm too old for disney channel contests.. And yet I am so ready for this to be my 18th or 19th birthday and I can just leave and go do my own thing. I dunno..

On a less emotionally draining note, today is my grandfather's birthday, so we all went out to dinner. It's always interesting to sit around and listen to 2 hours of war stories. That's about all the highlights from the day.. I went shopping this morning sort of, then after dinner went out and about with Krystle and Nikki. It was fun cause I got a cup of water and blew bubbles in it for a good 45 minutes. Hmm...short journal entry. I really just dont have a lot to say. It just seems today like not a lot is going on, even though I did a ton of stuff.. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I'll post later when I feel more ....interesting.

I will leave you with this thought:

I'm not sick but I'm not well
And I'm so hot, cause I'm in hell

Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding
The cretins cloning and feeding
And I don't even own a tv
Put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me
You told them all I was crazy
They cut off my legs now I'm and amputee, god damn you...

I wanna publish zines
And rage against machines
I wanna pierce my tongue
It doesn't hurt, it feels fine
The trivial's sublime
I'd like to turn off time
And kill my mind, kill my mind

Paranoia paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
Just say you never met me
I'm running underground with the moles, digging in holes
Hear the voices in my head
I swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
But if you're bored then you're boring
The agony and the irony, they're killing me...

See mood.
Just to be fair, I am too ...frustrated to post an unbiased journal up here that I would not most likely regret posting at some point in the future. (...Was that sentence coherent at all?!) You know when you get a sugar high? And eventually, especially when you have hypoglycemia (which I would not expect many of you guys to know about, but this is the reason you will rarely see me eating a pixie stick), you go on a huge sugar low. And the sugar low is even lower than the sugar high was high. This is about the point that I have hit in terms of my band high that I had a few days ago. A few days before HE arrived. Anyway, I'm just gonna say that for those of you looking for chem results here, I got it approved to switch to ap, and have made a final decision to do so, but cannot go to the actual class yet since ms. kelly is at jury duty. -.- (parenthetical documentation to Kristen for that emoticon) I'm just very...frustrated. yes.

Anyway, just a note while I'm thinking about it on the journal in general. I hope you guys are all taking note of the "Music" up top on all (*most) of them. I really honeslty do listen to the song(s) I put up there as I'm writing the journals, and I hope that you guys listen to them as you're reading them. Just trust me. It helps to get the overall effect of them. Especially today's. I'll post more details about today...later. maybe.

Band Again.
Today, being Tuesday, means we had band practice again. No Lerner. Again. I actually made a comment to Leah and Thomas in the car that I have to consciously keep reminding myself that Markgraf is not our director. Am I the only one in the whole world that actually likes him as a director? Anyway, since I have only ever seen Lerner once, I do have some help with the ability to pick him out of a lineup, however, I don't really associate him as of yet as our band director. It's kind of weird, but hopefully you know what I'm talking to, cuz Leah did...which isn't saying all that much actually, but still... So, I actually officially "practiced" (pretend those are air quotes) with pit today. Je ne l'aime pas. I seriously can NOT play the marimba. So, I'm just gonna leave it up to you Leah! ;-) I can read the music and all, I just really have to spend a few hours practicing, which is difficult, since I dont really have a marimba handy and I'm not in 7th hour. Not that I want to be in 7th hour, TRUST ME. No offense to percussionists, but I think even you would understand on this one. What I think I'm gonna do is just practice it a lot on the piano just to get an idea of where the notes go for the song and just spend lunch trying to do it. Or making Leah and/or teach me how to do it. It just pisses me off that I have to do this in the first place. Not that I see percussion as like some huge punishment or w/e (cuz they have some really cute freshmen..lol) but it's just like damn..I just learned to play the fight song and now this. lol. It's just "frustrating" (see? it all ties back to the mood. ahem...HANNAH!) to suck at something so much like this and I can't do anything about it. This is I think the only way that I can go to FBA this year while avoiding a full knee replacement at 17. Argh. So everyone come to the football game on September 5 to see how much I suck! Atleast after that I'll have a 2 week break before my next game since I'm going to Gainesville. Hmm.

Next on the agenda is AP Chem vs. Chem 2. Thanks again guys for all the comments and suggestions you threw in on my last post. A lot of them really have made my decision a lot easier for you. For those of you who were "babysitting" (more air quotes) thanks for nothing!! >:o And for those of you who are sitting on the edges of your seats waiting to hear whether I have committed IB suicide, the answer is most likely yes. I made an appointment this morning to see ms. kelly thursday, but I talked to swanson after school about switching. She says that she feels I could definitely do AP chem and that it would give me an advantage in terms of getting into UPenn. Man, this whole UPenn thing is going to screw me over royally. I'm just gonna work my ass off and join icc and then like not be able to pay for it or something. I know this is just going to bite me in the ass. Oh well. Let's just go for it. Pros vs. Cons have led me to adding a third ap class and I think I'll be ok. Yea, I say that now, I know. But I just feel weird taking only 2 ap classes my junior year. This is the year that counts. It's going to be hell anyway, right? So I might as well go all in (for those of you familiar with the fine game of Texas Hold 'Em) and take the third AP class. So anyways...Swanson was like oh good I'll go tell mr dalsas you're switching right now and she left into the workroom.. So it's too late now, all you seniors. And nikki.
So, let's see...what else is left unsaid...? I got a new knee brace today! Now I dont have to tape it all the time, which is good, cuz the tape gets itchy. lol. Oh yea!! I so went out and bought Lord of the Rings Two Towers DVD! YAY! That movie was so awesome...when legolas slides down the stairs on his shield? That was my favorite part. However, Orlando Bloom outdid himself I belive in the fight scene in Pirates of the Carribbean between him and Johnny Depp. You gotta give it up for that. That's one of the best fight scenes I've seen since Yoda and Saruman. muahaha. Well, that's about it. I'll leave anything else I left out in the comments section, so be sure to check that out all the time. Usually only about half of the content of the journal is actually in the journal. Read the comments. Post one too if you have some time! You know I always love the comments! ...unless they involve the word historiography. :-P

French Club Started today...
Yea...so...today started French Club. It was so weird not having Nikki there!! I really want to run for an office, hopefully historian, but I'm not really sure. (note "hesitant" mood.) I really want to win the election. People in French club reading this, vote for me! I really need to get like a leadership position in some kind of extracurricular activity junior year. So someone talk me into this please...

On another note, I have seriously started thinking about college.
Laerengathawae: hehe, thought it was UF for you?
Beagle1427: I thought so too..
And I did. I just at this point do not feel like closing out my options. Also, I'm kind of...no, REALLY getting sick of being Will's shadow. Believe me, "Aren't you Will's little sister?" questions get old real soon. I do realize that since UF has like 35,000 kids, and that we would be doing different subject areas, this would not be asked that much up in Gainesville; however, it's still the same principle. I'm just getting really sick of following whatever the hell he does. Ok, I'm stopping writing about this now so that I dont go all out about it when this thing is being published. I'm sure that you get the picture from what I've already said. Anyway, to make a long story short, I have pretty much moved my #1 choice school to the University of Pennsylvania, and here's why. It's an ivy league school, which for those of you at pope, is GOOD. (I'm just kidding guys! dont hurt me!) It does have most likely the best veterinary school in the country. If the question "why does that affect Lauren..what, does she wanna be a vet or something?" is running through your head right now, this journal is probably not your choice reading material. Anywho, when it breaks down, the better undergrad you go to, the better vet school you get into. The better vet school you get into, the better internship you get. The better internship you get, the more job opportunities you have, etc. This also makes Penn good. And I really feel like Penn is something to strive for. I was just kind of growing complacent with the "settling" for UF. I mean, I realize that UF is a really good school and also has one of the best vet schools in the country, but it's just kind of given that I will get in no matter what I do, as long as I do IB. I'm kind of getting sick of that. At this point, with my advanced case of junioritis, I need an actual reason to do IB. It needs to get me somewhere that I would not get just taking AP classes. While I realize that IB probably won't get me anywhere that just AP classes and decent SATs will, just let me have my moment, ok?!

Getting back to the real point of this part of the journal, there are very few things that I see wrong with Penn for me. On top of the list I just wrote out that are pros, Pennsylvania is where I wanted to end up anyway, although most likely not in inner city philidelphia. However, those few things that are bad are significant. There is the money issue. While the undergrad school you go to is important, it may be better to go to UF for free, get better grades than I would at Penn, actually get credit for the IB crap I'm doing now, and save that money for vet school. I'm still throwing this around in my head as I am frantically searching for any and all scholarships I can find that would pertain to me. This is a lot harder than you would think, because, after all, I am a white girl from Boca with two parents. This is one of those times that that is a disadvantage.. The second issue of going to Penn is it's a BITCH to get into. Come on. It's a freaking ivy league school. I just do not know right now if I can get in.. But I do have some advantages in this area. #1. My dad worked at the university for a few years. #2. He has connections from having worked there for a few years. #3. My grandfather graduated from Penn. This is huge.. Not only does it give me an advantage getting into the school, but my interest in going to the school my grandfather went to makes him like me more. lol. So...where was I? Oh yes...still on the getting in part. One of the main issues that I am trying to deal with immediately is the lack of many AP classes for me this year. I think I was really stupid to have taken Chem II. I think that another AP class would really give me another advantage as far as admission goes. It would just look better.

Just for some background, here's my rationalization for having chosen chem 2 in the first place. The course does have another month of teaching than AP chem. I basically took that as a good time to learn good-er than I would in ap. Think about it. If it's basically the same course except a little slower, then I figured that my understanding of the material would be much better, which would be good, due to the UNGODLY AMOUNT OF SCIENCE I WILL HAVE TO TAKE IN COLLEGE. ugh... But it will all be worth it, since I really like zoology and whatnot. Second on my rationalization for taking chem 2 was that I did not actually take a step back and look at my schedule as a whole in terms of what classes I'm taking until I got my schedule a little before band camp. I know this sounds so stupid, and it is, but I had no idea until school started that with chem 2 I would be taking only 2 ap classes. All that I had been going off of was everyone's tales of junior year from hell. I figured that having one less ap class would significantly reduce the stress level at the end of the year, which it will. I just do not know that 3 ap tests will send me over the edge. I seriously think I can handle ap chem now, so I think that that's justification enough for me to switch into it.. Maybe? See, this is more of the hesitant mood. I am so unsure at this point of anything. So confused.. Anyway, I'm making an appointment with Ms. Kelly tomorrow and also talking to Ms. Swanson after school. The one thing that's really holding me back into chem 2 is that I like my schedule, but in the long run, I dont really think that that should determine this kind of a thing, especially when it could have direct influence on my college acceptance. I'm hoping to figure this all out with Ms. Kelly and/or Ms. Swanson tomorrow-ish, but any and all suggestions you guys make in the comments will really help. I'm just at a really confused time right now. This would be when I need massive amounts of ideas and suggestions from my friends, not counting Kristen not wanting me to leave her in chem 2 alone w/ danny. Thanks guys, I appreciate the help now.

A recount of today's events, as promised..
Well, I just got home from the vet. It was not as interesting as you may have hoped, but I was pleasantly surprised. Sasha was really good! There was this little girl in the waiting room at the end with her dad and her blue tick coonhound, and she was so cute! I'm always so surprised at how well Sasha is with little kids, especially since she doesn't come into contact with them on a regular basis. You all should know how hyper and rough she usually is around people, but it's incredible to see her with little kids. I'm usually a bit nervous, just because I dont want her to knock them over out of excitement. But she seems to recognize that she needs to be calm around people at her eye level. She just like licked her hand a bit and let the girl pet her on the neck. For those of you who know Sasha, I know your jaws are on the floor. It's something you have to see to believe..

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent, but I thought it was cool. On yet another tangent (but a shorter one), I saw this show on MTV recently True Life: I'm Obsessed with My Dog. Clearly MTV has not seen me and Sasha. hehehe. I could beat the crap out of any of those people. Pretty much this whole journal entry will be about the dog, maybe a small portion about the cat.

So, going back to the original subject, Sasha LOVES going to the vet. She's always so excited to see all the new people and dogs and stuff. The cat is a different story. We literally had to turn her crate upside down on the table to get her out. She's not very good around other people. She actually did hiss at the vet tech. (Now that vet tech can join your club Nikki! ;-) ) However, I must say that the cat takes shots much better than the dog. But that is only because if Sasha was a person she'd be me, but...happier. But maybe that's just cause dogs are happy by nature. Seriously, after Sasha got her second hip operation, when I went to pick her up, the vets just went on and on about how happy she was and her tail had not stopped wagging since she woke up, even though she must have been in significant pain.. The person that left her at the humane society as a puppy was an idiot. Good for me though, eh? I couldnt believe that someone would just leave a little puppy like that just because of hip dysplacia. I mean, I can understand not being able to pay for the surgery, but the humane society was paying for it anyway for them. They just never came back to pick her up. Poor Sasha. But I guess it's good for her too, because she was obviously seriously abused. Anytime anyone in the house yells, she hides under tables or something. I feel so bad for her. I know someone would just take out their frustration on her after a fight with a family member. I can't believe that people would be such assholes like that though. She was only 3-5 months old at the time. Who could beat a puppy like that?! What could possibly be wrong in their heads?? Sorry, kind of went off there. It really gets to me when people are unnecessarily mean like that to something so helpless.

So, getting off of that, all went well today. The hardest part was trying to get the two of them through the door. That cat is heavier than you would think. And it is very hard to carry a large 15 lb box-o-cat while a 60 lb dog is dragging you into the building. I ended up making two trips back out to the car to get them home. They even behaved in the exam room together! =-O The cat tried in every way to get off of that table, but she was happy when she was done and got to go back and sit in her box. Both are healthy. The doctor was especially impressed with Sasha's health, which is like the biggest compliment someone could give me just about. It's like someone telling you your kids have been raised well. She checked her all out, was very impressed with the condition of her teeth for a four year old dog (I brush them! :-) )...(yes, even though she IS a pitbull mix..), and said "Sasha, you are the picture of health!" Oh, and she got a new rabies tag, and it's not green anymore! It's a gold star. Umm...I think that's about it, besides the fact that I picked up a job application on my way out. ;-) I honestly don't expect as many comments this time, even though I know how interested you guys all are in the health of my pets. ;-) Now do you see why I should have been on that MTV show?? Come on, as if you already didn't know..