Rina
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2004 13 May :: 7.30pm
arg. my background is being such a fucker.
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 13 May :: 7.01pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: sacrifice
"beyond flesh. beyond perfection."
so. assessments were tuesday. i forgot my sketchbook. but i am not probed!!!! very good.
wednesday. is my favorite day! dont ask why. nothing special really happened.. except for james!!!
"crash bandicoot?"
"it is some sort of task.. you must collect the crystals. and fruit."
you know what im talking about.
OH! yes, i have a new look for the journal. best viewed in 1024 x 768. i could switch it to 800 x 600, but the majority of people dont use that screen resolution, so.. hm.
girls' weekend this weekend. i wont be back till sunday! what!
we are doing pastels in art. yayness. i heart pastels.
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lisalion816
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2004 11 May :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: ah the radio in my head
Alright. Juile has been pressuring me to write again so i will. :)
Tomorrow is my last day of school and its strangely a little depressing. Today was my last day in German and when mrs. stocker was saying her goodbyes to us seniors, i had to hold back a tear. I've had her for four years and i loved that class. Everything is just so strange now. Your expected to just leave and never come back and its weird. For the past 13 years i've been going to school, seeing my friends everyday and now that all too familure routine has vanished. Granted im thrilled to be out of there but, what am i going to do with myself between now and the time that i leave for sweden?
Im just so afraid that i wont see any of my friends again and no one will be here when i get back.
I feel like such a loser b/c only a hand full of people have signed my yearbook. Adam didn't sign it which kinda sucks but he was taking his exam in class so i didn't want to bug him. Besides, he doesn't know me that well and vice versa. I might get to cram in some extra signatures at Frank's party which im going to with Jess for sure. Im looking forward to it......
So jules, how was 5th today? nice and peacefull? Im going to miss talking to you. Hey guess what? sams ignoring me but i dunno why. shes comming across as cold and annoyed. im lost...
so anyway, im lost, confused, and perhaps a little scared. I just have to jump out of my comfort zone since im being forced out of it. Time has gone by so quickly and it amazes me. I can't even imagine how fast it will go by when im 40. Everything is like a blur. Here one minute gone the next it seems like.
....later...
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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dreamiecloud
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2004 10 May :: 9.51pm
:: Music: billy idol - rebel yell
went to prom.
the prom king was hottt.
i mean. oh man. there are no words for how hot he is.
i cant stand that he is a senior and goes to a different high school.
he is class clown as well.
his lip ring didnt even annoy me. :(
oh yea, and we saw don there! holy shit. the one who liked me and i have been avoiding forever.
we passed him in his car, and he looked over at us trying to make sure it was me.
i almost died laughing.
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 9 May :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: quiet
:: Music: the rasmus
it was hot like a mother today. but i made a huge picture with my shiny new pastels. they are the good chalk kind.
i had colors all over myself. you should have seen my face. there was a large black streak across my forehead and some green on my jawline. and, my hands were completely covered.
i officially hate the css coding for iframes. it is a bitch. why cant they have little site-builders with an iframes option? i mean honestly. i used to like designing crap in html, but this is hell on wheels. not literally. but it would be fun to see if you think about it.
which, oh my god, brings me to something going on in my head. when someone says 'hell froze over' i used to think of a large ice-skating rink. so naturally, i thought of ice skating or hot cocoa. oooohh dear how things change.
i now think of a large ice skating rink filled with millions of ms. freis'. so, (here is the hilarity bit) the term 'hell freezing over' could be thought of as 'hell freising over'.
get it? freis, freeze..
yes, i know its lame but you have to admit.. when youre tired and you dont want to think of anything, its pretty damn funny. especially if you know what she looks like.
want to completely baffle me? try and explain the linear progression of time, and how any unravelled part of it can cause objects to become unparadox. or impossible, if you wish.
i feel like a blank book sometimes. you could call me a canvas.
color me curious.
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lala91
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2004 9 May :: 7.06pm
have y0u ever been 20 feet away fr0m blink 182?? i have haha.
friday:: bailey and i went to the m0vies where we met up wit rach, kris, and kayla. bailey and i walked h0me. and went to sleep.
saturdaii:: w0ke up @ 6.3o.. went t0 walmart at like 7.oo. g0t a camera.. ya kn0w. went t0 baileys t0 get her stuff [[and her m0m]] l0l. we were 0n 0ur way. uh.. we g0t t0 0rland0 and went directly t0 sea w0rld. i g0t t0 pet d0lphins, and sting rayz.. i had t0 practically sh0ve baileys hand d0wn to0 t0uch the sting rays lol. we uh went t0 the h0tel and then went sh0pping.. at abercr0mbie and f0rever 21. [[0h ya, we saw shamu and samoo.. l0l. we went t0 the c0ncert,, fun fun fun... the 0pening bands were taking back sunday and cypress hill. then it was blink 182.. omg.. it was s0 fun.. i g0t a t0ur shirt and a hat,, w0w!!! l0l. we went t0 f0sters at like 1.oo in the m0rning.. lma0.. um,, we w0ke up and went sh0pping,, then came back h0me.. and whatdya kn0w.. chris is madd at me?!?! l0l.. [[whatz new]]
0oh ya..
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 6 May :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: HYPER.
:: Music: yellowcard
wee.
i feel like i want to be pushed down a hill in a shopping cart. really really fast.
that would be so much fun. weee.
i feel unnaturally hyper. and slighty drunk, im not sure.
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lala91
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2004 6 May :: 6.58pm
i think every0ne will be crying. as 0f thursday nights 8.oo 0n nbc. i have n0 life. my agenda f0r that night will be s0mething like will and grace. n0thing that adds up t0 j0eys funniness. ross smart ass facts, chandlers stupidity, rachels sluttiness, monicas cuteness, and phoebe's horrible songs [[smelly cat smelly cat, what are they feeding y0u??]] l0l. i highly d0ubt the replacment will adD up.
farewell t0 friends...
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 6 May :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: the living end
the first lesson is always the hardest
ohmygod. your tie is so hot.
cnlakivohabanm;sliyhehg.
i want you.
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lovethehibiscus
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2004 4 May :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: happy//wondering
:: Music: incubus - aqueous transmission
the onlooker
the moon is back to its sneaky ways again
as it hides behind the clouds
and pops out every now and then
it glances down
as its glow is seeping
old knowledge to the earth
he looks upon us
as a grandfather would look
at his grandchildren
that old man has seen many days
but still reigns in the sky
once the sun has made its departure
but dont be tricked by his age
as he slyly smiles and the earth beneath
glitters in a magical golden hue
for he sees the magic that goes on
beneath the stars and trees
for his mystic light creates it
andie*
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lisalion816
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2004 3 May :: 10.12pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Three days grace: just like you
Just found out that Adam doesn't have a girl friend and according to miller, he needs one.
...hmmmm....i should go to franks party...;)
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 3 May :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: spitting games - snow patrol
guilt is the ash at the back of your throat
i love homemade chocolate chip cookies.
i know boredom very well. we are friends now. but luckily, when he becomes unbearable i find ways to amuse myself. so today i made a squirrel. out of gum wrappers. it was so ridiculously awesome you will not believe.
i should write a book. To Boredom and Back: Ways to Amuse Yourself Along the Way. I would be famous. and i could show little picture-diagrams on how to make things out of gum wrappers.
you would buy it.
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lisalion816
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2004 3 May :: 6.48pm
:: Mood: mellow
Alright, so its been a couple of days. What has been going on lately???
Saturday i had to work from 8-3 which sucked, but i came home and slept so it was all good after that. Around 6 Alecia, Jessica, Christina and i went to go see "mean girls". it was a better movie than i expected it to be. Im not the one for chick flicks and stuff. Lindsay Lohan is sooo pretty! I wish i looked like her....ho hum... Yeah so after it got out, we went to fridays to go hang out a while. I hadn't had fun with all my old friends in a long while. Im so glad we could all do something. it was about time.
Sunday i went to Jo Ann fabrics to get some stuff for my english project. Yeah that was fun.
Today i had a good morning.German was a blast! We had to do our presentation today with the sock puppets ha ha. I had to write a list of vocab on the board so ppl could understand what we were trying to say. Adam kept walking up to me the whole time i was writing stuff just trying to make conversation....lol hes soo cute! Anyway, we did the show and he helped me out with some stuff and no one else bothered so that was nice.
After that we had about ten minutes untill class was over and we talked a bit, along with frank and cede. I got invited to Frank's graduation party and so did adam so i think i might have to go to that. I just need to see if anyone else, like jessica or christina are going. I dont want to show up and be like...ummmmm....yeah im leaving bc i might not know anyone. But i think i should go.
I think sam might be mad at me bc im still friends with Julie. I want sam to be my friend but i want Julie in the picture too. Sam has been distant lately so i dunno whats going on with stuff and...yeah. hokay
Untill i feel like unleashing another emotion..
...Later
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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dreamiecloud
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2004 2 May :: 3.19pm
this weekend sucks.
i was talking to my mom yesterday, and she told me how my uncle ronnie sent her an email in all CAPS saying that memere needs me here in florida and instead of wasteing their money on plane tickets for me to visit them, they should send me money so i can have independence from memere.
i am completely take aback that my uncle would have the fucking nerve to EVER send anything like that to my mother. HIS LITTLE SISTER. what a fucker.
i told my grandmother about it, and she was stunned. or as stunned as you can be for her. all she said was i cant wait until you graduate.
she didnt mean that in a mean way. we suffer them together. because once i leave for college, shes moving. either to bonita with my other aunt and uncle, or to georgia near my...other aunt and uncle.
i dont know what is wrong with them lately, they are crazy. i mean. really, its seems that they are tacking all the bad shit they THOUGHT about my brother is sort of being pinned on me now.
my aunt called and freaked out and my grandmother because i didnt say thanks to her mother for something she got me.
i was planning on sending a card. they think i am some spoiled brat. well i have news for them: don not concentrate your parenting skills on ME, you have a spoiled rotten little BRAT for a daughter, focus on her.
i was raised right, i am almost an adult, while being 6 estefanie is not. i would watch out for her.
i am going to laugh so FUCKING hard when stef is 16 and they do not know what to do with her.
i feel like i am going to spontaineously combust. i am so upset and hot.
i need to go and paint, or i will be screwed.
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lovethehibiscus
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2004 1 May :: 8.58am
:: Mood: :)
:: Music: Carve Your Heart Out Yourself - dashboard confessional
i eat emo for breakfast :P
GOOD MORNING!
yes it is saturday
and i am up at 8:49
i am...patiently...waiting.
today i am goin to boca with el equipo
to watch a girls lacrosse
and boys lacrosse game
eeeeeeeeeee!
im so excited
and i just cant hide it
never seen a lacrosse game before
wooooha
waiting till 11:30...
andie*
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lovethehibiscus
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2004 30 April :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: happy//letting go
:: Music: one year, six months- yellowcard
you know who you are
Crash
my world falls
you grin
on the sidelines
my heart is heavy
while yours jumps
free
"A dream, all a dream, that ends in nothing, and leaves the dreamer where he lay down, but I wished you to know you inspired it."
-Charles Dickens
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
-Yellowcard
goodbye
andie*
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lala91
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2004 28 April :: 11.00pm
What if i am the way i am forever and there is nothing i can do about it?
reasons, everyone alwayz wants reasons why i am the way i am. honestly, i would like to know myself. so i write about hwta hurts, what feels good, what makes me cry and what makes me feel. i wanty to know why:
i cry
im screaming silently inside
im happy for a moment and then i lose it.
im free but i hold back.
i hat emyself when i look in the mirror.
i drown in self pity.
i am ashamed.
i hide from everything.
i feel more then i can take.
and i just really want to know why i am unable to be whole. was i born with a failure inside of me that doesnt allow me to change? i spend my days scared. what if i never change? what if there are no reasons at all? what if im the way i am forever and there is nothing i can do about it. so i look for an answer to make the confusion go away. every day i wake searching with only the hope that someday something will be found that will make this endless longing go away.
have you ever wanted something so badd you couldnt breathe??
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lisalion816
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2004 27 April :: 9.31pm
I have found my friend again but may have lost my other. Why is everything so complicated??
JULIE! I LOVE YOU!
ok then...
today in german i had fun...we are working on a project where we have to make up a mystery and have the class guess who dun it.
Adam is in my group..he was like hey as long as we have Lisa....i was and still am thrilled. Yesterday i talked to him and Frank. Frank is the coolest! Hes sooo funny. Adam talk to me and hesk so nice and down to earth. I WANT HIM. well he will be going to edison so i will have to purposly run into him. He wasn't there today but it was ok since we made sock puppets! ooo it was fun and funny. i hope Adam is there tomorrow so i can stare im mean admire him. Not your average dumb pretty boy...I hate pretty boys. Hes more umm awsome...has the emo glasses and the deepest blue eyes i have ever come across...that tied in with his dark hair makes me weak in the knees. ok so i have a thing for dark hair and light eyes.
every girl has a dream guy.
im just looking for mine
he will come along.
wouldn't it be funny if i married someone from cypress??
Must dream happy dreams and wake up happy.
Someone that i liked once told me to smile as much as i can because i have a beautiful smile.
I think i might....:)
glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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Rina
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2004 26 April :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: other computers
my journey seems to end at your doorstep
today was agonizingly slow.
i was eagerly anticipating the end of the day when i woke up this morning.
i felt very shy. like a little girl keeping a secret. ana said i looked small and cute. and i started to wonder what other people might think of me. i am a very curious person.
i didnt talk very much. i was kind of hoping that if i stared at my watch enough the day might go faster. or if i didnt talk to anyone, the day wouldnt slow down any more than it had already.
it didnt work.
now i am at my mother's office. this place is so bland i can hardly stand it. it screams that it needs more than white covering its walls. it feels like some sort of penitentary. but each time i come here it doesnt seem as bad. i hope that doesnt mean im accepting that it wont change. i hate being forced to accept things. thats why im so good at arguing. i can pick fights so easily i scare myself.
yesterday my mother took me and my sister to 'Mamma Mia!' at the barbara b. mann hall. it was a musical. and i have to say, it was alot better than i had expected.
and for those of you who read some of my story, would it be too much to ask for feedback? i dont know if i should continue writing it.
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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lala91
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2004 25 April :: 8.49pm
:: Music: roses-- outkast
haha
ive been sayin that a lot latley.
this weekend was 0ok.. i had a softball game firday night, and we won. and then catherine, bailey, and lacey spent the night. we did eachothers hair and nails.. it was funN. we talked about just about everything. i really missed mia and kayla goldman this weekend.. ne wayz. saturday catherine , lacey, my mama and i went to "the tanning place". i g0t a playb0ii bunnii sticker and itz s0o cute!! l0l. [[sexy-- catherine]] then bailey and kristi came and picked me up and we went to malikes party. it was s0 fun.. well until the piont when catherine started bo0tii dancing [[or at least thatz what i think it was]] l0l. uh.. i spent the night at baileys with kristi, and in the morning i was the last one up and kristi hadD already went h0me. s0 i called mah momma and she came and g0t me.. when i g0t h0me my aunt came and s0 did mia [[finally]] we babysat mah cuzin while mah parents and mah aunt went to the beach. me and calli made up and we're c0ol n0w.. read ur journal if you d0nt beleive she l0ves me...
www.livejournal.com/~_canes04_
itz the bigG font at the t0p. lma0. and then chris t0ok mah writing.. where i use the 00's for mah oo's.. he sed itz his n0w.. "calli tell him t0 st0pP!!!" l0l.
35%!!!!
ne wayz im g0nna g0 make a belt f0r kayla valente.. l0l j/p
- x0x0x
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glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
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