This is your life, is it everything you wish it would be?

1 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2004 6 October :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: Different
:: Music: Candlelight

Themes of Horror
Well well well, it seems as if I am caught in a slight predicament. My friend Cesar asked me out today. Which I kinda expected was going to happen, but I didn't know if he would. I told him though that I would go out with him but I'm not ready for a relationship but I do like him. Now my problem is I'm still in love with Ryan and still hold him dear in my heart and I just plain out love him. Ryan and I still might go out...but I don't know. My mother already loves Cesar and is planning trips that involve him...where she wouldn't give Ryan the time of day. I would never want to hurt Cesar either...but I'm afriad I might in the end, and I really don't want that. He's a good friend and too sweet of a guy to actually want to hurt. Then again I don't want to hurt Ryan but I don't know whats going on in that department. So what am I supposed to do? Wait for Ryan to come around, or go with Cesar? I've never had this happen before....and I need help. Hopefully I can figure out everything.

-Chasmin-

musicalbabe

:: 2004 5 October :: 9.13pm

Oh, Life is Random...It's Very Interesting...lalalala
Chem test was good. Not hard AT ALL. *hoping this saves my quarter grade...*

Still unsure about how MEHAP will turn out...dunno about WLH and French III either.

So I hear Mr. Shaull was talking about me in Girls Ensemble. Cool... He's been calling on the rest of the class, so everything's peachy with him at the moment. I don't mind being picked on SOMETIMES.

Still pretty angry about the narrative paper, but I'll get over it.

Dunno what to do about Homecoming. As of today I have a few scenarios, though. Gabi is my back-up date if not my actual one. Ideally, we'd both have dates that knew each other and all hang out together... that's unlikely to work out, though. Learned lotsa things about Homecoming and couples today...gotta love the social drama that surrounds Homecoming...:0D

So Brian came to pick me up after MB today, and I was like 'where's mom?' He tells me that she had a little accident and hurt her leg. So of course I'm like OMG she's in the hospital and she's gonna get a cast and she broke her leg and she's gonna be in a wheelchair OMG etc. Apparently she was running up some concrete stairs on the way to some church meeting that was at 7am this morning (crazy church committees...) and fell like RIGHT on her kneecap. She can hardly walk on it and it's swollen and cut and gross but nevertheless SHE WENT TO WORK and then came home. I can't believe her! Poor Mom!

OH! Another funny thing. Apparently parents have to deicde on a family who would care for their child in the unlikely event that they would both die. The top 2 choices are the Allens (lol nicole! i'd live with thomas' family!) or the Haymans. HAHAAHAAAA!! I said I'd rather live with the Haymans becuase I know the parents better and I'd be able to stay within the area. FUNNY STUFF!! I had no idea this kind of thing existed! Ya learn something new every day...

Well I have a GINORMOUS MEHAP in-class essay test tomorrow which I am NOT going to be prepared for, so I'd better try to change that. I've already wasted like an hour by IMing ppl and talking on the phone. I'm so dilligent. (sp?) LOL!

San Francisco Opera (La Traviata) Friday night and Modesto Competition Saturday. EXCITEMENT!

4 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2004 5 October :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: My throat hurts
:: Music: Wicked Karaoke and singing doo-n doo-n doo dooo

Polaroid pics for my buddy.
Read more..

Read more..

-Chasmin-

3 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2004 4 October :: 9.22pm

she is fed up with havin a boyfriend.

screw guys

they suck

balls~

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 4 October :: 2.24am
:: Mood: happy

Gabrielle Marie Kress
born on 10/1/04 at 12:57 pm
length 22' 8 lbs. 11 oz.
washington hospital

10 New hotness | Old and busted

5 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2004 3 October :: 7.11am
:: Mood: Too early
:: Music: The London theater orchestra: Themes of Horror

Nifty Fifty's: Taste the memories
Well last night I went to my friend Marlenes baby shower. Thats the girl whose wedding and bachelorette party I went to. Holy shit is she huge now...I mean it's like...woah. The baby is due the 15 but she's so tiny and the baby is so big they might have to induce the baby next friday. I hope everything turns out ok. As she was opening her presents I just got sad watching her. She is so young. I can remember going to school with her only 2yrs ago. I know that some people would probably take this to offense but I think it would of helped out her life if she got an abortion. But her family doesn't believe in that stuff. So she had to get married her husband spends all his money on weed. Marlene who is so young is having a baby. It was sorta like my mom. She had a baby that young. My brother Aaron. She said she wished she had someone to talk about that whole thing to. I don't know having a baby scares me...it really does. I know I want to have kids some day. But hell I want to get into college and have a life before I go and bring others in it. Whatever this is too much semi-deep thinking for me so early in the morning...well it's not that early anymore but same difference. Into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark!

-Chasmin-

:: 2004 2 October :: 12.01pm
:: Mood: ::le shrug::
:: Music: Rockapella songs

MARS
So it's been a lil' while since I've writen in this thing again. I'm getting way to lazy lately. So umm let me update. I've decided I need to get over Ryan since the thought of us getting back together seems a very dim thought right now, probably cause it will never happen. So I will act my normal self to try and get back to my normal self. Anyways I bought a really cool dress lets see if I can get the pic of it on here. I can't so heres the link for it. http://www.leatherworks.com/Eternal_Love's_Original_Princess_Dress.htm
Its the second one the girl with the pink hair. I know the first girl is wearing the same dress...but the girl with pink hair looks better in it. So yah thats basically all thats been happening lately. My best friend Jessie got me to go out last night and we went out to eat and went to a movie afterwards. It was our ode to being single and having no guys. It was fun. It was her "birthday" and we went to roadhouse so we got a free sundae thing and it was good. Well I have things to do people to see and rooms to clean.

-Chasmin-

:: 2004 2 October :: 1.07am

[{whispers a secret}] --- [{she is afaid of wangs}]
she eats all the cookies with the bitterness of regret on her tounge. she was such a bad girl tonight. was that even her she asks? the pictures dont lie. she is so torn. will guys ever care more about her than her body? is there more to life than sex? she was so happy for a lil. he imed her and ruined it. there is still hope. maybe.

she just wants someone to hold her in their arms.

12 New hotness | Old and busted

musicalbabe

:: 2004 1 October :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: cold

Today was crazy.
Mr. Shaull is going to put me in therapy. Really. I think that Molly counts has half-therapy because her dad's a psychologist and she's good at being calming and reassuring. So really, after a few weeks, I'M ALREADY HALFWAY THERE.

So what does Mr. Shaull do that threatens my psychological health? He's not mean to me. He doesn't constantly pick on my voice. He doesn't get mad at me for my behavior in class. He always calls on me. There must be at least 25 people in the class, but he must call on me like 50% of the time. I'm not exaggerating. It's totally random stuff too!

A few examples:

*Melissa, tell us a little about John Rutter.
*How has (soandso's) voice changed? How does it sound now? What do YOU hear? (this has happened at least 3 times, and he directs the questions to me and me ALONE.)
*Melissa, pick 2 rhythms from columns 1 and 2 and say them for the class.
*Okay Melissa, I'll say 2 measures, you'll say 2, and the class will figure out which ones they are.
*...and Melissa is coming up to the front of the class and saying the Italian for you to repeat.
*...and Melissa's coming up to the board and writing us a melody with rhythm.
*...and Melissa's going to write a melody for us. It cannot start on 1, must be in a different key than we are in now, must end on one, and be centered around 5.
*Melissa, you're a talented sightreader, talk us through what you think when you see a piece of music for the first time.

...AND THOSE ARE ONLY THE MAJOR ONES THAT STICK OUT IN MY MIND!! HE DIRECTS COUNTLESS OTHER QUESTIONS TO ME EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I honestly can't understand why. For the dictation crap especially. You'd think he'd realize it, but I'm not very good at composing quick melodies and general theory. I'm just not. Simple as that. And how should I know better than other people what improvements I hear in someone's voice? EVERYONE ELSE HAS EARS! It's not like I've had more musical training than anyone else.

Maybe it's just cause my hormones are all crazy right now, but IT REALLY GOT TO ME TODAY. I was near tears at the end of Chorale today and dreaded Concert Choir. I understand that it should be flattering and all, but HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'M JUST GOING TO BREAK DOWN ONE OF THESE DAYS.

Maybe If I was in Girls' Ensemble and none of the freshman knew anything... but i'm not. There are so many other people who have more experience than I do! Maybe if I had the voice to go with what I know... but I don't. I'm NOT better. I DON'T deserve to be singled out.

In other news:

The hot guy in my PE class doesn't have the attitude or personality to go along with his extreme sexiness. It's kind of dissapointing, but whatever. He's still eye candy and he's still on my team...

There's only like 2 weeks left in the quarter and I'm worried about Chem, MEHAP, and French III... (not that those will necessarily be B's, but they could be.)

Marching band performs at MVHS at 4:00 tomorrow! :0D If you're free and want to come, that'd be cool! I'm pretty sure it's free, so just show up!

K, I think that's all for now. I'll go try to de-stressify myself now.

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 30 September :: 7.04pm
:: Mood: shocked

i'm having the baby tomorrow!!!!
i went to the doctors today, since i'm 2 days late the doctor is just going to induce me tomorrow. i have to be at the hospital at 6:00 am.

WISH ME LUCK! i'm scared!

4 New hotness | Old and busted

musicalbabe

:: 2004 29 September :: 3.19pm

I've been in one of those 'Idon'thaveanythingtoupdateabout' modes, so sorry to all of you people who read my blog to procrastinate! Nothing all that update-worthy has been happening recently.

In general, I'm dissapointed with sophomore year. Last year was just so much better in many different aspects. Marching band was waayyy cooler and I was super excited to be in Girls' Ensemble. I also respected the upper choirs a whole lot more than I do now. I thought that getting into Concert Choir was like a huge accomplishment and G21 was a far-off fantasy, but now I feel like Concert Choir isn't even all that good and Girls 21 is just frustrating. Last year I had an easy A in Bio and World Studies, but now MEHAP and Chem are going to be a struggle. Somehow I think classes were just more fun in general last year. Yeah, and that's not even mentioning how convenient it was that I developped a huge crush right at the beginning of the year so I had a date to homecoming that actually meant something! I don't even LIKE anyone this year, much less do I think I'll even have a date. At best, I'll probably get asked by someone I don't really want to go with and have to decide whether or not it's worth it at all.

I'm really not as unhappy as it sounds, but it's just SUCH a contrast from my crazy, optimistic view of high school that I had last year at this time. It was so exciting to wake up every morning and get to go to marching band. I couldn't wait for the day to begin. Now I complain about how it's completely dark when I wake up in the morning and bitterly look around and think that, out of all of the people in my family, I'll have the hardest time getting through the day. What does my mom have to do? Go to work, which, as she describes it, consists of talking with the other girls in her office and getting the treasury stuff for Band Boosters done. They also randomly watch movies and go out instead of actually sitting and working. What does Brian have to do? Basically nothing. He sits at home all day and works on the bathroom that's being built and writes his little sci-fi book or whatever. Boy, that sounds stressful. The cats get to sleep and lick each other all day, and the bird gets to chew on his little toys and be annoying. The tortoise eats and then pretty much does nothing. I know I'm being completely selfish when I say this, but I really feel like I have the most work to do and the least amount of fun packed into my life compared to the rest of my family. I have to suffer through boring classes, take numerous tests, stress out about all of the homework I have to finish, and get good grades.

I'm such a bitter, stressed, selfish little girl. It'd be better if I just had some time to relax...

Good news! A hot guy transfered into my PE class! He's really nice and he's a junior. Very cool. Unfortunately, I think I'm only going to take 4th period PE 1st quarter. Oh well. At least I have someone to look forward to seeing every day.

I think it's homework time. I have a voice lesson soon-ish and yeah. So much for a comical entry! Sorry guys!

4 New hotness | Old and busted

1 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2004 29 September :: 5.32pm
:: Mood: mature

this is what i wrote last year this time
------**--------
Something is wrong with me. I cried a lot last night. All cuz of him. I feel so pathetic. Is it so wrong to still want him? Wat I need is for him to yell at me or something. If he called me a bitch to my face or made out infront of me, maybe I would be able to accept that he DOES NOT like me!!! Yesterday, I was walking past him and after I walked past he followed me, going to his third period class. Hes never done that before. He walked be hin dme. I thought he was behind me so I turned to see him and I gave him a confused look, like is he following me? And he said, heyhey. And I said hi and he smiled at me and said, you better say hi to me. I was confused and looked it and he jus laughed and smiled. I miss him~

----**-----

thoughts on it now

awww. i sound so cute. i do miss him still but not as bad as i did before. i wish i still did talk to my ex, but ya kno, you cant ask for everything. last year i kno he did care for me a lil afterwards. i mean why else would we like be friends with benifits for another year? wow, think abou it. we became friends with benifits until about a year after we broke up. so technically ive been with him for like two years. hmm. well its ok. im over and im glad i am over him.

another thing that has changed about me is the way i deal with things. last year, everything made me depressed. i was so depressed last year. this year i hang out with all these "townies". the nice ones that is. hmm well ya. later~

:: 2004 28 September :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: sad

wantign what you cant have is the worst thing ever
i jus want him.

is that so wrong?

i dont want to mess anythign up though...