The poems to come are for you and for me and are not for mostpeople.

:: 2003 7 February :: 10.14pm

i hope you know that you're amazing...

<3

:: 2003 7 February :: 7.29pm

so yeah. The perfect Friday was ruined by some crazy substitute in bio.... he was like a thousand lbs and met some woman he was in love with through the phone & they've been talking for 5 yrs now & never met and shes recently divored, he has a 37 year old biological daughter and says he can "relate" with those of us having sex now and he has a 17yr old adopted daughter. He successfully messed up my name "Viva" and yelled at me + at Diana like a thousand times more. We played a stupid game & we're going to tell Mr.Murnan it was dumb.

Other then that today was okay... actually today kinda sucked. Just got home, had to go EVERYWHERE after school...

Now Chris & Jared are coming over soooo yay :0)

yesterday I hung out w/Chris and Brian = mucho funness.. we ended up at Josh & Jared's house where Brian broke the sexy sexy waterbed :0( lol it was fun & we called lots of people and we're trying to find Jared a girlfriend (hes cute girls!) haha.

this weekends guna be crazy.... orchestra rehearsals + concert, piano concerto etc.

I'm missing Further Seems Forever, The Early November & The Beautiful mistake now. damnit.

12 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 6 February :: 10.24am
:: Mood: happy

so last night tim and i rented a movie and i was in the car with tim on the way to my house and i accidently missed my favorite part of the song we had on, and i go "rewind it !!" and he accidently fast forwarded instead and i go "YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING." but i was just kidding or whatever. so we watched the beginning of the movie but then he had to go home, so then on the way to his house, we got in the car and he put the song back on since i had missed it or whatever and i go "ohhh it's the song you fucked up." and he goes "fuck you !" and i go "no. fuck you. get out of my car." and so he opens the door, puts the movie in my lap and starts to get out and i go "aww baby come back !" and he did and i go "but NEVER make me hold your things again ." , and he goes "no, i was giving it to you because if i was never going to see you again, i wanted you to be able to finish it." and i like died because he was so cute . <333 HE IS SO PERFECT . HOW DOES HE DO IT ?!?!

1 lover | i love susan.

:: 2003 5 February :: 11.07pm

I feel the need to update.

First of all... BUY TICKETS FROM VIVI!!! yes yes yes, I need to sell another 4 by tomorrow :0/ Ben, i'm soooooo guna do it!
ehhhh tickets for the Adastra show on the 22nd @ the Factory.. $12 you soo know you want to :0P

Chris came to see me last night which made me incredibly happy :0) <- seee! I met his friends Jared, Peck, and Josh & Brian was also there but i've met Brian already. I was very much convinced they were all looking at me funny... crazy stuff.

oh yeah. I went home sick yesterday... got LOTS of sleep.

Today was pretty worthless. can't wait till Fri <3

till then...
<3

:: 2003 5 February :: 1.21pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: celine dion - that's the way it is

[ i can't quite put my finger on it , but it's somewhere in the reason why ] i try not to [ but usually ] close my eyes when you kiss [ even ] my cheek because otherwise i know i'll get lost forever in this feeling [ which i wouldn't mind doing, but i don't know if you'd be here with me ] . [ sometimes i want to tell you but i don't know if you feel it too ]. it's in that feeling i get when you kiss my neck only i get it when we're just sitting and holding hands and sometimes [ but don't tell anyone else ] when certain songs come on in the car , i'll reach for your hand and i'll look over and you're not really there [ i was just dreaming you into life ]. i think i do that all the time , though [ not just sometimes ] . and my concentration is fine until ten minutes after you get off work because i'm crossing my fingers until the phone rings [ so hard i see stars ... or hope to ] . but i'm not falling ; that's not me . i don't do that . [ that's what i heard from him , but i hope you'll realize that sometimes i lie , but it's only because you can't realize you're on my mine from when i wake up to when i fall asleep at night , and often long after that . and my heart falls when i don't have a new voice message , but i'm okay until 10:30 when i will . and there's only two more days until i can fall asleep with your arms around me but i'm trying really hard to pretend i can now ] . it doesn't mean anything that i'm using all my minutes and all my gas and am at your work more than you . you're reading too much into it . [ or maybe i'm not reading enough ] .

i love susan.

:: 2003 3 February :: 5.46pm

Have you ever?

1. been kissed? yes :0)
2. done drugs? nopes :0):0)
3. eaten an entire box of oreos? can't say that I have
4. eaten sushi? yea but not too fond of it
5. been on stage? yep yep
6. been dumped? once. but hey, we got back together and i got to dump him the second time :0P
7. had someone be unfaithful?:0(
8. gotten in a car accident? one for real when we had to call the cops and once we hit a yellow pole :0P

Which one is Better?
1. cold or hot: hot
2. blue or red: red
3. rain or snow: rain
4. give or receive: give
5. wool or cotton: cotton
6. rose or daisy: daisy
7. private school or public school:i assume public
8. chocolate or plain milk: chocolate
9. celsius or fahrenheit: don't get me started
10. spring or fall: spring
11. history or science: history
12. math or English: math
13. alternative or country: alternative

Opposite Gender

1. Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex? NO!!!! (heh you know i'm kidding :0P)
2. Do they know? ummmm maybe :0P

Friends

1. Who are your funniest friends? umm Canadian Dave for one :0P Ashley's really ditzy I duno if that counts
2. Who makes you laugh/smile the most? DAVE!! heh i'm always smiling.. *MY* Chris makes me smile ALL the time :0)<3
3. Who do you email the most? proly Miss. Kelly with all of my boy problems heh
4. Who's your best friend? i have lots of really good friends...definately Kevy Wevy, Bright, & Jenn though, I'd die w/o them <3<3
5. Who's the loudest? haha we're ALLLL loud!
6. Who's the shyest? ummmm I don't know if any of us are particularly shy...
7. Whose parents do you know the best? Jenns or Kevs or Brights
8. Who are you jealous of? I WANT HEIDI's BOOBS!!!(or Bright's heh)
9. Who has the best room? I liked Ashley's room muchoness

Within the last 24 hours

1. Had a serious talk with someone? yes *ahem CHRIS!*
2. Hugged someone? sure, I'm a hug slut! haha
3. Gotten along with your parents? I suppose.. they're being nice cuz i'm sick :0/
4. Fought with a friend? yes well kinda

Do you like to...

1. Give hugs? HUG SLUT!!!
2. Give back rubs? not as much as I enjoy receiving *hint hint* :0P
3. Take walks in the rain? they're the best ones...
4.What did u do this summer? um.. lots of stuff :0P worked at an orchestra camp and a science camp and went to Italy & Greece :0)

Which one of your friends?

1. Is most likely to grow up to be a model: I have soo many hot friends it wouldnt' be fair to single them out :0P
2. Knows most about you: honestly probably Brighton
3. Is most likely to become a comedian: DAVID!
4. Have you known the longest: JENN!!
5. Do you know most about: proly Kevy :0P
6. Who will send this back the quickest? ummm this is in my journal
7. Is the smartest: definately Jenn, shes guna be a rocket scientist or something :0P
8. Most likely to wind up in jail: eep none of MY friends heh
9. Who sent this to you: *MY* Chris who stole it from Josh's (thoughtssurreal) journal
10. Who talks the most? ha proly me! cuz its ALL about me :0P

1. Have you ever been to a concert? a bazillion!
2. Loved someone so much it made you cry: i don't think so.
3. Cheated on a test: MALPRACTICE!
4. stolen something: once. I was 8 and I stole a little rubber stamp from this place :0(
5. stalked someone: haha cuz i'm scary stalker girl eh?

1. Single or hooked: hooked :0P sorry boys! heh
2. Who was or is you biggest crush: hmmm I wonder :0P
3. If you were gonna go out with anyone who would it be: I am perfectly content with *MY* Chris :0P
4. Have you ever had an online relationship? lets not go there.

Others

1. What is your worst habit? my dirty dirty mouth
2. What really makes you mad? too much
3. Scariest moment? um... none come to mind really
4. Happiest moment: I have a lot of happy moments, its not very fair to limit myself i think...
5. Do you swear too much? haha I think i've already answered this one :0P
6. How do you feel about homosexual? whatever floats your boat
7. Do u dress like a slut/prep/snob/sporty/or just plain? i wear whatever is clean.

and i'm done!!!

Chris says: "I finished before you"

ahh the shithead thinks that makes him better :0P j/k

...you're my everything.. my 2nd favorite person in the world :0P...

5 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 2 February :: 11.26am

Apparently a convo between Jessie & Heidi while I was sleeping:

Twister 10: there's some asian chick somewhere who has my breasts
Twister 10: and I fucking want them back
pinkwombat13: haha
pinkwombat13: vivi!
Twister 10: that WHORE!
pinkwombat13: ah, boobs, the makers of great conversations.

Vivi = enfermo.
sick sick sick sick
bleh it sucks. I've slept more hours then i've been awake this weekend. Got to see my Chris on Friday which made me happy.(even though I was sleeping the whole time:0/)

now... to orchestra to study bio. (haha tell me if that makes any sense :0P)

au revoir

:: 2003 30 January :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: bouncy

heh you know what I mean ~ Ashley
Compliments of *MY* Chris <3 heh Ashy & I are still right though, its a HUGE scam to get girls to do more sexual favors :0P

You may have noticed a distinct bluish tinge to your testicles after you make out for several hours -- and the deep, most uncomfortable ache that goes along with it.

Actually, it's not your testicles that are blue, it's the skin of the scrotum. When you're aroused, blood flows not only to the penis, but to the entire area.

The longer you stay aroused, the longer the blood stays there. Newer blood is red, but older blood, which has less oxygen, is blue -- and that's why your testicles appear to contain more blue blood than Buckingham Palace.

It's not harmful, so don't run to the emergency room. If it lasts for hours and hours after you've stopped being aroused, though, see a doctor. Or find socks to match.

* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover. - Marge Piercy

I'm at Ashy's house not & we're going to St.Augustine tomorrow, yay!

4 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 30 January :: 5.50pm

"G-d I hate you"
Well hello, Chris (Steven Chris) ehh that was Chris's quote up there and Jeff knows why :0P

So yeah. We're ummm building guns and fixing lights and hehe I think hes telling me to get off now cuz the house is on fire or something like that :0P

hehe we've decided that I've got too much hair and Ashley and I don't think that blue balls exist right ash? :0P

okay. on with the fun bye bye :0)

4 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 28 January :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: ghoti hook - knock knock

as horrible as it sounds , it's great to see you down when i know you brought it upon yourself . your facade of perfect hair and popularity is fading fast , and when it's all over , i won't be the one left crying anymore . this partnership you've formed is a cruel thing , and it won't last much longer because you've been through most of us . it's a great strategy , though . what better way to bring down an innocent bystander than by smiling your way into their life , robbing them of all oxygen , and quickly escaping without so much as 'goodbye' to let them choke on their own stupidity ? i just don't understand why . why your choice of victim is the undeserving , and why you think you're so much better . neither of you would be anything without the other , and interdependence is a dangerous thing . and nothing will look more beautiful to me than the salty tears in your self-inflicted wounds when this game you think you're in together turns out to be a one player thing .

:: 2003 28 January :: 5.20pm

For Drew:

Yes yes, I must write about my weekend now...

Fri night is pretty self explanatory... or I'm just not going to explain but I had a great time (for the most part... besides the pole.. )

Sat: HECTIC DAY!! Jessie came over around 2:30 to do hair and o god it was a mess! couldn't get anything to work so we ran to Walgreens, I made a huge scene about my stupid hair curlers heh. Anyways. Brighton came to the rescue, doing my hair in a mere 25min! She did a DAMN good job in the little time we had :0)
4:45 = late of the piano recital... the recital was... interesting lol I played my piece in under 30sec flat... it could have been very, very bad..
5:45 = leave for the Morikami Gala, already late. Got there and everyone looked soo pretty! I was in a velvet halter dress thing (Ashley said my boobs looked saggy :0() lol The Gala went really well I think... we raised a bunch of money for the museum and even scored some food!

around midnight = Ashley and I left and I got a call from my bitch Brighton <3 heh we decided to meet at Starbucks on Glades & 441 soooo there Ash & I went. By the time we got there the place was closed so Ashy and I were freezing our hinnies off and some guys were hitting on us from across the parking lot. Turns out, one of the guys was Ashley's ex boyfriends bestfriend (they knew eachother) so they were talking and i was talking to the other guys when Bright & her friend Mike pulled up in matching black GTI's. Turns out the guys I was talking to all knew Mike and one of the guys was this kid Chris, one of Bright's ex boyfriends that I had actually met awhile ago (figures eh?) so yeah... lack of better things to do we decided to follow them to this girl Allisons house who lives in the Seasons. Got there, got out of the car and guess what, I knew Allison lol it was soo weird.. i'd met her last year @ Canadian Dave's bday party... small world i suppose... after that the night kinda died.. ended up at Don Carters for a bit then back home around 2:30.

Sun = orchestra = no fun.

this weeks going by pretty well... 1 & half more days for Vivi! (Thurs = half day & Fri i'm goin 2 St.Augustine w/SNHS + Costa Rica and such)

This weekend is going to blow. Lots of piano stuff urghhhhhhhhh

i love susan.

:: 2003 27 January :: 6.03pm

so yeah, a picture of mine won a photo contest and is going to be published :0)

its also being advanced to the finals of the international amateur photography competition in the summer of 2003 :0)

i'm just psyched about it getting published! now if i had the $90.00 to buy the book that its going to be published in.... maybe i'll just go to Borders and look at it once in awhile...

7 lovers | i love susan.

:: 2003 26 January :: 11.45am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: third eye blind - semi charmed life

this morning i woke up all disoriented , hungry , sleep marks on my face and hair all tangled , and my phone rang . and it was you , apologizing for waking me , even though you didn�t . you just have perfect timing , because that�s what you are ; perfect . and you made me hang up so you could leave me a voice mail and i was going to check the voice mail after my shower but i�m so addicted to you that i couldn�t . so i�m lying in bed and listening to your voice and i just sunk back into the covers and everything i was complaining about just went away . i was just blissfully lying there , covered in blankets , and all i could think about was how my back still smells like peach and how your hands are always so warm when i get to your house and i always use that as my excuse to hold them . and how i know that when i wake up in the mornings i always have �1 missed call� and �new voice message� and that even though i have all this homework that i haven�t done and work and my mother waiting for me to get up so she can yell at me and friends that i don�t talk to and friends that i do talk to but don�t like , it doesn�t matter . all that matters is that you make it all go away . and i look at my night table and i see this flower all wilting and i won�t throw it away because it reminds me of you . and i go downstairs and i have my favorite cereal and a dozen roses and the cookies we baked and i�m just so happy i didn�t know it was possible . i miss you baby .

i love susan.

:: 2003 25 January :: 12.10am

with every kiss i think my heart skipped a beat <3

1 lover | i love susan.