home | profile | guestbook
AND i CANT MAKE iT ON MY OWN.
recent entries | past entries
xvivaxlabamxfanx
..are you runinng away from me? are you running away from you?.. have you ever had someone close to you ever slip away? more than once? and then it got to the point where they were the lowest they could get? well... i'm not used to situations like this. there's this friend i have, who might read this and know its about them. but they have been close to the edge a few times.. and now its to the point where they have be confined to this certain building and isnt allowed to do practially anything.. they get on AIM to talk to me.. but it saddens me to think how low they have gotten. i wish i could be there to help them, but thats the thing about having your closest friend being halfway around the world.. i read the posting of where they were and stuff, and i just wanted to cry. i mean, i already miss them because of how far away they are, but knowing this.. it makes me want to do the same to me so i can be with them.. but i wont be with them, because they are halfway around the world. another of my options is to destroy myself and wait for them on the other side, but i dont want any more waiting than i already have to do in this life. I miss them... i want to touch them, to hug them, to tell this person that everything is going to be allright and let them know that im always there for them no matter what.. i want to wipe the tears away that fall from their eyes.. and sit with them for as long as they need if its what they need.. now i wish i had a friend like this.. who would sit with me for hours, in silence if i needed it.. i would do that for this person.. ..i love you with all my little black heart..
If I'm just bad news..
poseur. ok.. im getting this "poseur" thing just about everywhere now.. i mean, i don't mind.. it's just a bit confusing. Like, how am i poseur? what are these peoples definition of a poseur? what makes me any different from them? they're just trying to be themselves right? how am i different from that? because i've never heard of a certain band? because i listen to a certain band? (ok, i get the good charlotte thing.. but i like just about every other fucking band that everyone else likes, but i've decided to like GC too.. whats so wrong about that? and if half of them knew what the hell i've been through, and how they unknowingly have helped me through all of it.. and still are, maybe they'd see it a little differently, but probably not since their heads are stuck WAY too fucking far up their asses) and another thing.. i've never had a problem with ANY of these people, and all of a sudden im a poseur and they all hate me for no reason at all, just because im a poseur, which they cant even put a definition on the word. Lets take a look at the dictionary: poseur One who affects a particular attribute, attitude, or identity to impress or influence others. ; A person who poses or attitudizes, esp. mentally. ; a person who habitually pretends to be something he is not (www.dictionary.com "poseur") ok.. yeah, im REALLY dressing like this and forcing myself to listen to this music to impress or influence others.. lemme tell ya! who the hell would i be trying to impress? someone who habitually pretends to be something he is not.. ok, what am i "trying" to be? i see myself.. as.. well.. myself.. who the fuck am i trying to be like? unless i wear the exact same thing you do every fucking day, or listen to the exact same bands as you, then how would i be trying to be you? how would i be defined as a poseur and you wouldn't be? it just doesn't make sense.
11 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
Scions rule! ok.. i blew off work so i could stay home and make my pizza.. then my dad called and asked if i wanted to go to a car show.. i said sure not knowing what was in store for me.. it was a Scion show in Philly.. and.. OMG.. there was this AWESOME cover band called SPIN.. THEY ROCKED THE FUCKING PARKING LOT.. well.. just really the few people listening.. they did covers from the Killers and Beastie Boys and much more.. The lead singer is SO hot! and they miiight be able to play my birthday party.. and ONLY special people can come! dont know where it'll be yet.. but im contemplating it. We (me and marybeth) are going to buy they're last two cd's left on amazon.com. Lead Singer (E) has an AMAZING voice.. Jim (keyboard player) was a LIL too into his keyboard and was SLAMMING it to death.. but was still cool coz he was the one who gave us two THREE shirts, a shitload of stickers and some schedules.. and the other members are Henry and Lou. Weird names huh? Oh well, its all good.. go to their site www.spinrocks.com and give em a listen.. they are a local band from Philly.. so if you live no where near philly, try and get their name out as MUCH as you fucking possibly can.. there was also a BMX show there and we got autographs and free DVDs... some free scion t-shirts and hats.. and also keychains and pins.. and a ton of other free shit. I took a good amount of pictures and they'll be in my photobucket soon.. and once they are there i'll put the links in here. CHECK OUT SPIN!!!!
CHRONICLES OF LIFE AND DEATH heres the concert that was on AOL///.. i had a bad connection.. but this is what i got -Opening (sounded like Nightmare Before Xmas/Edward Scissor Hands) -we got a new album coming out -The Anthem -Walk Away (w/ piano) -((is anybody listening.. listening..)) -((a lot of cheering)) -Jokes (missed) -questions -whos comin to see us on tour with sum 41? -all of you on the internet, when ur done you should go over to goodcharlotte.com -whats up guys? -ok.. allright here we go, lets sing -you guys know this song -Bloody Valentine -lets sing together, its a love story.. thats right.. ready? -yeah, so, i met a girl on the internet one time.. in a chat room, uhh, she didnt say ... -Girls and Boys -hey benji wanna play doctor, i need a physical baby. allright, thats uhh, one of the most creative signs ive ever seen.. uhh, yes everybody i am a practicing physiscian.. and which leads me to the next song, this ones from the chronicles of life and death..adgkjaghosl -The World is Black -yeah, this next song is a very special song to us, and i hope you guys like it -Hold On -is everybody having a good time so far tonight? (you havin a good time?) we have to say.. you know, you guys listen.. with our record coming out tomorrow, its very emotional and i just wanna say thanks to all you guys out here and on the internet coz it really means a lot to us. -Ghost of You -.... breathing in each others sweat.. i betcha theres a lot of kids on the internet having cyber sex right now, with me.. and im not even on the internet right now. so really they're having cyber sex with someone who says they are me.. how many have you guys have had cyber sex with someone claiming to be benji.. it happened to me, c'mon.. ha ha.. no? that guys saying "it happened to me twice" -Young and Hopeless -we um, ya know.. we're so happy to be here tonight, BACK in the united states of america, we're just, uh, we just went over to germany, and france and sweden and london, and ya kno, we really like the rest of the world but its so nice to be home. uhh, we just want all the kids watching on the internet right now to just ..... - ((so tell me what you want, coz i would give you anything, tell me what you need...)) -we got a couple more,we gotta say thank you to AOL for having us, and for inventing A-I-M -Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous -haleughia, the truth will set you free, i know from experience.. thats right.. now that joel.. when now well, just wanna remind all the internet users, while ur criticing my performance, weve had some technicel difficulties.. and my fingers kinda hurt so forgive me. are you ready to rock with us? if ur watching this in ur bedroom, i want you to get up and dance with us.. here we go, here we go, HERE WE GO!! -hey if you guys havent noticed.. Chris is sick tonight, so everybody say hi to Chris, hes at home sick.. Hey chris.. hes watching .... -and the record thats coming out tomorrow was made for you guys and no one else.. you guys and we have to say thank you guys so much, seriously for everything.. we feel like the luckiest guys in the world, you guys have blessed us to be up here on stage, so thank you, thank you very much -so, i think we should play one more song, so why dont we, ok thanks you guys so much, thanks for listening, and well see you at the next show, this songs called predictable -Predictable -thanks a lot you guys, god bless you, .. everyone out there.. see you guys at the next show, PEACE! -((chanting)) ONE MORE SONG, ONE MORE SONG -JUST GIMME DA LIGHT (Sean Paul) ((played on radio i guess))
2 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
xunspokenxfearszx
Life Sucks!! i cant wait to die.. i hate being sick.. worst thing is.. my mom cares more about my sister and going to the wawa.. then me.. im bout to like pass out.. and she dont fucking care.. so whatever.. im not really writing in this any more.. i loke my xanga site more.. but if i can get on to this site when im in school then i will start writing in here more.. so yeah.. http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=XuNsPoKeNxFeArSzX .. so yeah.. go there if you really want to read whats goin on.. not that any one gives a fuck getting the 2 nelly cds soon.. and the 2 gc cds when they come out on tuesday.. and sum other stuff.. not that you care.. so yeah.. BYE <3 mandee lynn
...and sing along in the age of paranoia...
5 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
ehhn..
3 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
school wow.. it hasnt even started and it sucks... would someone slit my throat? im not in the mood for suicide (*quote stolen from friends away message*)
School
Raiden6109: wow, your're a dyke.. that's hot! Raiden6109: where you be from? zgo0dcharlottez: wow, thats nice zgo0dcharlottez: who u be? Raiden6109: yo i be ed Raiden6109: who you be Raiden6109: ed smearcheck zgo0dcharlottez: i be stefani Raiden6109: yo man you a dyke Raiden6109: i love dykes zgo0dcharlottez: thats great.. and you know this hoe? zgo0dcharlottez: *how Raiden6109: some freind told me Raiden6109: you really are thats hot! zgo0dcharlottez: who is your friend? Raiden6109: steven kistler Raiden6109: he said you one gine bitch but you only into girls zgo0dcharlottez: brianas brother? Raiden6109: fine* Raiden6109: he aint got no sisters zgo0dcharlottez: oh.. ok.. coz i know a briana kistler Raiden6109: yo mkan she fine to but i only like you you a dyke zgo0dcharlottez: and no, im not really a "dyke".. ppl started saying that when i cut my hair and found out i kissed a girl for a truth or dare game.. but they seem to leave the truth or dare part out of the story Raiden6109: holy shit you really kissed a girl zgo0dcharlottez: yeah, so what Raiden6109: yoou fucking dyke .... i never heard about that zgo0dcharlottez: yeah, ok, ima dyke.. thats why im into guys Raiden6109: oh like who kevin linohan ...... Raiden6109: hes into guys to Raiden6109: you got something in common Raiden6109: yo bitch speak when spoken to Raiden6109: ill ... do bad things zgo0dcharlottez: yeah, i know kevin, and who said hes into guys? Raiden6109: oh he is i know for a fact ... Raiden6109: ,e and him you know Raiden6109: me* zgo0dcharlottez: yeah.. ok Raiden6109: yo ya i do you know who this is zgo0dcharlottez: uhh.. ed? Raiden6109: no Raiden6109: zac zgo0dcharlottez: which one? Raiden6109: brb Raiden6109: zac you know zgo0dcharlottez: which one, i know three Raiden6109: name them ill tell youi zgo0dcharlottez: no.. just tell me which one u are Raiden6109: uymmm rickerds ... savercool ....... collins ..... marvain .... archer .... ill let you decide zgo0dcharlottez: oh.. ok, i know four.. u named another one i knew in that list there Raiden6109: oh pick ill makew a game out of it .... i have made out with kevin thats all im telling you zgo0dcharlottez: id rather not play.. i dont play boring games... why dont you just tell me Raiden6109: ill level it down to 3 .... collins .... marvain ... rickardss Raiden6109: come on .... Raiden6109: fine how aboout this ......... i was at the comuniity day today and we kissed Raiden6109: fine you got me its amarvain zgo0dcharlottez: ok zgo0dcharlottez: that was a big surprise Raiden6109: but ya we have madfe out \ zgo0dcharlottez: thats nice Raiden6109: like a couple times zgo0dcharlottez: great Raiden6109: he dont want me to tell anyone but i thought i would tell someone zgo0dcharlottez: ok.... Raiden6109: so you wanna come over to my house me and my girlfreind are in the mood for some smothering Raiden6109: fat chick sitting on our face naked Raiden6109: you in or out? zgo0dcharlottez: idk.. are you sure you want me to do that? Raiden6109: ya come over i love tht kinda shit Raiden6109: you know where i live right zgo0dcharlottez: actually no Raiden6109: you know where olgas is zgo0dcharlottez: yea Raiden6109: that alleey across the street next to wildflowers zgo0dcharlottez: maise? Raiden6109: ya zgo0dcharlottez: yeah, ashley snarr lives down there Raiden6109: the first one story house you see is mine justy walk in zgo0dcharlottez: ok, ill be there in five minutes Raiden6109: noone is home .... we might be getting a gang bang im not sure whosa c=oming zgo0dcharlottez: kk, ill look forward to it Raiden6109: ok Raiden6109: ill be waiting in the living room zgo0dcharlottez: kk Raiden6109: so see you in five zgo0dcharlottez: c-ya then
XuNsPoKeNxFeArSzX
«- *My wOrLd is Crashing Down All aRounD mE* -»
ok, as amanda said, Jay did come around.. and since im talkin to her right now im gonna go...
4 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
just lost a big part of me.. ok.. well, yesterday.. Jay had gotten off coz he "didnt feel good". then he gets back on and i ask if he was feeling better and he put his away message up that said something like this: "dont im me coz i wont talk to your unless your important or a friend" or something like that so i ask "am i important? or a friend?" and he didnt answer so i was like "guess not" and then he got off. Later on he gets back on and ims me saying "thanks for being a friend" and im like "ok...." he goes: "Goodbye" and im like: "bye?" he goes: "Journal explains it all" and gets off.his journal is saying how hes going to "end it all tonight" which was last night.. now my one friend says hes doing it for attention.. but hes sure got me worried... i hope he reads the comments in his journal before he thinks about anything that serious.. i have nothing more to say.. and jay, if you read this.. i love you.
1 Are a liar.. + | If I'm just bad news..
heh wow i was gonna write how pissed off i am that Jay didnt gimme his addy... but now im kinda happy coz i found old school *N Sync on the radio!! lmao!!!!!!!! ok me done.. jay i want ur addy!!!! *mean face* no more kisses till u gimme it
ehhhhhh oki so i wont be on for still a longer time.. so if ANYONE needs to contact me.. call me or come over.. or SOMETHING i am SO fucking bored sitting in my house all week doing NOTHING!!!!! SAVE ME FROM THIS INSANITY!!! oh ya.. jay.. GET THAT DAMN PASSPORT!! lol you got HOW MANY months?????? =P kill me now?
Woohu.com | Random Journal