perhaps, perhaps....perhaps..

:: 2004 4 January :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: tired...

This morning...I went to church...when I got home, I talked to Carmen...and then took a nap...hung out with Joshie after that...then took apart the Christmas Tree...then ate dinner...then went over to Carmen's, and pretty much got a hug...a nice, long hug...I decided that I didn't feel like going to the store in this weather, so I went home and picked Joshie up...we screwed around in Morrowind for awhile, and then he left...and here I am, going to bed...

Quote of the day:
"After awhile I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain"

crush me

4 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 3 January :: 11.56pm

...And the reason for the cheerfulness...

Tonight, I went to Stevie's with Dan, along with the entire group...I was just chilling around, looking for a movie to watch, searching through drawers and cabinets...I find, bringing me to an enlightened state of glee, that she owns a Sega-CD, along with Sonic CD, the only Sonic game that I've not beaten...or played for that matter...wow, did that make me ever so happy, even though it shows how much of a dork I am...wow, boy o boy...great times...such as Sonic 2 gives me an unbelievable high, probably nothing natural or synthetic could top...so many good memories flood back, scenes engraved in my retina come back, to when my parents had a larger T.V. set in their room, and we had the Genesis hooked up to it...this was fairly soon after Christmas of either '92 or '93...my mother and I kept getting stuck on Act 2 of Chemical Plant zone (second level of the game) because of the rising water levels...now, I look back at that and laugh, because it is fairly easy for me, but those memories still exist...and they will never leave me...my mother and I used to play that game a ton, always having trouble on Oil Ocean zone...we called the hot-line for help on the boss of Sky Base and Death Egg...these are such good memories that they bring tears to my eyes...anyways...where was I? Well, I came home eventually, to find a cd that I had lost for about 5 years...wow...two dreams come true (hah, not really, but now I don't have to spend another $26 to get that cd)...you all should see the smile on my face right now...Sonic CD and Disc 2 of the Sounds of Science in one night! A Godsend!

Quote of the day:
"I lock the gates to hell
I toll the final bell
I am forever

I am the blinding light
Probing the endless night
There's no escaping me

Wake in your darkest dreams
Go ahead and try to scream
No one can hear you now"

:: 2004 3 January :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: A bit cheerful...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful) High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very Low
Level 7 (Violent) Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Fifth Level of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The river Styx runs through this level of Hell, and in it are punished the wrathful and the gloomy. The former are forever lashing out at each other in anger, furious and naked, tearing each other piecemeal with their teeth. The latter are gurgling in the black mud, slothful and sullen, withdrawn from the world. Their lamentations bubble to the surface as they try to repeat a doleful hymn, though with unbroken words they cannot say it. Because you lived a cruel, vindictive and hateful life, you meet your fate in the Styx.

crush me

:: 2004 2 January :: 10.23am

Some food for thought...
Skirbyy (12:44:24 AM): man your livejournal is fucking depressing
Skirbyy (12:44:25 AM): make it stop

5 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2004 2 January :: 12.40am
:: Mood: tired, not depressed, happy...
:: Music: Radiohead

*Sigh*

Hail the return of the short temper...for it is coming back, whether I want it to or not...I practically snapped at Carmen earlier today on the phone, to which she said "don't get upset" and I replied, lamely "I'm not"...which was a lie...and I know she could tell...*sigh* I also snapped at Britt before I left for Myrtle Beach, also not good...

So maybe it isn't just the hotel room that makes me have those dreams...and even worse, I can't wake up when I want to, leaving me to endure these horrible dreams...I really hope that these do not become a regularity...

Today, I went to the river with Carmen, Esther, Doug, Emily, Kevin, and Dr. Underwood...I wish I could have gone in...granted that I've probably been in colder waters than the Maumee...cleaner also...The Au Sable, in late August, early September has a nice temperature of about 37 degrees...especially at the whirlpool...*sighs* I missed my Grayling trip this year...first year in a long time when I haven't gone up there...I've got so many good memories up there...maybe I'll move up there when I graduate from highschool/college...get out of this town...

Anyways...we went out to Bob Evans, had a fun time there...I went home, and then over to Dan's for dinner...good dinner, got full...went to visit Carmen, got scared by Chris and Justin so I left...came home and finished Better Luck Tomorrow...I went out to take the movie back, and ended up going to Meijer to get myself more deodorant...that evolved itself into an hour and half of just driving around, listening to a random assortment of music...

Quote of the day:
"If you�d been a dog
They would�ve drowned you at birth"

:: 2003 31 December :: 10.38am
:: Mood: lonely, depressed...
:: Music: A Perfect Circle...

I'm back now, from my oh so wonderful vacation...we got there in record time, 12 hours and 10 minutes, partly due to me to driving 80 some miles per hour down the express way/toll road...so we got there in time for dinner, and we went to our traditional cafeteria...went and checked into the hotel and got set up...our hotel/resort wasn't anything fancy...in fact, it sucked, because on sunday we found out that we had ants...so we spent most of that day waiting to hear what the damned staff was going to do about it...they moved us to another room, which also sucked a lot because the sliding doors didn't work properly...*sigh*

Saturday, we went put-putting, walked on the beach, and that was it...

Sunday, after the room fiasco, we went to the Carolina Opry...it was country Christmas music, which is like a double no in my book...I didn't like it...and I'm not saying here that country sucks, it's just not my bag of corn (or cup of tea, Carmen)...it was a good show from a musical standpoint, but not one that attached itself to my tastes...after that, we went out for ice cream...

Monday, we went put-putting again, and I came home for a nap, because I was feeling rather fatigued...I do not sleep well in hotels...Why, I do not know...all I know is that for some reason, they seem to bring out dreams...very rarely it is that these dreams are good ones...they usually end up being the most gruesome, vivid, and terrible dreams I've ever had...I usually wake up from these dreams in a cold sweat, crying and sobbing, feeling really depressed and alone...and I'm usually up for an hour or so after that, and when I do fall back asleep, they come again...that can happen only so much before the night is gone...*sigh*

Tuesday, we drove home, took longer than I wanted, Carmen beat me home...I've seen that I can't stand my family...it didn't take long for them to get on my nerves...it upsets me...it's almost as if I hate my family...I wish I could stand to be around them and not fight or bicker within 30 minutes...Carmen believes it may have had to do with my lack of sleep...I hung out with her later in the night, after she visited some other people...it was much better than Thursday night, where I screwed up an infinitely amount...which I feel has happened before, but maybe it is only in my mind that I see these things...maybe I'm over reacting to the way I think...hmm...

I've also realized something...I've been extremely dumb these past few months of my life...heh...

Quote of the day:
"Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it "

:: 2003 25 December :: 11.17am
:: Mood: tired, lonely...
:: Music: Nothing...

Merry Christmas...it's funny, I'm not that excited about today, nor am I excited about our upcoming trip to Myrtle Beach...I could practically not care any less what goes on...this is bad...it feels almost that this isn't me...like all feelings are leaving me...is this what I've become? Emotionless?

Well, yesterday was alright...got my sweet boxers from Carmen for Christmas, and I gave her the radio adapter thingy for her car...she is really pleased with it, and it works, so I am glad...I went and visited her at work, got a hug there...came home, had a great dinner at James', got full, fell asleep, woke up, came home, felt sick, went and visited Carmen...I went to give her a hug, because she seemed pretty down...I ended up staying awhile, maybe longer than she entended me too, and if that's the case, I'm sorry...didn't mean to wear out my welcome...came home to my lonely house, my lonely room, my lonely bed...

No Quote of the day

:: 2003 23 December :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: lonely, bored, depressed...
:: Music: None, really...

*Sigh*

We went up last night to the zoo, for the lights...it was kind of boring...I drove up with Britt, had a fun time with that...there isn't too much to see up there, took a look at Stevie's Graham Cracker house, saw the lights, the seals, the polar bears, the penguin(s), the walrus, the wolves, and then came home...actually, we went to Fazoli's, and had a good time at that...made a rucus, they were probably ready to kick us out...I felt kind of bad, if they were going to kick us out and we were being bad...anyways...before going up to the zoo, Britt came over and I gave her my present, she liked it...we had trouble opening the box and getting the thing to shut off...Amanda came over a bit after that, and she followed us out to Jackie's...I gave Sara her present there, and I believe she liked it...I couldn't tell though...I hope she did...anyways, after Fazoli's, Britt came home with me and we played a bit of Double Dash...had a fun time with that, and then she left...Carmen came over around 10:30, but had to leave around 11:30 to pick up Esther...Got partway through episode 4 of Excel Saga...she made me go to bed early...

This morning, I woke up, and laid around...took a shower and went to work...after that, I went out and bought Carmen's present, which I hope she likes...

My mp3 player is giving me some problems, which I don't like...well, it is my computer actually...doesn't like ripping some tracks off of my cds...So then I don't have the complete playist that I should have...

Carmen's got Esther staying with her, which has made it hard for me to talk to Carmen late at night about what is troubling me...and it's about that time when the problems have been thought out...

Hmm, I feel I keep on screwing up, making it seem like something is here that isn't...I hope I haven't, cause that's not what I want to do...maybe I should just stay away...

*Sigh*

Quote of the day:
"Said there ain't no use in crying.
Cause it will only, only drive you mad
Does it hurt to hear them lying?
Was this the only world you had? Oh-oh "

:: 2003 21 December :: 8.58am
:: Mood: depressed...
:: Music: Sound of the shower...

Well yesterday, we delivered food to the needy for St. Tom's...it feels good to do such a thing...one of the families wasn't home though...I almost feel that the people who smoke should not get this aid, as odds are if they didn't smoke, they wouldn't be in this mess...*sigh* I went to work, took my Nomad and listened to some songs...Melody came in and I trained her a bit more...it is pretty nice having someone to work with...after work, I got together with Joshie, and we went to see Return of the King, with my father of course...it was amazing! After that, Joshie and I went down to visit Carmen, who apparently had a really horrible shitty day at work...I'm sorry that she had that bad of a day...after Carmen got off work, Joshie and I went over to her house to watch some anime, but first, we visited Esther with her...I got two Double Cheeseburgers for $3 bucks...actually $2.10!!! Yay for saving money! Well, we went back to Carmen's to watch a lot of Haunted Junction...we kind of made it through episode 11, but Carmen and I were too tired to stay awake through that one...I ended up dozing off, and woke up with a start...it was 11:28, and I need to be home in 2 minutes...I ended being up late, but nothing came of it...James and I played some Rockman Power Battles 2, and had a good time at that...brings back good, nostalgic memories...I was talking on the phone with Carmen during that time...I had to get ready for bed, so I told her I'd call her back...I guess I took a little too long as when I called she was practically dead...that was a good thing, though, as she had a particularily bad day, with plenty of stress involved...she needed her sleep, I know that, so I wasn't hurt...

I've been seeing things lately, and it worries me an extreme amount...sometimes, it even causes me to cry...cry a whole lot...I am disgraced with myself...

Quote of the day:
"I lost my soul
deep inside
and it's so
black and cold
deep inside"

5 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 20 December :: 2.26am
:: Mood: fatigue...
:: Music: silence...

Well, it's Friday, beginning of break...here I am, 2 am, updating...I'm loading files onto my Nomad, which is sweet already...I love it, and as much as I love my music, it can only mean that this will be my essential material good...all of my music, in my pocket! Tonight, I spent some time with Carmen, getting an oil chage, almost finishing up my Christmas shopping...getting dinner at Bamboo Garden and then watching some Haunted Junction...Had a great time doing that, as always...Carmen went over to Rachel's for a movie, with Megan and Elise also...The girls came over here, I got my presents from Britt and Sara, which are lovely...And I didn't vomit...I've spent practically all night ripping songs onto my Hard drive, and then transfering them to my Nomad...I wasn't paying attention and got my space down to 100 mb, on my computer that is...I've still got 35 viable gigs left on my Nomad, after 323 songs...LOVELY! And now I must go get sleep, so I can help out the need tomorrow...

I've also been having some bothersome feelings lately...not because of what they are, just that I don't want them now...maybe if they were a few months ago, that'd have been fine...

Quote of the day:
"We, the plague of Terra Firma,
nature's grand and last mistake
plant the poisoned seed of cancer,
set the severed fruits awake"

:: 2003 18 December :: 9.35pm
:: Mood: tired, bored...
:: Music: Opeth!

Gah, I'm done with my paper! Finally! And it sucks too! Oh well...

I haven't updated in awhile...Tuesday, went and had a good time at the Spaghetti dinner, even though I only had 3 breadsticks...woe is me...hung out with Carmen, made her listen to Chemical Calistenics, a great rap song (to me at least, but she dislikes rap)...Wednesday I went to the choir concert and worked on my paper a tad during it...Carmen had a lot of fun there, much more than I did...that's not saying I didn't have fun, but I could have had more...Sitting at the top caused it to be a bit less fun...cause of my fear of heights, showing that I'm a weak scaredy-cat...oh well, Carmen and I went to Wendy's afterwards, and then drove around and looked at lights...I always have such a good time with her...it makes me really happy...Today, my mp3 player came, but I wasn't able to open it because it is a Christmas present...my aunt might get mad at my mother, and we don't want that, so I'm going to pass it by my aunt first...but it sure does look cool...I went shopping with Carmen today, after work, and it was good...she thinks that she did good on her auditions for Working...hopefully she gets a part...this paper has sucked, so thats about all I can think about, really...

*sigh*

Quote of the day:
"He didn't think yesterday of the end of his life"

:: 2003 15 December :: 10.10pm

Revised list of CD's...

Edge of Sanity-Crimson II
Opeth-My arms, your hearse
Opeth-Deliverence
In Flames-Whoracle
Tiamat-Wildhoney/Gaia
Jethro Tull Christmas Album
Testament-The Legacy
Testament-The New Order
Slayer-Reign in Blood
Dream Theater-Metropolis pt. 2
Cryptopsy-Blasphemy made flesh
Cryptopsy-None so vile
Death-Human
Death-Individual Thought Patterns
Iron Maiden-Killers
Iron Maiden-Number of the Beast
Iron Maiden-Iron Maiden
Steely Dan-Aja
Steely Dan-Gaucho
Falconer-Falconer
Falconer-Chapters from a Vale Forlorn
Nightwish-OceanBorn
Blind Guardian-Imaginations from the Other Side
Blind Guardian-Nightfall in Middle Earth
Dragonforce-the Valley of the Damned
Stratovarius-Dreamspace
Stratovarius-Fourth Chapter
Dark Tranquillity-The Gallery
...And Oceans-Dynamic Gallery of Thoughts/The Symmetry of 1 - The Circle of 0
(more to come, more to leave)

3 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 15 December :: 9.44pm
:: Music: Eradicate-From Ghosts Emerge Beasts

Hmm...That song right there is a quite good Symphonic Black/Thrash Metal song...instrumental...yeah...today wasn't too bad...Chem test was alright...should have studied more, but I believe I didn't fail it...the rest of school was just complete blah...seeing the Triangle isn't blah though...makes my day a bit better...I was up a bit late last night, well, this morning...Britt wants me asleep by 1 tonight, I wonder if that will happen...don't want to disappoint her now, do I? I still need to go shopping for everybody but my sister and Daniel...I've got an idea for Britt now, but none for Sara, and a few for Carmen...my mother and father on the other hand...hmm...Carmen came and visited me at work tonight, was pretty cool...she also came by my house and we watched episode 3 of Excel Saga...just gets more crazy...poor Pedro...

Quote of the day:
"Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me"

:: 2003 14 December :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: awake, tired, depressed, happy, hungry, full...
:: Music: Rime of the Ancient Mariner...

Well, joy! I ordered my mp3 player today, for $70 less than the retail price...makes me happy...now I don't have to spend much on it...only $7...should be here Wednesday, so I can start loading it up for our trip a week from then...I'm getting excited...

Friday, I had dinner for my mom's birthday, Carmen came along, as did Lori...Uncle Matt met us at Karabbas, and we had quite a good dinner...after that, Carmen and I went Christmas shopping...came home, had cake...yeah...went to bed early...

Satuday, Tuba Christmas! It was amazing! I'm glad Carmen thought about inviting me to come along...The car trip was "amazing," well, more like interesting...Fintel is quite an interesting, jittery driver...and we had quite a few stupid qoutes...look in Carmen's journall for all of them...it turned out to be a 12 our trip...after that, I went to the dumb french dinner, which was mega suck...had somewhat of a good time fucking around with Ian, Coomes, and Amanda...Kara and Lauren pissed me off a bit, because they were making fun of Jeffois, about his sexuality being a bit iffy...I was about to get up and kick both their asses for that one...not like it would matter if he were gay, still would be the same cool Jeffois...Picked up a pep band shirt sometime during the french dinner, and it was Mrs. Kramer's, and she had been wearing perfume with it...her perfume is the same as Jenny's, which kind of made me cry...I miss my sister a lot...I wish she'd become a part of this family again...having her here on christmas eve just like old times, that'd be so great...dammit, I'm crying right now...After that, Coomes and I went to pep band...Met up with Carmen there...hockey won (boo! full of complete cuntholes and dickwads) and then, we just hung out for the rest of the night...

Sunday morning, I got up for church...turned on the computer and found out that they found Saddam...quite a good deal, and hopefully it makes Bush's approval rating go down even further (go figure)...came home, ate some donuts, and then talked to Carmen for a tad...went to work, found a big tin of popcorn (yay!) and bored myself to death...death would have been more fun than work, and I wouldn't think unhappy thoughts...oh well, I went home after having a few pieces of pie, and then went to McSuck to visit Carmen...they were really busy right when I got there, so I didn't really get to talk with her...it died down, and we talked for a bit...she left, and I left...I went home for a while, and then went to Carmen's to decorate the tree...had a good time at that...looked on the internet for stuff concerning Golden, Colorado, Carmen's old habitat...quite a nice town, if I do say so myself...Grayling still tops my list though...oh well...after spending quite a couple hours with her, and regrettably not telling her what was on my mind (I'm sorry Carmen, I really should have told you when you asked...I'm a fucking retard, I know you care about me and how I'm feeling and I really shouldn't take that for granted...I need to tell you stuff when you ask...I'm sorry) I came home...sat down, and started typig this...while I was typing this, Jess got online...makes me happy that she still remembers me, it's been about two months since I last talked to her...she wishes that she wasn't a senior this year, so that she could come back to Wooster this upcoming summer...she's going to come and visit us anyways (us being any of the guys that went last year) which will be cool...she's a fun girl...but yeah, being remembered is quite cool...

Off to darkness...

Quote of the day:
"I'm proud to be a communist
Where at least I think I'm free
And I won't forget the reds that died
To give this right to me
And I gladly stand up next to you
behind this iron wall
'Cause they're ain't no doubt I hate your land
God Damn the U.S.A."

:: 2003 11 December :: 9.49pm
:: Mood: tired, tad bit depressed...ornery...
:: Music: None-Can't talk to Carmen well while listening to it...

*Yawn* Today sucked, I had a math quiz I didn't know about, and I believe I sucked it up...the CD I bought last night really blows, makes me want to cry...at least it was only 13 dollars...tomorrow, my mother is going to take my car into the shop for the fixation of my window, a whopping $235...*cries*...work was super boring...had a fucking big cart to verify right away, which ended up in me finding a really old/dumb/should be shot Ronald McDonald video...ate lunch with Carmen today, always a good time...as is spending quality time with Carmen, but this week I've had none...makes me sad...at least I'm ungrounded tomorrow, and she's coming to dinner with us...and then we'll catch Bad Santa...and then we'll eventually go to Tuba Christmas, which will be a great time....I really looking forward to it...

My mp3 woes are subsiding, as I found a 60gb (OVERKILL!) one by creative labs which is supossedly as good as if not better than the mac iPod...I'm excited now...hopefully we'll order it tomorrow, and it'll be here by Christmas, or even before hand so I can load it up in time for my trip south...I was up till 2-ish last night doing my damned french homework, with Carmen helping me out on it, which was fun...atleast I've been able to talk to her a lot this week...otherwise I might go insane...or succumb to these dark thoughts...yeah...so, now I'm off to bed, or something of that sort...yeah...sorry for the randomness of this entry...yeah...James bought a new santa for us, cause he and alex broke the other one...I'm working on sunday, becasue I'm not working tomorrow or Saturday...french dinner is going to not be fun, and I'm regretting signing up for it...pep band eventually after that, I'll be late, but not really fucking late...more Carmen time for me, hopefully...maybe this is a joyous reprise for her, letting her get caught up on stuff...but no, she'd yell at me for thinking that, or this, or whatnot, but yeah, I just typed this, so she will get after me anyway...I know that's not how she really feels, and I should stop saying stuff like that, because it probably hurts her in some way, and for that I am EXTREmELY sorry, which would lead to the fact of why I just typed that...who knows? Although not typing it wouldn't change the fact that I still thought it, and I regret thinking it, I wish I'd not have all these depressing thoughts, hurtful to me and to others...I've never really realized that it could hurt others, but Carmen brought that to my attention, and so here I am, going to apologize to anyone I've hurt in this manner: Sorry I've hurt you with these thoughts I have, be it recently or years ago...please forgive me...Why am I just blithering on? Do you know the muffin man? Having a cell phone is fun, allows me to call me, although some people don't like me calling them apparently...french test tomorrow, to book to study with though, oh WELL...I'll fucking delete that class if it is the last thing I do...my eyes aren't working, making everything kind of swirl around right now, or something like that, nothing is standing still, its all so far away...maybe this is a sign?

Quote of the day:
"we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death"

:: 2003 10 December :: 9.14pm
:: Mood: tired...lonely...*sigh*
:: Music: Some Beck, some Opeth...

*Yawn* I'm so bored...being grounded sucks...school was boring, museum was fun, riding next to Britt and sleeping...making fun of the fact that Brian can't keep his hands off of Megan, and it seems that Daniel can't either...haha...quite funny actually...I went to work, was bored, except for Carmen's visit early on...I wasn't able to go visit her at work as I'm grounded and probably shouldn't do that...she is coming to dinner with my family on Friday, and it is my mother's birthday dinner too...that should be great...we're going to try and catch Bad Santa later friday night, which should also be fun...

Argh, this whole me wanting an iPod for Christmas seems to be giving me a whole lot of problems...it is causing me a lot of stress...*sighs* I want to go to sleep for a long time, a very long time, and have all of this situated when I wake up...but THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! AND NOW I'M FUCKING DEPRESSED! OVER A FUCKING MATERIAL OBJECT! GOD DAMMIT!

And I just know that now, since this is going wrong, everything else is going to rockslide on me and I'm going to become extremely fucking depressed...and I'm still fucking grounded, which is adding to my stress and depression...

Quote of the day:
"Grant me sleep, take me under
Like the wings of a dove, folding around
I fade into this tender care"

3 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 9 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: tired...somewhat depressed...
:: Music: Death Whispered a Lullaby-Opeth

*Yawns* Greetings from sleep induced body aches...I should find another way to sleep, so I wouldn't wake up with my arms aching...it was a nice, short, revitalizing nap...and it was caused out of habit, as I usually go right to sleep after talking to Carmen on the phone...heh, not that she makes me tired or anything...just how it usually works, so my body was tricked or something...

School was kind of "blah" today...no Carmen in the beginning of school, she was/is ill and didn't come in until 3rd period...didn't see her after lunch either...hmm...played a game again in Chemistry, recieved extra credit points...good time...still it is that I suck at throwing clay...I will forever suck it up...in AS, we finished Of Mice and Men, which is rather depressing...a few parts made me cry...I agree with Carmen, John Malkovich is quite a good actor...Oh, and so is Gary Sinise...I went to work after school, after picking up my car and hearing the dread news that it will cost $235 to fix my window that malfunctioned...I'm running out of things to do at work, people need to check out more books...and yes, I know I complain when I have a lot of books and now I'm complaining when I don't have many...there are still I Can Reads and Children Fiction, both of which are bothers to shelve...bah! Falex and Eric stopped by, picked up two of my ELP albums...Talked with Joe Miller for quite a while...interesting on the amount of different people who feel they should talk to me...maybe I've just been a fucker and complained all this time, feeling sorry for myself when I shouldn't have been at all...eh, I dunno...

...Anywho, I came home, had waffles for dinner, played a bit of Game Boy, and then called Carmen...we talked for a while, she ended up ending it so we could get other things done, but I go and fall asleep...hmm...and here we are! I'm currently typing and listening to my parents bicker with my sister...it's so lovely...actually, not at all...bah...*yawns, wipes away a few tears...*

Quote of the day:
"Speak to me now and the world will crumble
Open a door and the moon will fall
All of your life, all your memories
Go to your dreams, forget it all

Sleep my child"

:: 2003 8 December :: 9.37pm
:: Mood: not as lonely as I should be feeling...
:: Music: Octopus-Gentle Giant

Well, first full day of grounding...not too bad, didn't spend much time at home...school was kind of band, I was feeling down and depressed, and well, since it's school, I can't really call Carmen and talk to her right away, so I wrote her a note...it helped to write that note...In art, we are throwing, and well, I'm complete shit at it...it sucks a lot...and I get frustrated easily, so I was about to lash out at someone...Sara and I (well, mainly me) got 10 extra credit points in Chemistry today, because we're (I'm) sweet...yeay...

Work, same as always...perhaps the only place where I'll get my neccesary injection of Carmen time...it is useful for more than getting my a paycheck after all...thank you Carmen for visiiting me...

I came home after work to a dinner of Macaroni and Cheese, alcoholic pineapple, and crescent rolls...yeah...fun...played gameboy for awhile, got ready to practice bassoon, but got distracted...ended up going to Meijer with my father...the Doug Squared equation was complete, as I ran into Esther and Doug there...they were detached from Carmen, who was there also...lucky me, eh? *smirks* Turns out Doug isn't able to come to the Tuba Christmas on Saturday, which is a bummer...ran into Carmen on my way out...got gas, 8.5 gallons for $10.20...came home, and here I am!

Quote of the day:
"I'll make love to you
in all good places
under black mountains
in open spaces.
By deep brown rivers
that slither darkly
through far marches
where the blue hare races"