mudpiegrl
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2004 30 June :: 5.11pm
so last night sandy and patrice slept over.
we talked and then headed to get sandy ice cream...not that she needed any...
and then to blockbuster after realising patrice couldnt find now and then and freaking her out at her house with my headlights and corny bean.
and then we came and made cookies
and sandy kim left after abotu twenty minutes of Now and Then
and trix and i talked til five in the morning...
then...today we woke up and trix had to go get her retainer..
and sandy called
this is the part i feel bad about.
neil and i were supposed to see The Notebook yesterday...but he didnt want to see two movies in one day
so we decided to see it today
but i neglected to tell sandy and patrice that...
but we didnt go see the movie
and i invited sandy to go to caribou...but she didnt want to...so i went out with neil anyway
we went to potbellys and jamba juice...
then we bought his shirts and went to the bank...
stupid fucking bank...
i deposited 117 dollars but they wouldnt let me take out twenty dollars cuz im not a signer
theres this huge sale at the mall...
EVERY STORE!!!
its amazing and i wanna spend some money
i wanna buy clothes and a hat!
i wanna hat this summer
i already have my birthday list...althoguh i know half of its not going to happen its just what i want
"White Fluffy Clouds"
{Brandon Boyd's [of Incubus] book of artwork}
"The Lovely Bones"
String Tribute to Incubus
A Job
A Job
A Job
A curling iron
a new burner or fix mine or soemthing...
and just gift certificates...
hot topic
kohl's
barnes and noble
best buy
i just got told by my brother that basically, im stupid for getting mad at neil for the shit i do cuz its dumb and i should know that at the end of the night he's "coming home" with me.
but...its hard to think of the big picture when you're in the mist of it.
adios
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 29 June :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: bubble-y
double A batteries
I am entertained. By waht? By my own mind. Woo...I'm telling you it's a party over here. ::Stares blankly::
I'm telling you, I'm a bad person...I'll just leave it at that.
Ok, so the last entry wasn't a "pity me" entry. I was just typing because I was fed up seeing some things. No really, I insist...my life isn't all that shitty. Yes, I have my "problems" but I know more than just a handful of people who have experienced so much more. Depression is not a joke. Depression isn't just your mood. It's a disease. I had never thought of depression as anything other than a "mood" until a friend of mine who suffers/suffered from depression pointed that out to me. Yes, we all say taht we're "depressed", I know I have...but you can't feel depressed one day but feel excited the next. It's like saying you know what? I'm a bit schitzo today and wake up the next morning saying that you are now paranoid. I do believe that you can experience short periods of "depression" without actually being diagnosed. I say this because I know I've experienced this period of time. But did that I mean I was suffering from the disease we like to call depression? I believe not. Because I got over the phase. And I could not diagnose myself of this disease because I am not a doctor. But I don't need to be a doctor to know that I'm not depressed. I'm not. I'm upset, I'm angry, I feel down, but I'm not depressed. I know my friend probably won't agree with me about experiencing short periods of depression (yes, I said short...a few months are mere seconds when compared to years and years), but I know she's probably smiling as she reads this because I no longer say that "I'm depressed" because I'm not. I'm "sad", I'm "angry", I'm "mad", I'm "upset", I "feel down", I am everything but depressed. And trust me, a few months of feeling "down" does not need medical treatment. After talking to friends who have been diagnosed with depression and are on medication, what I experienced a couple years ago was a short period. An emotion....it wasn't the disease. And feeling "alone" for a couple weeks is nothing. I don't know what it's like to have depression because I haven't been diagnosed but from what I hear, it's not pretty.
That is what I have to say for now.
::hugs:: to the pear for helping me realize this.
Btw, I have a xanga if you want to check it out. My username's Chuckleheadedchick. I don't feel like putting the link here...I will later, maybe...if I feel like it. It's in my profile and since everyone on my buddy list who uses AIM knows, I figured why not let the one's with AOL know my xanga too.
Always, Sandy
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 29 June :: 4.26pm
:: Mood: jello-y
nail polish
I am officially scared of journals. People don't fight in person anymore. Let's post shit about people so they'll read it and respond by writing another entry...it's this endless cycle of talking shit about people.
My mind is very blank right now. I think I've just given up on caring about "things". I had a friend who tried to convince me to try and get a guy. I simply said no. I don't want a boy. I mean...I do....but I don't. I see so much shit happen in relationships and I don't want to go through the same shit. I need to expand my vocabulary...for my birthday i want a thesaurus....so I use an alternative word to "shit".
Yesterday was wierd. I didn't want to see people. At all. I saw people because they came over and I didn't have the heart to say "Go away". I was in a shitty mood from the second I woke up and I knew I wouldn't be "entertaining". And things didn't improve when I was told that the reason that "they" came over was because they stopped by someone else's house learned that she wasn't home. It's not the first time that's happened to me. When this person's not home...they come over here. I really don't care about that...it's just...don't tell me to my face that that's the reason you're over here! It's saying to my face directly "Sandy, you're a second hand friend...we really wouldn't have talked to you if other people in this neighborhood were". It makes me feel wonderful...woo.
But whatever...that's the least of my problems because I have so many. I find that people complain too much...with me on the top of the list. And one thing that I'm trying to keep myself from doing is whine and whine and complain to people who has gone through more shit than I can imagine. I apologize to people after my ranting because I know they have seen more and gone through way worse shit and it's really not fair for them to listen to me complain about my crap when in comparison, it's really nothing.
::Sigh::
I'm back to my anti-social attitude and no, I'm not reading Harry Potter...that's just my attitude. I'm just sick of seeing drama happening and it's just like come on, people, let's grow up! We're not in Jr. High anymore. Yes, we are in highschool and we have to cope with more important and advanced things. Let's not go back to our young selves and act like we don't know any better.
Alright, I'm done. I'll go call Patrice and see what she's up too. But before that...to the potty...I have to go pee (Yes, I love informing people).
Always, Sandy
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 29 June :: 1.10pm
you know what...if you're going to read my journal, at least pretend you knwo what you're talking about before you get all pissed off...
"Maybe you shouldnt assume things."
maybe it shouldnt be assumed what i meant.
not that you should be reading my journal!
secondly
"she was occupied"
only meant that she was occupied and had something to do...and so she didnt need to talk to spencer.
PERHAPS they arent attacks against you...
but then again
everything is isnt it.
5 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 29 June :: 12.18pm
:: Mood: good
so last night we talked.
he tried to call...i hung up
he came online...i blocked him
he came over...i was gone...
i really did not want to talk to him.
and when i finally came home, we walked
i explained why i was mad, except not so very calmly.
then when i was done i wanted to know what he thought.
but he didnt know what he thought.
so i told him to go home and think.
and went upstairs.
and he went to talk to my mum.
for like two hours...
then i went down
"if you have thought about it, then come up and tell me rather than just sitting here talking to her"
he told me why he was in the garage
"when you ran upstairs, i was crying and your mum told me to come into the garage to calm down"
so that was all i really needed.
but we discussed and talked and yes everythings okie...
sandy called whne we were talking.
so dont worry...
we're going rollerblading today
and then to see the notebook
it really reminded me of us.
::shrugs::
yea.
even her hair color!!! hehehehe
:)
thank you everyone
wender thanks for calling...i really appreciate it.
and sandy and patrice and goli thanks for listening
and advicing
and helping me understand what i felt.
:-D
you guys are good friends, see! i told you!
what is there to get mad at?
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 29 June :: 2.33am
i don't know why i even bother....i should wait until i find a boy but oh whtat the hell...most of the results relatively true anyway...esepcially the parts that describe my personality
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
You Are Right Brained In Love
Bit of a drama queen
Peacemaker, first to end a fight
Good at thinking up creative dates
Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily
Going with your gut instead of your head
Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault
Good at recognizing patterns in relationships
Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count
Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love
Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow
Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind
Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart
Are You Right Brained or Left Brained in Love? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2004 29 June :: 1.47am
Amaxzing day, with the exception of the previous entry
Today was so much fun. I really enjoyed it. I went to the beach early in the morning, and later on spencer, wender and stunkel joined me. it was very fun. we built a sand castle then splashed everyone with the dirty sandy water, which then led to everyone going in the actual water and splashing, dunking and throwing people. and unfourtanatly (wtf? sp?) (for me at least) throwing people. it was very fun, then we all took a nap, my family went home and we went on a boat, where stunkel was crazy, ahhh. ten wender went home and spencer stunkel and i ate at my house...food was good. then we watched the ending of office space, i felt so bad for the guy without the cake. :( im going to make him some cake, lots of cake. so then i called patrice who i guess called me much earlier but both of out stupid phones werent working so she didnt join us at the beach :( which would have been a lot more fun. but anyway theni called her and we went in my hot tub. yummy pina colada hot tub! yea thats the end of my story
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2004 29 June :: 12.30am
GRRR!
people should be allowed to be friends with whoever they want to. What reasons do you have for hating someone because theyre friends with someone. Thats stupid you know that, i can be friends with whoever i want, and if they want to be friends with me they can. you should not think its dumb or anything, people make their own choices they do what they want!
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 28 June :: 10.39pm
i love Q.
only recently have i realised what a sweetheart he is...and how much he really cares about people around him...and for that, i have admired him.
he shows a certain support that no one else does.
and would sit with you in silence while you cried...just to be there.
here's proof:
This letter applies to people at Neil's
party that happened last weekend.
I am well aware of the fact that our anti-social
behavior might have caused some anger. I assume
that nobody's mad at me, but only because I'm
single and have no special someone to spend time
with. As for Neil, I believe he should have had his
priorities in order, and probably Spencer as well
(although it seems Jill wasn't too pissed
off...) she was occupied. My personal reason for sitting down and
playing video games for 11 straight hours is that I
already had had a pretty fun conversation, I drove
Benton's truck around the block, and got bored
playing guitar. There was honestly nothing else to
do, so I completely understand where you guys
were coming from if/when you talked about being
bored. I do look up to Neil, but I believe that he
should have played the part of host a little bit
better and tended to his guests before joining us
in playing a game- especially his girlfriend, who
it seemed everyone else noticed was a little bit
steamed (and quite a bit bored) except for him.
If you have not visited the forums lately, I
posted a similar comment to this already. (i'm
sending this out, in case nobody bothers to read it
anymore.)
It is one of my strongest opinions that hosts of
parties should never indulge in a single activity
with a stagnant group of people for the entire
occasion. Doing so alienates certain people. I
have been at parties where the hosts were so
involved entertaining one or two people that they were
unaware that some new guests had arrived. I try
to avoid this sort of behavior when I have people
over, party or otherwise. Before I go about
tooting my own horn, I'll stop myself.
funny...he still doesnt see that everyone else was bored....he keeps saying "there was nothing else to do"...but why were there other people doing nothing too...talking is not against all party rules.
ahhhhhh
he needs to think understand.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 28 June :: 10.29pm
are you all happy now?
i talked to him
and just what i thought.
he had nothing to say
but excuses
thats all he ever has.
he doesnt know how to apologize
i dont want to talk to him
but while thats happening
hes talking to my arch nemesis
oh joy, my mother.
shes being such a bitch to me
"im at patrice's" "so?"
"hey, im going to patrices" "whatever."
shes been such a bitch...
probbaly to show she hates that i told neil how horrible it is living with her.
whatever...im leaving.
maybe ill go to...i dont even know.
maybe ill see if sandy is still at wenders.
hopefully jackie isnt there
i didnt want her to know
btw jackie...
dont read my journal.
tahnks. appreciate it.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 28 June :: 9.33am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: shower running through pipes over my head
horoscope
Greetings Virgo
Here is your horoscope for the week of June 28 through July 4
Chances for a meeting with someone special are there for you on Monday, when the Sun trines Uranus. If you have been feeling left out, and drowning in all the social responsibilities you have, then it is time to remedy the situation. You need some excitement and a chance to freak out once in a while. Being so perfect just isn't possible all the time. Venus in your house of career turns direct on Tuesday. Now you can make progress, and use your charm to help the process go even more smoothly.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2004 27 June :: 12.14pm
:: Mood: ARG
:: Music: nada
Everything~aint i original
this is an everythign journal entry. talks about things from the past that i dotn wanna forget and things happenign right now. Here we go:
hospital visits: did u know that i went to the hospital like 3 times in a 2 month period (not for myself btu for family members)? Its worse going for family members because ur afraid of what might happen to them. My brother broke his arm, my mother cut herself (not suicidal) and needed stitches (was arguing with my dad and cut her self accidentaly he didnt get his ass up to help her or anything) and then w/my grandpa he had ulcers (the only thing my grandma was worried about is the party she was having the next day).
School: grades came a while ago, very proud of myself
Family: my parents are talking again AND sleeping in the same bed. They had a big blow out fight infrotn of and w/ my grandparents. Yea if u cant tell im sick of dealing with my parents and there fights and wish they would just divorce or stop fighting.
Grandma: this i guess is what hurts me the most. She gets so hurt when my parents fight and im the only person she can talk to and my god is it hard for me to hear her. Shes like they live in AMERICA what the hell do they want? They are so young, they will be old within a few years. Shes gettin sick right now and no one appreciates her, im not saying im better than anyone else but i notice.
Work: my fucking manager yelled at me for working in my mom store, then somehow the big manager guy "finds" out that im workign at my moms store (techs dotn really matter in the big pharmacy world within the pharmacy yea butn ot in the big cvs company so tere was no need for him to be in this) and says i cant work there. So now my mom is a tech short a.k.a. ppl will be pissed off and things wont run smoothly and guess how many hours im getting at my regular store??? 16!!!! yea 32 vs. 16 and i cant even fill in any of those days. ARG. im so asking for a 1 to 2 dollar raise. F him, i was gonna be civil and jsut ask for a regular raise w/e it maybe but now im gonna be a bitch.
Yea tahts all. Isnt life just blissful. im gonna make cupcakes tmro. u guys should come.
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2004 28 June :: 12.59am
:: Music: the silent man
pretty lame day
ok so heres my real entry about the day...woke up really late. showered, painted my nails, spencer came over, we ate, called people, went to the park, got ice cream, went to wenders, went home 30 minutes late, and didnt get in trouble...yet. yeah thats all that happened. or so i think. tomorrow will be much more exciting i expect.
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 28 June :: 12.03am
:: Mood: hurt
:: Music: Morning View
funny...i havent felt this hurt in a long time...
i guess its because he hasnt called
and because he was at jackies all day...
even funnier, there were no other cars there...
i want to cry
but it hurts too much.
i dont wnat you guys to say "im sorry" and all that...
::shrugs::
i appreciate your concern, but i dont wanna feel like this is all for pity...
because i stayed quiet in the car for a long time about it.
i think sandy and patrice knew how upset i was tho.
i didnt even cry during the notebook.
it was a good movie tho...
you should see it.
bring the tissue box.
by the end sandy was sobbing so loud...
lol
im soo happy patrice is back!!!!!
i missed her.
i like hanging out with her and sandy...
they are mucho divertido...the use of spanish was purposeful...divertido
yes.
jackie is whiningabout her ankle
its twisted.
la de fuckin da.
oh look shes on!
sweet dreams all.
g'night.
9 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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goose
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2004 27 June :: 1.22am
i am starving grr neil for not having vegetarian food...im sooooooo hungry. houmph (thats the sound of me eating) Neils party was fun. but i was so mad at spencer for playing video games all day...(thats what he wants me to say, im not really mad) so im eating now. yeah. i think im tired. i dont think i have anything else to say either...OMG! YES I DO!!! so corey told me today that im directing a one act! (sweetness) and Wender is going to write me one, and Sandy Kim if shes not Sming for Dracula, is going to be my stage manager!!!!! it is so amazingly sweet!!! i am excited
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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