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holiday

:: 2006 6 February :: 4.35pm
:: Music: Copeland

Quiet now, your voice seems miles away. Yet somehow I hear your song resound, A little bit softer each day,
And from my tired heart, a little bit farther away
~~~~
It's got me wishing for the past and hating myself. I love you, now stop it. It's going to be just fine.
~~~~
"I’ll sing along
The whole day through
Just do your best to hear me
It’s all you can do

You have my attention
Like you’ve had all the while
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
You have my attention
Like a shout through an empty sanctuary
Speak but a whisper"

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spud

:: 2006 6 February :: 3.57pm
:: Mood: exasperated... frustrated with myself
:: Music: the 13th warrior (jim's watching it)

ahem, superbowl.

so, this stereo sounds pretty damn sweet in my little cave under my bed.

i got not a whole lot done last night, as anticipated. at some point you'd think i would have to quit raping my own asshole with procrastination, but apparently that's not the case. i guess i have the anus that takes a licking and likes it.

...

yuck.

...

moving on,
we.
..urm..

... that's all i have.

okay. well i have more. but the thought hasn't completely gestated at this point, and i'd like to wait until it has matured further before i attempt to convey it. otherwise the risk of misinterpretation is heightened substantially.

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spud

:: 2006 5 February :: 12.17pm
:: Mood: chill
:: Music: incubus - morning view

this is mostly for my benefit... don't expect it to make sense.

i hope this isn't out of line or anything. but it helps me to get things in perspective.

"right now is such i wierd time... i really think this weekend was a digression or soemthing back to something. it will probably take a while to get beck to where i was which i think is a bad thing. hmmm... i hate to think i am the type of person who needs a seginificant other to be happy but i am begining to think i am. i just need there to be someone who i know is there and will be there for me. but then agian. that might just be what i think i need and not actually what i need at all, and when i get it i might still be depressed and that would suck alot too, i just need to find someway to be happy because all of my efforts as of late are not working all that well.

...

maybe some boys do want me to be more then their object they can use when it suits them.

...

you know it is nice to have a reason to smile everyday... i just have to hope that i don't get crushed

...

he says he really wants to get to know me, doesn't want to start anything physical before he gets to know me more. he doesn't just want me as an object, that is refreshing and new, wonderful. hesitant. too good to be true
he came over last night at like 8 and took me away from my homework, and we basically hung out untill 2 this afternoon

...

i have a poor pathetic habit of writing everything i am feeling in these blog things and not really telling people what i think/feel which i think might someday be important

that is why i have so many knots in my back
it's because i hold everything in and let no emotions out
i should work on that
i should get better at that
i should
i should
i might
i might not

...

i should use some sort of name to decifer between the he's that i talk about. instead of just assuming i will remember which boy is on my mind at any one point in time, becauswe it is so rare that it is always the same one.

...

i'm happy. happy in a way that i haven't been in more then a year.
chew on that one for a while.

...

i'm not even sure what i want to say.. just wow. this is good. this makes me happy. he seems to be everything i look for... why do feel like i am waiting for somethign to go wrong.
because it always does
silly shannon get those thoughts out of your head. this is a good thing."

***********************************

okay, so...

i don't really have much to say. i mean, i have a lot that i'm thinking about... but no real thoughts to articulate at this point. merely idle musings. but still, they won't be idle forever...

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spud

:: 2006 4 February :: 12.41pm
:: Mood: static ... i think
:: Music: incubus - a crow left of the murder

FNWHF

yet another successful edition of "friday nights with hunter falk".

she met mom and bruce last night. i met her folks today. that was pretty cool. mom and bruce seemed to like her. and her parents were nice too. a little less forward than mine, perhaps, but that's to be expected. not everybody's parents are insane... i must remember that.

bowling tonight. always fun. mom gave me $30, because she's super-duper awesome like that, so i might actually be able to pull it off. for the afternoon, i think i'll do laundry and *gasp* maybe do some homework. why do i feel so fucked in school? meh. i'll ignore it, like usual.

time for stuff

: )

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stinko

:: 2006 2 February :: 11.06pm

so . . . we finally got internet.
this is crazy.
and for my next stunt i will be flying to the moon.
booo yah!!!!!!!!!

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holiday

:: 2006 2 February :: 12.15pm

Let's go now, into the darkness of your thoughts.

Asleep with one eye open so i can see you breathing, I follow your chest.

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holiday

:: 2006 1 February :: 6.22pm

It's a crazy world.

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spud

:: 2006 1 February :: 12.07pm
:: Mood: Whelmed
:: Music: some of jim's country... aww i'm such a tolerant roomate ; )

so...

i've got a girlfriend. i was a little afraid at first, but - by degrees - i'm warming up to the notion.

still really afraid. always am, i guess. but yeah. that's the way it goes with me.

shit, i need to write my eurociv paper. tonight after dinner, that will be my project.

listen to my radio show, friday at 5pm, http:www.wcks.org.

that's all i have for now. yay STATS.

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holiday

:: 2006 31 January :: 10.02pm

Ugh. I don't even care! Pfft.

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stinko

:: 2006 31 January :: 11.02am

i hate physics.
i don't care that x-x0=v0t+axt^2
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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holiday

:: 2006 30 January :: 4.08pm
:: Music: Aiden- See You In Hell...

Got up at 6. Went to class. Went to Meijer to get some food. Slept. Grandma called from the Greenville Hospital. Grandpa's in there. Someone hit them. BAD. Grandpa's hurt. All because of some stupid person who probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place. He's got 4 broken ribs and they're keeping him overnight. Grandma's shaken up and bruised. The Tahoe is TOTALED. I'm glad it wasn't worse though. But I'm really upset. Grandma was so happy to pay off the truck, too. Now they have nothing and they're hurt. I love my grandparents so much that makes me so upset. :-(

I'm making Char birthday dinner tonight. Stuffed shells and black forest cake. Happy Birthday.

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spud

:: 2006 30 January :: 1.06pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: SOAD - steal this album

be you clinging to the precipice of your recumbent apparatus?

so... tactile sensation gives way to tremendous guilt gives way to existential musings gives way to insatiable emotional demand.

well, she has the kevin approval in a big way. which is totally understandable. she's really cool. i'm afraid of ... well, lots of different things. and being left to my own devices, i feel so misguided. or unguided, rather. which is again, scary.

just being alone in the big bad world. and then realizing that i don't kick as much ass as everyone else seems to think i do. but nobody else really kicks much more ass either. i have a hard time coming to grips with that.

i'm super-duper tired. but i really do need to do homework and shit. i'm SOOO far behind. it's craziness.

and i know kevin was flipping out and kicking himself, but i still maintain that it was a success. hanging out was the objective, and hanging out was accomplished.

fuck. semi-productiveness beckons.

substantial utilization of quadriceps optimizes bipedal locomotion.

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holiday

:: 2006 29 January :: 10.25pm

Yesterday was a blast!
Char and I went to Townsend Park and it was really pretty out. WE went to eat at The Melting Pot. FONDUE! hahaha. Then we went to look at houses in East GR. Then we went back home and hung out. I got tickets to Arenacross for Char's b-day :-) It was soooooo fun and our seats were really really good. About 3 rows up from the tarp. haha. So we could see everything. The best part was when the 7/8 year-olds raced. It was so adorable. Char and I are convinced we need dirt bikes now! oh yeah!

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holiday

:: 2006 29 January :: 10.20pm

You can only say yes or no.

You are not allowed to explain anything.


1. Taken a picture naked? yes

2. Painted your room? yes

3. Kissed a member of the same sex? yes

4. Drove a car? Yes

5. Danced in front of your mirror? yes

6. Have a crush? Yes

7. Been dumped? Yes

8. Stole money from a friend? no

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? no

10. Been in a fist fight? no

11. Snuck out of the house? No

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes

13. Been arrested? No

14. Made out with a stranger? No

15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes

16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes

17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no

18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes

19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

20. Seen someone die? yes

21. Been on a plane? Yes

22. Kissed a picture? yes

23. Slept in until 3? yes

24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

26. Made a snow angel? yes

27. Played dress up? Yes

28. Cheated while playing a game? yes

29. Been lonely? Yes

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes

31. Been to a club? no

32. Felt an earthquake? no

33. Touched a snake? Yes

34. Ran a red light? Yes

35. Been suspended from school? no

36. Had detention? yes

37. Been in a car accident? Yes

38. Hated the way you look? Yes

39. Witnessed a crime? yes

40. Pole danced? No

41. Been lost? Yes

42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes

43. Felt like dying? yes

44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes

46. Sang karaoke? no

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

50. Kissed in the rain? yes

51. Sang in the shower? Yes

52. Made love in a park? no

53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes

54. Glued your hand to something? no

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No

56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No

57. Been a cheerleader? yes

58. Sat on a roof top? no

59. Didn't take a shower for a week? no

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes

61. Played chicken? No

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes

64. Broken a bone? No

65. Been easily amused? Yes

66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes

67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes

68. Cheated on a test? yes

69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

70. Been to a bar? Yes

71. Anyone offer you a drink? no

73. Blacked out from drinking? no

74. Played a prank on someone? Yes

75. Been to a late night movie? yes

76. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? yes

77. Failed a class? yes

78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no

79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no

81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? YES ;-)

82. Thrown strange objects? no

83. Felt like killing someone? no

84. Felt like running away? Yes

85. Ran away? no

86. Did drugs? yes

87. Had detention and not attend it? yes

89. Made a parent cry? no

90. Cried over someone? Yes

91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no

92. Dated someone more than once? yes

93. Had/Have a dog? Yes

95. Own(ed) an instrument? yes

96. Been in a band? No

97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No

98. Broken a CD? yes

99. Shot a gun? yes

100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? no

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spud

:: 2006 28 January :: 4.28pm

i guess i have to prove to gunnie that i still have an interest in woohu. which i do. i just don't talk 24/7. it's like my guilty pleasure or something. if i indulge too frequently, i feel, well, ... guilty.

but yeah. sibs and kids weekend is in full swing. we did DDR, laser tag, airbrush tattoos, wax hands (thoroughly disgusting), and general stupidity last night. today was showers and pancake breakfast (because i'm the best brother on the face of the planet) and arts and crafts (i made a bracelet, which libby took, and an abstract poster for ellen). tonight's looking like swimming, maybe some ice skating, and total movie action for sure.

jigga wou wou.

yep.

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holiday

:: 2006 28 January :: 12.01pm
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco- Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

Prescribed pills to offset the shakes...to offset the pills you know you should take...um...take it a day at a time...
AhhHHHH
Yesterday I was stranded at Best Buy so I walked to Char's. AHHH!
I bought The Office! YAYYYYY
and I bought The Notebook.
Tonight's going to be fun!!!!
Birthday surprise for Charlie-yo. <3<3
~

Fix a vice with a vice

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stinko

:: 2006 27 January :: 12.40pm

we are trying to get internet at my house finally. . .
but it's not going very well. we got some virus on our computer and randy was supposed to fix it but he was a no show last night.
perhaps i wasn't meant to have internet anyway.

it's like some sort of curse on my head for all of those murders i helped becca with. like seriously, i knew when she showed up at my door with a couple giant garbage bags, a pair of shovels, a flashlight, and a chainsaw that i should have simply said i was in the middle of dinner.

but no, i HAD to go along with her demonic plan.

now i'll never have the internet and i'll probably fail physics because of it. my crazy professor, he loves to point out the fact that i am at a disadvantage because of my stone-age life style.

so while i continue living in a cave, will someone please come and shine some light on me. unless you are rebecca with a couple candles at hand along with directions to the nearest grave yard. . .

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holiday

:: 2006 26 January :: 11.37pm

haha
you make me sick!

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holiday

:: 2006 26 January :: 2.01pm

So I finally got around to seeing the Notebook. Wow. I haven't cried so much during a movie before. It's just so sad. :-(
I have class today but I'm sick. I must be dying or something. I've been in a really really good mood and I enjoy being at home. I'm not annoyed with my puppies, they're actually pretty fun :-) And I am making dinner tonight. I just enjoy taking it slow right now and taking everything in. Like I said...I must be dying.

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holiday

:: 2006 25 January :: 4.52pm

I'm really happy with life right now. Everything is great. For once it just feels like things are balanced.
I'm proud of what I've accomplished too. I can't believe (it seems) like my first year is almost done. It just feels like it's going fast. It's a good feeling though, I'd like to get out as soon as I can. But I really like it. I've paid off my own car. $5000. That felt good. I've got a great job and am gaining more and more experience. I made the Dean's list. I like being home and relaxing and actually have time for that. I'm with the man I love and we've got a great future ahead of us. I have great friends. I love my classes. I'm just overall very satisfied.

I went to Spectrum today and learned a lot. I guess there's a job opening, but it's third shift. I may take it...who knows. It'd definitely be an experience. But until my classes are over I'd only get 4 hours of sleep w/both my jobs and classes. That wouldn't be so great.

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spud

:: 2006 25 January :: 12.54am
:: Mood: ich denke immer...
:: Music: alan parsons - i robot

so, about that life thing.

perpetually pensive. constantly concerned. invariably immersed in idle imaginings and malignant mental machinations.

i guess sometimes they're beneficent. but it seems to be the lesser proportion of the time.

anyway. i've been thinking. with various parts of my body. and in the end i still don't know what the hell is going on with me. and we had a nice talk today, even. and i'm still so lost.

Ich denke immer, aber auch glaube nicht.

i always think, but never know.

band tonight was a little more organized, which i appreciated. i still have all the same feelings of inadequacy though.

feelings are so fickle. yet so powerful. it's absurd. you can't rely on them for diddly squat, and in the end they serve little purpose. but life without them would be meaningless. so, i guess that's their purpose. feelings give life meaning. but they still suck. i'm sticking to my guns on that one. and yet they're awesome.

dammit! i'm so noncommital.

at the very least, they certainly make it extremely difficult to function properly.

well. g'night.

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stinko

:: 2006 24 January :: 11.04am

winter is too long.

and cold.

it's so wierd you wouldn't think that all this snow would make it cold outside. . .

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spud

:: 2006 23 January :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: funny
:: Music: SOAD

funny "ha, ha," or funny like a clown?

yeah. so, last night's escapades were quite unexpected. not unpleasant, by any means, but thoroughly surprising and utterly disorienting.

and the same question i always have for myself... now what?

although it might be the same old question, it's definitely a new twist. very different.

i realize i'm being all cryptic. maybe *gasp* it's because i don't want to broadcast everything to the world. and that's when you say "then why are you typing it in your journal?" and really, it's a fair point. if i don't want you to know, then why am i telling you? it's because i need to at least get it off my chest... regardless of whether it's comprehensible to my audience or not. it's merely self-serving catharsis, okay? sorry, i know i'm a greedy bastard, but there you are.

yeah. i can't really think of much else at the moment. so i don't have much else to say.

although i have to say, this whole situation has had a very positive impact on my relationship with katie. that's really inexpressibly marvelous.

heinous. aww.

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spud

:: 2006 22 January :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: Apathetic
:: Music: Stabby Rip Stab-Stab

i must be emo...

hey guys. good weekend. no, GREAT WEEKEND! die gutes Wochenende.

i went skiing. did my radio show. had girls' night out. had guys' night out. did dishes twice. made french toast. cleaned the kitchen, top to bottom. and didn't do any homework.

what more could a growing college boy ask for?

sex? sure. but why would i, when i could clean the kitchen instead? i mean, seriously.

naw. lots of girl drama in the past week or two. still continuing. no sex though, which is a plus. that would complicate several matters much more than my puny, feeble mind could comprehend / tolerate.

"your head a splode"

oh jah, oh jah!

smile please. the world needs more lerts.

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holiday

:: 2006 21 January :: 1.05pm

Yikes.
Hmm....
Work in 2 hours. :-/ my elbow hurts for some reason.
Oh, driving was so crappy this morning. I got home around 1:30 or so. It took me FOREVER and I took all back-roads cause I didn't want to crash on the expressway again. So scary.
So I watch the news and it was so funny. They were showing a livecam of the s-curve and how bad the roads were. Then they said that it hasn't stopped people in grand rapids from enjoying their night. And they showed this clip of a clerk getting robbed! Whoops. hahaha they go "Oops, we'd like to apologize that was the wrong clip!"
2 papers to write tomorrow then Monday we have a tour of Spectrum Health.
And tonight I get out at midnight or later. whoo!

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