mudpiegrl
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2004 30 January :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: *ringing in my ears*
I’ll write about the concert later cuz it’s nearly time to leave but im tired as fuck (it’s really fuckin tired sandy) lol but my back hurts and my neck and im tired cuz jen couldn’t sleep so she talked (am not shur if it was to herself or to us after we started trying to go to sleep) *still love ya jen* okie one minute…bye!
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sweetyas
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2004 29 January :: 2.10pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: School Library Sounds
10th Vs. 11th
I've been thinking a lot about shophmore year adn junior year adn just comparing the two. I like junior year so much better, and i must say the reason of this is probably my car. I mean i have so much freedom adn at the same time i have been restricted and not allowed to do things that i want. (it makes sense in my head so just live with it) This year i have three people i can trust no matter what, i mean im not afraid that htey wont be my friends two weeks from now adn im not afraid that im not up to par with them. Thats really good to know, its just good. hmm, im really weird, i expect those people to trust me with everything, but at the same time im hesitant when it comes to sharing my ideas adn what not. Oh, i wanted to compare the two years, k, junior year i have GOOD friends with limited freedom, sophomore year i realized that i didnt have anyone to really talk to adn i had more freedom than i do now, like as in how much my paretns trust me. I hate trust, its such a weird thing, i mean i dunno. You expect it but u dont give it away right away. And its really easy to loose. Im so glad ive made it thus far, you know, junior year its just good. i have friends, i have a job, i have a car, adn i only have minor issues that are bothering me right now because im not being as picky adn as ______ as i was and thats really important, it makes your life so much simpilier.
Life is just one damned thing after another.
--Elbert Hubbard
"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything."
-Alexander Hamilton
We are the hero of our own story.
--Mary McCarthy
~i dont like the really long quotes, cuz sometimes they drag on, but theres one by einstein on the cup in mr. ravenscrafts room. i like it. go chekc it out if you can.
yasamin
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 26 January :: 9.04pm
Q and stunkel have taken up residence in my house...i think ill die now...not really, they arent that bad...i think its more to show off when theyre being insane...theyre actually pretty cool...later...
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 26 January :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: awful
:: Music: "we are under a winter...um...storm advisery"
pudding
i made pudding. chocolate cherry!
im eating the whole bowl
then ama do some hmwk
then ama call jen and were going to paint patrick...then ill come home and do more hmwk...cuz guess what guys
im doing it
amazing i know. im st ill eating pudding...
ooh empire commercial is on.
my head really hurts.
okie...bye...
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 26 January :: 12.15am
surveys
i was bored....i'll do this again with a different band some other time....
| choose a band to answer the questions in only their song LYRICS::: | linkin park | | who/what are you::: | it's like a whirlwind inside of my head it's like i can't stop what i'm hearing within it's like the face inside it's right beneath my skin | | who/what do people see you as::: | you all assume i'm safe here in my room (unless i try to start again) | | how you see yourself::: | just stuck hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own | | where do you want to be::: | i want to be in a another place ... i want to be in the energy not with the enemy a place for my head | | where are you::: | crawling in my skin | | your life is::: | i don't know what you're expecting of me put under the pressure of walking in your shoes | | you love::: | no matter how far we've come i can't wait to see tomorrow with you | | you hate::: | i hate when y ou say you don't understand |
Song Lyrics brought to you by BZOINK!
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 25 January :: 11.19pm
V-show
does anyone know if we're having a V-Show this year? because i'm preparing something if they do. if they're not having it this year i don't see the point in me preparing something. i mean i guess i would be year ahead of everyone if we have it next year instead....but i don't know...i really wanna be in it this year. i'm planning on singing...and i know which song...and i'm ordering sheet music online so either me or someone else can play it on the piano. of course if it's me playing the piano part i'll be doing a singing/playing act. i don't see why they wouldn't have a V-Show this year since it was so successful last year. for those of you who don't know what the V-Show is...it's like a variety show...different people show different things...last year people danced, sung...(that's all i got to see cuz i was in band) and it was alot of fun. i really wanna be in it and i know what i'm doing too. so yeah...i hope they have it this year...or at elast next year. sometime before i graduate how about that?
so i studied for my math quiz...i think i might do well this time. i feel confident enough to be sure that i won't fail it. don't wanna start a new semester with an F. (ah memories of first quarter when i almost dropped the freakin class) so i went through all the sections and did most of the problems (i picked the hardest ones) and got them right (checked back of the book which i keep bookmarked btw) and i think i have all the concepts down. i miss the good ol' days of geometry when i never had to study and still got a 110% on the quizzes/tests. but even though getting an easy A was fun...it was soooooooooo boring because i was not challenged....at all! gasp! i dont' know...i've finally adjusted to the pace of honors and it's not so bad anymore. i even passed my final! which i was very proud of (even though it was a C...for me that was good and for the difficulty of the final). so yeah.
casey said that he's gonna talk to freichels...about what? i'm not even sure anymore...oh yeah...about how everyone isn't exactly happy with joseph. well i guess the 5 girls who are now being put backstage...maybe not for the entire duration of the show...but for a couple songs. at least he didn't tell me to just get over it because it's not that big of a deal. he probably doesn't understand...but at least he didn't say that...i was liek thank you casey for listening. i was telling jorie about how upset i was aobut the thing and she said "i don't know what to tell you"...it's ok...i wasn't expecting anyone to tell me anything...i needed to get it off my chest. it hurts alot. being told that you're being put backstage....being told that you'll have to sing backstage because they don't ahve a place to put you. it hurts alot. i know people can't relate.....and i probably shouldn't be so upset about this....but...it's a huge disappointment. i finally got cast in a show...id been cut from everything except one acts last year. and that was a bad experience (well i guess it had it's advantages but i didn't have too good of a time during last year's one acts). i didn't care as much being cut from everything after that....because i was involved in all the shows in some way...and even had sort of a position. midsummer: costumes crew head, ballad: assistant stage manager, razzle: costume crew head, one acts (this year): stage manager and then finally i'm part of the cast for joseph. (oh btw i'd tried out for every one of those shows except one acts..i decided i wanted to stage manage) it felt sooo good...i was so happy. and things were alright....then this week freichels tells us (like the 5 girls who don't dance) that she doesn't know where to put us yet and most liekly have to sing backstage....taht hurt so much. first i was pissed....then i felt hurt....then i felt discouraged and ashamed. i prefer being cut than being told that i won't be put onstage cuz there's no where to put me. you must think i'm crazy for preferring to be cut...but at least i wouldn't feel useless. then friday....calandra was choreographing joseph's coat which was cool....and as she was about to start she comes up to us and says that she doesn't know what we're doing and is sure that we'll be in the song...and we're free to go home. wow. twice in one week. i called my mom and as i was waiting for her i started crying. the hurt i felt from hearing that is undescribable. yes this probably sounds pathetic to many...but not many can relate. and i probably should've seen this coming...it seemed too good to be true. i'm trying to be optimistic...i'm trying....but it's hard when i'm constantly feeling useless in the show. oh but you're part of the female singing ensemble...what's the point if i'm not gonna be seen? ::sigh:: i really hope next year's musical will be better. i don't care about being cut from the plays...i'm not that great of an actor...but musical? that means alot to me. ::sigh::
ok i'll go now....i'm not asking for your pity or sympathy. why did i say everything above? because this is my journal. and i really don't think taht anything i said was inappropriate...was it? i hope not....
i want this heavy feeling to go away.
Always, Sandy
4 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 January :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: cell phone rings
stunkel and Q
im not really annoyed...cept theyre playing with cell phone rings...were waiting for the chinese food...star search is on...i watched big fish...its really good! it made me smile and cry and jen, do you want to see the butterfly effect with me? okie thats all for now...i forgot what i was going to say...lol Q plays drums for a band htat contains kurt, shavel, devon, fritz, and farrell. lol...i laughed...
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 January :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: tv movie music
dream
so i had a dream. you know how you have deja vu dreams? well i had one of those a long time ago...where i was in an elevator with two other people and i just knew the elevator broke and i was going to die. but that was it. i just knew it never happened. last night i had a dream and i was eating something with shrimp in it and i left the table and took the plate i think to go to a hotel room and i was eating it with my fingers. i got in the elevator and the door closed and it started going and i realised it was the same as the dream before so i threw down the plate and screamed (or maybe it was in my head) we're going to die! the elevator stopped and fell. i was in it until it was almost to the bottom and then the view was from the top of the shaft and i saw the elevator smash on the floor...which is weird cuz if you know anything about elevator shafts, they usually go a floor lower than the last floor, not just stop on the floor, unless of course it ended a floor before the one it landed on...i dont know...well anyway. somehow i ended up out side of the elevator and sort of wondered what happened to the two guys (there was one on either side of me and the one on the right had a business suit on that i ruined with the shrimp) but the floor was cold, white and empty...i tried to hold on and when i was about to give up, a man and his two little girls came. i knew them, but i was still a kid so it wasnt my husband and daughters. i erm...cant think of word. well i dragged myself toward them and the little girl sat next to me. i told her that i needed help, because you know, it wasnt completely obvious. so i ended up in a hospital bed and my mum and the nurse were in there and my mum was catering to me like she always does when am sick. everyone was there. my friends i noticed patrice and jen and sandy...but everyone else had their back turned. one day, i was laying in the bed and i heard the doctor say soemthing to my mum and i didnt like it. i waited until they were gone and went out. i went down the hallway which looked oddly like a white vernon hills high school hallway with lockers. i dont know what happend after that...the dream is diminishing from my brain.
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 January :: 6.05pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "soundscapes" from my satellite provider
turnabout
this whole turnabout thing is pissing me off. ive got to talk to neil...maybe we'll just go by ourselves.i dont want to go to an italian place and i know im going to lose that battle. jill wont go if its crazy, jackie wont go if patrice doesnt go and the person patrice was going to ask (or so said jackie) just got asked. why does this cause so much shit. why cant we all just ask who we want and go in groups of four! ::hff:: my dress is pretty tho...that im happy about. and ill smell nice (ama take a shower) thats always a good thing.
5 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 22 January :: 1.53am
:: Mood: numb
lit presentation tomorrow
i don't feel liek sleeping...i'm tired but don't wanna sleep.
do me a favor....everyone (who's not under my friends list) please leave me a comment saying that you're reading it....i'm curious as to how many people have actually been reading it.
my head's spinning. i feel dizzy. this has been quite an eventful night i haven't even done anything. having people comment in that last entry...it's like whoosh. i feel stupid. very very stupid. can i just make it clear that i said alot of things from a spur of the moment? i don't think emotions aren't very consistant and like jealousy, anger, frustration all die down after time. much like happiness...you're not happy all the time nor are you sad. things that i said dealing with how i was feeling changed after posting....like..i don't know....i don't know how to explain anything. i'm awful at this game.
i feel....basically like an idiot. good job sandy kim ::pats self on back:: you're a genius. (sarcasm) oh lordy...i don't know what to do. i feel liek crawling in a hole and hiding. but i don't. i don't know waht i'm saying.
let's see....oh yeah...how am i gonna survive joseph? things are disappointing. i guess i'll be on running crew for costumes cuz they'll need more help. and while i help people change i can sing at the same time! ::gasp:: guess what? freichels might not even put me onstage. nope. all because i can't dance. wonderful, eh? it's kinda disappointing. it's like "woo i made the musical" "oh yeah, i'm gonna have to see you" "oh don't bother coming cuz you won't be seeing my face" my parents are gonna be so disappointed....the look on their faces when i told them i finally made a show. they were so proud....guess things don't change. i shall forever dwell behind the curtains. don't get me wrong...omg i love it backstage...that's where i belong...but i don't know...i wanna be onstage every once in awhile...be recognized. cuz typically the actors are the only ones who get recognized for the "hard work" people don;t even know that there are people backstage who do just as much work and give the actors all the credit. like i don't know...i wanna be recognized you know? cuz i'm always the one who's not noticed...arhg just argh. it was hurtful when freichels told us (the girls who aren't dancing) that for some songs she might have us sing backstage and "support the sound". don't get me wrong..i'm thankful for amking the show...that's so cool....but i've been having so many disappointments. first it was the you're not a dancer thing...then it was i don't remember...now it's you might not be onstage. ::sigh:: i better go to sleep....probably won't happen soon though...now that i'm wide awake.
bye bye
Always, Sandy
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 January :: 12.57am
oh fuck. i forgot waht i was going to type in here. ooh yea thats right! um...i probably already talked to you about this, but eh. i think that i want to major in psychology and minor in scenic art....thats theatre art and psychology without a double major! woo! now to find a college that does that...
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 21 January :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: david letterman
turnabout
so seeing as everything is already planned (rarr) my mum is trying to plan everything and arg! shes making appointments and i had everything all decided and now shes confusing me and i dont know what to do and now im getting frustrated. so i tried to decide on a hairstyle...and cant. can you help me?
my favourite
pineapples!
i think it looks cool...
this ones pretty
a load of different things the sixth row to the ninth on the left i like.
eh thats it. if you guys like anything tell me! please!
3 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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sandatthebeach
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2004 20 January :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: rejuvenated
possible new start?
so here i am...again...with a fresh start....it turned out just about everyone found out about my journal...and read just about every freakin entry i'm sorry to disappoint my adoring fans...but i had to delete them to prevent any further reading by an unwanted audience. so what did i learn from this experience??? don't go overboard while venting because afterall this is an ONLINE journal and everyone can easily access to it. i don't care...i'm still gonna vent in here...that's why i started this whole journal madness in the first place...to vent...ha isn't that what a journal is for? to relieve your stress by writing?? well anyways...to those who have read my journal and have read something that concerned them....forgive me. i apologize....publically....it was extremely immature of me to go and say all those nasty things. i wish i could take back everything i'd said but unfortunatly man has not created a contraption that can go back in time. i apologize and i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart. that may sound like a load of BS to you...but whatever...believe what you choose to believe. i'm not as naive anymore thinking that nothing could ever be used against me. and i also want everyone to know....every harsh thing was written during my hardest times when i was truly upset and frustrated and angry. i exaggerated many things to make it sound worse than it actually was. you know how when you're super pissed you start saying how you hate something? that's basically what i was doing. my so called hit list....one night i was extremely angry for i don't even remember why and was talking to nick and was crying and everything...i was furious. and by calming me down offered to "beat up" a few people that made me particulary angry that day. and that's how it all started. about a third of those people i wasn't even angry at. other people were so i just added them in there. like i said....i was furious and didn't know any better. and i want everyone to know....i don't technically "hate" anyone. those who i claim to hate most are those i am most envious of. i'm a perfectionist....i hate losing...and after experiencing defeat numerous times...i grew restless. so hope...if you do read this....i don't hate you...i promise i don't...and you probably hate me...but i deserve it. i apologize for everything i've ever said about you....but i said it and i was bitter towards you because to me...you seem to have everything. you seem to live a perfect life....i was and still am jealous. my jealousy has died down a bit because i am beginning to realize how it's unncessary and won't help necessarily help me to become a better person. it actually made me a worse person. so i'm sorry. i really truly am. i went through a very bitter winter. i lost a lot and gained very little. i don't even know if she reads this journal or not...but if she does...there ya go. and heidi, i'm sure she doesn't know about this whole online journal madness...but i don't hate her anymore. why? because i finally got to see the other side of her...the nonconceited and not self centered side of her and boy am i glad. because singing in joseph would be hell because i wouldn't have any fun. and for everyone else...i don't even remember what i ever said about you...but i'll apologize for my past actions/words. but you know what? i'm human. i not perfect. i'm not anywhere near perfect..if i were i'd be God and i'm definatly not Him. so please drop the whole "sandy needs to behave better" deal because i really find it rather pointless. i don't even know you. and you know nothing of me. and i think that it's rude to judge me based on what little information you know. i think it's rather sad and pathetic how i'm constantly feeling apologetic and inferior to those who i don't even know. it doesn't make sense to me. just as you told me not to make assumptions...please don't judge me. because THAT'S rude and rather selfish thinking that one is worthy to judge another. yes it's a natural human habit that i and everyone else need to break....but i believe that one must at least put effort into it. and if you are gonna judge....know enough about them before you do...because that's just not right to judge and make assumptions about people you know absolutely nothing of.
thank you and goodnight.
Always, Sandy
18 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow?
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mudpiegrl
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2004 20 January :: 1.25pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: ::chit, chat::
ooh...has been time...
Hello to you all…ive been really hyper lately…and jen has been bugging me to update so I figure I should. I kinda miss this journal; no I haven’t moved on or anything its just the computer holds less entertainment than it once did, owed mostly to the fact that my computers don’t fucking work. So sandy…I reset it. ::hug:: how did he find it? I asked jill…
Jen got a hamster! Her name is GODIVA MILK CHOCOLATE…we think shes pregnant. I want a doggie. But I don’t have a doggie. Last night I watched independence day at neils…he watches that movie soo much its like me and harry potter holy geez…I mean…cheese and rice! Lol (see just married) ooh I watched loads of movies which I put in here…I shud probably finish telling you about theatre fest, but another time. Um…last night I was playing with neils cologne cuz he has adidas, tommy, and calvin klein and I wanted to smell them all…well I sprayed calvin klein on him cuz he already had some on and he wasn’t going anywhere so it didn’t matter if he smelled too much…and then I put tommy on a Kleenex and just about died cuz it was so strong at first…and I got up to get the adidas and opened it and it poured on me! Eep! Cuz it was a pour top rather than a spray bottle and I didn’t know that so I smelled like sweet shit all night and bahhhh…so I don’t like that one that much. Its good he uses calvin stuff that’s my favourite…but I think he smells better by himself anyways………eeehh…that sounds wrong but you all know what I mean. My eye hurts. Its being weird.. like watering and heating up and shit its strange
::blink::
::blink::
so I tried to change my gym because they only have the option of weight training and team sports every other day. Plus I’m not amazed at the people in there. I love Katherine but I don’t really know tim or tiffany and jackies changing and goli’s there too but I didn’t find that out until I had already decided. So I went to mrs. Firnbach to change it and she said that shes not supposed to but shell talk to bauer. And then told me to go ask bauer cuz there was time left in the period. So I wnet and she asks “why” and am like eep what to say?! “because I don’t know anyone” “too bad, youre going to have to make some new friends” ARGG!! ARG TO YOU BAUER I DESPISE YOU! Okie so caps lock off…
I passed art. I got an A on the final even though I did something totally different than the assignment. It was supposed to be a campaign poster to campaign yourself for president. I campaigned a neighbourhood watch act lol. Okie well…I passed all my classes, the real ones all with D’s how lucky. I passed. That’s sad when you can say youre lucky with D’s. ::hug:: to everyone who is either having a bad day or just feels like a hug! Adios.
Are you a purple cow?
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