spinoangel
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2004 20 July :: 12.14am
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: jealous sound - "recovery room"
sometimes i really can't stand being me. being in this body, having this mind, trying to control this heart. i go from one end of the spectrum of emotion to the very opposite end. and i know i can't change it and i know it's what brings me to my demise at the end of each day. but what am i supposed to do? half the time i'm praised for being such a great girl, for being charming and lovely and sexy and attractive and intelligent and hardworking. but then the other half counteracts it. its usually from myself and then my parents and usually its unspoken. i need to work harder, i need to look better, i need to fix myself, i need to control myself. i know that you know exactly what i'm talking about. how it feels when you feel like you shouldnt be wasting the oxygen. we all get like this. but how do we rise from it? sometimes i forget. sometimes i dig myself so deep into my insecurities and fears that i can't do anything but hide in this hole from the world because sometimes i believe it'd be better off without my stupid complaints. i know that that's not true. my personalities conflict with each other a lot. there's the christina that actually loves herself and knows others love her even more. and then theres the one hiding inside who just wants to be someone else, anyone else, to know what it feels like not to be ashamed to be who you are. ok i'm truly rambling right now. but woohu readers wont mind because there aren't many. but ya know. i dont know what else to say. i think i'm done. the thought comes into my head "i wonder what my mom will say about how i look on my wedding day" and then a tear falls down my face. i'm sure you all have similar insecurities. just thought i'd share a little of mine right now. not that i havent before. forget i said anything.
stood there and stared at the grief in my eyes.
leave it to me to live out a lie.
so i sat on the curb and i cried like a child.
catching my breath, just walked for a while.
and i thought... what could go wrong?
i'm already gone. don't say a word. i can't hear you.
don't hold me close. i can't feel you.
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 19 July :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: anxious
now accepting applications.... will u be mine? make sure to sign the bottom line... promising not to break my heart. =)
anyways... here's the rest of my night.
----> brittany got the pictures back, some r good, some aren't.... i get to take the good ones to chicago. and... yeah, i'mma model baby! lol. neways...
----> i came home n ate dinner. got a call from danielle g that said, she was at don carters. so i called brittany n said to come pick me up cause her n i were gonna go see danielle there before she left for tampa in the morning. well, when we got there, she left with her boyfriend. so brittany & i ran in to use the bathroom... as we walked in the door, i saw shane & jimmy HEHEHE boy do i miss those ib guys lol. anyways... we were passing the pool tables, and we hear, "HEYYYY!" which were the voices of jonah & mike. ahhH! *jumps up n down." i wish we coulda stayed longer... but brittany was pissed about danielle leaving us =/ so we left. yeahhh.... ran back to my house talked to danielle over the phone & straightened things out. ran to the farm store in my pjs n got coke = c2. just to see if there was a difference. now we are sitting here.... i'm talking to jonah, danielle g, jackie, & mike.... while brittany is on her phone talking to marcin..... oooo la la hehe. i want loveeeee. i wannnna boyyyy. as carmen would say. <3 anyways i'm out... this keyboard sux. byes xoxo
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 19 July :: 4.42pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: watching Oprah =)
"y do black ppl have nice cars, but ugly houses? ....b/c they can't steal a house."
yesterday ---> ran around to find stuff for her set & then she took purty pictures. when we get them developed, i'll post 'em. =)
today ---> practice @ 8am. it was christmas... getting our new clothes & shoes, for camp. Principal Rosenweig came to talk ta us... WE GET TO WEAR OUR UNIFORMS ON THE FIRST DAY! thanks to Brittany's convincing email to her. we're gonna be best dressed, by our (me, michelle, karen, & nikki's) logic. ---> "everyone wears their top outfit the first day, n their second best the 2nd day, while we wear our cute uniforms the first day, & our 1st best outfit on the second day =)" me, shay, chelsea, nikki & brittany... & i think stephy have potentional for captain... at least that's what we read through Coach Dares... being indirect =D i scored major brownie points = being a cubs fan haha. ---> as far as stunting goes... all i pulled today was a full cause... the girls i had as bases were sooooo tall n it scared me to pull the scale =/ so angie is flying for that group now. n i'm back at square one. =/
after practice ---> went to PVHS. omg the inside is BEAUTIFUL... like the room is spacious, not like the IB office or the main office where everything is jammed together. but the school is stunning. n i found out Chelsea Ellinger is coming to PVHS. not good. o well.
umm... i showered & me & mommy went to the mall. i bought 2 shirts from A&F. absolutely adorable. =) plus i got my retainer for my belly button... so when camp comes around, my hole doesn't close up. o, we got my sister a bathing suit from Limited Too. its really cute... i need to try it on, cause my mom was like, "it looks like it will fit u."
now, i'm home... waiting the arrival of the ashlee simpson cd that comes out tomorrow. maybe brittany & i will go out & grab it =) anyways, i've gotta get off the phone with grammy & trixie & call Jackie soon. g2g bye bye xoxo
<3
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boricuababy
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2004 19 July :: 11.08am
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: Pump It Up-Joe Budden
hey buddies!!..i'm in tampa now..my mom n pat left last nite..but me and jonothon get to stay another week!!..i'm prolly gonna be home next tuesday/wednesday the latest..itz juss been raining non-stop over here..no lie..it sucks..so i doubt we'll get to go to Adventure Island..the waterpark down here..:/..we got here friday evening..took us forever to get here too..back up traffic...rain..accidents..all that stuff..we brought Roxy wid us..lol..my mom took her back tho..neways..friday nite we went out to dinner after the game we were supposed to go to got rained out..damn rain..lol..saturday we just hung out..ate at chili's..good food..yesterday family came over..this side of the family is soo funny..so we had a good time..right now..im juss chillan..woke up a lil while ago..now im watchin Brown Sugar..that's my movie!!..lol..my grandma gets home from work around 1-ish..then we're gonna go shopping!! lol..i NEED to find a dress!!!..so we're plannin to spend the rest of the day at the mall..jon and joe are going to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays and the YAnkee game..lol..jonothon's most likely gonna be the only yankee fan there..ehh..u never kno tho..lol..i miss everybody back at home!!..:(..my frickin fone doesnt work over here!!!..they live like in the middle of no where..lol..but yea my fone doesnt work..sucks..i'll try to be online as much as i can tho..to talk to u guys!!..love u!!..x0x0
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<3
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sammibaby
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2004 19 July :: 12.20am
:: Mood: hyperrr
:: Music: toxic :(
been hittin' up the town
last night i went to the movies with amy, to see Dodgeball. it was alright, nothing special. and definitely not what it was worked up to be. then her parents came to pick us up..and took us to Dominic's for pizza. it was a lotta fun hanging out with her and then her padres. got home..mom took me to walmart to develop even more film. i learned how to use those cool computer thingys that can develop your pictures from a disc. hehe--sammi had fun. went to block buster, rented Mystic River. a.w.e.s.o.m.e. movie by the way. we also went to Dunkin' Doughnuts to get some, well, doughnuts and iced coffees. yeah, tried them- they're gross. never again.
today, i got emails from my buddies sameen and amara. felt loved. wrote both of them back. afterwards, i went bowling with some friends. fun stuff--throwing the ball and still doing better than almost everyone. haha- in your face kelly! then i was gonna go home, but chiara decided otherwise. so we went to walmart [its becoming a second home lol] to pick up my pictures and got some candy. scared a few people with our weirdness. next on the list was Coldstones. let's just say i died and went to heaven in there. holy crap that was some good ice cream. lol. gonna have to go there more often. last stop was a friends house. stayed for over an hour- just talking and such. got home 11:45ish. its been awhile since i've stayed out like that. i miss that. after i got home, i framed more pictures. made me happy. :) and guess where im going tomorrow..? thats right- walmart to develop pictures from the end of school. i cant wait to see them!! well im off for the night. tata for now. x0x0.
<3
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<3
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spinoangel
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2004 18 July :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: watching spiderman
i changed my woohu layout. it doesnt please me so much. =\ i need better programs pleeeeease. i think my lj is better. i shall never stop trying though.
<3
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alwaysfalling
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2004 18 July :: 1.53pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: rilo kiley - glendora
so it seems lately that every conversation i have with my dad is either about how psycho my mom is and/or when i'm going to be able to drive. if all goes as i want it to, which is doubtful but definitely hopeful, i will get a job in the next two weeks, work, babysit for my aunt the week before school and make a few hundred, get my license the 30th of july, have it in hand, and then get insurance sometime before school starts because our damn insurance that we have now expires on august 7th so we found a new one that we get on that day and my dad doesn't want to add me right away because of money reasons. heck yeah though. finally going to be able to drive the pimpin oldsmobile, even if the first time is to school on wednesday.
other than that... my life is somewhat boring at the moment, i don't do much of anything which is fine because that i guess is what summer is partly supposed to be about. ap scores sucked majorly, didn't pass one of them, oh well, over and done with now. that's all for now. i must try to update at least one of my journals more often.
<3 love you.
<3
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playmate101
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2004 17 July :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: can't get no better // cassidy
i used to believe.
woke up --> went to brittany's house. sat in her bed all day until like 5pm. she worked on our lj community =) i'll show u all when we finish.
---> we finally decided to get off our butts & go to wal-mart to pick up a few things, n then back to her house. but then i called my mom... n our family was planning on dinner. s0o... around 8pm... i went to dinner with my family.
what a bad move... because jonah called (or at least i think it was him) at 9pm & i missed the call because i was arguing with my dad. ya see, i'm not pleased with the car i got. this is 2004 & they're still comparing the car that i got to their old shitty cars, while i'm comparing it to all the cars that like my friends have for their first cars. its ridiculous, but i can't seem to hold my anger in so i told him i didn't want it. but i didnt mean it. n then he got into it about... how he is about ready to send me & my brother to military school. i couldnt help but cry & then carol & rick came in & carol was like... "bri just say sorry" n i couldnt bring myself to it because hearing him say "i'm gonna send them away for years..." hurts. then carol & i get into a conversation about how love hurts n to get over everything n i am... but i'm so empty/hurt at the moment. s0o i did some more crying. n my parents are suspicious... they think i am bulimic. they keep questioning me. n i can't help but cry because there's so much i wanna say but i just can't spill.
"u can never move backwards in the future, love is the same way." - Carol =)
what's so wrong with wanting to be wanted, n accepted? i just don't get this. i'm 16 yrs. old.. and we're all smart as hell, but why can't we understand why the fuck people treat us like they do n how the world goes around? why aren't we able to just understand life & what it's about... i don't care how uncreative & stupid this world would be if we were all the same... but honestly, it would make it so much easier.
bye.
<3
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playmate101
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2004 17 July :: 1.02am
practice was fun. ---> our team is AWESOME.
coach dares: "i wanna be there when ur first f*ing stunt goes up." lmao
got home = slept.
woke up, ---> got my car. i'm not to pleased with it. its a buick. looks like my dad's car cept it is navy & brand new. but i hate it. i can't hurt dad's feelings though... n i mean, it is a car.
brittany came over. we went to get chicken noodle soup for danielle g & then broke into her house & scared the shittttt outta her. lol. her mom came home drunk after 2 margaritas, lol. it was hilarious. but she went to bed & we all watched t.v. then brittany & i came to my house. she "forgot her house keys" so she is here with me spending the night. n the lord knew that something was gonna hurt me tonight... n i needed someone here to let me be strong.
me, jonah & whitney. as if things just can't get uglier. i just am kinda done. i wanna forgive & forget. i knew this was coming & i care about him toooo much to let him suffer through this... i mean, he never meant to hurt anyone, n i just see his side of things... i feel bad, horrible, in fact. there's so much more to say, but i've got to dip cause i've got to think of a plan to kidnap stacey.
<3
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sammibaby
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2004 16 July :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: blah/bored
:: Music: how come?
and in the end it doesnt really matter...
called carlos last night. while painting my toes. it was nice talking to him again.
kaila called this morning to say good bye. shes gonna be gone for a week or so. :(.
ended up staying in today. plans went down the drain. speaking of drains- i took a bubble bath! i dont remember the last time i took a bath. it was so relaxing. that was the highlight of my day. hehe.
we're gonna start making some trini food! lol. one of my aunts from trinidad sent my mom a cook book and 'family recipes' so we can learn how to make it. im looking forward to it. second highlight of the day.
i get to go out tomorrow-- to hang with Amy. but for now- im out.
<3.
<3
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boricuababy
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2004 16 July :: 9.06am
:: Mood: wide awake
:: Music: If I Aint got you-ALicia Keys
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELIIIII!!!
yesterday was meli's birthday..happy happy birthday to meli everybody!!..lol..she had a lil get together at her house last nite..i went we had alotta fun..emir kinda juss showed up n den up n left wid the quickness..that kinda pissed me off a bit..but newayzz..lol..we had fun..meli's a monkey now..i found out i seriously suck at spoons..lol..but i won in bullshit!!..hehe..go me!!..we ate really go0d cuban sandwiches from padrinos..mmmm..really yummy..and we had icecream cake..."Caakkkkeee!!"..lol..i melted a lil bit..lol..but it was great..den we started watchin Secret Window..but no one was watchin it so meli put on THe Cat in the Hat..lol..funny movie..melissa got alotta koo presents too..i got her the U Got Served DVD..Eric got her a monkey..Ricki got her some lotions n body sprays that smelled soo good..lol..emir got her lotions n stuff too..omar gave her this really nice cd player..ricarda got her all this monkey stuff..lol..ohh..and her new bling!!that bracelet is so0o0o cute girl!! i had alotta fun..:D
today i leave guys!!..we're leavin around `1..gotta finish packing too..hopefully i find a dress over there..my grandma said she;d buy it for me..:)..i'll be gone for about a week..so0o..i'll talk to u all wen i get back!!..love ya..x0x0
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<3
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sammibaby
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2004 16 July :: 12.20am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: waterfalls
why is it that- when im free...
....youre not?
today i went to the dentist to get x-rays of my teeth. no cavaties! [is that how you spell it?]
dentist: have you thought of going to an orthodontist?
sam: yeah...
dentist: makes a disgusted face and says: yeah, you should really think about it.
..thanks. that makes me feel wonderful!..heh.
then i went to panera bread with my aunt, mom, brother, and sister. twas yummy and fun. talked about the cruise. im getting excited--more than i was.
after that, we went to walmart to make more copies of pictures from vacation. and this is the place where i have an admirer. not that im interested, but its nice to have one. lol.
went to exercise. it was fun and hard at the same time. im finally starting to see the results. :D
picked up the pictures. bought a frame. went home..put the pictures in frames..hung up my new one. then i went to my aunts for dinner. we also watched our vacation video. it was funny to see myself act retarded.
i got home about 30 minutes ago. talking to my amycita. wrote amara an email. now im gonna go make some calls.
much love.
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 15 July :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: she will be loved // maroon 5
can you make me feel beautiful? you know i'm so insecure. but it's not always rainbows & butterflies
dull, dull day.
`~> slept all day pretty much. considering i was on the phone for awhile... til 4am with jonah... until the battery died out, again <3
`~> went to carol's to babysit.
* travis & brett called, very drunk. i, uh, didn't appreciate that they came over either. s0o yeah, brendan ((the prettiest boy in the world ---> now i c what jonah meant)) picked up brett. & travis went home. after that... carol, rick, dan & sherry came home. i have so many mosquito bites. but i'm not gonna itch. the little ones thought they were hives or something lol. anyways... haven't talked to anyone cept for jackie & danielle g all day ---> shoulda called jonah. =/ um... maybe him & i & whoever else = movies 2morrow night. plz lordy. i want toooooo.
*`` i've got practice 2morrow morning @ 8am. s0o here i g0o... heading to bed. ``*
---+ now i lay me down to sleep,
pray the lord, my soul to keep.
see me safely through the night,
and wake me with the morning light.
---+ find me love for this heart. someone who will be happy to be mine. a boy who loves me dearly, for everything i have to give. lord, i want love. its the best feeling in the world.... bring it back to me plz....? amen.
------>>>>>> she will be loved. <<<<<<------
hope & faith... i believe.
<3
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playmate101
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2004 15 July :: 12.47am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: memory // sugarcult
deep inside the corner of my mind, i'm attached to you.
let's get away... far away to paradise.
---> i got my cheer shoes, & my desk.
---> let's break all the rules & just kiss away, because i can't hold back any longer. arg.
---> officially making plans for departure to chicago. calling jonah every night. any one else want me to holler at them while i'm away? or u can holler at me when i disappear. 254.8483. =)
---> i felt so pretty today. just looked in the mirror... n whoa... i saw someone i actually wanted to stare at. like when u know u see someone hot walking & u just wanna stare? i felt like just staring at myself today lol. unfortunately there's no1 to share my sexy feeling with. grr.
---> going into brittany's bathroom, undoing my pants & spending five minutes looking for the toilet... forgot it was behind me.
---> chels, nikki, michelle & i hanging out at practice. michelle is back, & it was her birthday. nikki *smell this. *niiiiice perfume lmao. student gov camp lol. cookie man... <3
---> seeing danielle g & people at mc donalds, and everyone just staring at me. either i was really ugly or really pretty... u know like that stare i was talking about?! or maybe... there was another reason for everyone to stare?! i do not know.
((--this may never start... i'll tear us apart.--))
<3
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boricuababy
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2004 14 July :: 6.54pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: H.O.V.A
ouchhhh
i got home from practice a lil while ago..wow..in painnnn..ouchiezz..i wont stress it tho cuz it'll get me in shape
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 13 July :: 11.45pm
and she returns....continued
mmm well I don't know what to do with myself so I guess I will finish my boring tale.
Yes so got home from publix made some more Daqueries and Coladas Margaux made fun of us for being big alcoholics who drink on sunday nights and went upstairs to study MCAT. It had turned out that Richelle wasn't going to be gone the whole time we were there and she was getting in at about 10:30 so at 11 her and Andres came over to chill.
lol we had an interesting night we all got drunk and started acting real bitchy. Andres was driving Richelle home so he didnt drink and instead decided to instigate the bitchiness. It was actually really funny.
We played fuck you which is like asshole only its a little different and it's a drinking game. Andres would just eat some ice cream instead of taking drinks since Margaux wanted us to finish it off so she didn't eat it. Of course he always won and made us all his beer bitches....makin us drink for pissing him off, pissing each other off, being rude to jerry (yes the giraffe from the nite b4), it was funny eventually we got bored of that.
Every1 had drank a lot of our stuff the other night but they also brought over more and left it so we had a pretty nice supply. I tried my hand at making a cosmopolitan myself and it went horrible wrong I had the vodka and the craberry juice and the triple sec but I messed up the proportions and it was way too strong. I drank most of it tho.
so yeah then Andres turned on Rules of Attraction....what a fucked up movie maybe it was just because I was intoxicated....I'll never look at James Vanderbeck the same again (however the fuck u spell it). Andres kept pissing me off I don't even remember how then he kept like grabbing the hat I was playing with away from me and I scratched him right where he had this scab and his arm started bleeding and I think i did it again later in the same spot by accident. lol I felt bad so I made him let me fix it by putting a tiny piece of tissue on it and wrapping scotch tape around his entire arm like 10 times it was so funny it looked like a retard did it but it cleared my drunken conscience a bit. heh
Richelle is such a bitch when she drinks its funny it rubs off on me. She said she wasnt my friend and she hated me or something and then we were talking about lesbians and I said if I was a lesbian I wouldn't want her and she got all sad and then I was being really racist and she was laughing her ass off....lol before calling her boyfriend a spick which is just never nice.
Yeah so at around 2ish I think they went home and we went to bed. The next day we woke up and hillary and margaux took hillarys car to the dealer to be fixed and michelle went along in her car incase they stalled on the way there. I was still not even dressed yet so I decided to stay at the house and take a shower and chill. I watched sum Dawson's Creek since there was nothing else on and nope....still can't look at dawson the same.
After they got home the three of us went out to lunch at El Toro which was this little mexican restaurant that michelle had been to when she was up there before. It was so cute and small like most people had never heard of it and the ppl there were so nice we could have really easily walked out on the check since they were taking forever but I would have actually felt really bad about it which is saying something.
After lunch we went back to the house to recreate the last scene of the Lord of the Rings where all of the hobbits jump into bed together and laugh and frolic lol well minus the frolicing we just kinda sat there being lazy asses for an hour or two. We decided Hillary's house was like a bed and breakfast only it was more of a "bed and bar" heh so we were amused by that idea for a while...this is a safe place we do not judge at the Hillary Inn. haha the mints and the wakeupcall...too great.
Later hillary tried to get us to run the stadium with ehr again but....its a big fricken stadium and we were on vacation. so we went over to richelles dorm to chill for a bit. Met her roomate amanda watched Andres be amused by stupidvideos.com for like a million years lol along with every little thing hillary said. Richelle was in Rawlings for the summer and the rooms were really small with communal bathrooms plus I don't think she likes her roomate much. idk she says the dorm isnt bad I guess it would take getting used to.
The next part of the day is really complicated and involved so I will tell you the short and slightly incomplete version. After leaving Rawlings we were wandering around and saw an old friend of Hillary's, Gabe, walk in. She had been hoping to run into him since they hadn't talked in a while but she had just left us to go running. So we called her to come back even though it was too late. You need like 3 different keys to get into the dorm and Richelle and Andres had already left for dinner and couldn't let us in. So we just hung around for a while and we were about to leave when we ran into another old friend of theirs Luke, said hello started talking blah blah luke just happens to be Gabes roomate so he invited us up to say hi. Did I mention that both of these guys are fucking gorgeous!!! Seriously tall built dark hair blue eyes athletic wow. So we went upstair and chilled in their room for a while talked about random things Hillary and Gabe spent some time catching up Luke had us all watching North Shore because he always watches it which I thought was kinda cute even tho that show is no match for the OC. We were leaving to go out to dinner since it was getting late and a bunch of their friends came over to the door to get them to go play racket ball and again....omg it was like an entire floor of abercrombie models it was amazing I really have to get out of highschool. The only downside was that luke and gabe were thinking of rushing for this fraternity that is known for guys who are incredibly hot but are unfortunately conceited assholes and are a bad idea to date. (not that id be likely to ever see them again so it doesn't matter)
yeah so hill got their new numbers and we headed out to dinner at olive garden. Then we went home and met yet another extreamly hot guy. Margaux's friend Kyle had come over after his birthday dinner. lol not the greatest way to spend your birthday but we were all talking and he told us stories about his crazy ex girlfriend and he was really nice I liked him a lot. Yup so michelle and I were all for drinking again and tried to pass it off as sum birthday fun for Kyle but he had to drive home lol so We ended up watching how to lose a guy in 10 days in hillarys room. I got so depressed from that movie it was ridiculous. All of the nice hot male exposure at one time I suppose lol I'm not used to it here. But yeah the kissing scene at the end I almost lost it which is cheesy but...idk I felt so alone. After that we listened to some sappy music to go with the mood and then watched family guy which cheered me up messed around online and went to bed. The next morning michelle and I got all of our stuff together said our goodbyes and headed home. Hillary and Margaux are comming home tomorrow anyway so I'm sure we'll see them soon.
Overall I had a fun I can't wait to go back and visit michelle once she moves in. My parents wanna come up for a tour during the year and they said I can stay with whoever I want. Im going to miss them all so much when I can only see them for the rare long weekend away. They really feel like family to me sometimes just because I feel so comfortable around them. I would tell them anything we can just sit around for hours doing nothing and somehow its fun I don't have to be self concious about how I act they just accept me as i am and idk I'm just going to miss them. blah so that was my trip I know none of you care but...I don't care I don't make you read it.
yes so now I'm home and making plans with my chub and my phatass for a night of dorkish fun...
oh yeah did I mention that I have sooo much country music in my head from michelle actually a lot fo it isn't bad and ALL of it is about drinking, and alcohol, and mexico and lost loves and suicide and redneck stuff right up my alley. This one song is so pretty and sad...Hillary said I went country in 3 days lol
*Whisky Lullaby*
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
Until the night.
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her 'til I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
Until the night.
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la...
1 . |
<3
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sammibaby
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2004 14 July :: 12.07am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: pieces of me
i admit it..im addicted to "I Love the 90's"
..it just brings back old memories. lol
didnt do anything today. slept. ate. ate some more. now im here. talking to vanessa and ashley. funny people. i dont really have anythign to say. so imma bounce. can u imagine me saying that in person?? lol.
<3
<3
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playmate101
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2004 13 July :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Sleep To Dream // Maria Mena
and u stumbled around for a good ten minutes. & i said i never seen some1 look so dumb b4 n u laughed n said i still know how 2 turn u on though.
"you could put JLo to shame." -- Alicia (the lady that works with jackie) referring to my butt lol.
this morning i woke up & went with jackie to get her rook... ? on her ear pierced. drove to cityplace & went to Ink Link & hadda go get the form notarized at her work & go to the car dealership to get a copy of her mom's license. then we headed to Ink Link over on Okechobee...? (that was after waiting for a 1/2 hour on the exit for southern blvd. cause the traffic was backed up from 6th ave all the way to southern.) jackie didn't even flitch when she got her piercing & that shit looked like it hurt! then we went to iHOP for brunch... lol the huge waffle & the fucked up pancakes lol. but afterwards, i came home... just sat around for the rest of the day.
pj called ---> "expect a call from dan, cause he thinks he has a chance." haha wtf? i told pj to tell the kid that he doesn't have any chance. sry lol.
neil called ---> i shoulda went to play paintball today, but i wasn't gonna go when only like 4 other people were playing. n besides, i went out with jackie. although mommy isn't too fond of it cause i shouldn't have been out while she was at work. =/
HCOblonde31: i'd love ta g0o tho
MoFo1788: ya ya ya, ur fraid jonah might get mad cuz ur hangin out with guys with extra barrels
MoFo1788: and lots of balls
HCOblonde31: lmao
MoFo1788: :-D
o yeah we kept getting whistled at by the damn construction workers. ahhhh. s0o uncomfortable. and then the guy in the eckerd's parking lot came up to our window & handed us his card & said he did computer work, but he wanted us to just call him... i'm like... WE'RE SIXTEEEEEEEN! damn, and he's like haitian & 30 yrs. old. *cries*
um... i've just been informed that... next week, after i come home from cheerleading camp... we're leaving for chicago... yeah... thats not happening. i still don't wanna go cause i've got shit planned... but we'll see how it works out.
yeah i just got back from being in my garage talking to rick, tim, my dad, & mom. lmao
rick: "u know what's in style now, those high beds that u have to jump on to get in. you know it'd be cool to get some silk sheets & just slide on that motherfucker."
tim: "i gotta wash my hands from grabbin' tom's ass."
o0o... about the plans for chicago... my dad was like, "well if you guys are going to fly up there, then i'm going to drive in my new vehicle." "u guys aren't coming back with me are you?" "i mean what if my new vehicle is a corvette?"
thats when... viper clicked. *shrug* there's no way. cause they're talking about getting some truck or a hummer. we'll see if my dad's shit talking with be worth anything... lol <3
anyways, i'm gonna dip. go finish my collage cause i have nothing else better to do, and nobody online is talking or responding. yikes.
<3
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boricuababy
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2004 13 July :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: whaz happenin-ying yang twinz
Boom!!..It's Onnn..
hey peoples!!..wussup wussup?? i got to hang out wid my sammi yesterday!!..lol..havent seen her in a while..she was chillan on vacation..doin her own thing..amaraz gettin her teeth pulled today..:(..ouchiez..hope she feels better..i went to the mall on friday wid amara..bought sum stuff for my fone..then i went to don carters..hung out wid meli ricarda emir n eric..then JJ came..hez eric's "cuzin"..lol..we're still not sure..ev called me!!..shez coming to my party!!..yay!!..im excited..last nite was that hip hop class..i went wid amara..we got the dance down..but damn..im sore..lol..2moro is cheer gym agenn..cant waitt
<3
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 13 July :: 4.00pm
:: Mood: tired
And she returns....Part I
ok so this will most likely turn into a loong boring account of my trip to gainsville so I suggest you stop reading here.
Michelle and I made it there in about 4 and 1/2 hours and got to Hillary's around 1ish? idk but they have the cutest little town house ever its 3 bedrooms 3 bathrooms and it's just her and her sister Margaux living there so it's perfect. So we hung out for a bit got settled in got a look at domestic hillary cleaning and doing dishes which was quite amusing. Then we drove around a bit.
Went to publix to pick up some breakfast food and mixers for the lovely alcohol that Margaux had agreed to pick up for us later. We drove through the campus down frat row (lol it's actually a street) did some people watching....many hot college boys with nice bodies and longish hair in tight shirts were wandering everywhere : P. I really like it up there north florida is so much different, I mean it was still pretty fuckin hot but it was pretty there's a lot of big trees and spanish moss and it was just nice.
Then we dropped our purchases off back at their house and met Margaux's friend Joanie and her brother who were nice after they left we went out to dinner at Maui Chicken Teryaki which was really good there's lots of places to eat up there. After dinner we went to this guy alans apartment to pick up some more alcohol hillary had left there. lol we walked in cuz the door was unlocked and it was just....great shot glasses everywhere a wall full of empty alcohol bottles stuff everywhere the lamp was broken god knows how...I can't wait for that life lol. Anyway we eventually called them and found them in his GF's apartment down the hall, went into say hi and pick up even more alcohol (lol the "beverlys"). We also met Christina, Alans GF, Christine (lol yes 2 diff people just like home : ) ) and Keith, they asked us to bring all the stuff home and they would be by later to hang out.
When we got home Margaux had picked up our Rum and ice for the pina coladas and daqueries and some bacardis and smirnoffs and a bottle of vanilla vodka. We added all of the stuff we had picked up from alans to it and got started lol. Margaux left around 11 with some friends who had driven all the way from Sarasota to see her. It was these two marines Bobby and Ryan and Bobby's GF Christina (yes yet another christina) they were all comming back later too but we wanted to get started early.
So michelle hillary and I started making Daqueries and Pina Coladas and then Hillary and I invented this drink called a Cum Shot (she made it up I named it) all it was was a shot of Vanilla vodka with this french vanilla coffee creamer and from the name you can guess what it looked like. It wasn't that bad it was just nauseatingly sweet so everytime someone said this girls name that Hill didn't like we made them take a cum shot. Hillary and I weren't that drunk but we were being stupid and acting like it. Michelle was pretty bad cuz she started getting all depressed : \
We did take a whole bunch of pics on michelles fone including some of us in our sexy cowboy hats and Hillarys giant colada. She had this martini glass that was literally a foot tall with a cup as big as her head and she drank like 2 or 3 pitchers of pina coladas out of it. lol they were good minus the dust that she couldnt wash out of the cup ewwww. I was being so mean to michelle I pushed her down the stairs just because all it took was like tapping her on the shoulder lol and I put a chair leg on top of her hair when she was laying on the floor so she couldnt get up without ripping her hair out. then I stole her fone and her car keys and her hat and her drink....funny stuff <3.....lmao we also called richelle and Margaux asking for porn I'm afraid to say.
At like 1:30 Margaux still wasn't home and we were getting bored and and michelle looked like she was ready to pass out so we went to go to sleep when this guy Christian showed up so Hillary and I stayed up and talked to him until Margaux came home not long after with Bobby Ryan and Christina, then Alan Keith and the other Christina came over and we started having a little party type thing. I wasn't planning on drinking anymore but it wasnt long before I took another shot and decided to join in.
I finished off a 6pack of bacardis and one of michelles smirnoffs playing this drinking game that I think Alan was teaching us (plus the daqueries and shots i had had before) it was a lot of fun. I still wasn't very drunk well not stupidly drunk just happy i suppose. Keith started talking to me a lot and then it turned to hitting on me lol he kept telling me he was suppressing inappropriate thoughts that were running throu his head cuz Margaux told him I was still in HS (he didn't find out i was 16 until the next morning.) He was a frat boy I'm pretty sure and Margaux said by the end of the night it was the drunkest she had ever seen him which is saying something. I ended up taking care of him everytime I went to get myself water I made him drink it even tho I was getting dehydrated he could barely stand lol.
After a while the game got to be too much since the guys had been drinking straight whisky and we were doing waterfalls (ugh) and we had all gotten to the point of naming this Giraffe statue Jerry (not jeffery because that is taken by the toys r us statue) and we had made a rule in the game that before you drank you had to say Jerry may I.....yeahhh so at that point it was around 6am and christian alan and christina left leaving keith behind to sleep in the middle of the floor because he couldnt move. Bobby and Christina slept on the couch and Ryan upstairs.
I woke up around 1 in the afternoon and we all just kinda sat in the middle of the living room in the dark trying to wake up bobby and keith which just was not happening. Eventually we started cleaning up the bottles and cups all around the house. Hillary has this interesting habit of drinking out of a measuring cup and using serving spoons and forks to eat with when everything else is in the dishwasher lol. And we had used just about every cup in the cabinet. Yeah so I was a little hung over for once : \ so I took sum advil and we went out to lunch at fridays and I felt much better. We came home to find every1 just about where we left them only keith had been picked up and the rest were asleep on the couch watching big fish. We hung out in hillarys room a while just being lazy before we went to the mall. The one they have up there is pretty nice (the Oaks mall) they have this store buckle which i <3 love <3 i wish we had it down here. I was running short on money since my mom didnt budget in alcohol (whoda thought lol) when she gave me an advance on my allowance so going into the stores and having to refrain from buying anything was kind of like being a reformed rug addict in a crack house but eh....looking is nice : \
After that we went to cicis for dinner and much delerium ensued....its beyond words how stupid we are sometimes. Then we went to publix (with me wearing michelles nifty cowboy hat because it was dead sexy lol) again to pick up some more ice for pina coladas and such and some ice cream for margaux and some other stuff......
ok well this is getting quite ridiculous so I will break it up into 2 entries....more later call me if you wanna hang out this week or nxt week before dance starts much love and to be continued....
~Jess~
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<3
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sammibaby
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2004 13 July :: 11.53am
:: Mood: anxious
who wants to go out??!!
im bored. and i wanna go out. but everybody is still sleeping. guess its what i get for waking up early. so i try and make calls around 1-2ish...thats when you bums wake up.
yesterday i got this letter in the mail. it was an invitation to the National Youth Leadership Forum on Law. i was nominated to represent ATL. its up in DC. but i cant go because my parents dont want to spend the money..which i cant blame them for. its expensive. but i thought it was cool that i got nominated. made me feel smart again :). then i went to my kaila' s house for a bit. we caught up with eachother. and there was lots of that being that we havent seen eachother in forever. i played with her puppy, Roxy, who i am in love with. then amara came to pick her up for their dance class. so i saw her for about a whole 2 minutes. better than nothing i guess. :-\
im trying to get together with people this week..but so far its not looking like it'll work. its gonna have to be in seperate groups..rather than one big one. again: better than nothing. :-\
today: no good for amara
wednesday: still no good for amara
thursday: no good for kaila and i can only do a night thing..and still no good for amara [possibly]
friday: kaila leaves and i have no rides
saturday: carlos leaves
....dunno when amy is free either
...see what i mean? so i guess i'll try and do stuff 'individually'. i guess i cant complain. at least i get to see them. i hope that works out. we'll see.
i think im gonna go paint my nails. some girl time to myself. ttyl. x0x0.
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 12 July :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: True // Ryan Cabrera
i'm weak, it's true, i'm just scared to know the ending.
idk y i'm updating... i've been thinking... n plus i'm really bored.
had practice & hung with Chels & Nikki. "i had one n i swear my macaroni started talking to me". "omg matrix whoaaa" lmao. "yo baby, yo baby yo MOMMA!" lmao "all those kids in private school are baddd, u think they're good, but their parents didn't want them thats y they got stuck there." lol.
anyways... got home from practice & ashley & i were gonna go shopping... but she doesn't have money to spend. =/ for some reason, i have this feeling that she doesn't like me.... idk i didn't d0o nutn. maybe i'm just annoying to her. lol i know i get annoyed with people. *shrug*
s0o at noon today, my phone rang. i thought someone called... but it was my alarm that i set awhile back... the 12th of every month, it would go off @ noon, for our anniversary. thats when i hit rock bottom. just got weaker... felt down, but what can ya do?
neil n i hadda convo last night. i liked it alot.. someone to talk to. but he just kept insisting that i find new guys.
HCOblonde31: u know how u were talking about how bein with someone... n havin those simple hugs feel different... jonahs have always been different... n so have our talks... compared to the many other guys i've met & hung with in the past few weeks... thats why they dont compare....
HCOblonde31: mushy lil girl lol sry
MoFo1788: yea but tahts cuz u liked him
MoFo1788: start liken sum1 else
and to my surprise... i haven't talked to jonah all day today, and i wanna call him... but i think after last night... him thinking that i want someone that i don't know (dennis)... idk i feel uncomfortable... with him thinking that i pity him... because when i say somethin i mean it. i guess for me to be comfortable he would hafta call me... lets me know that it didnt get him pissed. =/
ok i'm sick of talking... imma go be bored in my bed & watch some more tv. call my cell if u wanna do something, or justttt to say hello. <3
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<3
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spinoangel
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2004 11 July :: 10.16pm
:: Music: finch - "letters to you" acoustic.
i give up. i'll just sleep now.
=*(
<3
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sammibaby
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2004 11 July :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: just a girl--no doubt
WELCOME BACK- TO ME!
i just got back home from st. augustine yesterday..it was a lotta funn..and theres no way im typing it all out..i juss tried..n its way too long..so if u wanna know..ur just gonna have to talk to me. lol.
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 11 July :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: famous now // reel big fish
she works hard for the money
worked. 9am-4pm. ---> ugh.
let me explain. i am s0o sore from not resting at all & having practice. i end up being the only person that gets carts until 11am. jack is too stubborn to do his job, & he's like 90 years old. fucker should be fired. but anyways... dennis came in. this kid is hottttt. i was too nervous to talk to him though. during lunch ---> i called danielle & brittany... they should be coming over to keep me company 2night.
GUESS WHO i SAW TODAY?! JOEY!
hahahaha. he was with his friend... and he's like, "briana!" & i was all like, "hi joey! *big hug* whatcha up 2? how ya been? blah blah blah." he's super cute. s0o anyways... walter came in around 3:30pm. he was like, "hey munchkin" hehe. um.. right before i left he was going to get carts w/ dennis, & it woulda been fun to do, except i was about to clock out.
Terry: "You guys go get carts."
Dennis: "only us 2?"
Walter: "Well, there's briana..."
Bri: "bye bye." hehe.
s0o i clocked out & bought a bag of candy & laid on a bench watching everyone work while i just got fat with candy lol. then walter came up to me...
Walter: "You goin' 2 the meeting on monday?"
Bri: "No, i've got practice from 8-11am. y?"
Walter: "Cause i'm gonna be there, and u should be there cause i'm there."
believe me... i wanted to be there when he was cause he's hilarious and we just laugh at each other... *shrug*
um... my mom finally took me home. our convo in the car...
Bri: "yeah, and Dennis was the only other one there."
Mommy: "Yeah, he kept asking me all about u, like when he was gonna meet you, and when the next time u worked was and so on."
Bri: "i didn't know who he was, why was he asking about me... i've never seen him before."
Mommy: "He was interested, but don't worry i told him that you weren't his type."
Bri: "MOMMY! HE'S HOT!"
Mommy: "i was standing next to him at the time clock & he was telling me how your boyfriends came in & i asked how many & he said 2, (referring to Joey & Joey's friend) & i said to him 'she has a lot of those.' and he goes, 'i can see why.' "
haha. anyways, i'mma go.. gotta call brittany & danielle. brett, & travis. and whoever else. <3
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playmate101
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2004 11 July :: 12.02am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Ban the Tube Top // RBF
sheee has a girlfriend now lol.
went food shopping with mommy this morning. jonah called me while i was with her. he told me he'd call me back. i called him around 10pm & he wasn't homeeeee. =P
got home from shopping & went to the beach for a little. brett called - got home from helping his dad move... wanted to hang out when i got home. alex called - wanted to go to the movies, but my parents thought it would be a better idea if i stayed home & "rested" because i've been out late for the past few nights. w/e. so when i got home, i showered & met up with brett at the park. so many people were there. i actually met adrian... n then his bro, chris, robert, jason & wilbert. chance, my bro, & brett were there too. i swung on the swing while they played bball. chance gave me a nice big sweaty hug. yuck. n he bleached his hair, slim shady wanna be grrr. lol. adrian was trying to flirt - he has no game, but he was generous & gave me a ride home cause i didn't wanna walk. yay haha. brett & i made plans to meet back up at the pool. s0o i ate dinner & showed up to the pool along with brett, garett, danny, travis & nicole. then later, jennifer, robert & some other kid showed up. um... jennifer was cool, we didn't have a hard time makin' convo like nicole & i had. robert was funny - answering brett's phone when his x g/f called. brett & travis kept beatin' garett & danny to show off. lol... funny though. matrix haha. pool closed @ 10pm s0o we left. brett tried convincing me to go play man hunt with them... but i wasn't up for it. sore & i gotta work in the morning. s0o i came home, watched the rest of "Las Vegas" with mommy & ate ice cream. neil & i just made "plans" n um... jonah is on, but he said, "brb"... *shrug*. umm talkin' ta ashley c & felipe & camilo too.
found out that we are going on vaca from the 7/29-8/10 then going to school the next day?! not happening at all. i am planning on going to kaila's party & have soooo many cheerleading performances that week. s0o my mom & i are gonna make him reschedule ... for thanksgiving break? or new years? idk but just not that week that my dad was planning. grr.
hmm enjoyed the day for being very sore. but i gotta go put my work clothes in the dryer. xoxo ttyl <3
<3
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alwaysfalling
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2004 10 July :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: confused
psh. cancel all that crap i said in the last entry.
all my thoughts are all mixed up. i loveee hanging out with big sexy and her momma pimp though, they bring me happy thoughts.
"these aren't hooker shoes, these are nine west!"
"if you're my momma pimp, then daddy, is my sugar daddy"
garage sale this morning with them. in total we made $100 or so. then went shopping. saw jessica's daddy at american eagle... wanted to go up to him and say, "hi! are you mr.brandi, jessica's dad? i'm her friend "michelle." yeah gotta use a differenet name. you know why. nice day.
dinner time with them. yay!
<3 love.
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<3
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playmate101
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2004 10 July :: 12.36am
:: Mood: jubilant
:: Music: set up = reel big fish
if everyone is d0ing it, i'm not gonna be every f*cker. just the blonde girl.
last night was the RBF concert. which was absolutely amazing. friends, loud music, dancing like white girls should, and just fun. it was me, ashley c, danielle & zach. short story: zach forgot the tickets at home in his wallet... we went back to get them... just made the concert. it felt g0od getting out to just see different people... and those from middle school as well. anyways.. then we went to denny's. i wish that ellen woulda went to the concert. i think we woulda had some fun moments. not that her & i are close... but yeah, it woulda given friendship a meaning? idk what i'm saying lol. but u know what i mean... i hope.
s0o this morning i woke up from cheer practice. yikes. um... worked our asses offffff s0o badly. but chelsea, & nikki & i had fun lol. our conversation in the jump line was funny. like... twice a day... duh lol. umm got to know people like Brittany, Holly, Julie & Stephy. i have a feeling i'mma be in pain 2morrow when i wake up. o well. its worth it.
s0o i get home... talked to brittany & took a nap. then brett calls. & then i talked to jonah... and then he hadda go. i hope he won his game tonight... i know he wasn't glad about last night's game =/ anyways... s0o brett calls back... & him & travis decide to come over because they have nothing else better to do with their lives. ummm s0o we talked & hung out. got made fun of... that kinda thing. then i went in... took a nap. got jackie's call so i hadda get ready for the UCT show. which wasn't bad. hot singer = J.M. & he's very crazy. jackie's crush isn't bad = wayne. and doug the drummer has an awesome sense of humor / personality... the one guy... don't know his name.. reminded me of tom from blink182. i mean it was all a newer experience for me... which was ok. but i'mma shy girl when it comes to meeting new people. but jackie & i got tired pretty early, so we left around 10:20pm. got home & hadda bowl of cereal, & a soda pop. n i wasnt tired no more. s0o i called up brett & told him i was home. s0o he decides... "ok r u allowed out, cause i'm coming over" yeah s0o i went outside, & walked to the end of the block & there he was. had kinda open talks like friends do & then i got really hyper & we started walking & then i almost got ran over and i tried lifting brett up with my feet but it wasnt working. stupid. then travis called & rode his bike in like .03 seconds up to where brett & i were.
then we all talked as stupid me... bounced around cause i have no life & jonah isn't online so i didnt wanna stay inside expecting him to come online... cause he still hasn't. i'm really in the mood to talk to him. but there is nothing that can cure or help that because he is not here. i miss him a ton. i have the biggest urge to just see him & jump on him and lalalalalala yeah. ok i'm bored & camilo is talking to me now s0o imma dippppp like u would dip ur tostitos in ur salsa. haha, awesome.
*but i want u, and u want me too
and you need this, wanna give it to u
and i thought this time i'd say something new.* <--- those mean s0o much f0r s0me0ne, haha, <3
<3
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lifesuxsodanz
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2004 9 July :: 3.25pm
:: Mood: confused
Talking to Danielle inspired me to write a story I have kinda had in my head for a few days. It is making me very happy, writing is my therapy right up there with shopping. It's just ahrd to get motivated to write anymore : \.....yeah so that is what I have been up to lately, sad but....I could care less.
I owe myself crunches and treadmill time until I pass out....I'm confused again I don't know how to handle this anymore. I hate myself for being weak I hate myself for a lot of reasons. Maybe I'll just give in fuck willpower. maybe not idk....don't ask
Michelle is comming to get me at 8am tomorrow morning and we're leaving for Gainsville. Hillary informed me last night that a lot of her friends we woulda met had gone home for the summer and Richelle is home visiting her family this weekend which really sucks because I was exicted to see her but oh well we will still have fun I'm sure, not like I'm doing anything exciting here.
Well I have more writing to do gotta work out and pack and go to the book store to get something for the drive up. I'll be back around wednesday so don't miss me too much heh.
oh yeah I'm taking my driving test on friday...I'm afraid I will be the only loser to fail it but cross your fingers for me. Not that I'm a bad driver or anything I just might do something stupid under pressure. idk my mom was saying she wasnt going to let me drive right away but I made her let me drive her to boca so she could see that I'm not incompetant so...hopefully she'll be reasonable.
I'm so pissed because I have to do eagle ette shit the weekend my mom and I were supposed to go to NY. So we're cancelling the trip. My mom wont let me miss it because it looks bad and she knows I need to start proving myself and shit. All that I sacrafice for this fucking team gives me little to no payback and it never has but it makes me hate myself a little less to know that I am capable of being truly dedicated to something and taking responsibility where it is expected. It's a pride thing i'll never quit.
so that's that danielle we are definately going bowling when I get home maybe we'll even steal shoes this time : P If you have any crises while I'm away don't hesitate to call because well....you know those boys. Have fun with #1 and #2 <3
Actually anyone call me I love calls : )
someone is also going with me to see king aurthor when I get back...
this is enough back to the story at hand....
~love~
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