sonic reducer

:: 2005 27 March :: 8.52pm
:: Music: The Clash- (White Man) In Hammersmith Palais

28 school days left till we're out.

:: 2005 27 March :: 6.09pm

AHHHHH
No one CARES ANYMORE!!!
I hate them all.
I need to talk to someone who feels like I do.

:: 2005 27 March :: 4.36pm

Ugh. It's disgusting me. Oh well. Not like anything will be done about it. No one cares anymore.

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 26 March :: 6.29pm

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town, and kiss you on the mouth
fucking pedro the lion is going to be playing no less than 20 miles from me on monday
12 dollar tickets.

but you have to be over 21

sigh.

another day david, another day.

love,
matthew james hinton

:: 2005 25 March :: 11.40am

I guess you could say for you ignorance is bliss. Whether you're happy or not though, it doesn't change the fact that you're an idiot.

1 comment | feedback

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 25 March :: 7.07am

been thinkin alot today...
no not really
i just woke up.

no work today so thats bomb

these cool mornings are the best

when you are like shit its going to rain
then it doesn't and the sun comes out at like 2-3 o clock in the
afternoon

whatever..i still miss my snow dammit

i really like ben folds 5

yeah..

thats all i guess..sorry its all boring now.
(not that it wasn't boring before)
love,
matthew james hinton.

3 comments | feedback

:: 2005 24 March :: 12.03pm

last night was interesting! gosh. im so happy. he didnt end up going tojail! we stayed up all night, and then got ready. left for court. ate a donut. went actually to court. he got out with $360 fine. im so happy he didnt leave me for 30 days! um....so anyways. everyone pray for this to end up on my end! hope that he will someday realize he wants me for more.

sputnik

:: 2005 23 March :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Actually- a movie~Finding Neverland is on

Gosh I miss you guys
So guess what. I totally have internet access here. It's great! I totally miss you guys and I have a way to talk to you now. Well I could call but my parents are being anal about a lot of things down here. It feels nice not to be in school but awkward because I know I should be and am missing out. It's nice down here, but I can't wait to get back.
You totally don't even realize how much you depend on your friends for happiness and luaghter till you don't see them for a while. Even little things you think of later just make you grin to remember. Even things you remember not to be funny- but remembering you guys laughing at it makes me grin. You guys are too cute.
No one will pet me down here, and when they do- they do it all wrong.

We are going to Epcot tomorrow and I am hoping to find Hagis for us all to try again. I guess they sell it in jars or cans or whatever. I hope it tastes the same and we were all not just in awe at being caught with boys and totally screwed. (But not the dirty way you dogs.) And Hilary- you will try it. No questions asked. It's good.
Anyways, you all better have some good gossip or such for me to listen to when I get back or all my dreams are in vain. I hope you all write back. Speak to me or I'll have to hunt you down. I Love you guys and I miss you!

6 comments | feedback

:: 2005 23 March :: 1.23pm

haha I got Charlie an Easter basket. hehehe :-)

4 comments | feedback

:: 2005 23 March :: 1.20pm
:: Music: Thrice- Don't Tell and We Won't Ask

We don't need no evidence.
We won't ask you how you sleep at night...

I actually managed to get on the computer during the week. Things are busy. But I'm getting kind of used to it. Eh. I just want to sleep.
We have either 29 or 30 school days left, I forgot where I started the count. But things seem to be ending. School that is. It just went by so fast. But I've worked hard. It feels good to almost be done. Speaking of school. I have Calc to finish. :-( Sad Sad Sad.

:: 2005 23 March :: 11.33am

well i do have a chance with him. down the road though. hes not ready for something with me i guess. i dont get it. he says he wants to get back with his ex. not this most recent one but one before her. god. i told him that it was nice to know that i was his 3rd choice. and he said it wasnt like that. oh well. i told him i could see him going out with me in the future and he said...yah probably. i really hope it will end up like that. i cant wait till he realizes how great this could be. we are writing a song together and we are both singing in it. i think i like it a lot. it sounds so good. my nose hurts really bad. hes comming over after work tonight and spending the night so i can take him to court tomorrow. gosh i know he sounds really naughty, but hes a real sweetheart. gosh i like him a lot. this is going to be a long journey and hopefully i end up on the right path.

stinko

:: 2005 23 March :: 11.15am

who decided it was going to be nice outside?
i mean really?
this is the best thing to happen since the shady tire shop on division.

spud

:: 2005 23 March :: 1.35am

mrs. millard wants me to read "a clockwork orange" and then do an oral book report. i mean, everyone has to do the book report, but she asked me to do that book in particular. she said most kids didn't get it, and she thought i would be able to understand it and communicate it to the class. which, is cool for me, just because it's nice to receive that big of a compliment from someone you respect. and i'm a whore for compliments, so there.

i thought it was kinda funny, but summer thought dani and i were going out. i mean, i don't think it's terribly unreasonable, but i didn't think that dani and i had ever acted in a way that would give anybody that impression. eh, whatever. i guess i should be optimistic, since summer seemed genuinely concerned.

i'm just overwhelmed right now. like i said, i'm a whore for attention - especially from girls (and no, i don't mean mrs. millard). and now, since katie left, i've been getting all sorts of attention from all sorts of wonderful girls. and on the one hand, i want to take advantage of it. but i feel guilty, like i'm using them or something. but i'm not really using them. i mean, i honestly do feel for them, in my heart. but not really one more than any other. and the feelings are different for each. dissimilar, but of the same magnitude.

so, as always, i don't know what i should do.

i think i'm just gonna wing it... as always. and honestly, it'll work out exactly the way it's supposed to. i just need to relax and be cool.

that's so not me.

10 comments | feedback

:: 2005 22 March :: 11.29am

i need to get over him. we are going shopping tonight. i need to not like him anymore. i need to just be a good friend.

1 comment | feedback

stinko

:: 2005 22 March :: 11.15am

don't ever go to wisconson

for real.
there is nothing there for you.
not even cheese!

4 comments | feedback

spud

:: 2005 21 March :: 11.04pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: WHAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (my computer fan)

you know, my best time of day is always twilight. both of 'em. sunrise and sunset. they just give me this feeling of vitality, and opportunity, and completion all at the same time. whenever i die, i want to die during the twilight hours. for some reason, i picture myself on a beach, while the sun sets, with a full head of very white hair. hrm.

anyway, i've just been doing all sorts of thinking lately. the cast party, the group therapy last friday in 5th hour. just so much shit keeps bringing everything back. back to basics, and the front of my mind. and there's nothing i can do to stop it. it's just strange how these things happen. and how i respond to them.

i'm always having these sort of visions. i call it the motion picture show. it happens all the time, but i'm particularly sensitive to it as i'm falling asleep. what i do is i have all these imaginary conversations in my head, and try to work them all out. like, conversations that i'm going to have in the future, with real people, about real things. sometimes it's something that's gonna happen the next day that i'm trying to find just the right words for (which never works, by the way, because by the next day when i have to remember them, all the genious words i had thought of in the last night have faded away). or if it's more of a dream, like a goal. today in the shower i was imagining myself making this movie. just one movie, based on my life story, that i have done really really well. even more frequent are all the things i think of that should be "on the CD" whenever Kevin and i do it. i'm confident the majority of these things won't actually make the final cut, but it feels good to think they will. or at least they might. i guess i just feel like so many things in my life are all half-assed (my family follows the 90% rule), and incomplete. i just long with all my heart for some sort of sense of closure. of a completed accomplishment that i can be proud of, despite its flaws. in the end i know i probably will never feel that way about anything that i do, but it's kinda depressing to think that nothing i do will have the impact i want it to. i don't think i worded that very well. oh well.

see? i'm even doing it right now! i actually was sitting in the bathroom after my shower, trying to figure out how i would type this entry up. and now that i'm here, the words aren't coming, and i get all flustered.

GARARRRR!!!

sarah was right. geniuses are all crazy, and they do it to themselves. it feels all wrong to call myself a genius, but i'm not really thinking of it in the conventional meaning of the word. genius, to me, is just those people with accelerated capacities, like i have. but so many of them die young, and never achieve their full potential, simply because of the way their minds work. and i think i'm one of those people. and i just want to have someone who thinks like me, who has the same sort of mind, who's old and can help me through this. to give me proof that i can really go on and do something with my life. that i'm not going to live the rest of my life in complete frustration, overwhelmed by mediocrity. that's a funny word, whelm. it just looks funny, and feels weird to say. you know, whelmed actually means the same thing as overwhelmed. likewise, overwhelming = whelming. strange, huh? the things you learn...

i'm rambling now, and would do better to shut my trap and using it to produce long processions of animated Zs emanating from my nasal cavities.

i feel good, because i went over to kevin's and lifted and ran and stuff. i thought i'd be more sore, but we'll see how it feels tomorrow. and if this doesn't work out, i can always try Dynamo Tension!

in other news, hector is getting a custom plate for his cabby that says:
A55MAN
and i can get a euro-plate from betten, for the successor of the rabbit, that says whatever i want - for like 50 bucks!

schweet!

lata playaz. i'm gonna snizzooze in the hizzouse.

:: 2005 21 March :: 11.44am

hahahahahahahahahahahah fucking funny. guess im a joke to everyone eh? hahahah

:: 2005 20 March :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: dashboard confessional

friendless
so yeah. i feel as if i have no real friends. friends i can tell things too. people i can tell whats going on in my life and that let me lean on their shoulder. friends that i talk to everyday that know everything about me. friends that know that i am so depressed right now i think i might have to see somebody. friends that understand the decisions i make and why i make them. people that i have no secrets with. that instead of just being there while i cry are there for me all the time.
people that want to listen to my problems and what is going on in my life as much as im willing to listedn to theirs.

3 comments | feedback

:: 2005 20 March :: 12.49pm

so i made yet again another mistake. this came to fast. we kissed again and................wow. how great something makes me feel can be killing the person i am feeling it with.

spud

:: 2005 20 March :: 1.19am
:: Mood: tired

1:2:3
man. it's weird that the musical's over.
i felt really fringe at the afterparty. but it was great talking to adrianne. i never knew how cool she was. i was really dissappointed when she had to go. not like i was macking or anything, either. i just was enjoying the conversation, even if it was a little one-sided on my part, and i would've preferred it hadn't ended so soon. but oh well, that's how it goes. and we exchanged phone numbers in the hopes that we could continue some other time.

tomorrow i want to go over to kevin's, show him the stereo, and maybe do the rest of the wiring cleanup while i'm there. i hope i'll be able to lift there as well. that would be super-sweet, duper-awesome. and i would really like to have time to just talk about stuff. i've been doing so much talking lately, it's rediculous. yet, i haven't used up all of my words. i don't know. there's just so much going on in my mind. and talking sometimes at least makes me feel like there's some sort of progress to figuring it out.

that's probably why i liked talking to adrianne. she just made me feel like she was genuinely interested in what i had to say, and who i was, and how i worked. and i like that feeling - everybody does. and either she was genuinely intrigued by me, or she's an extremely good actress. and if she were acting, what would she stand to gain? either way it was gratifying. just disappointingly brief.

one thing that the afterparty made me realize is all of the people in my life that love me, and how much i love them back. and whether they realize it or not. and how stupid i am for not realizing their love often enough. shit, it sounds simple enough, but it sends my mind reeling into a tailspin every time.

i really do love you guys. not all of you in the same way, or to the same extent, and i'm not going to give it relative rank and classification. but i do love all of you, from the bottom depths of my heart.

well, until next time kiddies!

love peace (i'm stealing that from jackie.)

5 comments | feedback

:: 2005 18 March :: 12.02pm

did i mention that we got pulled over twice last night? i had to drive his car baack to mine. cause he has a suspended license. he didnt pay a ticket, so to make the night worse.

life sucks.

i have also noticed that i havent been eaating very much. my apetite has shrunk or something. i just find myself to never be hungry. when i think i am i only end up eating a quarter of what i intended anyways. it is pretty sad.

god last night sucked so much. i sat at the coffee house with him and his sister (who is pretty fucking cool) and her friends where there. one of them happened to be one of his ex girlfriends. who i find out has lost a lot of weight, and is hott, and now he wants to get baack with her. they talked on my cell phone last night. and flirted. God! i cant take this anymore. i am so pissed and upset. i feel like everything that i put any effort towards is just screwed over.

:: 2005 18 March :: 11.34am

there i go getting screwed again
my luck also ended last night.
how is it that something that i felt was so right, so perfect,happened to be totally different for him. something i thought was amazing and special just happend to be something that just "friends" do. we kissed and when it happened i got a chill down my back and i thought he felt the same way because he kissed me back. i was estatic. he was totally oblivious to how i felt. you know i was thinking im so fucking selfish. this guy is going through so much right now, and all i can think about is how he doesen't want me more than a friend. im such a bitch. i realize that crying yesterday, sobbing, on the way home, is all my fault anyways. i knew what was going on. but hearing him want to get with other girls just kills me. i just want to slap him and tell him to wake the fuck up and look right infront of his fucking nose. i dont know how easy it will be to continue just being friends. i need to be there. i have to. he has no one else. but i just wish i could be more to him. i thought i was.

you know what, i realized....i want to move really bad. not just out of my house, but out of michigan. i need to get away from everything and everyone. i cant stand seeing the people who once screwed me over and i cant stand anymore broken fucking hearts. i am going to do whatever i can, so at the beginning of summer or somewhere close to the beginning, i will hopefully be somewhere far away. away from everyone and everything just sounds so perfect right now.

sputnik

:: 2005 18 March :: 9.44am

Toatally leaving soon and I am happy. I'll have so much homework but who cares! I will miss you all though and I will miss my little Davey. I'll send postcards!- if I get around to it. I'll really try this time.

I have to take a test in physics. I hope it's not too hard.
Ve vill see!
Adios Amigos

1 comment | feedback

greenpixiestix

:: 2005 17 March :: 1.52pm
:: Music: Get Well Soon - Heimlich Maneuver

blah/hurray/the Gimmes
Wasting time. Wasting days. I'm in a comp lab on campus wasting time. I saw Me First and the Gimme Gimmes on Tuesday night. Unfortunately, the guy whose name the tickets were under fractured his spine while snowboarding. It was sad. He was pissed that he couldn't make it. He called and faxed his ID and a signed note, though, so that Mike and I could make use of 2 of the 4 tix. Hmmm... I think I'll copy and paste. Mike took suuuuper blurry pics with his cameraphone but I love 'em anyway. Yeah. It's a Me First and the Gimme Gimmes concert thing if you want to.

Ok, so I spent most of the night trying to find 2 other people who wanted to go. Problem was, people were at work, were too far and have no ride, had 8am classes tomorrow, or were so high that they could barely function. Yeah. I called this one guy, and the conversation was predominantly him whooping things like, "Yeeeeehaw! Yeeeeeaah!" until I asked, "Are you feeling ok?" and he said, "DUUUUDE, I'm feeling great! I just smoked a ton of hash!" I sighed a lot... and spilled Gatorade all over my shirt.

Mike didn't show up until 10:22. We got to Slim's at 10:35. Parked 2 blocks away. Saw a ton of people outside, waited in a very short line for the box office. Got tix. Tried to sell extras to no avail. Everyone had 'em already, and there was another guy also trying to sell his. Went in to a totally packed room. Waited until some fat dudes came around and followed 'em through the crowd towards the front. Music was pumping, and a dude behind me did a dance that made me feel like I was seasick, and was very much like humping. My leg. Ummm... ugh. Mike got bored. I smiled encouragingly.

11:15pm. The Gimmes finally take the stage. Been drinkin' and waitin', apparently, b/c they decided to play when they were s'posed to instead of before. Y'all, we could've saved the whole nearly-hour-long wait. Joey Cape (Mike: "He's dreeeeamy!") attempts a ska version of "Stairway to Heaven". It sucks. He really does look like Kyan. Anyhow, first song was all Led Zeppelin-y. Second song was "the second gayest song ever written", which was... Over the Rainbow. You know what's funny? When you see some dude with a mohawk moshing his brains out and getting really excited as he belts out the part about happy little bluebirds. Hilarious. Banter about Hawaii and their authentic Hawaiian shirts. Cracks about ice/crystal meth. Cracks about Christian Rock, which led some members of the audience to boo loudly while I laughed. Probably shouldn't have, but what's a girl who alternates between atheism and agnosticism to do? Oh, right. They were about John Denver. Umm... what else? The Gimmes think the Beatles are overrated, and that SF citizens love Barry Manilow and showtunes. Hell yeah. "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" is "the gayest song ever written", apparently. If you have a problem with 'em saying the word "gay" and joking about God so much, you're probably from San Leandro. Fat Mike started Fat Wreck with $14,000. See, you learn things when some kid hollers insults and he gets pissed off at 'em. Spike takes German, Italian, and cooking class. That's right, fool. Joey is still tiny. The dude from Minor Threat took Jake's place. Wait. You need more detail than that. Ok, so Brian Baker (Minor Threat, Dag Nasty, + a gazillion other bands you know and love) stepped in for Jake. Ukelele ("OOOO-kelele," says Spike) was brought out for "I Believe I Can Fly". Maybe that's why they spent so much time in Hawaii.

Sigh, I couldn't get a setlist. Off the top of my head, and in no particular order...
Stairway To Heaven
Over the Rainbow
End of the Road
Mandy
Leaving On a Jet Plane
Come Sail Away
I Believe I can Fly
Summertime
Auld Lang Syne
All My Loving
Tomorrow
Country Roads
The Longest Time
Don't Cry For Me Argentina
Rocket Man

Show ended around 12:20am. They were drunk. They decided to continue with the drinking at a bar down the street and invited all of-age persons to join 'em.

Stood in line for merch. The guy next to Mike had on a black Descendents "Cool To Be You" shirt. Super awesome. Mike tried to convince me to get a Dead to Me shirt, even though we hadn't seen 'em or heard 'em, just b/c it looked cool.

Post-concert high. I don't care if the goth man thinks it's creepy; I'm gonna smile when I want to, gosh darn! Messy hair. Most of you will never see the braids again, so enjoy/make fun/whatever.

I know, I know. All the live pics kinda suck. Mike was behind me, so I had no idea that he was even taking 'em, b/c I was dancing/rocking out. I'm glad he took 'em, though.