plainmornings
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2002 12 November :: 6.53pm
time. the universal healer? maybe.
as i start to fix my problems my life begins to settle and normality returns.
Two big obstacles in one week... leaving me weak but now I have the oppurtunity to stand up taller (shut up) then before. My heart still aches yet I know things are going to be okay and there are many oppurtunities in my future. I have been lucky... lucky to have friends that care about me and someone that still likes me regardless of everything that has happened. Thank you to {him} and to everyone else.
Free of obligation. This is what getting out of prison must feel like :0P (sorry... watched Oceans 11 for the 1st time yesterday heh)
15days till I get to see my Kevy Wevy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 11 November :: 12.39am
Tonight was really fun :0)
I ended up going to Merkel's halloween party and had a great time :0) This was the first year that I didn't bring anyone with me (like a guy) so I wasn't obligated to drag someone around and I could freely float around and mingle :0P I went as a Jester/fairy person with my very cool mask I got in Venice. The mask got really annoying so I ended up taking it off 10min into the party. Whigham, the Mobleys, Demony and this kid Chad ended up showing up. It was cool.. I hung out w/Demony a lot. They left at around 9:45 10ish. IT was really creepy.. when they were leaving that kid Chad came over 2 me and was all like "i think you're really cute" and started kissing my neck to which i pushed him away and was like GOODBYE!!! lol Lets see... I made Dom go & I stole his chair while using his phone to go online :0) Baby'nana! haha ummm Drewski was my "emo boy" bitch for the night hehe Drew makes a very, very sexy emo boy :0) ummm Merkel looked like Little Richard in his Hook wig. Umm... Leah brought a really cute Yugoslavian exchange student named Ivan. Courtney and Dennis were there and they were soooooo cute despite Courtney lookuing like a complete and utter whore! Kachina looked great and we enjoyed touching eachothers breasts' all night. All together a good night. I'm really glad I decided to go <3
Now... now i'm talking to Shane :0) soooo yeah. this is the end <3
goodnight world<3
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 10 November :: 11.38am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: desaparecidos - mall of america
she sometimes wished that her family life wasn't so despairing, and that every fight wasn't imprinted in detail in her memory and in savage etchings on her right wrist.
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 9 November :: 6.57pm
VidaDura87: females r only good for 2 things....making babies and cleaning up after guys ;-)
wow. lol DOM = PIG!!! haha
6 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 9 November :: 12.14am
Atlantic vs. Olympic Heights 24-7
we're 10-0.. the perfect season.
Tonight was kind of depressing... Because of ... how can I say this, prior comittments? I have really fucked up potential relationships. Matt.. well Matt's a different story but Shane.. I think I've royally fucked that one up. He looked soooo good tonight it was ridiculous. He was wearing these very "emo" glasses and had on the tuba baret and I swear if he was wearing that sexy sexy sweater I think i woulda just raped him on the spot :0P You see.. this all sounds fine and dandy but no. He spent the whole night with Sam... GRRRR!!! A week ago and that woulda been just ME and now its not :0( Ashley says hes just doing it to make me jealous and he still likes me but I don't know... I think i'm going to call him tomorrow & c if hes going to the Halloween party.. I really hope he is...
After the game we went 2 Fridays where lots of people were. It was fun, we just hung out. On the way home Ash & I had the top down & we saw these two really cute guys at the stop light. One was in a white eclipse and the other was on a motorcycle type thing. We got smiles and waves :0) Its fun getting attention from cute boys :0P Now i'm home. It's 12:20... my bday :0) heh Vivi = dorko so yes.. get over it.
Thank you Kevy Wevy... you are my world <3
10 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 7 November :: 11.07pm
fuck it.
worthless.
3 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 6 November :: 10.55pm
...Tonight, it seems as if a beautiful friendship is emerging...
And so.. my predictions were true. I think this is the best way to get your heart broken.. I can honestly say that i'm okay right now and I can smile because I truly believe that things are going to be okay despite "status" or such. I think I prefer it this way.. being open and honest.. I'm far too paranoid about these things to have it on my chest making me worry to death. For the past 4 months every "relationship" I have engaged in has been an absolute mess because my heart has been bound. Love doesn't fade easily... more times it just doesn't fade at all but I think I got the closure I needed.
and to (you) like I always say, Unconditional. (You) have been my world for what seems like forever. As a friend as a whatever I will love you unconditionally. A beautiful friendship... almost better.
...the end of a beautiful era...
to the wonderful people who have been with me through this just know that you're truly the best and I don't know what i'd do with out any of you. Thank you.
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 6 November :: 8.23pm
:: Mood: incomplete
:: Music: ghoti hook - knock knock
he kisses with too much tongue. he could never kiss like you, but he is somebody to kiss. i always start missing you when i start seeing mistletoes ... or every time i kiss somebody. remember those nights on your couch, with the movie illuminating our profiles, even though we weren’t watching the movie ? our conversations intertwined with kisses, and you said “I’ve never had a whole conversation while kissing somebody before.” i hadn’t either. and i never will, because that represents you in my head, and i could never replace you. i keep trying and trying and for a day or two i think i may have succeeded, but you walk into the room with your spiky hair and soft lips and my heart stops beating until we lock eyes and you break the spell first. you always break the spell first, because it is not a spell for you. it is just another girl that cares more for you than you will ever know, or respond to. what would you do if i grabbed your hand one day ? if i actually could come up to you take you back to that couch where you reminded me what you owed me and kissed me more gently and more passionately that i had ever been kissed ? holding hands with you was natural. we fit them together perfectly. we fit together perfectly. so the next time i go to the pier, i will throw my penny in and make my wish and hope you are doing the same on the other side, and i’ll linger a minute longer than i should, waiting to see if you emerge from the shadows. and i know you won’t because you never do. and i’ll keep trying anyway, and when that doesn’t work, i’ll try to hold your eyes and you’ll know what i am trying to say. but you’ll look away because you know that tortured look in my eyes all too well and you’ll keep walking and take somebody else’s hand, and i’ll notice how she can’t even hold your hand right. i know you deserve much better than that. even though our hands fit together right, i know that you deserve better than me too. and i’ll never be able to take your hand again.
(...i didn't want it to mean that much to me...)
3 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 5 November :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: numb
wow.
noone told me unconditional wasn't forever.
(tear.)
4 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 5 November :: 8.55pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: trina featuring luda - b r right
Tentatively stepping forward, opening the door an inch at a time, unsure of what she’d find, she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer. Sprawled on the floor of the walk-in closet lay what she’d feared finding. His demise and her horror, exhibited in a 5’6, blue-eyed frame. A mix of emotions rushed through her like freezing water, and she almost threw up. Collapsing in a state of shock, she pulled her knees to her chest, sitting on the floor shaking intensely. She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there when she heard the telephone ring. Looking at her watch, she realized the hours and hours had been a matter of seconds. She couldn’t figure out where the ringing was coming from, but it was somewhere in the small 4 by 6 closet. It was clutched in his hand. Her “Hello?” was barely a whisper, and the voice on the other end reminded her that life goes on. It had gone on time and time again when this had happened. She got in her car and drove to work. On the way, she called her mother and left her a message. “He’s in the closet.”
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 5 November :: 8.23pm
"Tell your mom you need the day off. So we can play out in the rain..."
"This song will become the anthem of your underground"
"Close your eyes, you're beautiful when you're sleeping"
"I picture you sighing softly. Only in my dreams"
"Heres a thought. If you're willing to listen"
"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy"
"Its yet to be determined but the air is thick and my hope is feeling worn"
"so sick so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick"
"Beautiful, you're beautiful, as beautiful as the sun"
...things that make me happy...
It was never written in the stars,
Or whispered to me in a fall breeze,
It didn’t come from traveling to a land afar,
Nor did an angel come to me in my sleep,
I sought no answer in god’s scriptures,
Or sipped some magical potion,
It did not take first sight of a picture,
Nor some unexplained sense of divine devotion,
It is not even in the words in this poem I write,
Or hidden in a the lyrics of a song,
All I know is what I feel in my heart is right,
For you are the one my soul has so longed,
It is something that will be forever true,
That love I have been vested shall never fade,
For my life is complete now that I’ve found you,
Because it was you for which I was made.
...unconditional...
1 lover |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 2 November :: 1.48am
The Perfect Season... well almost anyways 9-0 and one game to go and its just against Olympic Heights soo no sweat :0P
Tonight was okay. I got to see Lauren from Dwyer which was really cool. Matt and I are mad at eachother again but then again whos REALLY surprised? Yeah.. me either. ummm Score. 22-14 ATL-vs-Dwyer.
I fell asleep in a really ackward position on the way back & was in a really cranky mood. We (me, Ben, Stephy, Jenn & Whitney) went 2 Taco Bell where we met up w/a gazillion people. It was okay cept Matt getting all mad at me.
Thank you Ben <3
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2002 31 October :: 5.51pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: aphrodite - king of the beats
it's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
every time you turn around a new opinion is formed. sometimes i can’t live without your eyes and sometimes i can’t bear to look into them, but i always want them around. a few weeks ago you said you could get lost in my eyes. maybe you did, and now you’re gone forever, drowned into eternity because i couldn’t tear my stare away from you. but you’re probably lost in somebody’s else’s, using those same adoring lines and that’s why you haven’t called. i close my eyes when i answer the phone so i can’t see the caller ID and keep that hope that it may be you for a few seconds longer. if i told you that, would you stop calling me completely ? or have you already ?
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 28 October :: 5.19pm
:: Mood: pissed the hell off
WTF! I think I could have DIED! Guess what, TBS (TAKING BACK FREAKING SUNDAY LIKE MY FAVORITE BAND IS COMING with The Starting Line = VERY good band too) GUESS WHERE VIVI'S GOING TO BE....... IN FREAKING TAMPA FOR THE FREAKING FESTIVAL OF THE FREAKING WINDS URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Dec 5-9 i'm guna b in Tampa... TBS is playing on a weekend nontheless, Dec 7th and i'm going to miss it.
I'm very sad right now.
5 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2002 27 October :: 9.57pm
2002-2003 Marching War Eagle Band (minus like 10 people though)
okay yeah. the stupid image wouldn't work but you can see it at
http://www.geocities.com/picturesxstarsxdreams/band.jpg
1 lover |
i love susan.
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