spinoangel
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2003 24 December :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: the sounds of my family
my time in houston so far..
mmm... so i'm at my uncle's house right now. its kinda weird cuz usually its all of my family here for dinner but all of my moms other sisters are at in laws. so tomorrow will be the big family dinner. what have i done today? damn, i woke up at 4:30. i mostly slept on the plane. then we went to my aunt's house and we wrapped presents. took a little trip to costco in prep for tomorrows dinner, then met mostly everyone in my family for lunch. then... whew. my family is like so disorganized, it's funny. i always get so confused about where i'm going, where i'm staying, and where my stuff ends up. but its all good. cuz they're entertaining. my little cousins... they are definitely something. they're so competitive with each other. and each of em have these quirky, freaky traits. its quite funny. i would say that today is pretty unproductive, but seeing all my family again is good. it's kinda weird, they think i'm on a diet because apparently i look thinner... yeah right! i wish. well. i'm on aim... none of the people i need to talk to are on right now! grrr. this always happens dammit. i miss everyone. love everyone. merry christmas eve!
the amusing moment of my day:
(listening nonstop to christmas songs that made me laugh)
mamacita, donde esta santa claus?
donde esta santa claus?
2 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 21 December :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "the music in my head"
there's nothing like vacation.
edit: my brother. i love him. he gave me his xmas gift to me today. right before lord of the rings started, he hands me this box. and i open the wrapping and its a lotr box. and i'm like... o...m...g. he wrote me a note in elvish. it was so sweet. and guess what was in the box. he bought me an official replica of the elvish necklace that arwen/aragorn had in the movie. can you think of anything sweeter than that?
sooo yesterday. vacation is just great. we started off early and went in search for somewhere for danielle and i to volunteer. bad us for waiting last minute. but that's who we are. procrastinators. then we went shopping. then eating. then shopping again. that's my family's life! and a movie now and then. then we went to ashley pasion's party. where was everyone?! grr. we had good times though anyways. it was quite interesting. it was great being with people i love. then i slept over danielle's house.
today we went to lunch with my family at this new italian restaurant. it's soooo good. it was filling. we saw these portions and we were like holy crap. the restaurant is like a maze but it's got a homey feel, because every home is tacky in one aspect or another. but good food. maybe next time we'll have room next time for dessert! mmm. then we went to the movies. danielle went to see cheaper by the dozen. my brother and i saw the return of the king. it was great. yeah, the end. very emotional. i was so close to crying like 3 times. i teared up. we had a fun ride home. good times good times.
3 true playaz for real |
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plainmornings
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2003 20 December :: 1.01pm
thank you to everyone who made my birthday wonderful <3<3<3
can't believe i'm 18!!
4 true playaz for real |
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OrFwAsHeRe
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2003 20 December :: 12.15am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Lagwagon
She was standing there, looking like her world had just been crushed.
She was cute. The cutest sad girl I've ever seen.
I enjoyed your company.
You enjoyed mine.
I walked away from you.
She was sitting behind us.
I had never went up to a girl I did not know and introduced myself.
I made that my plan.
She was sad.
You were singing happily.
Your shirt was cute.
Her shirt said "peace".
You love to fight.
I am passive.
I sat down next to her, with two feet between us.
I looked at her.
She looked back.
I smiled.
She smiled.
I am very shy.
I could tell that she was too.
I exchanged glances with her.
She exchanged glances with me.
You were starting to get lonely by yourself.
I worked up enough nerve to go talk to her.
She was waiting for me to say something.
I was just about to say "hi", what I had done with my eyes and smiles I could now imitate with my lips.
You sat down between me and her.
You were smiling like I wanted her to.
I could have brightened her day.
I could have gotten over my fear.
You put your head on my shoulder.
She knew something was up.
She walked away more distraught than before.
Her world was now even more crushed.
She was now infront of us.
She couldn't see what we were doing.
She didn't want to see.
Her heart was broken even more.
You kissed me.
I kissed you back.
I felt guilty.
I made your night.
I was your perfect guy.
I wanted to be her perfect guy.
I made you happy.
You were the wrong person.
I could have been her world.
She could have been mine.
She was gone.
She was no longer in my sight.
She did not want to be.
You ruined it.
I could have been happy.
She could have been happy.
I looked happy.
You were happy.
But I was empty inside.
2 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 19 December :: 6.47pm
:: Mood: smiling.
:: Music: destiny's child - "brown eyes"
sigh. i feel so much better.
i feel so much freer. today was a good day. i'm in a really lovey-dovey wintery mood. this is exactly when i need a boyfriend, ya know? but it's ok. i'll just... wait. today feels like it was so short yet so long. last night, didnt get much sleep! hehe. danielle kept me up ;) lol. the art hist exam wasnt too bad. twas what i expected. then danielle, edgar, and altan came home with me. i liked being lazy bums. eating pizza. drinking soda. nothing to do. it's just such a weird change from so many things to do. it's great! i love it. now i'm all dressed up to go to my dads company christmas party. fun? no.... boredom. andrew and i could go see lotr rotk, but we want to be nice children. so we're gonna go see it sunday. tomorrow is ashley pasion's party. who's going?? sigh. i wish danielle were still here to keep me company. <3 i need my love! love to all.
. : tina : .
<3
the way we held each others hand, the way we talked, the way we laughed, it felt so good to find true love.
i knew right then and there you were the one.
i know that he loves me cuz he told me so.
i know that he loves me cuz his feelings show.
when he stares at me, you see he cares for me.
you see how he's so deep in love.
i know that he loves me cuz it's obvious.
i know that he loves me cuz it's me he trusts.
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me.
and when he looks at me, his brown eyes tell his soul.
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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::
2003 18 December :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: tristan prettyman and jason mraz
<3 spending time with the one i love. (danielle)
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming of
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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spinoangel
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::
2003 18 December :: 8.43am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: kelly clarkson - "the trouble with love"
i'm sorry, i just love the song so much.
last night i felt like crap! i was in serious hell. i got a stuffy nose and my eyes were itchy and watery and i started coughing. once i started coughing, danielle told me to go to bed, so i listened to her. i went to bed at 10:30. i woke up at like 7:30, so i got plenty of sleep. though i still wanna go back to bed. i dont wanna go to school. i dont want to take the math exam, dont wanna deal with some things. whatever. it's sooooooooooooo cold. i like it being cool, like 60s... but 40s and 50s?! brrrrrrrr. i can't wait for school to be OVER. i'll miss people but i will not miss the school or the classes. sigh. vacation is gonna be absolute bliss.
can't stop singing it!
*the trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside. make your heart believe a lie. it's stronger than your pride. the trouble with love is, it doesn't care how fast you fall. and you can't refuse the call. see, you've got no say at all.*
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spinoangel
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2003 17 December :: 6.04pm
:: Mood: loving
:: Music: kelly clarkson - "the trouble with love"
my new favorite song.
so... exams. i d k what to say about it all. almost nobody updated last night. was everyone studying? today is probably the easiest exam day. english and art was easier than i thought they would be. and it was just good. minus the painful (beauty is pain.) shoes and the irritating contacts. i dont know what to say. i love everyone? but i guess u know that already. i can't wait for school to be over. i need to do volunteer hours over break. but still. sigh. i need a vacation! and ... i want something for xmas... you.
*every time i turn around, i think i’ve got it all figured out. my heart keeps calling, and i keep on falling, over and over again. this set story always ends the same; me standin in the pouring rain. it seems no matter what i do... it tears my heart in two.*
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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2003 14 December :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: jewel - "don't"
excuse that last journal. i got angry last night.
sigh. just came back from a fun day at the park. twas janyll's sweet 16. so many people didnt show up, it wasnt even funny. but we had madd fun anyways! it made me happy. it was like a movie. we played in the rain, pouring water and ice all over each other and attempting to slide down the hill. it was great. seeing people soaking wet and cover in silly string made up for all the absences. i love this weekend. although i didnt get to spend much time with my lover, danielle. i miss her. but it was a great weekend that made me forget about school altogether. sigh. if only i could have more weekends like this. i think i'm making a decision.....
*don't walk too close. don't breathe so soft. don't talk so sweet. don't sing. don't lay oh so near. please, don't let me fall in love with you again.*
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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2003 14 December :: 1.32am
:: Music: silence
it feels good to cry.
5 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 12 December :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: all i want for christmas is you!
i should do this more often.
i went to chill with my boca girls tonight. a very happy birthday to christine! katherine and i got her a tour of the kitchen at friday's. it was nice, being with my boca friends. they make me feel so welcome into their circle of friends. it was great. i wish i had gone to christine's with them, but the two hours spent was good enough to make me happy =). it was an interesting night. liz had a nice porno story. katherine had alterior motives to get to my ass ;). and adam introduced himself to my parents. my mom was like "people like him are very likely to succeed... outgoing and friendly". it was cute. i'm so happy its the weekend. i love being at home and NOT doing homework. although now i must go write the family newsletter. blecch. must go back to boca sometime. it was meant for me.
<33
2 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 11 December :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: soooooooooooo sos sos so so tired
:: Music: silence
WAKE ME UP! man.
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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2003 7 December :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: christina aguilera - "beautiful"
suddenly it's hard to breathe.
edit - yeah i took off the "emotions". it was annoying the hell out of me and it was ruining the specialness of the song. i might put a diff song up later.
ha. wow the days are going by really fast, arent they? every time i update i feel so different from the last and it's just so weird. my head is like in a chaotic mode, and i have no sense of time, no sense of the environment around me, and no sense of what my heart is trying to tell me to do. but it's ok. you know why? because that's a part of growing up and maturing... oncufsion. yeah confusion. things are all messed up, jumbled up, and going everywhere at once. i can honestly say that i think everyone of us is in that mode right now. it's right before the holidays, we're cramming, and experiencing the consequences of procrastination. if we all get through these next two weeks [which we will], we'll all be a lot better.
so friday wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i surprisingly wasn't tired really. just kinda... out of it like always. that night, nicole told me she was sick soooo even though i said i would see honey no matter what, i didn't. i stayed at home and talked to altan. yeeeeah.
saturday danielle came with us to go xmas shopping at town center. i didn't accomplish much but hey it was alright. and we had some good quality time, ya know? that night danielle and i went to see "the last samurai" with altan. it was more like altan and i went to see it and danielle was in the same movie theatre. because altan was late, like always and i waited for him. it was a good movie. i would like to own that movie. it's very... it feels so epic. it's very moving. and in danielles description, "disturbing". afterwards we chilled at borders. once again... it was more like altan and i and danielle was just in the store. the whole night was very... disturbing. ummm, no details, because nothing happened. things said that i shouldn't say. we went home and danielle slept over. she was quite angry with me. i must say i was/am quite angry with myself for the way i act(ed). danielle and i ended up having like an hour or two of talking. she just kept on talking so of course, i kept on responding. it was funny. but we got a lot of things out. and when we have nights laying in bed and talking like that, i feel a lot better because our friendship strengthens once again. she's going through a tough time. like all of us.
we are not alone. heh. today i spent the WHOLE day doing homework. i just now finished. stupid poetry project. i must admit though, it makes me feel a lot better that i spent my time actually doing something. i can't wait for vacation. i'm going to be SOOO happy after that exam on friday. and then i can fly away for a little while.
my heart... is like in torture. i can't... i have no idea what to do and how to act and how to not end up being hurt. but... i'm just not sure if it's all worth it or not. i feel so unwanted sometimes. and then other times i feel too wanted. does that make sense? it's like back and forth and back and forth. can't something be done so this tug-o-war on my heart ends?
all we have to do is stay strong and depend on each other for support. which we do all the time. as long as everyone leans on someone else, we will all stand in the end. and trust me, we will. because... love is all you really need. and we already have that. what will i do when you leave me?
30 ppl online on my buddylist. not talking to anyone...
*every day is so wonderful... then suddenly... it's hard to breathe. now and then i get insecure from all the pain. i'm so ashamed. we are beautiful no matter what they say. their words won't bring us down. we are beautiful in every single way. their words can't bring us down. so don't you bring me down today.*
don't be brought down. i know i'm trying my best. i know i'm a hypocrite and i should probably read my own words. but you just have to believe. have confidence and faith that it'll all be okay like it's meant to be in the end. and if not... there will always be love and friendship.
3 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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::
2003 4 December :: 11.42pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: tristan - "void"
siiigh.
sigh. irritablility is finding me once again. but tomorrow is friday. right now i need a break from the homework so i decided to return to my woohu journal. home sweet journal. where do i start?
i'm so drained at the moment. like emotionally and mentally. damn study guide. i got home and i found out i was missing like the bulk of my notes for art history so i freaked out. i never found em. ari faxed me hers but i feel like something is missing. oh well, i hope it's okay. i hope i do okay. i heard the test was hard. *crossing fingers* can i just go to bed? no i can't.
yeah today was a weird day. it was just so unusual. weird, having majority of our pib/myp class of 06 in one place. very strange. but comforting at the same time? i felt like i needed to go to 3 diff places at once. i love my pib family. most of the time. i went to the art show. it wasnt exciting, but it was cool being able to chill with people i don't usually get to hang out with. tomas has a niiice guitar. miss blair isnt teaching us anymore. kinda sad. strangely gonna miss her. tomorrow is friday. thank god. i will be .... sigh. whew. i'm gonna take a break from regular atl life and go out with nicole. i will see my much anticipated movie, "honey" no matter what, with or without someone. i'm looking forward to it. this weekend i'm devoting to projects. like... really. i'm getting xmas shopping done. we're decorating our house. i'm doing my long ass poetry project. i'm doing my spanish project. probably writing our script. i have to write the family newsletter.
other people:
i see many people falling into a stressful, depressive state. i think it's just a trend with all high school kids, especially PIBers. we all feel happy together and then we get home and realize we have to do work and then we're just like uuugggggggggghh. and then we start thinking and stressing and freaking out and it's just a big nervous breakdown. i know what that feels like. and some of us are just... some of us have true problems. i hate to see my friends not smiling [on the outside and on the inside] because i feel so helpless. and yeah words of comfort and hugs may help but it never truly makes the hurt stop. we're all in different stressful and annoying situations. doesn't life suck? yeah... dammit.
my feelings about my "situation" [whether you know what it is or not]:
the school - life has become so busy lately and i feel like there's not enough hours in each day to do what i want or do what other people want. so many invites, and dates to keep straight, i think i just might go crazy. i simply asked my parents if i am gonna be free next weekend and they went off into a tangent about how i need to focus and keep my grades up otherwise i won't be able to go anywhere at all ... and all this shit. like they seriously tell me this everyday. like i havent heard it before. just ask danielle, they always mention it. only when danielle is here, they act like they're kidding. when no one is here, they are like threatening and scary. to get a B ... is like shooting myself in the head. i'm wishing so badly for economics to stay an A. and if it doesnt... well i'll be screwed and i'll spend every night crying.
the social life - is anyone as confused as i am? cuz i sure as hell am. why can't people be truthful? and why can't people move on? i like talking to this journal, cuz then i don't feel like i'm being redundant [even if i am] and i'm not annoying anyone with my stupid ass trivial problems. they're not even problems. it's just some little motherfucker trying to play with me, whether he realizes it or not. and i dont think he does. i think he does it subconsciously cuz he DOES care about me, i know he does, but he always reverts back to this state to make me feel like... like he's using me. and maybe he is. but ya know that quote? it's like ... if this is how it feels to be used, then use me up baby. well i'm not exactly that extreme, but sometimes i feel happy being in that state of hopefulness again. even though it may result in tears [like always] ... maybe it's worth it. i'm not sure. i'm not sure of a lot of things. and then there's the other route i could take and maybe find happiness, but i'm not sure whether or not to start on that path, because maybe it'll lead to a dead end. and then i'd be lost. sometimes it's just easier to stay where you are than to try something new with the possibility that you did it for nothing. do you understand what i'm saying? i dont even know if i do. could i be happier? do i want it to be like this? who knows...
there was something else i wanted to say. i have no idea what. too much going on in my mind right now. its a freaking traffic jam.
can i just fly away?
*i am void. let's see you try to fill me. mostly i'm just annoyed with the situation that never fails to find me. i should know better than i did. i should have listened but oh well.*
4 true playaz for real |
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plainmornings
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2003 4 December :: 10.31pm
i really hate this feeling.
people are envious of me... i really don't know why.
if people like me, want to be my friend then why do i always feel so alone
i constantly find myself watching friends joking around, making plans... i used to have that.. if this is what everythings being reduced to by growing up then i don't know if i really want to...
16 day. 16 days until i turn 18. thats 2 weeks and 2 days.
i don't know.
i'm a dreamer... i've always held such high hopes and aspirations and .. i don't know.
i can't seem to get excited about anything anymore... is that bad?
2 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 1 December :: 4.20pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: tristan prettyman - "when it rains"
maybe i'm changing...
man i didnt want to be in school at all today. cuz my vacation was such a vacation. does that make sense? well it was great. i got away from a lot of things.
friday night danielle, edgar, and i went to the movies to see "pieces of april". interesting movie i must say. it was nice.
saturday we left for orlando. that was a really long day. danielle, my brother, and i played scrabble in the car. hehe. i won. yeah by one point. well we met up with anne [my moms best friend] and we went shopping. florida mall is awesome. it's so big, we spent like 3 or 4 hours in it and we didnt even get to go to ALL the stores in it. i can't wait to go back. it had like EVERY store. even smoke'n'snuff. lol.
jason mraz was just... sigh. it was great. just listening to the music and getting lost in your own world. tristan prettyman opened up for him. danielle and i love her! she's f*ing awesome. i wanna be just like her in 5 years. she's so cute. then this other band performed, i dont remember their name but they were cool too. so many diff guitars. jason mraz was ... he was everything i expected him to be. it was great. he sang my favorite song "absolutely zero" in a different way though. i was annoyed, but it was okay cuz he was still great. he's such a cute dork. i <3 dorks. tristan prettyman came out to play with him and they were like chillin with their acoustic guitars, it was soooo cute. they were like best buds. it was funny. and then they played this duet "shy like that" ... i need to find that song somewhere! maybe they havent recorded it. but i wish to grow up and do that with cameron jaymes. how great would that be?! i got this huge jason mraz tshirt, i have to alter it. and we got to meet tristan. she was cool. it was FREEZing in orlando. sunday we took my brother home to gainesville. then a long ride home. so much thinking and sleeping. it was kinda bad. but nice too.
SCHOOL STRESS.
<3 <3 <3
*maybe i'm changing. maybe i'm so impatient. maybe i just don't care about what you think.
*sometimes i wanna throw up my hands and say ok fine. life's too short. she says if it works, then it works, let it go.
*still i can never please him. no matter how hard i try. maybe you should have made up your mind before i changed mine.
*when it rains, it pours and it shows.
4 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 28 November :: 5.16pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: typing
need more school vacations.
dude i'm like so happy. and it's all because of not going to school. like i never knew how happy i would be the days i don't have school. even when i'm bored, i'm so grateful. it's been an interesting turkey vacation.
thanksgiving with the birneys. fun for the whole family. danielle is a natural model. and i love getting to know her family more and more. family ping pong tournament!! pillow cases as place mats. lol.
today i woke up at 8 to go shopping. i didnt get many gifts for people, but i accomplished the goal i had in mind. saw ari at town center. my mom and i met up with her friends and i went shopping with her friends daughter and tran. tran had to restrict me from spending all my money on one person. guess who that person is.
anyways, we're waiting to go out to eat. danielle is coming over and we're finishing out our weekend with a bang.
JASON MRAZ here we come!!!
hey love, hey love, hey love... where you going to?
if i didnt get to talk to ya yesterday, i must need to tell you i am grateful for everyone in my life. whether they've had a negative or positive influence, my experiences through life have made me who i am and for that, i am thankful for everyone that i have met and known. i love you all. and there's really nothing else i can say. because that's all there is. from the bottom of my heart, i love you all and i'm gonna try my best to be a great friend to you... always. <3
1 true playa |
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orfwashere
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2003 27 November :: 12.14am
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: Spring Heeled Jack
Mmm... Thanksgiving
by far, the greatest holiday.
For the last seven years, it's involved waking up, putting on a pair of shorts, eating within a half hour of waking up, watching football, and falling asleep while watching football.
[Greatest Holiday Ever]
I hope somebody got that. Anyway.... I got accepted into FAU yesterday at the on-site deal. Definately a sad day for college admissions. It wasn't even a decision. She just looked at my SAT score and gave me an instant yes. Didn't even look at my application. Wasn't interested in community service hours (which I have none of) or my essay (which I didn't write). Didn't even care that I'm sitting at a 2.6 GPA. Apparently colleges calculate grade point averages differently, and all the honors and ap classes I've taken bring it up to around a 3.1. That led her to tell me that I'm eligable for a scholarship, and would most likely revcieve a whopping $2500 from them. The fact that I won't get Bright Futures makes that money almost as valuable as gold... or rather platinum. It's a nice deal, but I'm still somewhat disturbed by how that school is impressed with me. For real, me.... come on. It really makes me not want to go there, but it's comforting to know I have a fall-back option if I don't get accepted to a school I really want to go to.
Well thats the positive part of what I had to say. I'll save the negative for after the holiday. I'm not in the mood to be depressed. Whatever sense that last sentence makes.... well I don't know. Enough
-A.J.
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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2003 26 November :: 11.58am
:: Mood: very thankful
:: Music: moulin rouge - "come what may"
i love you.
i have to say, i am proud to be one half of the longest lasting couple of all. one year today baby. i love you more than you could ever know. and i always will.
never knew i could feel like this
like i've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside your kiss
everyday i love you more and more
listen to my heart can you hear it sing?
telling me to give you everything
seasons may change, winter to spring
but i love you until the end of time
come what may.
Happy Anniversary To My One And Only.
2 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 25 November :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: christina aguilera - the christmas song
chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
eid mubarak.
i'm getting in the xmasy mood. it's very nice. now if only it was cold.
cant wait for luan to come down. and for... for xmas!! =D
<33 to all my sick people. feel better soon.
get ready to pig out on thursday. yippee.
You are Spearmint.
You are quick-witted and sharp. You pay close
attention to details and you can tell what your
friends are feeling. You are always the first
to understand a joke and you are valued for
your insight and advice. However, you
sometimes isolate yourself from other people,
afraid to share your own feelings.
Most Compatible With: Cinnamon
Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
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adiosesposito
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2003 24 November :: 11.55pm
:: Music: king geedorah
As the Thanksgiving holiday is almost upon us, I seem to be happier on the outside and more and more depressed on the inside. It's really pathetic why, but of course I've fallen victim to the number one source of depression in white males ages 12-18 who get good grades and don't do drugs: girls. For awhile I was clean- I didn't really have a yearning for the comfort of another. Relationships in high school seemed to be pointless to me, and I've never been one to indulge in one-night stands just to get a slice. I was jonesin for a girl near the end of the last school year, but summer kind of made me stop craving for her or anyone.
But over the last few months, that hankering for a girl has come back. See, it would be easier for me if it was various girls who popped in my mind as possibilities to date, but more and more it has become one girl again, the same one from last year. And it is ever-so slowly killing my soul.
I retract my earlier comment, about how I thought relationships in high school were pointless. One of the problems I have is I don't want to date a girl just for a short period of time-even say three months. I want to build a relationship, I think. I want to be able to have someone to call on nights like these when I'm bored and know how their day went. I want to be able to have someone to call on nights when I wasn't bored, when I had a great deal of work, yet all I wanted to hear is how their day went. I want to be able to spend my friday nights, every week, doing something with someone, be it watching her favorite movies or going to some bad Japanese restaurant. I want to have a reason to buy a 5 foot tall teddy bear on some random day just because it was their birthday. I realize now that I've being saying someone, but in truth, for me right now, it's just one girl.
I know they don't want to be mentioned in my journal, but just using them as a case example, I want a relationship akin to Holly and Andrew's. They are best friends, they can make fun of each other, but most importantly, they seem to share some interests and truly seem to love each other, if love can be found at such a young age. Maybe the main reason I've never had a girlfriend, looks aside, is that I've never found a girl who I truly shared interests with. There hasn't been a girl that I just thought to myself "Wow, we are perfect for each other." I know that there is a girl out there who listens to the same bands I listen to, loves the same movies I do, and thinks the Bengals are actually a pretty darn good football team; however, I have not found that girl as of yet. As John Cusack said in High Fidelity, all of the above things do matter, in contrast to what some people may think.
So I gave up on finding a girl who shared many similar interests with me. Everything was going great, and then I had to find a pretty girl like her. Sure,there are girls who I've found hotter or sexier, but I don't know, I guess she seems to be different. Sort of like an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, if you'd like me to wax faux-intellectual. It took me so long to just say I like her, as I always tried to go around that word. I don't know why I like her, I don't know why she's different from other quiet cuties, I don't know why I can't find any courage to talk to her; it's just reality for me as of now. Seriously, I feel ashamed of myself, whining about it to my friends, making something as frivolous as talking to a girl seem so important, so life or death. I mean, she knows I like her, and it's basically up to me to do anything about it. Yet, everyday I say I'm going to do something about it, I say I'm going to talk to her after school, but alas, it never happens. Excuses are made on my part, but they all add up to me being just pathetic.
So as it stands right now, I am a failure, when it comes to girls at least. Maybe I should let other girls on to my radar. Or maybe I should stop being such a waste of a man and show some initiative and stop putting off the one thing I want to do until it's too late. Whatever the right thing is, and in my mind and heart, I know the latter is the right thing, but whatever the right thing is, to paraphrase Legends of the Hidden Temple, the choice is mine and mine alone.
Drew R.
4 true playaz for real |
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plainmornings
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2003 24 November :: 10.59pm
| ::15 Random Favorites:: | | 1: | Elvis | | 2: | Baby Kitty | | 3: | Ms. Princy | | 4: | Gatitio | | 5: | Princess Sophia | | 6: | Baby Elvis/Whiskers | | 7: | Scardey baby kitty | | 8: | Cindy woo hoo | | 9: | Layla | | 10: | bananas | | 11: | pancakes | | 12: | pictures | | 13: | happy faces | | 14: | polka dots | | 15: | happy dances | | ::14 Favorite Foods:: | | 1: | pancakes | | 2: | bananas | | 3: | palomilla | | 4: | tacos | | 5: | cheese | | 6: | ice cream | | 7: | twizzlers | | 8: | gummi bears | | 9: | heath | | 10: | hershey with almonds | | 11: | mints | | 12: | hard candy | | 13: | cinnamon | | 14: | cheesecake | | ::13 Most Watched Shows:: | | 1: | Trading Spaces | | 2: | a dating story | | 3: | a makeover story | | 4: | a wedding story | | 5: | trading spaces family | | 6: | survivor (shut up) | | 7: | the bachelor (shut up again) | | 8: | the nanny | | 9: | gilmore girls | | 10: | queer eye for the straight guy | | 11: | room raiders | | 12: | one tree hill | | 13: | unwrapped | | ::12 Good Bands in your Opinion:: | | 1: | hot hot heat | | 2: | smashing pumpkins | | 3: | coheed and cambria | | 4: | thursday | | 5: | the postal service | | 6: | radiohead | | 7: | beck | | 8: | bush | | 9: | bright eyes | | 10: | pretty girl makes graves | | 11: | from autumn to ashes | | 12: | sevendust | | ::11 Memories:: | | 1: | show at the factory | | 2: | surprise visits | | 3: | 4am visits | | 4: | twins twins twins | | 5: | the "shack" | | 6: | warped tour | | 7: | melting pan. yes. pan | | 8: | frozen pizzas & movies | | 9: | pictures | | 10: | pancakes | | 11: | party party party! | | ::10 Close Friends:: | | 1: | Jizzennifer | | 2: | Ashy Stockey | | 3: | Bright Lite | | 4: | Stephy | | 5: | Kevy Wevy | | 6: | Gregory Luke <3 | | 7: | Princy | | 8: | Lo Wang | | 9: | the triangle. | | 10: | Jess/Heidi/Sam/Dave. yes all in one. | | ::09 Things you're looking forward to:: | | 1: | end of school | | 2: | after IB exams | | 3: | after IB | | 4: | end of everything | | 5: | birthday.mine. | | 6: | ashleys wedding | | 7: | cheesecake | | 8: | after tomorrow | | 9: | something cool. | | ::08 Things you wear daily:: | | 1: | bra | | 2: | underwear | | 3: | heart necklace | | 4: | murano glass star | | 5: | jizz's ring (i try to) | | 6: | sweater | | 7: | shirt | | 8: | pants of some sort | | ::07 Things That Annoy You:: | | 1: | aware ignorant people | | 2: | people who drive slow in the left lane | | 3: | people who don't listen | | 4: | old people on the road | | 5: | jeb bush | | 6: | fucking republicans | | 7: | everything. | | ::06 Things You Touch Everyday:: | | 1: | cell phone | | 2: | car keys | | 3: | computer | | 4: | brush | | 5: | princy | | 6: | myself? | | ::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:: | | 1: | empire records | | 2: | vanilla sky | | 3: | being john malkovich | | 4: | dangerous lives of alter boys | | 5: | 10 ways to lose a guy | | ::04 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys:: | | 1: | my little pony | | 2: | talking sesame street characters | | 3: | barbies | | 4: | trolls | | ::03 People You Have Kissed:: | | 1: | Gregory | | 2: | Princy | | 3: | Brighton :0P | | ::02 Of Your Favorite Songs:: | | 1: | Smashing Pumpkins version of Landslide | | 2: | Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise | | ::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With:: | | 1: | Princy <3 |
Countdown brought to you by BZOINK!
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spinoangel
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2003 22 November :: 6.00pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: nothing
blah
sickness. tired!
last night danielle and i went to dinner with my mom and dad. interesting conversation. we talked about some people. my mom thinks i'm attracted to people with weird names. people who dont spell their names right. and danielle thinks that reynold... looks.... priestly. l...o...l... anything to say to that, stephanie? ... A PRIEST! yeah.
then we saw cat in the hat. it was exactly what the doctor ordered. we had fun. no one else laughed like we did. it was funny.
<3 thing 1 and thing 2 [although thing 2 doesnt want the number two to mean that he is in any way inferior to thing 1 so you could also call him thing a or...]
it's a thing thing!
choco-late thun-da!
hmmmm. me and danielle keep passing our sickness baaack and foooorth. back and forth. we're sick one minute and not sick the next. we went shopping today. and we got real tired from sickness so it's a stay at home night. ya know? we both like let our heads fall on the keyboard. it was ... funny looking.
1 true playa |
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spinoangel
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2003 21 November :: 4.56pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: m2m - "girl in your dreams"
when i saw you, i wanted you to be mine.
i havent written in a little while. it seems so tedious i guess. school and life have been truly busy. well, maybe not too busy but way busier than ever before. i just want to go to bed sometimes. but its all good, cuz i love my life. and although there's stupid drama and weird feelings, that's what being a teenager is all about. i agree with danielle, there should be a true life episode: i'm an IBer. they should have a PIBer, an IBer, and someone who graduated from IB. that sounds interesting, dont you think?! well... maybe not. but dammit, i want someone to film my life! lol. doesnt everyone? danielle will get onto real world and take me with her. because i'll just keep visiting and it'll be like i'm on the show. thatd be great. and then we'd go onto the challenges. and become mtv vjs and then have our own talk shows. isnt that a great plan? anyways.
people trying to molest me. this is not funny! i dont wanna be taken advantage of! everyone just wants to get into christinas pants. but only danielle can do that.
i got all A's on my progress reports. lets hope it stays that way! *crosses fingers*
<3 to everyone else who is stressing out.
maybe i don't have the blonde hair you like.
maybe i don't have eyes like the sky.
and i'm sure you found the girl in your dreams.
but i can show you what love means.
3 true playaz for real |
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plainmornings
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2003 17 November :: 6.30pm
whos a baller...
guess who won a $100 gift certificate towards a tattoo.
yup that would be me.
did you know that the Lion King is one of the top 9 most rented VHS's of all time :0)
---------------------------------------------
UF audition was decent.
fingers crossed. necessity. school sucks.
the end.
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spinoangel
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2003 17 November :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: old something corporate
hey peoples i need the new cd.
hmmm.
something corporate concert. yes. seemed like the culture room kept shrinking. i dont like that place. painful, but fun. me and my handy dandy mae lyric book. liz's hyperness. and now we all know katherine is a true mosher at heart. heh. good food and conversation before bed. =) it was a new experience.
today in school... blech. govt made me feel like crap like always. things are quite weird. art we did nothing. but miss blair gave me an 80/100 on my hw piece and a 175/200 on my portrait. it made me feel like crap even moreso. it was hard for me to take it. but it motivates me to try harder. the whole point is, i shouldnt have to try so hard for art, should i? *shrug* oh well. precal was a humdrum day. notewriting with ashley. we have really neat notes. she's gonna leave me... she's gonna leave us. i'm gonna go crazy with all these normal people leaving. i'm just praying for everyone to please stay. its your decision though. i support ashley because its what she wants. sigh. it doesnt seem real. it will when school starts next year. we have to make the best of this year.
<3 never ending confusion.
7 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 16 November :: 8.05am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: aaliyah - "the one i gave my heart to"
i cannot sleep.
some things have happened since i last updated. all the little things have upset me this weekend and its prevented me from being in a joyful mood when i want to be. i wish i could say whatever i want in this journal, but i cant because so many people see it.
i had a little breakdown on friday... i can't divulge the reason publicly. but since danielle rushed over to see me, i stopped. we had a nice time with my mom and dad in city place. it was a really nice night for city place. we overdosed on anthropologie fragrances and we looked at wedding dresses. then we saw the movie love actually. it was great. absolutely great, because it was a feel-good movie that i needed to see. i wanted to cry sometimes but the movie was so happy in the end, i couldnt. two thumbs up. i want to own it.
saturday was a very interesting and long day. we went to wellington. lots of fun. xmas music in toojay's. hah. well we had a ball. we got makeovers at nordstroms. and we bought a LOT of makeup. my mom bought $200 worth!! but it was cool, getting all made up =). gotta love the gay guys. then at night, there was hema's party. it was alright. it was very weird since our group really didnt know anyone and we werent too interested in partying with strangers. very weird. but there were some nice moments. and some not so nice moments. i can't go into detail. blech.
ashley cline, where art thou?
if you're wondering what the hell i'm talking about sometimes... ask me and i might just explain stuff thats been happening.
how could the one i give my heart to, break my heart so bad? how could the one who made me happy, make me feel so sad? won't somebody tell me, so i can understand? if you love me, how could you hurt me like that? how could the one i gave my world to, throw my world away? how could the one who said i love you, say the things you say? how could the one i was so true to, just tell me lies? how could the one i gave my heart to, go and break this heart of mine? how could you be so cold to me when i gave you everything? ...all my love, all i had inside. how could you just walk out the door? how could you not love me anymore? i can't understand. how could the one i shared my dreams with, take my dreams from me? how could the love that brought such pleasure, bring such misery? won't somebody tell me... so i can understand?
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orfwashere
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2003 14 November :: 11.55pm
1290
....I guess I should be happy.
4 true playaz for real |
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spinoangel
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2003 14 November :: 4.11pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: jewel - "don't"
*whispers* just go away.
ya know that part in the little mermaid when ariel's sanctuary is destroyed by her dad? and then flounder and sebastian try to say something to make her feel better?... "just go away."
well. that's not exactly how i feel, but it just pops into my head. how i feel ... its such a paradox. i'm a walking contradiction [man thats another movie line. ever after.] and i really dont know how to explain myself. i'm sorry i've been very up and down. i know my friends dont like seeing me in the clouds and then down in hell ... sorry. i love everyone the same. always and forever. i just want to fly away. just want to go away from people. and things i'm sick and tired of.
sick and tired of:
- people who prevent me from learning
- more than 4 assignments to work on
- headaches and stomachaches
- people telling me things i need to hear, but break my heart
- wanting things i cant have
- not wanting things i can have
- no free time
- not having my brother to make me laugh when i get home
- fear that i'm not doing my best
- the fact that there's really nothing wrong with my life and i shouldnt be bitching, but i do it anyways.
and... other things.
this weekend will be fun and will make me feel better. thank god.
*crosses fingers* something corporate... please...
4 true playaz for real |
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