:: 2004 23 April :: 1.11 pm

Just if anyone was wondering

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

...

3 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 22 April :: 9.28 pm

... la la la
Went to a information class today in town with some other students from my school. It was for engineering. Yea it was fun. Some cute guys were there. That's about the only reason I went was for the guys, that and getting out of 1st 2nd and 3rd hour. Got back to school, when to 4th hour after playing the piano. Ate lunch, 5th and 6th hour the whole school when to the softball feild cause we had districts and then went back to school 7th. I played the piano before I went to 7th hour then I asked to go buy a soda and played the piano instead. Then got home.. and was bored as hell.
Listened to DDR muisc. Martika, Amanda and Sandra are at the mall and Amy is at the mall with her mom.
I'm not.
Went outside and tanned with my birdie and then looked under a log for some worms for my birdie and found a froggie, took some pictures. Put my bird back took a quick shower, went to work...

I worked with Sonny...
Well today went fast at work... Sonny had already had almost everything washed. ... We talk alot more. Martika never talks to them...
It's like in Volume one of FAKE... Ryo is the one that is thinking about Binky and Binky was the one that liked Ryo and in the end Ryo tells Dee that somewhere along the way (even though Dee wasn't interested in Binky) that he learned more about Binky then Ryo knew. .. yea he said that then they kissed.. well Dee really stole it... ::shrugs:: gotta love Shonen-ai.
Anyway it's like that. Tika has been working there for along time and just in a couple of week of working there I already know tons more then her about the people that work there.
Sonny came in with a... umm joint. (weed ya'know) Well now I can't say I've never seen one ^^' He asked me if I wanted to go smoke one with him.. I was so.. so shocked but flattered ^^ I like Sonny more.. he is cool to talk to.. and closer to my age >.> (18) Anyway I said 'no' and he's like 'aww why not!' and seemed reeeal disappointed. I said 'ah.. but thanks anyway?' and all grined and he shrugged like he always does and just.. smoked it while we worked... yea.. ... ha...
But anyway.. that went by and.. he smoked another one when we were done and sitting at the booth waiting for my dad to come get me. ... Yea...

... anyway.
A girl went missing in our neighboring town. She was found today. Turns out that it was her step father that took her and held a knife to her throat and raped her. He raped her here though.. in this town. He was wired on drugs they said. ... Turns out I know the guys son.. well I dunno if it's his step son or son son... but anyway his name was Ben Cooper... 2 years ago I had a huge crush on him.. and it creeps me out because they used to live just across the street from us... damn.
This morning there were a lot of highway protrol men on the highway looking for that missing girl.. A person freaked out and steped on their breaks.. lady behind him steped on her breaks.. person behind her happned to be my brother... yea.. I think he hit her a little bit but not much... He didn't get injured and his car is fine... just thought I would type that.
Yes... Jon works tomorrow.. I'm gonna try to get Tika to let me work tomorrow for her... ... Jon was supposed to work Tuesday.. the reason why they were closed is because we had a problem with gas.. I dunno the story..
I have to rub my mom...
Tika, Amy, Amanda and maybe Sandra might come over tomorrow...
I might eat with my mom and sister tomorrow at the hospital where she works.. that'll be a quarter to 5... If I work I can't go.. and if they come over they'll have to leave soon... ..
..... Jon... I forgot what I was going to tell him...

.. I think.. I'm just not gonna care with him..
Oh I e-mailed Nick.. I told him I hope he wasn't planing on dating me because I would get in trouble and I really wouldnt' want to get HIM in touble... ha... poor guy.. oh well I just want him to forget me cause I sure as hell wanna forget him.
I meet too many DDR guys to be messing around with 21 year-olds. (even though Brint is 23 like Jon xD)
Yes but blah blah I want to play DDR and I can't go intown tomorrow.. and I'm pissed...

::sigh::

...


Ja~

Close the World |

:: 2004 21 April :: 11.30 pm
:: Mood: not feeling too great/tired

My chest is hurting now.. it's not the normal pain I get.. it's .. more of a pressure pain.. feels like alot of pressure.. then a sharp pain.. yea... it's annoying..

Jessica gave me 5 DVD's today. 3 Yu Yu Hakusho, Armatige ||| (3) and then ArgentaSoma vol. 1 ^^ I sold the YYH DVD's for $15 and I'm gonna sell Armatige after I watch it.

No softball games today..and Mrs. B said I don't have any. She came 6th hour to get the Freshmen softball girls and.... I asked her if I should go too.. she said 'well don't you have to work or go get car insurence or soemthing?' .. yea.. pissed me off.. oh well.. I'm glad I don't have to play anymore but I just don't want her telling the girls that I dont' want to play when I do.. ah I'm so selfish..

Went into town agian today with Amy. (We went yesterday too) Yea... (god it's hot in here!) We played DDR after going to Gamerz World to sell my DVD's. Bought me some pants at Gazooks. They were 50 marked down to $15! I saw them yesterday but had no money ^^',\ heehee
Brint is this other dudes name.. he works at Wal Mart too.. I've seen his face and he knows mine and I waved to him in WM a long time ago and he waved back then I saw him at the mall. He must work there too. But anyway he is like super good on DDR and I was playing and he went to play and opened up the machine and pressed the botten and just gave himself 4 credits and I'm like 'Hey, you can do that next time for me' and he all shruged and said 'why not" ^^ wow I wonder if he'll really do that! That'll be great! I won't have to pay for it anymore ^^',\
Mark at Gazooks wanted to see my ID (when I payed for the jeans he saw it in my wallet) and I told him no.. he said aww come'on and I still said no.. I wasn't paying attention and he snatched my wallet from me and looked at my ID... yea.. .. he said it wasn't as bad as his and I said let me see and he showed it to me for like a second them put it back and said that's enough lol.. he seems pretty cool. He said he sees me alot and I just didn't say anything. He was wondering why I was at the mall so much.. I told him DDR.. and anyway he's like oh I forgot but anyway he said I do see you alot.. then when I didn't say anything he said 'oh but that's not a bad thing' My guess was when he took my Drivers Lisence he was looking at my age.. I wanted to look at his age but he was too fast.
Brint is 23... yea.. he is.. weird.. full of himself ^^' he knows he's good xDand was tring to give me advice.. I don't know if he was just tring to be a smart allic or really just tring to help but it was annoying.
Tomorrow (weds) is my last piano day... I'm gonna miss it... ah...
Oh our principal is deathly ill.. he has collin cancer I believe.. he won't be back for the rest of the school year and Mr. Givens our only science teacher is filling in his place. He can't do both jobs at once so we have to have subs... which sucks cause they don't knw anything and we don't learn anything.
Mr. G wil make an awesome Principal.. I hope he gets to stay it.
today is 420.. yea big'ol drug day. After taking Amy home I went to work at 7 like I was supposed to do (Jonathin was supposed to work too) and Beeson's was closed XD I was a bit nervious because of it being 420 so I guess on 420 it's just closed. Well, almost everyone that works there except me and tika most likely does drugs and would want the 20th off ^^'
God I'm tired.. time to sleep...
I'm forgetting stuff but that's ok.. time to take a shower...
I'll see Nick Sunday since we are taping that pagent thing.. ... I dont' know what to say to him... I'm such a damned idiot.
Oh we stoped by at Waldens to say hi to everyone. Joe, Tyler and Micheal were working. Eerie Queerie vol. 2 has come in and I didn't have any money xD I'll have to wait till next week when I get paid.
Ok Ok this sunburn is a lovely tan now.. it's about to peal though.. but still. I'm dark!

EDIT!:
OMG OMG OMG OMFG! Nick really likes me! NoOOOOOoOo Damnit! He's into Drama and all stuff at his college and there is a show they are going to preform soon. He's the ticket guy or something but anyway he said if I wanted to go that would be cool and he all (in his e-mail) was giving me information about it and then at the end of the e-mail he wrote.. HE WROTE!: Your Good Friend, Nick >.< WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD!!!!!! DAMNIT AND I HAVE TO SEE HIM ON SUNDAY TOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONONONO!


Ja~

Close the World |

:: 2004 19 April :: 7.35 pm
:: Mood: content/fine

Yes well someone was griping about all my little text faces so I'll try and enlighten all of you who read this of my faces:

^^ (smile)
^^ ! (huge grin)
^-^ (smile/giggle)
xD (laughter)
XD (cracking up)
XXXXXXXXD (rolling on the floor laughing)
>.> / >_> (looks right)
<.< / <_< (looks left)
' (sweat drop) |EXAMPLE: >.>' "creepy"|
:| (eyes and mouth, a normal face)
:} (drool with smile)
:9 (licking lips)
:3 (puppy face, ahh.. think something's cute or thinking naughty)
>.< (argh! squinting hard)
-.- (sigh)
-_- (softer sigh)
¬_¬ (glare away)
¬____¬ (the longer the mouth the harder the glare the more annoyed I am)
._. (can't believe it look)
.________. (really can't believe it look)
x_x (oh no!)
X_X (shit!)
o.o (huh?)
o.O` (oh really? eye brow raise)
` (eye brow) |EXAMPLE: o.o`; ._.`|
o_o (ah.. ok)
@.@ / @_@ (confused)
~_~ (hungry)
=_= (sleepy, saggy eyes)
*_* (admire, can't believe)
*.* (OoooOoo awesome!)

... ah yes wasn't that fun? Lets try again! (Linkin Park lyrics)


Oh I can't write right now! I'm talking with a good friend though IM!

...

3 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 19 April :: 12.03 pm
:: Mood: content/kinda tired

HOTTOPIC!

The guys were so cute there! One was sassy and his name was Dawson, he had gray hair in the front and I guess a darkbrown/black in the back. Then there was a tall guy named Ben who had hair like me! Except his didn't look washed out! God Dawsom was so CUTE! Aww I think he was gay AH I hope he was! So cute!!!! He was all suckering me into buying these shoes! Aww!!! He is just so damn cute! I knew he was reeling me in but I took the bait anyway ^^ He was saying that the shoes were so cute and that the velcrow was awesome then Ben asked if I wanted to try on these shirts I got and of course I said sure and then the girl was helping me with the size and it was just AWESOME! They were so kind! Goodness I couldn't believe it ^^ god it felt just like home there! I tried on my shirts and Dawson said 'I like it!' awWWWWWW !!!! ::giggles madly:: then Ben talked to me FOREVER about how he dyed his hair and was giving me pointers and tips and step-by-step friggin instrutions right there! So I guess I'll just buy the $18 bottle dyes and do it myslef ^^' boy I'm gonna screw up my hair XD ha ha
I bought 3 shirts, a red Linkin Park one, a black AFI one, and another black Blink182 shirt then I bought some black and purple velcrow shoes that have like 2 inch souls! A reversible beanie that is the exact same one that Sonny has, a wallet (Nightmare Before Christmas) ahh.. a mood ring... and I guess that's it all from HotTopic. I have this little card and every $10 you spend at HotTopic you get a stamp, and when you get 10 stamps you get 15% off your next purchase or soemthing and I already have the card full! ^^ I have to save up my paychecks so I can go back! Their pants were all $50 though... but oh well they are cool ^^
Went to Body Shop and I was so happy when I got mom to buy herself 2 pants and a pair of flipflops. She NEVER buys herself anything. I got a pair of pants there (soft cloth like hers not jeans) and then a pj outfit... it's black with pink writing (so very soft) that says kiss this on it and then the white tank has the outline of the tank with the same fabric that the pants have and has a big lip print on the front. Yea girly but it's black and pink ^^ ::likes black and a soft pink together:: Yea then anyway went to Debs too and got me a pair os Jeans and then 4 pairs of some cool socks. Went to Game Stop and bought this Twelve Kingdoms DVD chapter one and it's awesome. (I had a DVD from the mail that had a preview on it) Anyway there was a Japanese looking guy in there so I went in and talked to him (was my main reason) and talked to him about anime. Turns out he's Vietnamese. Doesn't know a lick of Japanese. Anyway his name was Robert or you could call him by his givin name Bao. ^^ He was cool... but didn't seem too intrested in me ::pout:: anyway I had a good time. We ate and then went to walmart back here in town and I got me some shorts and some more socks since you can see socks with those shoes I bought and Dawson said they would look good with black socks.
Ah today... was fun.. (oh tika covered for me at work Saturday since i went to WF) Watched the DVD this morning and my parents like it. I"M So happy they like one of my animes! Then went into town with Tika and DDRed. (though she is not supposed to since we all skipped school last time we DDRed hard) ahh.. I had guys comming up to me ALOT.
First it was this one weird guy who just watched us then he played and told us not to laugh at him if he missed one and the jerk was better then us. Anyway yea he tried to start a convo but I didn't let him.
Next a group of 3 black guys (2 cute :3 ) came in and was hanging around us then started to talk to me (poor Tika) and anyway umm.. the D-guy (forgot his name) aske dme to play his friend so I could woop his ass cause he wanted to see his ass get kicked. Anyway I accepted and then we played and it was funny cause the dude messed up a bit then got in the flow and the other guys were crackin up and that guy stood close to me.. well to the machine (I hate it when people stand too close -_-+) Yea but anyway the dude was good and it beat me a bit but we both got C's but his score was higher and he went on standard for one song so he is better. The guy (the one i played's friend, the one who wanted me to play his friend: d-dude) introduced himself before i played his friend (they sent the 3-rd guy to get tokens) and was asking me were i was from and this and that and my name and his name and blah blah but I was surprised that he shook my hand and everything. I've never had a guy introduce himself to me just like that before ^^' Question is: Do I look THAT easy? Guess I must ::shrugs:: jerks. Anyway it was cool. These other guys walked in .. porterican looking and then indian..... anyway.. dudes names were jeff and pj. both 17 (i saw their IDs ha ha cause i didn't believe them) Jeff looks older and PJ looks younger xD Anyway Jeff sucked ad DDR and had PJ take over for him (he played me) and me and jeff were talking alot and then after I was talkign with him d-dude started talking to me and that guy from the very begining was just giving me funny looks xD D-dude was playing tekken and then I went up and told him to move over and I'd play him then he said 'how about we make a bet' and I didn't say anything then he said 'if i win i get your number' and I'm like 'no no no' and he's like 'aww why not' and i'm like 'no no ' ha but anyway I kicked his ass first match then he beat me the 2nd match and that got me a bit scared but then I kicked his ass the 3rd round and won! Ha ha Of course I won with my man Jin! I forgot who he had.. steve I think..Anyway I heard tons Of OoOO's behind me and it turns out we had a crowd of his friends behind us and they were all yelling you got beat by a girl and it was so funny. The guy was all like fuck and cusing and stuff and then he said 'aww i let her beat me!' and his friends were like 'yea right!' and I'm just laughing.. I was still alive so I started playing the computer and then Jeff (porterican guy) jumped up beside me and put in his coins. D-dude behind him watching us and DDR. He picked.. ah Law. (guy who does the back flips) Yea.. and then I kicked his ass the first round then 2nd round he was doing fine in the beginning (same flip move over and over and OVER) but then I cornered him and was kicking his ass then moved into all his hits and let him kill me so we would have another round to play. He's like 'ahh yes I won!' and then I was just laughing and he's like 'ah wait.. you let me win didn't you!' and i'm like 'yep' and he's like 'aww thats not cool 'and then he beat me last match ... boo right? But anyway it was fun.. I said bye to them after playing DDR some more and then jeff asked us were we were going I told him Waldens then He asked 'just walking around?' i'm like yep then I tapped d-dude on the shoudler and waved and he's like oh leaveing? i'm like yea later and he thought i wa sgoing home home and I'm like no just walking around then he opened his arms and was like 'what no goodbye hug?' then outstreched a hand 'or handshake?' and so I laughed and walked back up to him and took his hand. he held it like he was gonna kiss it then yea we walked to waldens and blah blah found dad and blah saw PJ and then Jeff and Jeff went off to take a survey when you have to be 18 to take it and he was really 17 and then i told pj to tell jeff bye for me and he said he owuld and so we went to waldens and then I saw pj walk around the corner and though jeff must be done (pj needed a ride home from jeff, they are friends) and anyway he started talking to jeff and pointed over towards me and then they walked over and tika was talking to this guy named tyler (tai tai) who worked there and jeff came up to me and we started talking and we talked about were we lived and how old we were. Turns out he doesn't live there he lives in like.. an hour from here (20 mins from the town) yea... anyway yea.. found out his name and his friends name.. his friends Pj's ex and then he foudn out my dad was behind us and he kept looking back alot. Never asked me for my number. I said I had to go (dad was hungry) so he said ok bye and left and then we left and was walkign and saw them and (dad had said he looked 20 and probably lied to me so I thought he was 19 too so anyway) I waved them over to us and I asked if I coudl see their ID so they showed us and I'm like 'i'm sorry I just can't believe you guys are 17' yea.. they were then we said bye once again and they turned and we turned and PJ hit a garbage can that was sitting in the middle of nowhere and almost triped! IT was so FUNNY! He was laughing and embaressed and I coudl tell cause he was hunched over and was laughing and jeff was laughing and me and tika were cracking up along with my dad and jeff turned back and was laughing. Yea it was fun. Went to hastings and on our way out this little boy like 11 years old if that! Said 'your hott' and me and tika turned our heads to look at him still walking and he's like 'oh the one with pink hair!' and I'm like 'little brat' lol it was so funny too! What is up with all this attention from guys! My horoscope said nothing of the sort today! How odd ^^ Anyway..

I called nick too.. ... at like.. 7 somehting.. then realized he was at church and called at like 9.. we takled for like 30minutes cuase my dad and bro needed the phone. We talked about my dad and then his... and he was on his was to pick up Chinese food.. yummie :9 and yea... it's cool talking to him. I have his e-mail address now.. hee hee.. He doesn't have a computer but he uses the ones at school.
I went outside with the camera and played with my bird. I took pictures of it and me. Then the sun started to set and I went across the street and took pictures of the sunset behind the church tower bell tower thing.. (not big at all, a small building) yea... sat out in that field for awhile then walked home and some kids (2 girls one boy) wanted to see my bird. So I let them. They threw it up and watched it flutter to the ground. It's ok, he needs the excise anyway for his wings since hes's in that cage all the time. Yea.. got back home and THEN called nick (yea I got out of order) I have to cover for Tika an extra day this week since she covered for me saturday. She's gonna get me a night with Jon if she can. I still need to tell him we are just friends.. I still don't see what guys see in me.. it's so odd.. good. I can't be friends with a guy without someone thinking something of it. School is what I'm talking about.
Piano practice tomorrow I can't wait! Our tax money is about gone I bet... meaning no piano I bet... oh well i rather get a keyboard.. so I can have it in my room and no one else can hear me play..
It's late.. I did no homework... and .. god... I'm so frickin stupid... anyway.. ..

....


Ja~

2 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 16 April :: 10.12 pm
:: Mood: angry/sore/tired/hungry/hot

Can I kill you ? Please
Damn computer froze and my WHOLE LONG entry never UPDATED! Goddamnit I hate it when that happens.
I have sunburn.. on my arms and part of my legs.
I found out a friend of mine is getting married. she is lesbian and her name is Angie and her soon to be wife is Juli. I am happy for her. Juli's parents say that if she gets married they are cutting of her college funds.. so they have to wait.
We got second place in the tour. I had a lot of fun.
Turns out tomorrow mom is taking me shopping. I asked her 'here?' Meaning intown and she said she would take me to Whichita Falls.. HOTTOPIC! I can't wait! But I have work tomorrow, so I think I'll try to get Tika to cover for me.
Speaking of her, I drove to her house to drop off that Korean tape before I have to return it.. though I already should of.
I called nick (21 y-o) and he called back and left a message.. I don't like him but apprently he likes ME. I got in trouble and then I just got through calling him back.. I left a message saying that I was returning his messageing returning mine, then I said I would call maybe Sunday.. yea..
.. I'm gonna tell Jon I just want to be friends.. and that's all I really want.. no more ass shit.. ah..

My throat is sore too.. I guess from all my yelling out on the bench. I ran like 3 times out of 3 games... that's ok I had fun sitting on the bench with my friends and cheering for the team ^^.
.. I can't wait till tomorrow!
Dad got his camera out of the pawn shop so now we have a new camera! $300 one! It's Sony and is cool.. it has a lot of stuff on it, it's like the one we have at school. Takes floppy. Yea a big camera.. I'm thinking about taking it with me tomorrow for a friend of mine... ^^ I like to send him pictures....

... ... ah god this sunburn.. .. yes well I'm not in the mood anymore to type.. since I'm pissed and can't think of anything ^^

...

Ja!

3 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 15 April :: 8.50 pm

God I want to cry.. I am so fucking annoyed with EVERYTHING.

.. I told mrs. b to her goddamned face that I wasn't quiting dispite what my mother said. And fucking Laura said she told mrs. b that I 'thought' I was playing and mrs. b said 'well her mom told me she was quiting'.. so.. I got left.. fuck her.. damnit... fucking bitch...

... .. the taxes.. god. I hate my brother.. I hate my family.. I hate this house.. and I hate this town.. I hate the people in it.. I hate the air around it. I want to fucking beat my brother till he shuts up... I hate his voice.. everything about him.
I hate softball... I want to quit.. since I'm supposly already going to... .. TOMORROW is the fucking High School tournment.. goddamnit... I .. was.. going to go into town tomorrow ... damnit... I hate it all.. I really do.. I want to get away.. I hate all this.. damnit. I have no where to go... ...

........ I am tired of my mothers mouth.. damn.. she is all talk.. that is all she is. Now she threatens to take 'money' away from me. Well fuck, I fucking told her' I don't fucking care, I don't care about money like you do. Tring to bribe people with money, how pathedic' that's what I told her.. .. god...

I dont' want to play tomorrow.. i don't want to be a quiter... but .. I don't want to play.. well... ah... I do.. .. just.. I hate all the people out here.. I really do... ...
I just want to see Jon.. He'll get my mind off things... ...
Amanda is having major family problems. Her parents are fighting again and she ran off to a friends house in town... KiKi's and Alex's ... I feel sorry for her.. atleast she has somewhere to run though... .. unlike me... ...
..

... .. .. .. ... I want to just go out and walk in the dark.. but... I know if I try to exit the house.. I'll get yelled at.. and stress them out.. if I run away.. I'll stress them out. I want to get a cell phone so that I can run off and still be in contact with them.. ..
.. ...
... ..... ...

Ja~

10 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 15 April :: 4.28 pm
:: Music: OutKast (CD=Speaker Boxxx)

2 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 15 April :: 11.48 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: P.O.D. (on TV)

Close the World |

:: 2004 13 April :: 10.47 pm
:: Mood: fine

Ha went to get my permit today and didnt' have a form from school or another Idetification dealie-ma-bob. Went to some Korean stores... rented a Korean Live Music countdown thing.. it's cool.

Well.. blah blah it was picture day.. softball pictures.. god.. no one wanted red hair near them.. ha ha.. I did it just cause I knew they would be pissed. I was thinking that maybe I should stay out cause they wouldn't want me in it but then I thought that I did play so I should be in the damn picture. So yea....

... I worked tonight with .. Jonathin...
Man he must really like my ass... But anyway to skip and get to the good part. I was sitting at the booth and .. he slide next to me... and I put my leg inbetween his ^^',\ Like my left thigh was on his right on.. yea... ::clears throat:: ... his hand went right to it. My first time having a guy rub my leg in such a way. (he weights 122! His wrists are bearly larger then mine and he has chicken legs! ha ha he tired to guess my weight and once he found out I was light he said Ooo we coudl have some fun and did his little eyebrowl thing.. ah.. jon jon jon) It was hard talking to him when his face was so close.. ... real close... that and his hand >.> .. umm.. his hand went nowhere but on my leg so chill out freaks... although I .. ha ha nevermind! ^^',\
Dad was commin so he lifted my leg up, after grabbing it rather high up on my thigh if ya'know what I mean::nudge nudge::, yea. But I was at the door waiting and he came up with his bike and I told him that we work together Saturday. And he said he was thinking about asking for that day off so he could go to a snake festival.. I told him choosing snakes over me was nice of him. He said come'on girl it's once a year! Then he also said that he would give me a hug AND a kiss to make up for it. His arms were outstreached and all I could do was hold my drink and grin at the door looking away from him. I thought about placing my drink on the counter behind him and letting him hug me.. but... I was afraid he would.. try to feel up my lovely flat chest -.-' ... ...
He is still asking when I'll go camping with him. He said he can't wait so we can sleep in the same sleeping bag and hold each other all night long.. ah.. I would like that but.. not in a sleeping bag. Ah and how the weather has been! Cold and god.. it's just been crazy!
.. but Jon.. I won't see him till Tuesday.. he said he's looking forward to it..

There was more lovely details that went on tonight at work.. but ask if you want to know cause.. I'm tring to shorten it.. why? Just to see if I can.


Ja~

5 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 12 April :: 7.46 pm
:: Mood: kinda tired/cold/hungry/blah

Argh today we had a softball game. We left after 6th hour. Today it was really cold then it warmed up into a nice cool day. Got on the bus, took an hour and something to get to the other school then it just got cold from there. First it got chilly then it got windy then it got cold. I was benched (2 years ago I was NEVER benched. But I guess you just get rusty ::shrugs:: I don't mind not playing though) Then it started to sprinkle. God, then the sprinkles got larger and larger. Got home at 6:30. Called Tika and I work with Jon tomorrow ^^ my paycheck is $23 :D! Tika'll give it to me tomorrow. I'm thinking about calling Jon here after I get off... ...

Nick.. well.. not to get into too much detail, I had left a message on his phone saying that my dad was freaking over his age and stuff and (this was last Sunday) and Nick asked me about that. I told him I would be blunt with him and asked 'would you consider me anything more then a friend?' and he said 'well that's a possibility'... yea.. then I forgot to tell him later that night that our relationship is more of not a relationship. I like Jon better, and I like Brook more too. ... We hugged (Nick) when we first saw each other that day and then before we had to part. ... he likes me... .. I like the fact that he likes me but.. I .. I don't like him like THAT anymore... Jon is my man now.. but I know he's being shared... .. just like in paradise kiss... I want to be the first wife ^^',\ ha ha why'd I just say that? ...
I like Brook too.. he's two years closer to my age.. making that 5 years older then me....
.. School went well.... .. too many guys are giving me attention now.. I like it I guess.. but.. these guys are young... .. well most of the guys are younger then me... ..

... The bus ride to their feild was full of thoughts about Jonathin.
Rachel is going out with that guy named Jason.. she talks to him on the phone alot.. she tells me these things...

... it's weird... .. and .. I like playing with guys feelings.. but.. I know it's wrong.. and I dont' want to make a bad name for myself...
.. mom isn't giving me her $30 for rubbing her for last week because of my hair... .. it's fair but she should of said that before hand.. she's just saying that because she is short for bill money...

... Shorter posts.... entires...
I enjoy typing... complain all you'd like.



Ja~

3 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 11 April :: 8.36 pm
:: Mood: Fine

(not really a subject but...) Happy Easter
Yes today is Easter or how my parents like to call it, Pass Over.

Today was busy... Last night I didn't get home till 1:00. It was cold as hell.. Nick... well.. I'll write some other time.. right now... I'm gonna play my mom... in tetris. It's weird... get into a fight and... just.. not apologize.. but... just act like it didn't happen.. untill that person annoys you and then you bring it up... but.. that's how my mom is.... .. that's .. how it's always been between us.. we.. have pride and don't want to lower ourselves to the other so we'll go without apology.. .. it's.. odd.

... my hair.. my avatar.. yes that is me.. ^^

ja mata...

2 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 10 April :: 5.40 pm
:: Mood: pissed off yet happy

Man my mom is a bitch. She called me a bitch too! I sure as hell didn't call her one though.

Today.. had a softball tounment at ... like 40 minutes away and it was so cold outside, it still is. Windy and everything. Then left at 1:00 (we still had a game to play at 2 but I still left, don't worry I had permission) When to Lawton to get some food and then came home. Kelli invited me (Kelli Ulloa from church) to a cook out today and I went to it. Brought my PS2 and Tekken Tag too. ... Brook was there.. Brook.. god he is so cute. God I like alot of guys... they .. are flirting back with me too. This is all so new to me still.. .. (oh btw Yesterday I got my hair dyed red, it's really red now, with black highlights) Walked in and went to hook it up. Called Aaron from there and he came over and I wooped his ass... .. And Albries Brother (Albrie is that other guy I like, he's driven me home from work before and he just drove me home like 10 minutes ago) ... .. I like him. I like Brook.. god .. I love Indians.. god I'm such a sucker for them. I like them more then asians ^^',\ .. after I beat everybody I played I let the two mentally changled girls play. (they are really retarded, Kim and Becky. I wish people wouldn't make fun of them) When down to their garage and watched Brook, Lance (he's cute too), Anton, and Albries brother play pool. Rose (Aaron's cusion who he's good friends with) walked in and so I asked her if she wanted to play, she said he sucked but she would. So I said that me and Rose would play the winners and I knew Brook and Lance would win. God they are good. So they did and we played... Brook let us when... he said he lets all girls win except his sister. Lance wasn't going easy but Brook is better then him. After that we watched some of Bruce Almighty and then I saw Brook go into the back room where my PS2 was hooked up and I followed. I pushed him into hte room cause it looked like he was bout to leave. He said that he had played just about all the PS2 games that come out and he's beaten all the Tekkens. So of course he's good. He sat down on the floor beside me BUT behind me and we played. He let me win the first match then kicked my ass. ^^ Then we was drawing a crowd and Aaron came in and he was making fun of me so I threw him the controler and told him to play. Brook wooped his ass twice and so I played Aaron. (Aaron was on the other side of Brook) I beat Aaron the first time and we played again then Brook started to grab my side. I squirmed and Aaron was getting maybe one more hit in and then he said that he was helping Aaron ''Come'on man, I'm helpin ya out'' And then I stop squirming and... then he started to grab myside.. I liked it ^^' and he kept it up for quite awhile then stoped and said 'all man I was trying to help ya out till I looked at your life' yea he was bout dead... but.. Brook... ah so cute.. .. after that Aaron left and me and Brook played (I wouldn't let him leave even though he was just letting me kill him) and then Beaky and Kim came in wanting to play and Kelli popped her head in and said they were going outside to play volley ball. (I played Albrie in Tekken too, of course I beat him) And Brook said he wasn't going and I said I would. I asked Brook why and he said because he didn't like to socalize anymore.. must be because of his mothers death... I don't know.. but I wanted to stay with him but.. I went out cause I wanted to play more. So I set it up for Beacky and Kim and left and Brook followed (I went there for Aaron and ditched him for Brook, who wouldn't? He's taller then me after all while Aaron's shorter) Ha yea.. played and it was fun.. mom called and I had to go.. so I went inside to get my PS2 (after asking albrie to give me a ride to my house which was like 5 blocks away) And Brook had some loud Rock music on and I gave him a smile (to the rock music) and He raised his brow and I did the same. (gotta love eyebrowls) And got everything then went to the garage were him and Lance was playing pool (the garage door in just in the front room) and waved to them. Brook came up to the bottom of the steps (not for me, he just got though shooting) And looked up at me and I said .. and my expression.. God I didn't mean to make it sound so.. soft and.. argh but anyway, "Bye, Brook, it was good seeing you again." and gave him a soft smile and lmao his expression. He raised his DAMN browl and he is so cute and anyway I waved again and said bye and went out and I looked back and he was looking at me and then I reached the door and looked back again and I could see though the crack of the door Brook looking at me. God.. I was so surpized. I looked like he said something so I yelled what? (the music was up loud remember) and he said somethign again and I'm like I can't hear you! and he just said forget it and went back down the stairs so I walked back over there and he was still on the steps and I'm like 'what?' and he's laughing 'I didn't say anything' and I'm like 'ya you did' and he said no and I asked lance if brook said anything and the poor boy looked lost lol and so anyway I'm like 'see ya later' and ... brook said see ya later and.. his eyes.. god.. why wont' they look away from my shy ones? Anyway.. he is so damn cute and I left and looked back again and he was looking back at me.. and I left. Albrie took me home and I got into a fight with my mother... not a friendly fight either.
Mom was mad from eailer today. Because I really didn't play in the game I just ran for slow runners and mom didn't want to drive al the way if I wasn't even playing and she said that if i'm not playing here is no point in me playing and said that next year I'm not playing. I told her I would play if I want to. I'm still part of the team even if I jusr run for poeple, mom said I wasn't. Everyone loved my hair btw. And.. she.. was just bitching the whole ride home and I was snapping back at her.
She was pissed off by the time we got home and I had to hurry and leave so I could get to Kellis... So anyway she said I want you back at 5, so I said 5:30 and .. well we was out playing V-ball and she called.. she yelled at me that it was almost 5:30... .. so I had to leave... then when I get home she said 'who all was there!' (she didn't want me to go cause I told her the hott indian who's 21 named brook was there.. damn her) She blah blah and was making a sandwhich and ... anyway I don't remember but she said it sounded like a browl was going on.. and it was just us yelling cause someone missed the ball (on the phone) and they scored... .. .. and I yelled at her and .. she spilt her chips so she kicked the drawer shut and thew her food away and then the drawer was brocken.. and... she said that she doesn't consider me as a doughter anymore. To never tell her I love her because all I love is myslef... it's true.. I'm selfish.. I trust no one.. and .. I told jon that.. he said i have to get outthere more or I wouldn't make it in life.. i'm too scared to trust anyone.. But mom was talking about leaving and she's not doing very well at work.. everyone is .. well being a bitch to her and... it's hell where she works.. I need to find more jobs... ... I need a ride...
.. pagent is tonight .. we are getting ready now.. I should go... I won't forget how brook looked at me.. Jon is supposed to come tonight but he said he might not... he probably won't.. its' too cold and he'll rather get high... I'll see Nick tonight... .. god my life is turnign crazy... ... crazy and full of boys... I'm turning into one of the girls I scold.. at make fun of... .. ..

... Brook...

Jon.. .. Brook... ..

Brook... I really like him god how can I say that? I dont' even know these boys....
... but I do like him... ..

...


Ja...

4 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 9 April :: 1.43 pm
:: Mood: a bit happier then content
:: Music: Gravitation Best Collection CD

Close the World |

:: 2004 5 April :: 12.53 pm
:: Music: Rock MusicChoice TV channel

6 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 4 April :: 10.28 pm
:: Music: Armored Saint-Dropping like flies

2 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 31 March :: 9.10 pm
:: Mood: content

Well, surprize surprize (I always spell surprise wrong) I went to church today. Found out that Brooks mom died... ... that Indian guy from the Haunted Walk... he was kinda gothic... 20... let me borrow his CD's... the tent.. by ourselfs.. he touched my lips... yea... he's a hott mamamofa..... and .. his mom had cancer.... ... my mom had skin cancer... I'll most likely have it when I get older... ya'know in the geans N all... The funeral is far away so we are having a paryer thing tomorrow at 7... well the church is having it... I have a night practice tomorrow at 7.... .. ... oh well I know I'm assident director but I'm gonna be there for Brook.... I never thought the next time I saw him it would be for such a reason... what the hell does that tell you about this human life? Don't get attached right?
Aaron has been giving me a bunch of attention.. getting close to the desk... leaning on it... I would.. umm... put my arm to were it would touch his... ya cheap flirting but hey.... I'm getting flirted with by this guy named Drew... heh.... ha ha well lets not get me started on HIM.

Now to get to better things.... Jonathin for example....
GODDAMN THAT GUY! .... Whoa... .. ... yesterday.. I worked with him ... Katie... left at around 8:40-9:00... and me and Jon was by ourselves... I was almost done but... took extra time to looks things over twice ^^' was goin slow xD I could tell Jon was too... .. eariler that day when I was doing my dishes and he was behind me ... talkin and fixing food at the same time... ... his foot brushed up against mine.. and I moved it out of reflex... and ... shit I moved it back! Ha, yes bearly, guess that's called footsy then huh? But... I felt his foot hit against mine too. I had on these old jeans of mine.. they .. are of thin material and... since they are old they are tight ^^' and well... my underwear... xD it kinda showed so I put on these thin pair... but .. It still kinda showed so I wore a long shirt... but Jon still noticed XD I'll tell'ya bout that later. Anyway, we sat down around 9:05 at the little back booth and just talked... talked about a shit load of stuff... about his past.. his family... religion (he said that he wants to know what I think... well... it's more then that... ask if you want to know... INTERACT!) .. drugs... he gave me in detail how he felt when he got high off weed... how he uses the drug and doesn't let it use him.... and.. it was intresting.... talked about alot of stuff.... we talked till 10:00... I called my dad at like 9:51... .. since it was getting late. He wants to keep this 'relationship' of ours on the 'low'.. since he's.. 7 years older then me... He wanted me to call right at 12, he promised me that he would pick up... and ... he didn't... so I called at 12:10.. and he was there ^^ and soo happy that I called again (caller ID) ... yea.. we talked till 1:43 because my phone died ^^'
But... today.. I talked to him at 5... cause he told me to call then... and... (piano practice went great! By the way I played a game yesterday, high school softball and got to catch! Ohhh so fun! She said I could catch again ^^ oh.. and I might be getting piano lessons soon.. well once we get a piano.. that and I'm getting futher on Fur Elise) But anyway... he told me...that my butt was looking sexy and good in those jeans and to wear a skirt. And he said that he could all see my granny panties xD under my jeans xD!!!! THEY WAS NOT NO GRANNY PANTIES!!! Shit.. that... was the .... 'sexyest' underwear I had.. I don't wear thongs or tight 'in your crack' shit. He said that if he bought me some if I would accept them as a gift xD I said I guess but He sure as hell wouldn't see them on me. And he keeps saying how I want to do all this shit, like try drugs, sex, sex, sex, thong, sex, but just don't have the chance. God he talked about sex ALOT today. God, oh I was saying all how I never wear shorts and/or skirts because I'm all WHITE and he's like 'hey I like it all, It might be different on the outside but it's all pink on the inside' and I was just like 'no, shut up' XD .... god.. but.. yea..
I have to rub mom...
Mom isn't going to the night practice anymore.. since... she has work... and ... it's gonna be late.. .. I told Jon.. if mom doesn't go.. I can sneak away..... ... I'll call him tomorrow and tell him...

... he told me to find a ride.. he really wanted me to hang out at his house tonight... kept asking me if I knew anyone that could give me a ride out there...
I have a number now.. of this girl... She's out of highschool.. she is cool.. big indian girl... stepiny I can't spell.. but yea.. she said I could call anytime... ... and she'll give me rides.. so... now just to make up an excuse... ahh.. my stomach is twisting...
I told jonathin if sex was all he was looking for in me that he could ya'know just forget it but he said that that wasn't it... that .. he doesn' want anyone to know about us.. so apprently BIG hints that he wants to date me.. like... well.. he said we could hang and .... enjoy each others company... and... maybe get into it but not go into it.. meaning making out I guess but not sex.. (to be blunt) but I sure as hell coudln't be blunt with him. He said that I"m the first young girl he's .. talked to... that he thinks I"m cool .. and hott... .. heh... god.. and he woudn't stop talking about my butt and thongs xD ... ..

.. Jon.... ...ahh... he is.. cool.. but.. damn sex... sex sex sex sex sex. He said he first had sex at 16/17.... see how he used my age first? ... argh...

mom wants me to rub her NOW!

Oh, I have permission from the superattendent to play the piano during noon...

yea... money money money...

Jon.... ... fricking martika wants to know .. about US.. me and jon... .. ... god...
tomorrow is the softball tournament..... all day.. then come back, go to thing then go.. to practice.. with hopfully jon...

jon keeps telling me that he would never try to make me do soemthing I wasn't into.. he said like well he said it weird but I said it not weird right after it to clear it up, this is what it was: 'if he made a move on me and I wasn't into it and making a move on him back then he woudl take it as a big hint to stop'... sweet ne? ... or... just wanting sex?
He said that i'm a woman and should deny myself -.-' do I want sex? Answer: NO. Well.. not now anyway... .. he said that he is older with older desires or soemthing.. forgot what he said.. in other words, he was being blunt about it but I am shoot he means S.E.X.

.... .. ..


Ja~

3 |Opened the Next | Close the World |

:: 2004 30 March :: 11.57 pm
:: Mood: content/bit tired

Wow busy busy.

I'm supposed to call Jonathin... I'll tell story later cause I'm suppose to call him NOW. That and this guy named Nick who is half Korean ^^' whom, who I thought was 18/19, turns out to be 21! Gawd right!?

Yes, I am alive... and there is lots to tell.. ahh.. so much homework.. and I'm so sleepy...

=_=



Ja~

Close the World |

:: 2004 24 March :: 11.54 pm
:: Mood: dead ass tired
:: Music: Music Choice- Rock (TV channel)

Close the World |

:: 2004 24 March :: 11.02 pm
:: Mood: fine
:: Music: Enigma-Gravity of Love

Close the World |

:: 2004 23 March :: 12.12 pm
:: Mood: fine

Well... I had 3 softball games tonight, away games. A bus ride like 40 minutes or more long. I like riding the bus. I played the first game then I was benched the last two (1st Jr. High, 2&3rd High) I don't care. I think I want to quit the team. I'm too lazy and I don't like practice.. and I dont' get along with the Jr. High so I might just quit it... I think I'll do that.. yea.. maybe that'll help.
Didn't get to go to piano lessons after school.. whiched sucked.
Tired so.. well.. Last night.. ya'know how Jonathin was supposed to call.. well.. I found myself waiting AGAIN for his call from 11:20 to around 12:12 on his call... and fell asleep and when I woke up it was 12:36 so.. I guess he didn't call... ... .. again..I hope he's alright.. .. oh well..
... ah... .. yeps... nothing much.. got a high school game tomorrow after school aswell.. joy... .. I listened to Outkast Speaker Boxx today.. on the bus.. and thought of Jon... ..
... ..
..
.

... ^^',\ heh
xD Witch Hunter Robin! I like it... ah... .. oh..
I.. I told Anton.. about Jon... I told him that he's 23 and I like him and he likes me.. .. heh.. Anton asked me 'does he know you're 16!?' ... heh... Anton said that I could go to the moives with him and his girl and then Jon can meet us... . that'll be neat.. god.. Anton is smart! Hee hee cause it sure as hell didn't click first off... Found out anton is smoking.. and rachel is a smoker too.. she used to smoke weed but stopped... so she said.. god she stared at me alot.. and likes to hit the girls on the butt... think she's funny? o_O

Ahh.. DDR ... my ankles hurt though..
ahh -.- all my frickin dye is out of my hair... meaning my hair is like my normal color now ;_; my born color almost.. still a bit orange -_- I need to get it dyed. I work tomorrow so I'll be getting paid.. I want to save for DDR.. but... ... my hair... I'll make an appointment tomorrow if I can remember to call..
....
.. I'm so behind in my math homework.. I'm not even doing it.. or paying attention.. ah we have testing tomorrow in the first half of school.. and the day after too... then back to regular classes... joyz joyz joyz.. -_-

Piano...

Oh I got my Enigma CD today, god it's so awesome. I love her. Yeppz... well. I think I'll go listen to that.. .. and ... .. and... .. .

... ::long pause:: keep an ear out for the phone?

Ahh ahh PS PS I keep forgetting. Aaron.. ahh I like him! So cute! Little short dude... aww.. he was flirtin with me today.. it started off first hour.. oh yea.. ::grin:: Then 3rd hour I wrote laura a little note.. it read: "Ricky, our cat, bit my ear yesterday. It bled! My ear hurts, Laura." yea ok that's what it said.. she gave it back and I riped it up and just let it fall to the floor. Aaron's like 'OooOo a note!' and picked a piece up and I told him that it was mine, that I wrote it. And he asked 'what'd it say?' and I'm like 'do you really wanna know?' and he's like 'yea I really wanna know' and I'm like 'are you sure you really wanna know' and he's like 'yea i'm sure i really wanna know' and i'm like 'are you sure you can handle it?' and he's like 'yea' so I"m like 'ok i'll write you a note' and he sits right next to me ya'know. OK and so I wrote: "we have this cat named Ricky and he-'' then riped that off and started again: ''Ricky bit my ear yesterday and drew blood and now my ear hurts" and I passed it to him. Notice how I didn't mention that Ricky was a cat ^^ He read it and looked at me god it was so funny I was all grinning and he had a smirk on his face and he all raised a brow in question.. gave the note back to me and I wrote: "want to guess what it was, or should I say 'who' it was?" and gave it back to him and there goes another one of his looks! heh then I told him it was a cat and he was like 'Oooh' hee hee then he gave me the note back and I wrote: "heh, getting jealous? (if it were a guy?)" and passed it to him and he all smirked and raised a brow again and was like 'oh yea buda sure sure' like in a playfull sarcastic way.. but.. I think he really ment it.. the way he acted.. so cute! Yea..
And all though the day.. I cought his gaze.. and held it for awhile... ..
oh that rail road thing that we are doing in civics... the project.. well I'm lead of the art committee and aaron is in it.. and the way he was acting.. looks like he's really into it.. or just messin with me.. I dunno.. but that's 2nd hour and it's so cute! Everyoen likes Aaron, he's just too cute!


Ja~

Close the World |

:: 2004 21 March :: 7.59 pm
:: Mood: happy/content
:: Music: LP-Runaway

Close the World |

:: 2004 21 March :: 11.04 pm
:: Mood: confused/sort-of tired

... Jonathin... ... I waited all day for work so I could see him. I wasn't.. you know.. waiting waiting, but .... I knew it was comming up.
Dawn of the Dead is at 9:45 and 10:10 tonight. I called him to tell him and he said he may not be able to go but maybe be able to go.. then I said okaaay and he said he would explain when I got to work. .. I wasn't expecting what he told me.

He was worried about how it looked, a 23 year old and a 16 year old. I was so nervous, he never blinks Really never blinks. He never took his eyes off and I had to hide behind a napkin... my eyes were always wondering but his were locked on mine.He asked me right off the bat 'why do you want to go to the moives?' ... I wanted to say because I liked him but.. i just couldn't.. I think he read me cause he made it eaiser on me 'becuase you just want to go or.. ya'know.. just want to have something to do or... ' and.. i'm like' yea .. just go .. go ya'know' .. I couldn't look him in the eye... he wanted me to say as a date, cause I liked him, I could see it.. but.. I just.. couldn't say it.. I could'nt. He told me to put myself in his shoes for a moment, he asked me if I were in his shoes would he go out with a 16 year old (and I don't mean like g/f b/f I mean like to movies) .. I looked away and asked if I had to answer, and He's like 'see! you wouldn't'. And he kept asking about how my parents felt and what my father would say and if he would sneak up on us at the moives to see what we were doing. ... He said... 'what if something happened? Who would they point the finger at?' and I pointed at him and he said 'see?' .... hes' right.. it doesn't look right... So I'm like.. 'well have you made a desision?' and he's like 'well.... ' and I asked him 'do you really want to go?' and he said 'yea! I do.. it's just..' but he gave in and said he would go. ... .. but .. when he first sat down... I told him .. 'ahh great' and covered up my face with a napikin and said 'now I won't stop smiling' and he said 'that's ok, smile away' then 'it's cute'... .. ... I called martika's mom and said we are still up for tonights moives (martika was at the neighbors eating) and then called my mom and... ... they decided... I couldn't go... not with him... the image... how it looked... but.. I told them it would be with Martika too.. but... it was no.. I knew it was no. And I fucking think I'm mature enough since I didn't agrue and I know it looks bad, and Jonathin knows that... I told him and he's like.. he was expecting it... .. he said that... he thought it was gonna be like that.. and said ... that... I'll just.. be at a friends.. then .. meet up somewhere... .. then he said 'there is a football game tonight, why don't'cha go to it? could you?' .. .. he really.. wanted to be with me tonight... .. .. ... ... we talked... about.. how we both eat way slow and we told each other stories.. he said that his mother made all his brothers wait at the talbe untill jonathin was done eating and his brothers got mad at hiim so he ate faster.. my story was that at this school lucnh is around 15/20 shorter then i'm used too.. so i had to eat faster.. .. he said we would have to go eat together sometime.. he likes chess.. and he said we would have to play chess some time too.. always sometime sometime... he's always finding stuff we have in common... ...
... .. he didn't.. talk to me alot... .. we didn't have anything to say... .. he always says little things... to make me blush... .. .. god.. he's 23.. .. damnit... we was rolling silverwear and dad was outside waiting for me... jon was saying how he has his ex girlfriend taking him to the airport in the city to go to vegas and how he is tired of agrueing with her and how he doesn't want his last 30-an hour before he goes on his trip to be agruing.. I said if I had a car I would take him. He said that would be fooking awesome. then he said we coudl get a hotel room and invite someone and then have a party... and then he's like 'oh I would party, you probably wouldn't huh?'... me:'....' 'well would yo- naw you probably wouldn't drink' and i'm like '....' and he's like 'wha-?' and I"m like 'naw I would' I've drunk before. I told him 'I wouldn't get drunk or anything' and he's like aw no and how he said that it's fun when sonny and him are drunk. Sonny said sure untill the next morning. ... then he said naw not get drunk, just have a good buzz going on... have some fun.... Red Flag right? Sex. .. -_- ::sigh::... I want to just... go to somewhere then run off with him. I sure as hell woudln't do anything with him and I don't trust him enough to have his friend drive us somewhere... so yea.. I woudln't go somewere by myself. OH and on the phone we was talking boiut cyber bowling and he said we woudl have to do that sometime too... I would like that.. I like to bowl. ...
.. I left.. he I said bye.. and he said bye.. and that was it.. he let me go. He didn't talk about not calling me yesterday.. he was high I think.. maybe drunk.. I dunno (last night on the phone) mom doesn' want me talking to him.
On the ride home with my dad... I told him 'you know, once I get a car, I'll never be home right?' and he said 'yeah, I kinda expected that. Just as long as you tell me were you are going' and I'm like 'yea, I know' .... .. I'll always be in town having fun.. .. mom won't like it.. but.. she doesn't like alot of things. She was the one that was supposed to take us to the moives.. she backed out and was gonna make dad take us.. cuase she was too tired.. dad's like 'damnit she always good for that fucking shit' .. makeing promises and not keeping them.. .. all the time... saying stuff.. I told dad in the car that whatever mom said was no good. Dad said that it took him 5 years to get to were he was and mom could destroy it all in 3 days. The bank accounts being frozen.. dad saying he thought mom was paying the bills and she wasn't... going to the casino and thinking the bills are paid when mom wasn't paying them... .. ... there was a lot more then just that we talked about.. we talked about religion and i told him I didn't believe there was one god.. he said 'i thought i raised you better'... he says there is only one god.. I said god was just a title... .. like captin or something... .. he doens't like that but said I was intitled to my own opioin (i was driving home btw from the highway).. ...
... I called martika and told her to tell her mother that i didn't do some chores and got in trouble and coudlnt' go to the moives after all.. her parents didn't know jon was going anyway.. i had to lie.... .. ...
damnit.. I know jon is bad... ... but.. ... ... it's a selfish lust is all i have... I just.. want to get out and do something.. and i dont' mean drugs or sex.. I mean.. just..be out there and have fun....
... martika and i are going to play ddr in the morning.. i'm going over to her house and helping her with her chores... ...
... .. I told her .. about .. jon and i .. how i like him.. some of what he said.. not .. like.. how he stared at me.. i told her i didn't trust her nor my parents or anyone else and she said she was the same way.. and that she trusted me.. but just couldn't word anything. I told her this is how it always is, I confide one way and get nothing in return.. and how i talk and get cutoff somehow always.. and how when i make plans they never get carried out.. never. ... ... she said she understood... and.. .. well... i want to believe her.. she said when she turns 18 she's moving to NY with family there she can stay with... I never knew about that.. so why become goodfriends when she will move? She said I could come along.. but.. I dont' want to live in NY.. 911.. i'm a chicken.. I don't care... .. ..
.. jon..... i will sneak out with him... .. god.. I dn't know.. i know i shouldn't.. he seems just.. so ... experienced and.. he knows what i mean.. I don't mean sex experienced I mean.. with people and friends.. and I've .. juts never... had someone like that.. even my parents... i tell them nothing.. ever... .. it's .. just how i always am.. ..
... .. jon is on my mind...
so is martika.... ..
should I trust her...?
no.. .. .. but.. .. ..
will I regreat what I told her?.... does jon want her to know?... will he call me? should I call him?

.. am I just being stupid?



Ja...

Close the World |

:: 2004 20 March :: 11.33 pm
:: Mood: fine/kinda tired
:: Music: AFI-Silver and Cold

Close the World |

:: 2004 17 March :: 8.48 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Usher- Yeah

Close the World |

:: 2004 17 March :: 11.50 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Sentenced-Cross my heart and hope to die

Close the World |

:: 2004 12 March :: 8.29 pm
:: Mood: SORE/content

Oh my god...
Woke up at Tika's and we went to my house around 10 something or 11. Stayed there and ate breakfast (my mom cooked) and since we don't have cable watched some anime DVD's (Happy Lesson and Generator Gawl) After that like around 12 something we went into town, got me some shin guards for softball (30 something $) then went to the Mall to DDR!
I love frickin DDR, but I'm tired so no details unless SOMEONE asks. Played for 5 hours! That and walked around the mall a bit and went to this store called Rainbow (opened on V-day) and found some gothic pants! Omg they are so cool! They are of course black and have like tons of pockets and straps hagging off of them. God awesome and they had them misspriced for $7 (marked down 3 times!) yea so whohooo! ^^ and Tika found some EXACTLY the same that they said were different for $19 ^^ so she got them but has to hide them from her parents cause she isn't allowed to have them ^^ We went to the bathroom and changed into them then played more DDR. We had the machine like all day since everyone esle was in school. Some army guys came to watch some moives (the mall has 12 theaters that are by the arcade) so they was in the arcade and I asked this Asian guy (cute!) if he wanted to play Tekken 4 with me. He said sure if I was gonna pay (cheap ass) so I said why not and I kicked his ass first match! God bad, he only got like on hit in (I picked Jin and I think he had.. steve or something) Yea, all his buddies (a bunch) gathered around and was all Oooing and stuff cause he was getting whoped by a girl n.n felt pretty good. But then the tables turned and he was doing same moves and killing me and then I turned it (this is the second match) it around and started some combos on him and then he beat me but he only had a sliver of life left. Then the next match was bout the same and he killed me -.-' then he ran off cause I played DDR instead of continuing. THEN I saw him walk by and I asked him if he wanted to play again and he's like 'oh want more?' Dumb Fucker ^^'
Yea but it was soo fun and my feet and legs are killing me.
I'm calling John (13 year old) and am gonna have him meet me and tika at the mall early Sunday morning to play DDR and then I'll take him to our outside play practice (my dad is driving)
I have a b-day party to go to tomorrow (jessica) and then work (yea!) god I spent all my $26 dollars today. -.-' and it was mostly on tokens ^^' like 70 something tokens? But I was paying for alot of people.
These one guys came in and one couldn't speak english.. he was ok looking. Yea ohhh!!!!
After we changed some survey guy came and walked up next to me and tika and he's like 'ohhh like your pants!' and I'm like.. ::raise brow:: ahh ok thaanks. And he keep walking by us and I was just waiting for him to ask us to take a survey, but he didn't! (dad was like 13ft behind us n.n) And then he's like Oohhh I like your bracelets can I see! So I lifted my arm and he all started touching my black one with silver crosses on it ^^' Dude was CUTE!!! And black ^^ I don't have a problem with that >;p ... :| but my parents do 'Only as friends' they say 'stick with your own tribe' ::sigh:: whatever the heck.
Yea but it was cool, he said he liked my hair too n.n ::Grin:: awesome. Yea (that was on our way to go play some more DDR!)
After we left I went to recheck my 'Learn Japanese Now' book at the libary. Ah.. and yea...
Ahh I'm supposed to go to the movies Sunday after practice .. well after 8pm. I dont' have any money but my mom says if I rub her she'll pay for me. Yea... so.. I guess I'll be rubbing her tonight and I don't know if I want to go to the moives cause it's $7. Maybe if they want to go to a cheaper place and maybe if Jonathin from work wants to go. >_> martika asked me if I would go out with him. (turns out he's 23! not 20!) I said no that he was too old and IT TURNS OUT that he BROKE UP with his GIRLFRIEND.
FREAKY SHIT! God.. I didn't know that! ahhh but it's cool at work cause I'm teaching him Japanese ^^' well atleast SOME words.. like kudasai.. (please) .. mizu (water)... ah.. ohh ii tay ii tay! (it hurts it hurts!) lol I learned that off Gravitation anime ^^',\ yea... ahh my legs...
Yeps.. well..


Ja~

Close the World |

:: 2004 11 March :: 8.31 pm
:: Mood: content/confused
:: Music: Eternal Blue- Lunar 2

Close the World |

:: 2004 10 March :: 10.21 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Fur Emilic (however you spell it)

Close the World |

:: 2004 9 March :: 10.50 pm
:: Mood: Content
:: Music: Outkast-Ghettomusick

Close the World |