rayray
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::
2006 17 July :: 12.54pm
So obviously my boyfriend either cares about whether or not I live through this crappy heat or he just wants me to put more clothes on so we can have people over.. hahaha He decided to put the air conditioner in.. Even though maintainance was supposed to do it and rape us of our money that we do not have.. bastards.. hahaha
So now it is getting cooler in here as we speak and i am happy..
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 17 July :: 7.48am
It's time to try defying gravity.
......I think I'll try defying gravity.
I hope you're happy in the end.
Tell me...
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eddy
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::
2006 17 July :: 7.16am
Strange....I just heard a Tenacious D impression....while watching baseball. Yeah....the announcer guy just busted out with a Tenacious D phrase, weird.
Tell me...
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Kate
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2006 16 July :: 10.12pm
Join www.facebook.com. (It's better than myspace.) Find me. Add me.
4 No way... |
Tell me...
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upchuck
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2006 16 July :: 3.05am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Swamp Music" Skynyrd
So, I'm very tired right now. Jessa can attest to the rambling discourse that comes out of my fingertips tonight. It make take the form of fully formed sentences, punctuated in strange ways, or short choppy sentences. Ones which really aren't, not should they be............. and lots of ......'s
Anywho. When looking at places for receptions today. With Mica, my fiancee. Her sister and her friend Johanna (friend, not sister).
Then Mica went dress shopping. I almost cried when she left. Even the thought of her being in a wedding dress makes me all taery eyed. It makes me think of what that day is going to be like (don't worry, long ways off, in normal terms). But I just can't think of what it will be like when I see her for real. I don't know how I am going to make it. I guess I'll just have to do my best.
4 No way... |
Tell me...
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chelthesmell
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2006 14 July :: 11.48pm
I blame myself for alot of things, because most of the time, they are my fault. I feel really bad about myself. I used to be all like "I'm sucha bad person" But I think I'm starting to except it all now. " *deep sigh* oh well. I'll grow up eventually and figure out what I want. Till then...who knows...?
Tell me...
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rayray
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2006 14 July :: 9.26am
:: Mood: Incomplete.
:: Music: If I Close My Eyes : Reina
It seems like yesterday I was daddy's little girl..
Today is another one of those days where I'm awake at 6 o'clock. You'd think I'd accomplish more on these days. However all I do accomplish is nothing. Haha funny how that works out. This morning was different however. Actually, the whole night was different. It was too hot to cuddle. So we did everything possible to make it cold in there so that we could. Neither of us can sleep if we aren't touching each other. We slept in the same postition all night long. That never happens. And when he moved to turn his alarm off, I instantly woke up. And have been awake since. I didn't want him to go to work. I tried wrapped myself around him to try and make him stay. But it didn't work. He has to go to work. And now I sit here trying my hardest to not text him or call him. I know that sooner or later he will text me or call me. It makes me feel like we're a pathetic old couple or something. If I don't text or call him by a certain time, he calls me. Or if he misses me and doesn't want to admit it, he'll call to see what's up. Like Sunday I think it was he called me like 4 times. And it bugged him that I wasn't at home missing him. I was actually out and about.
I feel like I've let my family down. Especially my sister. I keep thinking that if I had moved to Ohio when I graduated to live with my sister, that things would be better than they are now. (Not that there is anything wrong with my life right now, I'm incredibly happy). I feel like I've let her and Derrick down, because I haven't gone to college yet. And I know how much they want me to. I don't like that feeling. Making my sister happy, and proud of me, means more than making my mom happy and proud of me. I chose a mediocre job that I no longer have, over college. And now I'm choosing what I feel like is love, over pretty much everything else. I'm living this life that most 19 year old don't live until their atleast 22. If I have kids, it won't be until after I'm married. And I don't want to get married, atleast anytime soon.
There's moment where I feel like giving up and just running away, but then I think of what I've got and who comes home to me everyday, who I have to sleep next to every night, and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't change it for anything. Even though I hate my apartment more than anything, I absolutly love the life I've created. And who I've created it with.
Oh yeah, and I'm getting a hair cut.. I need ideas.
3 No way... |
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Kate
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2006 13 July :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: tired
Camp Nicolet.
Here are some photos from camp so far.
Read more..
12 No way... |
Tell me...
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box
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2006 12 July :: 8.23pm
hahaha Yea thats right.. im badass like that
Tell me...
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allyson
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2006 12 July :: 12.13pm
Wedding and now..
I can't believe how much has happened since I last wrote. My grandpa L died on the 21st of February.. It needed to happen. It was a relief that he finally made it. He was so sick all the time. Then.. my other grandpa died one week before my wedding. One week before. Totally unexpected. They found out he had pancreaitis and I guess it burst causing all the stuff inside to spill out. It effected all of his organs and they basically had him knocked out and on life support for three days when finally he gave up.
On to good news, Jared and I got married on the 27th of May. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. Jared could have. It was about 85 degrees and sunny as hell. He was in two maybe even three layers of a tux. THrere was some drama with christy finding out that she wasn't the maid of honor and my best friend who flew up from arizona was. But she ended up showing up. Anyways, we picked morgan up friday and went to help set up for our reception and then was the rehersal which.. everyone was late for pretty much. Then dinner after that. what fun.. haha. I was upset at how dumb jared's mom can be when it comes to morgan. It's like she could not allow her to be with my parents or something. There was an open seat next to them but she had to squeeze in a chair next to her which happened to be at the corner edge of the table where I was sitting. HOw ridiculous. Anyways, we left that and I got my nails done and we went to lansing to pick kaleea up at the airport. we got back home at like 11 and guess what.?!?! Our cat was in labor. She was bleeding all over our room all day. It really wasn't that bad though. there was just a cuople spots that were relatively easy to clean. She finally had them by 8 in the morning the next day. We got woke up at six that morning though because jared's mom was going tot he hospital and for some reason they couldn't drop morgan off at my parents house they had to have jared drive all the way to belding to drop her off five miles away from their house and him drive all the way back. I was pissed. It's not like we can relive that day over again... It sucked. Just like our reception. No one even paid attentiont o us or even my brother when he gave his awesome toast. They all just kept right on talking. Anyways...
Sunday we were late dropping Kaleea off at the airport she had about 15 minutes to make it through everything but she made it so that was good. then... when jessica came to pick up morgan she had to bitch at us for like ten minutes about no seeing her all weekend and blah blah blah her crying and being dramatic of course. So that was my crazy weekend.
We left monday for our honeymoon. It took us two days to get there and we staying in Manhatten haha.. kansas. We thought that was funny. we video taped pretty much the whole way down and while we were there. It was fun and beautiful. I miss it. THe animals the sunrises and sunsets. Amazing. I wish I was there right now. While we were there it was really hot like.. over 100 degrees hot. we went up to the mountains on those days. We went all the way to cottonwood pass. There was still snow up there. The air was so thin that I was dizzy and had a headache the whole time we climbed around. We also went up to the castle again and had a picnic on Lake San Isabel. We also went to the pueblo zoo! It was so much fun. We went to the colorado city pool although we didn't go swimming because it was so confusing on where to go. Let's see we ate out at fazolis and a really good place called black eyed pea and also maxes. We left on a sunday because we planned on moving out of the house in rockford as soon as we got back. We started packing the following day. We got most of our stuff out with out idiot lance suspecting a thing. Then he realized what was going on and there were some arguments and basically he kciked us out and I told him we'd see him in court then. So that was that and now I'm babysitting for my brother and living with my parents.. .with jared of course.
Bad news. I have high grade cells in my cervix.. and they are progressing. I have to get a colposcopy or whatever and decide what to do with those cells and how to remove them.
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 11 July :: 7.04pm
A real update maybe?
Not much has been going on lately. Been hanging out with friends, and even some old ones I haven't seen in a while. Work sucks, definately need a new job, going to go to Schuler's soon to see if I can get in there or not. That would be fun =) Ummm.....gee. I don't know. Don't really know what else to say. Got my computer about a week ago, She's pretty, and I love her. But sometimes I call it a he. Can computers be transvestites? Have to ask Joe about that one, hehe. And now I'm just rambling. So I'll stop. Later!
6 No way... |
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rayray
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2006 11 July :: 8.24am
:: Mood: *awake*
:: Music: *jolene - mindy smith*
*the sun rises as i sleep, but i watch it intently as it starts to peek*
Lately my emotions have been more in the blah state. I have no reason not to be happy. However I don't have any particular reason to express my happiness. Well, no new reasons anyway. I think it may have to do with being a female. Oh well. I'm working on not being as insecure. It's taking longer than I want it to. But obviously you can't rush a feeling like that away. It just doesn't disappear. As much as I wish it did, I will have to deal. I think I'm still in shock that this is my longest relationship and I haven't tried to run away from it. There are moments where I piss him off intentionally just to test him. I'm really surprised that he's still with me and still wants to be with me, after all the shit that has gone on in the last 8+ months. I'm getting used to this whole 'mom' thing. Slowly. I'm still unsure of a few things. And it'd probably be easier, a lot easier if she were younger. Also, it'd probably be easier if she were mine. But I guess I'll have to deal with that as well. Then again, I'm trying not to get too attached, because you never know what may happen. As happy as we are, things could be over just like that.
Anyway.. I hate being up early. It makes my day feel even more pointless. More time to sit on my ass and think about what to do. More time to stress about finances. Not having a job. More time to spend thinking about things that 'normal' people don't think about. To clean an apartment that I despise. I need a hobby. I started a puzzle. I seemed to have lost interest in it. Most likely because there are a few edge pieces missing, I get bored easily, and I think I have A.D.D.. I'm reading a book, but I only read when I'm in the tub, because it's the only place I seem to be able to focus enough to actually comprehend what is going on in the book. It's sad really.
My eyes burn when I wear my glasses and I'm more tired. My eyes burn when I wear my contacts. There seems to be no happy medium. And its like the worst feeling in the world. It feels like someone is taking grains of salt/sand and rubbing them across my eyes.
My hatred towards Courtney has grown these past few days. I don't know why I get so pissed. If he wanted to be with her like she claims he does, then he'd obviously be with her instead of me. But clearly he's not. She's like mom in a way. Once things are going great and there's a friendly atmosphere, she fucks it all up. This whole situation reminds me of the song Jolene.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Jolene
He talks about you in his sleep
And there's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene
But I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
He's the only one for me, Jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, Jolene
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you, please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him even though you can
Jolene, Jolene
Sadly this is what my life consists of. Fighting her off, watching music videios and finding songs to fit my mood.
14 No way... |
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 6 July :: 11.08pm
It's a cruel (cruel) cruel summer (cruel summer)
-Ace of Base "Cruel Summer"
4 No way... |
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 6 July :: 1.25am
Gotta love John Mayer, man.
Clickity Click
4 No way... |
Tell me...
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eddy
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::
2006 6 July :: 1.06am
I Love You.
(You know who you are)
2 No way... |
Tell me...
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rayray
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2006 5 July :: 6.01pm
Yesterday Mike and I moved the rest of his stuff in.
My apartment is finally starting to look right..
My living room actually looks like a living room, its not bare anymore.. Still don't have a couch though.
And I've been doing a lot of cleaning.
My fish keep dying.
I clean the tank and they die one by one..
It's retarded..
And right now I am talking to Mike the guy from Tech/Petosky..
It's weird.. haha
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 3 July :: 11.21pm
So stay, sweetly numb.
Remain lifeless, love.
-Davey Havok - "Affliction"
4 No way... |
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rayray
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::
2006 3 July :: 10.00pm
People really piss me off. Especially those who know you're right but won't admit it so they insist on starting a fight. It's completely fucking retarded. And she's a total CUNT!. Yes, Im not afraid to say it. And I know most of you hate the word. But it best describes this person.
2 No way... |
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rayray
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2006 2 July :: 8.08pm
Some of you know, that I have incredibly screwed up dreams.. Well last night was a series of them. None of them had to do with each other either. Anyway.. The one that was the strangest, was Tony killed himself in downtown GR, and ended up being Mike's brother. And we tried to save him by using cheese to absorb some of the blood. However, it didn't work. And when we got back to my apartment, Jessa, Marty and Clem were here with like 6 other people having a party celebrating Jessa and Marty working through their marital problems. And when I told Jessa about Marty, it didn't seem to affect her. But when I came back from telling everyone else, she was in the corner selling girl scout cookies.
Not sure what the whole dream meant.. but whatever.
2 No way... |
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chelthesmell
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2006 29 June :: 4.27pm
I've been thinking...
I've been losing friends left and right. Every move I make could cost me a friendship. I had started watching what I was doing/saying so I wouldn't hurt anybody or offend anyone. I didn't want anyone mad at me and I didn't want any conflict or drama to go on...
Half of the people I used to talk to everyday dont even want anything to do with me anymore. For example:: a bunch of my friends are all going to Lake Michigan on Saturday. I didn't find out until Ashley asked if I was going. No one invited me, no one was going to invite me...
Yet no matter how hard I tried to keep everyone happy, things just manage to blow up in my face. I get fucked over everytime I try to keep something going.
It's stupid...
I'm done with being polite and trying to make people like me.
This is who I am::
I drink, I dont have a problem or anything, I just drink. And I dont party with complete strangers, I have fun with friends that I know will take care of me and make sure nothing bad happens to me.
I'm selfish. I like money. After being so unhappy with my parents being in dept most of my life and always wishing to be someone else because of what they have, I do believe that money buys happiness no matter what anyone says.
I hold grudges easily and for a long time. It takes so long for me to get over something even if it's just a little thing and I know that it will all be cleared up in no time, there's still something inside of me that is pissed and wont let it go.
I have a problem with opening up to people.
I dont cry in front of people. I dont like letting everyone know I have a weakness. I dont like people pittying me. It makes me feel stupid and I dont like that feeling too much.
I'm judgemental but I hate being judged.
I have terrible grammar when it comes to typing things online.
I really dont care.
I'm a procrastinator.
I like things to go my way and no other way.
I get pissed when my plans get ruined.
I'm messy. I hate cleaning.
I dont care what people think of me. I used to but things are starting to change.
You either love me or you hate me, there is really no inbetween.
Mindy and Ashley are my 2 best friends in the whole wide world.
And I have a piece of shit car, but atleast it has a speeddometor now.
So this is who I am. If you dont like it, then oh well.
I can make new friends just as fast as I can get read of them.
I hate saying goodbye. But if people dont like who I am, than I suppose it is time. I'm not going to say I dont need anybody, I'm just need someone who's going to be there and like me for me, no matter what my flaws are.
4 No way... |
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kate
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2006 28 June :: 6.03pm
I'm in Wisconsin. I live on the beach. I'm the baker. I bake for 170 people. I like it! I can get on the Internet only about once a week and for a little while. I miss some of you. Please write me if you can, I would love it.
Camp Nicolet - Kate Shelton
P.O. Box 1359
Eagle River, Wisconsin 54521
2 No way... |
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rayray
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2006 28 June :: 4.06am
:: Mood: *happy*
:: Music: *push - sarah mclachlan*
*as my past turns to ashes i build a life i won't forget*
Been suffering the past few days with a terrible headache.
I've tried everything to get rid of it.
And nothing seems to help.
I think the cause of my headache was partly from an over-abundance of unwelcomed, inexplainable stress.
I suppose it's what I get for being a paranoid over analyzing insecure girl who suffers from PMDD.
However, some of my insecurities have been surpassed.
With a little help from my wonderful boyfriend, who I love more than anything.
Saturday night he helped me realize that he does love me, without even saying the three words I want him to say more than anything.
I guess I will just have to deal with it and wait until he is ready to tell me.
Have I mentioned that I'm impatient as well?
Anyway, today my headache eased up a bit.
Even moreso when he surprised me with some good news.
Starting next week he'll no longer be on third shift.
They are transfering him to first.
He's wanted this for so long.
No more sleeping alone at night.
Maybe we can start to have a "normal" relationship for once.
Hopefully tomorrow we go pick up his car or as he says "our car".
He's buying a 98 ford mustang.
Kind of excited because he's going to let me drive it.
I am still in need of a job.
So if anyone knows of anything, please let me know.
At this point I will settle for almost anything.
I'll baby sit all summer if I have to.. Well if the pay is right.. I do have rent to pay.
Tonight I was able to do something that I spent 2 years thinking I was never going to be able to do. Since I got over him, I still had this thought in the back of my mind, that if he were to come back around and tempt me, I'd go running back, with arms open. They say you never forget your first love. Back then I thought he was my first love. But I was wrong. It was just a deep infatuation gone wrong. I finally have the self-control that I was lacking for a long time. I am finally able to say no, to the one person I wasn't able to say it to. He told me what he was thinking, and asked me what I was thinking. The thoughts in my mind were nothing near what he had on his mind. Two years ago or so, they would have been the same. I can finally say this without hesitation. I am completely over him. I will be able to have a friendship with him and not think about what would happen the moment we were alone. The only person I think about in that way, is my boyfriend. The only person I want to think about that way, is my boyfriend. He means the world to me. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Some of you may know who him is, infact he may even be reading this. If you don't and are confused, then it's better that way.
And if you are reading this, I am not sorry that you weren't the one on my mind, but I am sorry for the way you must have felt when you found out you weren't. Multiply that by atleast 3, and thats the way I felt for 2 years or so when I thought I had my chance when really I didn't.
I feel quite relieved now.
Tell me...
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eddy
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2006 26 June :: 5.47pm
If I wasn't a hardcore Misanthropist before....
I certainly am now.
10 No way... |
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eddy
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::
2006 26 June :: 5.15pm
Trevor Hall - The Aftermath
I sold my shoes,
for a front-row seat on the moon.
Well I've found all that I can save,
and I still got the blues.
See I picked up the blade,
and shaved my beard.
I walked back into town,
with nothin' to fear.
Well I picked up my mess,
and I put it in the ground.
Well I watered it down,
waited for the sea to spill,
to spill. Yeah.
Well silence fills the air when it's raining.
But I don't see anyone complaining. Yeah yeah.
Well truth, it pokes it's head out.
Yeah truth it pokes it's head out.
Well I took my last rose,
And I threw it in the fire.
I gathered all the ashes, yeah.
Started my empire.
What is it to you?
Well man I'll do what I please.
And when I pray for you,
I don't expect you to pray for me.
Well silence fills the air when it's raining.
Oh, but I don't see anyone complaining.
Well truth it pokes it's head out.
Yeah truth it pokes it's head out.
Well I took a bath.
In the constellation aftermath.
When I jumped off that stone,
You see I looked upon this, plastic place, and I saved it with all my grace.
Well silence fills the air when it's raining,
Oh but I don't see anyone complaining.
Well truth it pokes it's head out.
Yeah truth it pokes it's head out. Yeah.
Silence fills the air when it's raining.
Oh but I don't see anyone complaining.
Well truth it pokes it's head out.
Yeah truth it pokes it's head out.
Truth, it pokes it head out....
Tell me...
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rayray
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::
2006 25 June :: 2.22am
So as most of you know, the last few days I have been questioning a lot of things and looking for answers.
Until today, I was questioning whether or not he really does love me.
I was confused because he's never said it.
Today, he made me realize that he really does.
All it took was the kiss he gave me and the way he looked into my eyes.
The intensity of the kiss was just amazing.
He's never kissed me like that before.
Now I must continue to go sweat my ass off and finish watching the movie I rented.
Tell me...
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