Angel_Bob
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2004 13 April :: 4.25pm
:: Music: Imogen Heap stuck in my head
But there is One when in doubt
I shoved the letter with my Woohu money in the mailbox this morning and I'm assuming it got picked up.
It's probably on its way to the mystery that is the postal service.
Go well, young friend, and have an excellent journey.
So I don't know when Andy will get it but yeah. 23 journals. $46. I paid for everyone on that list I posted a while back, even the people *cough*Jackie*cough* who told me not to pay for them. So, joke's on you. Haha.
That's not that funny...
My day was boring and I fell asleep in my first three hours. I hardly ever fall asleep in school but today I managed to do it.
I wasn't feeling that great but I'm a little better now. I just haven't been getting much sleep or eating enough. That's my excuse anyway.
I still love you all very much.
P.S. I have a few more entries before I reach 1000. That's sort of sad. I've only had this journal for a bit over a year. One... thousand. Wow.
I'll have to make that entry special somehow.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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cradleofilth
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2004 12 April :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: Beautiful- HIM
yeah, i updated the layout again...feh, lol
well anyways, i think today was odd but good. I finally got to talk to Frans again, i havnt talked to him in almost 3 days ^^ i was soo happy^^ i love him soo much^^ our 1st month anniversary is coming up^^. I talked to bunny today, she dyed her hair again and her boyfriend was over when i called, i dont know him too well, but as long as shes happy im ok with it. i just noticed i know a lot of joes >.>
theres joe B ( bunnys lover)
joey (guard friend)
joey (school kid i know)
joe (another school kid i know)
and of course theres me, joe A ( the A part is an odd story...it goes along with joe B)
well anywhos....i got bored today so i went and downloaded an orlando bloom aim theme....its kinda neat lookin^^ i got in a wierd mood today and took the easter bunny costume, that my mom took home from work, and i put it on and wore it, it looked soo funny...i took the head off and pulled the chest of the bunny costume over my head and made it look like i was like a headless bunny^_^ it was sooo funny.
i also talked to kalyanee today, we watched t.v. for a lil bit than her phone cut off...and she never called meh back, but i guess its ok, i'll talk to her at school. I have french tommorow...oh fun -.- im really good in that class, but some of the kids in there like live to annoy me, and than i have Language Arts the wonderful class with the teacher who happens to steal my most personal notes....right now He knows im gay, and wonderful things about my ex...feh..well i really dont care that he knows, no matter to me..because right now, im in a really good mood, and no one can bring meh down.
I have guard practice once again on wednesday, we're sooooo gonna get yelled at, because i think i was the only one who practiced, but what can they expect? its been 2 weeks without a guard practice.....they should expect us all to be a lil rusty..
well i guess im off to go find something to do.... i'll update this again tommorow maybe,
im out
Joe
yeah i got bored..lol...so i added that in..
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 12 April :: 6.41pm
:: Music: Imogen Heap
A promise is a promise. I know.
Today was the first day back from break and I'm not at all surprised to say that I missed it a lot.
I dressed up all pretty for all of my friends because I missed seeing them.
Not much happened. It's just the same old thing, day by day.
Time seems to be flying by now that I want it to stop. We only have about 7 weeks of school left. That's counting exams and those days we get off in there somewhere.
I want school to last longer. I don't know why. I just have a feeling of dread toward the impending summer. I'm taking the ACT in June and I'll probably have a job too. Katie will be gone all summer. We still need to design and make our duct tape dresses for next year. Jackie's graduating this year. We're going to be seniors...
It's all scary. And fast. Too fast.
Time never seems to travel at the speed you want it to.
Yeah over there stands my angry angel
And she's frowning like hell
But I'm not feeling guilty
Cuz I don't care
I love you all.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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cradleofilth
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2004 12 April :: 2.34pm
:: Mood: bored
weee i took a long survey
1. Nicknames: joe, jojo, shmoejo, yomihura, big blue, joeayyy,
2. Birthdate: 12/20
3. Sex: male
4. Social Security No: I don’t know..
5. Where do u live: cape coral
6. What school do you attend?: Trafalgar middle
7. Siblings and their ages: cindy(15)
8. Zodiac Sign: saggitarius
9. Righty or Lefty: lefty
*********YOUR LOOKS*********
10. Hair color: Brownish blackish
11. Eye Color: Blue
12. height: 5'8”?
13. Do you wear contacts or glasses: none
14. Do you have any piercing: nopes
15. Where do you want more if you do: eyebrow, maybe lip.. and left ear
16. Do you have a tattoo: nope
17. If so what and where: --
18. What kind of shoes do you wear: sneakers
*****************JUST LATELY********************
20. How are you today: umm kinda tired-ish?
21. what pants are you wearing right now? green jean-ish pants
22. what shirt are you wearing right now? grey ck shirt
23. what underwear are you wearing? White red and black boxers
24. what does your hair look like at the moment? odd...
25. what song are you listening to right now? T.A.T.U- not gonna get us
26. what was the last thing you ate? Lunch - - chicken thingy
27. how is the weather right now? rainy-ish
28. last person you talked to on the phone: Um.. alexa?
29. last dream you can remember: one of the ones about Frans ^^
30. who are you talking to right now: Frans, and stephanie
31. what time is it? 2:36 PM
*****************MORE ABOUT YOU!*****************
32. What are the last four digits of you phone #? 7024
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you want to be? erm....baby blue?
34. Have you ever almost died? maybe..i dunno
35. Do you like the person that sent you this? I stole it from another journal..
36. How do you eat an Oreo?: Twist. Lick. Bite. Chew. Repeat.
37. what makes you happy? hehe..Frans and my bestest friends
38. What is the next CD your going to buy? Uhhh.. money?
39. What is the best advice ever given to you?: "watch out"
40. Have you ever won a special award? I dun think so..
41. What are your future goals? Umm.. get married and move outta meh house
42. Do you like to dance? umm
43. Worst sickness you ever had? the flu..
44. what's the stupidest thing you have ever done? Hahaha.. you really think I keep track of all of them?
45. what's your favorite memory? Many
46. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? my looks i guess..
47. where do you shop the most? The mall
48. How many kids do you want to have? Um..it depends on how many my future hubby and i wanna adopt
49. Son's name? i dunno
50. Daughter's? i dunno..
51. Do you do drugs? Nope
52. Do you drink? Eh.. once in a while
53. What sport do you dislike the most? golf?
54. What are you most afraid of? Being forgotten or left behind.
55. how many TV's do you have in your house? 4?
56. Do you have your own phone line? nopes
57. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yes :D
58. Who do you dream about? Frans ^^
59. Who do you tell your dreams to? not many people wanna hear em
60. who's the loudest friend you have? alexa, stephanie and me..lol
61. Who's the quietest friend? I don’t really have a lot of those
62: Whos you best freind? alexa
*****************JUST QUESTIONS****************
63. Is cheerleading a sport? yep
64. how many licks does it take to get to the center? Why don’t you try?
65. which came first, the chicken or the egg? I could never understand that..
**************** YOU AND LOVE**********************
66. Do you believe in love? yep
67. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? yep
68. Do you have a crush? theres certain guys who i think are cute....but im happy with my lover
69. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes I do
70: Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Beachy place..like hawaii^^
71. What song do you want played at your wedding? come with me by special d
72: What's the 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex? erm..
73. Longest crush: feh..
74. Are you too shy to ask someone out? sometimes..
75. Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with? Frans^^
76. Do you find yourself attractive? Not so much.
77. Do you find others attractive? yep..
******************WHICH ONES WORSE***************
78. Making out with Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie? Rob Zombie
79. Having your tonsils or appendix removed: What's with the appendix and tonsils? I’d rather not have anything removed thank you..
******for girls abour guys (im a guy who likes guys so ha!) ********
i dont like girls in a sexual way so im only fillin out this one ^^
80. Boxers or Briefs? dont matter ^^
81. Long or short hair? All depends
82. Curly or straight? Also.. Depends
83. Six pack or muscular arms? Both..
84. Good or bad guys? A mixture of the two
85. Hat or not Hat? No hat.. maybe hat tho
86. Ears pierced or not? I like piercing
87. Tan or fair? -ish
88. Dimples? Sure why not
89. Stubble or neatly shaven? Sometimes a little stubble cant hurt.
90. Rugged or sporty? either or
91. Studly or cutie? Both
92. Accent or no accent? i love meh lovers accent! ^^
93. Glasses? dependa
94. Smart or dumb? Smart
95. What sport would he play? Dun matter
*******PICK ONE: THIS OR THAT?************************
118. Lights on/off? Off
119. Do u like sun or rain? sun
120. Mickey D's or BK? bk
121. Do u like scary or happy movies better? Scary
122. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? Nsync
123. On the phone or in person? Person
124. Paper or plastic? Paper
125. Sausage or pepperoni? Both
126. Summer or winter? Winter
127. Root beer or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper
128. Glass half full or half empty? Full
129. Tape or DVD? DvD
130. Cats or dogs? kittys!
131. Mud or Jell-O? Mud? Who eats mud?
132. Vanilla or Chocolate? chocolate
134. Day or Night? Night
135. Cake or pie? cake
136. Silver or gold? Silver
137. Diamond or pearl: Diamond
138. sunset or sunrise: Sunset -
*******************YOUR FAVS*********************
139. Color: blue, red, green
140. Food? i like a lot of foods..
141. Fast Food: Wendys
142. Candy? All
143. Ice Cream Flavor? chocolate chip cookie dough^^
144. Sport to watch? colorguard?
145. Fav type of music: All kinds
146. Radio Station: I dun know
147. Song: Dun feel like typing them
148. Band: Ditto
149 Number: 7
150. Fav actor or actress? orlando bloom, johnny depp^^
151. Fav. Month? january, august, december
152. Store? Dunno
153. TV Show? dunno..
154. Scent? i have quite a few..
155. Teacher? Ms. russell
156. Board Game: Clue
157 Saying? You Like It!
****************HAVE YOU EVER********************
158. Loved somebody soooo much it makes you cry? Maybe.
159. Smoked? Nup
160. Drank? yeah
161. Ever gotten dumped? Uh huh
162. Broke the law? nope
163. Ran from the cops? Nope
164. Stole something? nope
165. Tried to kill yourself? No
166. Made yourself throw up? nope
167. Been in love? yep
168. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Of course
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Angel_Bob
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2004 12 April :: 6.16am
Happy birthday, Amelia!
I love you.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: confused
this is weird...er....
battlestarre: neil.
battlestarre: how much do you miss stef.
battlestarre: ?
battlestarre: like is it only a friendy kinda miss...
battlestarre: or do you miss being so incredibly close to her
battlestarre: ?
HammeTrucci: actually, i dont really miss her that much
battlestarre: oh.
HammeTrucci: yeah, i miss my old group sometimes
battlestarre: but just a friendy kinda miss...thas different
HammeTrucci: but like, i have new friends now
battlestarre: yea.
HammeTrucci: yeah, i miss hangin out with them
HammeTrucci: not really the connection
battlestarre: oh. okay.
HammeTrucci: the only one i really miss is ben
HammeTrucci: he was my best friend
battlestarre: okie.
HammeTrucci: yeah, how come u asked?
battlestarre: um....cuz
HammeTrucci: ok, its all good if you're curious
battlestarre: not that
battlestarre: cuz...its kinda weird telling you, although i have no issue saying so other than your possibly jealous reaction
HammeTrucci: i think the best thing about our relationship is how we can talk about things
battlestarre: i totally dont wanna upset you
HammeTrucci: itskinda weird telling me what?
HammeTrucci: im kinda confused now
HammeTrucci: sorry
battlestarre: cuz.
battlestarre: okie ... well...the reason i asked is cuz ...
battlestarre: i miss hul....and its weird because its not the same kinda miss that i miss spencer, which is a friendy miss...
battlestarre: i miss him the same way, although not as much as i did you when i left.
battlestarre: and its more long term..
battlestarre: and i dont wanna tell you cuz hes your friend and its weird
HammeTrucci: that's understandable
HammeTrucci: its ok babe
HammeTrucci: he was your first real boyfriend right?
battlestarre: yea i guess.
battlestarre: but i was his too....well girlfriend...
HammeTrucci: yeah
battlestarre: and he doesnt really get it.
HammeTrucci: so there is always gonna be a connection between you twwo
battlestarre: but it makes me nervous.
battlestarre: cuz hes your friend
battlestarre: doesnt that bother you at all.
battlestarre: ????/
HammeTrucci: its kinda weird but it bothers me less because ive known him for a long time
battlestarre: that would make it weirder for me
battlestarre: i think id rather not know stef if you did have a slight attraction to her than know her...
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 11.05pm
im sorry if you havent had a bf...maybe youll still know what im talking about...
i miss hul so much...and its not the same kinda miss as a friend...cuz i miss spencer in a friendy kind of way...its the same kinda miss i missed neil with when i was gone, only not so powerful...
and he knows what i mean...only i dont know if he really does......erm......
battlestarre: hul i have a personal question for you
personofthasun00: ooo fun
battlestarre: you dont have to answer, obviously
battlestarre: lol
personofthasun00: obviously
battlestarre: once youve broken up wtih a girl, do you miss them?
personofthasun00: in certain ways
personofthasun00: but i think you meant to ask that to wender
battlestarre: no, i totally meant it to you
personofthasun00: oh
personofthasun00: okay
battlestarre: do you look at them and go...man i remember why i liked her so much...
battlestarre: and almost start liking them again?>
personofthasun00: kinda not really
battlestarre: ::sigh::
battlestarre: im hopeless
personofthasun00: you're hopeless?
battlestarre: yes.
battlestarre: do you want to know why?
personofthasun00: i suppose your going to tell me
battlestarre: only if you want to know...if you have no intrest, ill make neil listen...lol im kidding
personofthasun00: tell me
battlestarre: okie
battlestarre: because when i hang out with you...i am like wow...he's such a sweetheart...and like i almost wish that it had gone longer, just because i would like to see what it would turn out to be like...and like i love neil and all...dont get me wrong, im not about to break up with him because old feelings come back, but its just confusing and i was sort of wondering if youve had the same about stacey or me
battlestarre: cuz i guess i was wondering if its normal
battlestarre: its hard to talk to neil about it; he can only bring up stef and it makes me jealous
personofthasun00: yeah ive had thoughts like that
personofthasun00: stef?
personofthasun00: thats weird
personofthasun00: but yeah its normal
battlestarre: ::sigh::
personofthasun00: sigh indeed
personofthasun00: its just cause we dont hang out anymore
battlestarre: i feel kinda um....not loyal...i cant remember the word
personofthasun00: well as much as we used to anyways
battlestarre: no...its not..its every time i see you
battlestarre: so youre saying its just cuz i miss hanging out with you?
battlestarre: then how come i dont miss spencer? i used to hang out with him lots too
battlestarre: like i do, but not the same way
personofthasun00: u did?
battlestarre: yea.
battlestarre: i always used to talk to him online and stuff too...
personofthasun00: i dunno
battlestarre: its just weird...oh well...i wont bother you with it anymore...probably's kinda uncomfortable
personofthasun00: well everyone kinda seems to be goin their own ways
battlestarre: yea, of course...thats the way it always goes...specially since you guys'll all be shipping off soon...::sigh::
personofthasun00: its not that uncomfortable cuz your cool bout it
battlestarre: i wanna hang out with you all so bad but if i do i dont wanna miss you more than i already will
personofthasun00: weird
battlestarre: that uncomfortable...lol
personofthasun00: whatever
personofthasun00: i find its best to bottle emotions up inside
personofthasun00: and let them all out when you are forty
personofthasun00: serenity now
personofthasun00: haha
personofthasun00: i know ill just start being a jackass
personofthasun00: i just cant help being so hot
personofthasun00: haha jk
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Lavitz1985
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2004 11 April :: 7.35pm
Due to me being nice and giving Andy money 6 months ago... I get to keep this account. I guess I should use it eh?
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cradleofilth
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2004 11 April :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: bouncy
Happy Easter^^
well its easter, and i got a whole pile of candy^^ im happy,
though i was stuck at church all day ( feh..) and i wish Frans was on, i love him sooo much and i want to talk to him. *thinks* maybe i should go out and get a international phone card *nod nod* that might work ^^; than i can call him and speakie to my lover.
im off school tommorow *sigh of relief* the only reason why i kinda like going to school is to talk to my friends. Im really gonna miss some of them next year, feh, chances are im gonna cry or somethin like that on the last day...im so emotional sometimes..but than again i cant wait til high school because it means that i can drive soon, and all that good stuff^^;
well i told another one of my friends i was gay today.....she found it cute for some odd reason, and wants me to be her best gay friend and go shopping with her.....i dont mind that really*nod nod* i like to shop ^.^ though i want to be just a normal friend, i dont see why my sexuality really matters in becoming a best friend...but i dunno, i'm not gonna dwell on it...though she made me think about something...she was asking me about why i keep being gay such a secret, and why dont i tell more people...i really should but im kinda afraid....because of all the junk that happened about robert telling people he's bi, i dont wanna end up hurt that much emotionally like that. I just dont think i could put up with it, roberts strong when it comes to taking insults and things, i cant stand being called those things really, it makes me angry and sometimes even feel like cryin. I really should set the record straight and come out with everyone....i mean i think the whole school thinks im bi, because of awhile back, when i thought i was..but now im fully gay....and i dunno...i just freeze up when i tell people things like that, i dunno why. Im just very weak emotionally i guess....
Robert. if you read this, i want you to know that you did something i could never have the strength to do. I hope you have the best of luck finding a guy or girl.
And Frans, i want you to know, theres not a day when i dont think about you. i felt soo bad that i could talk to you today, on easter, i need to somehow make this up to you.i love the card you sent, it was soo sweet ^^. i cant wait til im old enough to get outta here and be with you. i love you soooooo much. i was going to call you today, but it was too late when i finally got the phone card and everything. :sniffle: i dont like that 6 hour time difference >.<
well im off to bed to think about all these things on my mind.
byes all,
Joe
I love ya Frans ^^
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 11 April :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: disney
its weird...my toenail is bruised....like purple...but it doesnt hurt.....
oh well...
~The only way to get what you want is to become a human yourself...
*can you do that?
~my dear, sweet child...thats what i do...its what i live for...to help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself...poor souls with no one else to turn to...
I admit that in the past ive been a nasty
they werent kidding when they called me well, a witch
but youll find that nowadays, ive mended all my ways
repented, seen the light and made the switch,
true? yes.
and i fortunatly know a little magic,
its a talent that i always have possessed,
and dear lady, please dont laugh,
i use it on behalf of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed
pathetic...
Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need
this one longing to be thin and that one wants to get the girl and do i help them?
yes indeed.
Those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true
they come flocking to my cauldron,
crying spells that they need,
and i help them, yes i do.
Now its happened once or twice,
someone couldnt pay the price...
and im afraid i had to rake 'em 'cross the coals,
yes, ive had the odd complaint,
but on the whole ive been a saint
to those poor unfortunate souls!!
~now have we got a deal
*if i become human, ill never be with my father or sisters again...
~but...youll have your man...life's full of tough choices, i'nt it?
Oh! and there is one last thing...we havent discussed the subject of paym-
*but i dont have any-
~im not asking much, just a token, merely trifle...what i want from you is...your voice...
*but without my voice, how can i-?
~you'll have your looks, your pretty face...and dont under estimate the importance of....body language...ha!
the men up there dont like a lot of blabber...
they think a girl who gossips is a bore
yes, on land its much preferred
for ladies not to say a word
after all, what is idle prattle for?
com'on they're not all that impressed with conversation,
true gentlemen avoid when they can
but they dote and swoon and fawn
on a lady who's withdrawn
its's she who holds her tongue who gets her man
com'on you poor unfortunate soul
go ahead, make your choice,
im a very busy woman and i havent got all day
it wont cost much, just your voice
ya poor unfortunate soul
its sad but true:
if you want to cross a bridge my sweet
you've got to pay the toll
take a gulp and take a breath
go ahead and sign the scroll
flotsam, jetsom, now i got her boys
the boss is on a roll!
these poor unfortunate souls!!!!!!!
(crazy spell here...)
...the winds of the caspian sea!!
la voche to me!
~now sing!
*(sings)
~keep singing
*(sings more)
::pretty music::
2 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 11 April :: 3.13pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Halo Theme
73|-| |\/|4\/\/
My little brother and I just beat Halo The Fucking Maw on Legendary.
Happy?
w00t!
Oh yeah, stop the lie.
Read more..
11 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 11 April :: 1.20am
:: Mood: upset
I...
Where would you be without me?
I don't think I'm much help at all.
And that's all I can do: help.
I can't do anything else.
It seems like I'm failing.
Where would you be?
I'm sorry...
...happy Easter...
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 10 April :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: speculative
Easter eve...
I hung out with Brett Bretterson and Lil Ben today. I had fun.
We met at Parkside. Then we went up to Brett's house.
We all sat on his bed; I unzipped their pants a couple times and took the straps off of Ben's pants. I hooked one strap from his pants to me and the other from him to Brett. Then Brett and I used my belt to hook us together.
It was fun. We watched Excel Saga!
Lil Ben had to go home by some...time... so we headed back downtown.
Brett and I wandered around downtown before freezing to death and sitting in his car talking and unzipping his pants repeatedly.
Overall, I had a lot of fun and am officially sick of being antisocial.
We just hid our Easter eggs. I made one that looks sort of creepy. I'm going to take the shell off of it and keep it.
Oh! I have stamps a la Brett so I will mail the money on Monday.
I have enough for two more journals if anyone still needs help to pay for their journal(s).
I love you all.
8 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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cradleofilth
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2004 10 April :: 11.10am
:: Music: Salt in our wounds-HIM
hey!
well i finally updated my journal, things have been pretty good^^ i went to the movies with mojo yesterday, we saw home on the range....my god...never again >.> but it was nice to get outta this prison called home and hang out with one of my bestest friends.
disregard all the dumb things i posted in the previous posts about being mad at people and wanting to kill someone...because all is good now, i got a bf, schools not too bad, my friends are all doing good, im just happy ^^ though theres been some problems with a certain few friends of mine, but im pretty sure its all good now.
I got to hear my bf's voice a few weeks ago, he called me all the way from holland, i love him soooo much^^ and his voice is soo cute. I love ya Frans! ^^
i went to the mall and got easter piccies a few days ago cause my mom works there, i almost like knocked out the bunny with my rings, lol.
X-treme rocks! we got 1st place in our lake howell competition with a score of 66.7! woo!
and at the championships we got 5th but we still did really good, we got a score of 71 point somethin.. which it like 40 points higher than our score in the beginning^^ I love guard^^
well anywhos im outta here for now, i'll update laters,
Joe
I <3 Frans 4~~~>
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 April :: 10.57pm
Okay, listen. To everyone in our little group thing: don't pay for your journals, I will.
These people include:
Me x 4
Katie x 3
Tom x 2
Ben x 2
Nick
Kelly
Brett
Kyle x 2
Jackie
Matador
Tracey
Lil Ben
bunnyblood2
Homsar
seaofsorrow
im-sorry
If your name was on the list and you already sent in your money, tell me. I can pay for two one two one more journals if someone still cannot pay. I am all out of money when it comes to paying for anyone else. If you really really need help paying, I can probably get 2 more dollars.
Sorry.
Oh, by the way, there's no way you're objecting to my paying for you. I'm grabbing a stamp tomorrow and mailing it hopefully tomorrow or Monday. I have the money and I don't need it. I owe you all a lot more than $2 worth of a journal but that's all I can do for now. I want to do this so please don't object. I want to do this for you. Call it a really early end of the year gift if you have to.
I love you all very much.
39 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 April :: 9.27pm
I am quite the baka pathetic loser and I apologize.
"The belief that each person has an identical 'twin' somewhere, though they are unrelated, is a very ancient one. Sometimes the Doppelgänger is the direct opposite personality of the real person; a very nice person will have an evil Doppelgänger and vice-versa. Legend says that if the two should meet, they will both die."
I start to wonder if there truly is such a thing as a doppelgänger. (I think of strange things when I'm playing DDR because you can't think about playing it) Is there truly someone out there just like me? My exact double? But we're all different right? Every single one of us.
Still, it's interesting to think. Maybe we all have a personality doppelgänger. Like Katie says the person she's staying with in Germany sounds just like me. And Fire Sandwich's sister is just like me.
I don't know why I brought this up...
Anyway, there's some legend thing that if you want to know who is going to pass away during the year, you have to stand near a church door on the evening of April 24th. The doppelgängers (can I pluralize it like that?) of all the people who are going to die will enter the church at midnight.
I don't see how you decide which church or how the doppelgängers choose but that'd be an interesting thing to do.
Well hm. I'll try it someday mayhaps. The 24th is a Saturday this year.
I love you all.
4 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 April :: 6.15pm
"Life is as beautiful as a wild rose, with plenty of thorns, but still rather enjoyable and indisputably beauteous..."
Once as a child he had sat upon a yellow dune by the sea in the middle of the blue and hot summer day, trying to fill a sieve with sand, because some cruel cousin had said, “Fill this sieve and you'll get a dime!” And the faster he poured, the faster it sifted through with a hot whispering. His hands were tired, the sand was boiling, the sieve was empty. Seated there in the midst of July, without a sound, he felt the tears move down his cheeks.
"Then you don't care any more?"
"I care so much I'm sick."
"I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough, it'll make sense."
"We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren't happy. Something's missing."
"Books were only one type of receptacle where we stored a lot of things we were afraid we might forget. There is nothing magical in them, at all. The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us."
"That's the good part of dying; when you've got nothing to lose, you run any risk you want."
I've started reading Fahrenheit 451. It's the first time I've read it. I like it.
I love you all.
9 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 April :: 2.50pm
:: Mood: hopeful
I wrote this really nice long entry with this beautiful poem.
Then I accidentally refreshed the page.
That was around noon. I'm still quite ticked. It was the best poem ever. Usually I copy my entries before I enter them. I was about to but I made a mistake so I pressed ctrl+z. I pressed it too much and was trying to figure out how to redo when I pressed ctrl+r.
I wish there was a way to make it come back. It was the best poem I've ever written.
I keep hoping that it'll magically appear.
I knew I should've put a key logger on the laptop.
Sigh. I'm going to go hope some more.
I love you.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 9 April :: 2.12am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: perfect circle
okie i have a creative writing project that i got today and i couldnt wait to write. i have to take a picture (i like this one) and use it as inspiration for a story, using the quote that goes along with the piece. this is my story.
“Mother?” she only sobbed. “Mother, what is the matter?” Her lack of an answer made the girl look down in shame at her skirt, which was covered in dirt because of her pondering hours in the woods. She knew exactly what had happened. It had been going on for months, or at least this horrible. Actually, she could remember back to the second grade when she’d cover her ears and scream so she could have her own peace. The yelling only added to the noise she had always attempted to avoid, as the girl enjoyed a kind silence, such as that which hid deep in the woods, where she took refuge frequently. She wanted to hug her mother, whether she was dirty or not, but the bent figure was tough and she was cautious of it. The woman was not generally violent, nor did she upset easily, and so the girl did not know how to comfort her. She sat in the chair, watching the tears stream and the red blotches grow, listening to the quick inhales and sobs, which, apparently, had begun quite a while before she arrived.
Later, after the crying had ceased, she embraced her mother around her middle with love. She ran to the center of Mulberry Forest, feeling the wind rush through her hair and pull back her clothes, allowing the grass and sticks to whip her hands and bare legs. The wind died once the trees became denser, and she slowed as a result of the abundance of fallen branches and broken trunks. The forest floor was covered in colours brilliant enough to see for miles. The damp leaves peeked through dying grasses and protected rocks from little girls who wished for a seat. She shoved off the reds and yellows, exposing a hard slate-coloured stone. She threw herself upon it and cried into her hands, tolerating the itch of the salty tears that ran down her arms and onto her knees. What did she want? If he left, they would have to scrounge for money, as her mother only kept her own house and cared for her own child. But would he stay and continue to torment the lives of those he insisted he loved. She made up her mind that he should die-although harsh and critical, it was best. They would inherit his money and visit kindly to his grave.
For weeks, the ten-year-old sat in the old apple tree, watching blue turn to pink and slowly fade to black. She pretended the tree was her castle, and she watched over the kingdom until she no longer could. She would slowly walk home, only to find her mother slamming pots in the sink, with a drink in hand, or asleep on the couch in the living room. One night, the girl gently woke her, and the women slapped the child for the disruption. Now the only possible companion had abandoned her, and she watched the window for her father until she fell asleep. She truly did love him, although the combination of her parents was like that of orange juice and milk. The lactose counteracts the effects of the acidic juice and the two cause quite the stomachache. She supposed they got along once, because they appear to be happy in the adorable wedding picture that sat on her dresser. Every night, she stared at the picture, pondering a once peaceful childhood, and wondering if the day she married would be horrible or wonderful.
Months passed, and the girl didn’t notice. Every moment was an oblivious observation of the world. She spent the entire week in her dream world sometimes, ignoring her mother’s drunken threats and blocking out the neglect she knew she lived in. Dinner became apples until winter, when she would tramp through the snow, playing that she was a wolf attempting to bring her pups fresh meat. Soon spring came and shades of red, blue, and purple decorated the newly green bushes that lined the fences. She snacked on them, imagining their use as dye in the days when Indians roamed the way she did constantly.
Her rock became worn with everyday use, and it now represented a nicely crafted simpleton chair. She stared at the damp ground, and slowly arranged her eyes upon the carelessly placed bushes. It appeared to be a fat man, she thought; one who comes from the south, with a bushy moustache and funny sombrero. She giggled at the funny image, and part of the belt began to move. “Oh, his pants will fall for sure!” She moved closer to find the buckle had only been two small caterpillars, green with yellow spots. Their chubby bodies moved slow, beginning with the first four legs, and following rhythmically in fours, the other eight legs. The bodies scrunched and straightened repeatedly, moving onto her gentle hand, from which she observed the spots carefully. She sat with them in the kind silence for a moment before she spoke.
“You will not yell at me. You can be my friends.”
Scrunch. Tiny steps. Scrunch.
“You with the black bottom can be Oscar. And you can be Alphonse, unless of course, either of you disagree.”
Their only response was to squish and fix their bodies as if they were accordions playing a slow, melodramatic ballad. The girl began to tell them all of her feelings. She could cry and tell someone as they explored the length of her arm and overcame the mountains of her skirt’s folds. For two weeks, she kept Oscar and Alphonse in a cup with the Holy Bible to hold them in on her dresser next to the wedding picture. She would take them to the woods, allowing them to munch varieties of grasses and leaves on a snuggly, warm piece of polyester. Summer would come soon, and she anticipated the warm sun’s rays. She could hardly contain her excitement for when she could talk to her new, patient friends in a place and light where they could only reflect and magnify the brilliance of the summer.
One day, on the way home from the forest, she stopped, watching them intently. She realized that they would soon be curling up in their cocoons, and emerging as magnificent butterflies. She knew it was time to send them back. The caterpillars softly wiggled in her hand, spelling out “goodbye”. They were leaving her as quickly as her father had, and as her childhood would be. She didn’t mind their absence, though. Their change was natural, as hers would be, and they cared enough to say goodbye to the confidant. She walked home, and returned to the forest before dawn, and began to watch the black turn to pink to blue in kind silence.
tell me what you think please...
11 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 9 April :: 2.05am
Demon baby
I still have the foot and the nails.
Can you believe that?
More than half of you don't know what I'm talking about.
Ah the memories that come flooding back at two in the morning...
I love you all.
7 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 8 April :: 7.05pm
Okay, Andy's big announcement is up to 209 comments. Who the hell cares?
Which means Ben's comment-train is falling a bit behind with only 192 comments.
So go there and start posting. I don't care what, you should know the rules. We can't let those stupid complaining teenagers beat our boring train.
I love you all.
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Angel_Bob
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2004 8 April :: 5.03pm
DDR
I got a C B on a 6 foot song!! Woo! Well, it was Sandstorm on Standard but it counts to me! 6 feet yeah!
I can get B's and C's on almost all 5 footers and B's on all 4 footers!
I am 73h r0x0rz!
13 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 8 April :: 1.18pm
Why run from something you love?
I'm in a demon baby mood...
Did anyone ever take pictures of it? I know Mr. Wilt told Katie and I to take pictures of it when it was in the tree but does anyone else have pictures?
I'm going to have to find my demon baby box now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world is full of bloomabilities.
"There's all sorts of reasons why things break. The important thing is to fix them."
It's up hill
Both ways
Tomorrow I swear
I won't act this way
And I know it seems like
That is what I always say
I love you all.
6 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 8 April :: 12.44am
I know who I am...
I posted Sleeping with a Can of Peaches on fictionpress just now.
I didn't change anything. I wanted it to be exactly as it was at the edge of sleep.
"My friend Nick was curled up on the floor the other day 'sleeping with a can of peaches'. It made me realize that I, too, am sleeping with something hidden inside. I might just be a can of peaches."
Oh, here it is. All my poetry on there is angst...
I'm sorry that I've been hiding. I'm going to move. I've tried but I can't hide forever. I can't keep on trying anymore either. Tom was right and Nick was right. I have to do.
I'm going to be better. I'm going to be happy.
I love you all.
[edit 1:25]
My journal is slick. Or neato. Or mint.
5 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 10.39pm
Moneys and Woohu.
Okay, I have $26 so I can pay for 9 journals other than mine.
So if you can't pay, or don't want to, I'd be happy to pay for yours.
I love you all.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 7 April :: 10.25pm
prom
i was upset and neil was over so i started telling him (it was more myself, to comfort myself) the story in Ella Enchanted, which, as most of you know, is a cinderella story. i got so far, describing every detail i could remember, as the ball. At this point, i noticed how bright and beautiful the full moon was and for a few moments, we spoke of it.
then he said, "speaking of balls, would my princess like to go to prom with me?"
i hate this year.
i want it to keep going so badly though.
prom means the year is almost over.
which means there are only four months until half of my better friends will leave for college.
::sigh::
g'night.
neils here.
3 See through my crystal fearsXD |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 7 April :: 9.32pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: perfect circle- "disappear"
hate.
they say hate is a powerful word. the same can be said of love. love is used to describe family, those who care for you and surround you in the same noun. it is used to explain relationships between those friends whom stand by your side in times of hardship, and for significant others throughout your lifetime whom squeeze all the pain away with their acceptance and tolerance.
if you asked a child to tell you what hate is, they would simply tell you that they hate the little boy who took his or her fruit snacks at lunch that day. if you ask a corporate manager, he would tell you he hates traffic and late employees. Ask a teenager, and you cannot begin to guess what one would say. some would tell of those who have permanatly damaged them, whether mentally, physically, or psychologically. Another may describe an incident in which trust was established and betrayed. But a definition one can never forget is that of childhood sculpting.
there are stories and movies frequently about a child who's been tossed between foster homes after being abandoned carelessly by birth parents (white oleander). Some grow up in the midst of drug addicted and/or dealing parents (blow; riding in cars with boys). those children and a few other cases, are those who grow up independent, worrying if other people are okay, because they know what it is like to be forgotten. they could survive in almost any situation. But so could other children.
Abuse shelters are common nowadays as a result of the abuse throughout american, and many other nations', homes. Not only verbal and bruising, but sexual as well. Women who stay in these homes have the option to leave, whether they allow themselves to believe it or not. Children, on the other hand, grow up esteemless, not knowing if the boundries are the same everywhere as they were at home. This is the most typical abuse and can often result in self destruction. Several of the psychological weaknesses stem from such abuses, although they do also begin with neglect.
walking into most houses for the first time, you couldnt point out the spot where the man knocked his wife to the floor, or discover evidence of a daughters struggle to restrain him from futher abuse. You couldn't discover the tiny shards of glass from angry fists. it'd be difficult to detect the signs of an uncles fingers unappropiatly on his neice when you lay down to sleep in that very same bed. the murder that occured in his sleep ten years ago is invisible to all who suggest such. the smell of alcohol and cocaine has been covered by deoderizing ingredients, and one would never know.
i cannot tell you that i have been raped, or sexually abused, because i havent. i couldnt really say i have been hit, although i have, but it's rare and only by arms weakened by drunken dizziness. and anyway, i have grown stronger. everyone has at one time or another been told they could not achieve what they would like, or been let down by a friend, and so i could tell you that it has happened to me.
but of the expiriences that i have, most things hurt, but strengthen. that "sticks and stones may break your bones", and so it is true, but they couldnt possibly break your heart. they would not destroy your sanity, only possibly your brains functions. "but words will never hurt you". The most untrue cliche i have ever heard. words not only begin and end wars, but they echo through houses where they begin a deterioration of ones developing brain.
i remember being about twelve years old and being so excited to tell my parents i wanted to be an actress, just like all the ones i saw on TV. my mother smiled and told me it was a good aspiration...but i knew she didnt really notice what i had suggested with enthusiasm, because her eyes had not left the screen of the tv, and her hand remained on her cigarette. i chattered on for a minute, just as any talkative child would, and her hand would raise, with puffs of smoke escaping her young, but wrinkled lips. Her hand would change frequently to the fat yellow plastic cup in which sat two ice cubes and cheap wine from a box.
Upon telling my dad the same yearning, he replied, "oh, wonderful, my daughters going to end up on a street corner". He brought down all my dreams though, which was a lot for someone who was rarely home. i told him of my dog bisquit business, which actually did succeed for a month, and he told me i was being ridiculous.
my mother had always been a mother, which is more than some can say. whether she was a good mother or not is up to one's own discretion. She was not the type to sled with me and the only memory i have of her playing with me is when she taught me to ride a bike, which ended in her talking to the neighbour and me teaching myself. Independence.
My father's participation in my life was more so than my brother's i suppose, but less joyful. He was a race car driver in both of our younger lives and although he rarely saw him, was kind to my brother. i was too young to remember most of the life, but appeared at the track frequently as well. he began his own business, which allowed him to come home at seven or so. life was never good with my dad. He played the good guy. he'd make the same complaints about my mum as i would have, and i didnt see much of the bad side of him...until one particular day, in which i realised my dad wasnt a sweet guy. my brother hugged me in his room, trying to protect me from the screaming and harm that came to either parent. it became something to me and to my mother once my brother moved out. his distructive words always told us we would amount to nothing, although he knew only the biggest happenings in our lives. our success is all that he would care about achieving, and our failures or lack of success would make him ballistic. he told me recently "i'm not listening to you until you get your grades up" he deemed my speech unintellegent unless homework proved me so. i replied that i, too, would not listen to him until he made more money, because as my effort was not enough for him, his sighs and complaints of troubles at the shop did not qualify for success. honestly, i didnt really care, but the perspective is what i was going for.
one thing i have learned from a negative society is that no matter how many compliments are issued, the horrible failures stay in your mind. your own failures are not as destructive as those who you love's ability to point them out in the most hurtful ways.
All pain is significant in our lives. it determines how the straight line is bent to get to our destinations. it molds our personalities into something that others can relate to, no matter the reason. sadly, the thing that manages companionship also derives from it.
::sigh::
...im done...
neils supposed to come over.
i miss him.
yes already.
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Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 8.46pm
C'est toujours toi.
It's always you.
Always.
I love you.
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Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 3.24pm
Ha.
We didn't change, we grew up...
I have a lot of tests to pass right now. I'm going to try to ace every single one of them.
I love you.
1 See through my crystal fears |
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Angel_Bob
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2004 7 April :: 2.58pm
:: Mood: calm
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God...
I need to fall asleep earlier.
My neck hurts and I have a killer headache.
But I can never fall asleep until 4.
So. I have a problem that I've been attempting to avoid forever.
But for some reason, I can't escape the past and I can't hide from the future.
Josh IMed me last night and asked me to forgive him. He kept saying he was full of guilt and hoping God could forgive him for what he did.
Josh, my anti-religion half-brother, was sobbing and asking God and me to forgive him...
I forgave him a long time ago but I forgave him a thousand times last night.
He told his mom and went to see a counselor today.
So now, I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I'm not bothered by the past. It's past. It's gone.
I prayed really really hard last night so right now I'm okay.
I just want to know what you guys think I should do.
I don't want to tell my parents. I don't want him to get in trouble or be ostracized by my family.
So yeah. I just need someone to talk to about this. Someone to tell me which way they think I should go.
I love you all. Thank you.
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