Some facts about me: I think I am a broken person.

:: 2004 26 August :: 10.36am

Music cleanses the understanding; inspires it, and lifts it into a realm which it would not reach if it were left to itself. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Music has been my playmate, my lover, and my crying towel. ~Buffy Sainte-Marie

spud	:: 2004 23 August :: 12.05am :: Music: alice in chains fakepop! - The Online Popularity Game Add to my popularity rank - OR - Do you think you're more popular than ME? i'm not ready for this college search bullshit. but i'm alive. and that's enough, for now. 5 comments \| critique me

:: 2004 21 August :: 9.53am
:: Mood: awake

I came home from the lake to get some cabbage for my mom. And my calender, and my straightener. I have a few more hours next week. Yay. not really.

Oh, and Rueben, there's something I want you to read, you know where to find it.

Michelle

:: 2004 20 August :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: scared

Now it's about conquering the fear
I guess I could always tell myself that I can be the man that I want to be if I could only conquer my fear. Times like this make it seem like an impossibility. Things are changing and I am absolutely terrified. Why do I have to be like this? Why did this have to be my curse? Other people fly from job to job to different thing to different thing in life and have absolutely no anxiety about it. Why can't I? Why do I have to worry that I won't be able to do my new job as well? Why am I afraid of going back to school? That's an easy one. This summer has been so wonderful, well, it's been okay with it's ups and downs. But I don't want it to end. I'm scared for what our relationship will become now.

I'm also scared for you. With what has happened in the past few days. I know it hurts and I wish I could make that pain go away for you. Because I'm scared that this will put you back to the way you were. That you will go back to that place and you'll never be the same again.

And now, when I have these tears streaming down my face is when I need you the most, to reassure me that everything will be fine. To reincorporate me back into normal life again. But that's not going to happen. I have no idea when we'll see each other again. I need you now. But it's not something I'm going to bother you about.

Fear won't go away. And I don't know what to do.

:: 2004 19 August :: 11.22am

I went to sleep last night in the hopes of forgetting everything and waking up to a better day. It wasn't a better day.

:: 2004 18 August :: 10.26am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: "Calling Yesterday" Nixons

Growing up
I'm not sure if any of you realize this, but the tenor and tone of your journals has all changed. Well, at least those of you on my friends list. No longer is it about the depressing rigors of high school, but the pain and hope of life. There are so many things I want to say to each of you. But I find it hard because some of you are going places and doing things that I haven't yet. A few of you understand the responsiblity I feel for many of you. Almost a guide, but also a friend. Life goes on to all of you. Many of you are taking big steps, some small, but all individual. Now, more than anytime since I graduated high school do I feel like the things that once were are falling apart and everyone is going their separate ways. Of course, now you will all begin the true significance of Woohu. Beyond being a place to gather and share things form high school, it is now our line of communication back to those people who were once entrenched in our lives.

:: 2004 17 August :: 10.03am

The mouse
There is a mouse in my house,
Yes, I said, a mouse! a mouse!
Tis not a fowl, insect or louse,
But a mouse! A mouse!
A ranpant mouse in my house!

We set a sticky trap thing for it, and it was in my room, and I had to sleep on the couch. I hate it when that happens. I don't like sharing my room, i'm just selfish like that.

2 comments | critique me

:: 2004 15 August :: 10.44pm

yeah. that wedding was pretty sweet.

made me think of jessa and katie.

which made me simultaneously warm, fuzzy, and sad.

which made for a pretty lame ass reception.

but they had good meatballs.

went on the boat today. that was sweet.

and played dog cock kick ball with gunnie and the clan.

that was kick ass.

yep.

i had better get something done this week.

4 comments | critique me

spud	:: 2004 11 August :: 11.45pm :: Music: bnl - these apples yup. need more be said? guh. tired. 1 comment \| critique me

:: 2004 11 August :: 2.41am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: "In the Light" - DC Talk

Tonight
Well today was a pretty good day. Kim and I went to GVSU to buy books. I never saw a purpose in it, but since her mother was freakin' because they sent us a discount card, Kim went to get hers, so I figured I'd get some of mine. The three non-text book books for my Michigan History class pretty much tell what the class is about. First we go looking at Lake Superior Copper mines, then to Henry Ford and the second industrial revolution, then to the urban riots in Detroit and Flint in the 60's and 70's. To say, I am throughly disgusted that so many people love to ignore our side of the state. I'm not sure why, they just do. My Latin American Politics class will feature much of the same reading that she gave us for our politics in Developing Countries course. I will be very sick of Skidmore and Smith by the end of the semester. I got some Spanish books too. Not that I really understand what they say.

Then we went to work where Kim asked for her job back. I'm not quite sure how I fell about that. Then we went to lunch and back to my house. We spent a little tome wrasslin' around. Then she started laughing uncontrollably, and wanted to sleep. So we laid down on the floor and fell asleep together. It was so nice. It's so nice to know that someone you care about feels safe enough with you to sleep. While she was sleeping she started dreaming and she tends to have violent dreams, like she's running from something or fighting something. When I felt her heart rate go up I just told her the she was asafe and didn't have to worry and she immeadiately calmed down. It was nice. Then I had to wake her up.

That's where my night really went bad. She had to get up so she could go over to Jeanne's to go with her to Bible study. Well, Jeanne was suppossed to go to church with us Sunday, but she never showed up at work so I could take her. So Kim leaves and I've got like 1.5 hours before I have to be to work. I show up at work like ten minutes before my shift starts, right in the middle of when the Bible study is suppossed to be going on, and they are there. Kim and Jeanne and Matt. I was so mad. Jeanne said she didn't know where the pastor's house was, but she'd been there before. Plus she was in talking to Denise when I went back and she told Denise that she didn't feel like going to Bible study. I've just had enough. I understand there are cetain things that she can't control, but it still doesn't change the fact that sometimes I want to put her into a headlock and run her face first into a wall!!! And I'm not even a violent person. I've had it with her and the runors she spreads and the selfishness and what she has been doing to Kim lately. I gave up on her, but I can't get Kim to. So I think I'm going to go talk to her when she gets out of work tomorrow. I don't know how it's going to go, but I guarantee you that in two or three days, she will want me to be her friend again, or our enitre conversation will be whittled down to one little insignificant point about something stupid. hear we come brick wall.

Of course I was feeling all of theis during the first part of my shift. Robin did a lot to cheer me up. I stayed with her and helped her finish paperwork. So many new people at work. Now would be the perfect time to get a new job.

2 comments | critique me

:: 2004 9 August :: 8.33pm

oh, yeah.

to all of you who were so closely attentive,

i'm not dead. band camp was band camp, and katie (by some miracle) hasn't left me yet. and i, likewise, came running back to her.

well, it was more of a defiant stroll that turned into a slow jog.

but still. we're talking and carrying on again.

it still needs to be tended to. but not right now.

yep.

there's my laundry.

:: 2004 9 August :: 8.26pm

DAV!!!!

since email doesn't appear to be working out, maybe i'll get it to you this way.

oh. i suppose i could try sstafford@triton.net

okay, i'll do that too.

but here's the bnl list.

Chris Best
Ms. Eilola
American Literature
14 May 2004
A Study of Motivation
A Study of Life-style
A Study of Theme
Dav,
I�ve been thinking of some stuff for you to listen to, from what I know you have.
Barenaked Ladies:
Gordon � (the �Pepsi bowling ball� one) really, it�s all worth listening to, but these in particular.
Track 4, �Brian Wilson,� something I think we could play. Even if we don�t, it�s a good listen.
Track 6, �Wrap Your Arms Around Me,� something kind of mellow, that I�d like to play, but realistically wouldn�t happen.
Track 7, �what a good boy,� possible for playing. I like the vocals. Not much piano to speak of.
Track 8, �king of bedside manor,� fun to listen to. That�s about it.
Track 9, �box set,� GREAT song. Good piano, too. I would love to play this one.
Track 12, �blame it on me,� much like wrap your arms around me, but with piano.

Maybe You Should Drive � (orange one) same thing as Gordon, very listenable album. Good piano on this one.

Track 1, �Jane,� is worth a listen
Track 2, �intermittently� might be playable. Doubt it. Still a good song. It�s got that bossa nova groove in it.
Track 3, �these apples� takes two guitars, but I absolutely LOVE this song. Catchy too.
Track 4, �you will be waiting� mellow. Decent piano.
Track 5, �A� upbeat, nice break tune. MORE COWBELL!
Track 7, �alternative girlfriend� eh. Nice and heavy. Not my favorite.
Track 8, �am I the only one?� I like it. Not one we�d play, though.
Track 9, �tiny little song� I think this would be cool to play, just as a feature for you, if you can do it. Because you don�t get many times to shine. Might be rhythmically difficult for you.
Track 10, �life, in a nutshell� good song. Nice mix of energies. Two guitars, however.

Born on a pirate ship � (blue, with white steering wheel) different sound. Same ladies.

Track 2, �straw hat and dirty old hank� good song. No keys. Just two guitars. You could synth the accordion.
Track 4 �this is where it ends� I kind of like this one. No recording on my computer though, so I can�t give it a quick listen. Hm.
Track 5, �when I fall� I absolutely love this song. It�s one of my biggest favorites in their entire catalog. Not much for you to play though.
Track 9, �break your heart� I love this one too. But again, not much for you to do.
Track 11, �same thing� again, no recording of this one. But I know I like it. For what it�s worth.
Track 13, �in the drink�. I just like to sing this one.

Stunt � (light blue, with a strange man in a dunce cap on the side) lots of catchy tunes on this one.

Track 1 �one week� terribly pop. Got quite a bit of airplay.
Track 2 �it�s all been done� less pop, but same as one week.
Track 3 �light up my room� I like this one. I�d like to play it. But there�s the guitar problem again. Little rinky-dink keys.
Track 5 �leave� another good one. Not very playable. But nice for your ears.
Track 6 �alcohol� great tune for us to play. Nice and up-tempo. Something I think the crowd would enjoy. And a nice synth part for you, to boot.
Track 9 �never is enough� I like it. Some organ for you.
Track 10 �who needs sleep?� not a bad tune. At the very least, worth a listen.
Track 12 � some fantastic� just a fun one to listen to. And some piano in there for you.

Maroon � nice synth and electric guitar on this album. Terribly pop, though. Took a while for me to get hooked.

Good to listen to in the car.
The only one that I would particularly like you to listen to is track 6, �conventioneers,� which I think would be fun to play. Kind of mellow, though.

Everything to everyone �

Track 1 �Celebrity� good piano. One of the singles.
Track 2 �maybe Katie� I like this one. Crazy synth part.
Track 3 �another postcard� I actually kind of hate this song. I had it stuck in my head today while I was mowing lawn. I kept singing �starsky and hutch chimps, dressed up in women�s underwear� yeah.
Track 8 �upside down� I like it. Not really something to play or anything just to listen to.
Track 9 �war on drugs� one of my favorites on this album. Clever lyrics, as always. Relaxing.
Track 10 �aluminum� probably the best on the disc. And the only one that would be feasibly playable for us. We�d have to dummy down some parts. But the piano�s good for you.
Track 11 �unfinished� also possibly playable.

i know it's a lot of shit.

but you'll know the ones that i REALLY like, and those are the ones important to listen to.

but i'm hoping to get you addicted, and then you can pick your own favorites.

i'm working on the something corporate list, which will be substantially shorter.

i guess, you can just listen to those two all the way through, and just make notes on what catches your ear. just keep a pen and paper handy while you're listening.

i'd like to give you my incubus, but i don't want to part with it until i have my bnl safely in hand.

after all, I need something to listen to.

2 comments | critique me

:: 2004 9 August :: 12.13pm

The Ultimate Kissing Survey

Age of first kiss: 14

Number of people you've kissed: 4

French kissing is: Better upside down

The worst kind of kiss is: When you hit your teeth together

The best kisser you know: Rueben, of course, he learned from me ;)

The worst kisser you know: I won't say the poor guy's name

The celebrity you'd like to kiss: I don't really care because I wouldn't want to anyway

Friend you would like to kiss: Hmm. That's dirty.

Favorite movie kiss: Never Been Kissed

Do you kiss on the first date? No

Eyes open or closed? Closed

Average number of kisses you get a day: I would have to say......45?

Ever kissed a friend's boyfriend or girlfriend? No

The last person you kissed: Rueben

Best placed to be kissed:

Have you kissed someone of the same sex? Yes

What about the opposite sex? yes

Do you consider kissing cheating? yes

The longest you've gone without a kiss: 14.7 years

The kiss you regret most is: Kissing Kristen

Kissing in public is: Fine, as long as it's not too out there

Tongue rings are: shiny

Two girls kissing is: Ackward

Two guys kissing is: something I don't really need to see

Take The Ultimate Kissing Survey

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:: 2004 9 August :: 11.42am
:: Mood: lethargic

I'm so tired sometimes. From trying so hard. I really am, but I'm in a cloud of confusion. This math problem, never works out to an exact number, and is no where close to where it was estimated at.

I worked 12 hours yesterday. The whole day seemed like an out of body experience. I would stand back and look at all the people and wonder about them. Statistically, that store had criminals, and pyschopaths, and poor people, obese people, screwed up people, people who didn't know how to read, people that are never happy, people who haven't boughten a new pair of shoes in 12 year, people who don't shower, and people who have no common sense.

And while I was looking at those people, I realized that they are America. I might be the future, but most of my generation is going to end up like that anyway. Those are the people who influence my destiny. Those people are what make us "the land of the free and the home of the brave".
Those are the people I am supporting with my social security payments out of my paycheck.

:: 2004 6 August :: 6.34pm

Another day, another dollar
Was today better than yesterday? Yes it was. Did today hurt more than yesterday? Yes it did (but only because I fell down and hit my knee and now I have a giant bruise).

So, I left home at 2:45pm and got home at 5:45 pm. A total of three hours just to spedn five to ten minutes with her. Was it worth it? Hell yeah.

The knock on me last time was that I wasn't romantic. Yes, I remember you saying that, and you know what, it's still a sore spot for me. I actually started thinking that yesterday. But that is what got me out of it. I realized that I hadn't done anything romantic in the entire two months we've been together. So it was time. Drive through rush hour traffic to suprise her with flowers on our two month anniversary during a week that we saw each other a sum total of 7 hours in 7 days. I was sitting there, waiting for her to come out of work and I came up with two options of how it was going to go over: 1. Either it was going to be very sweet, 2. Or very creepy. I guess it just depends on the people.

4 comments | critique me

:: 2004 5 August :: 6.30pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: "Bad Company" Bad Company

Contentment; things get in the way when feelings that should be on the surface are not
I feel it again. That dissettling feeling (is that even a word?) that there is something we need to talk about. To be sure there are things that I want to say, but I won't say them. Mostly, not out of fear for losing her, but for fear of myself. The way I feel about those things leads me to be very passionate. I really cannot tell if I'm being paranoid or not. There are little, subtle signs that I'm not sure I'm reading correctly. Little signs, some of them I cannot even interpret correctly. One inparticular plays on an insecurity of mine that has me flying back to the days where I believe that I am not good enough for anyone. Besides, I cannot tell if this is intentional, if it's me being paranoid, or if it's just an unspoken problem that niether of us is willing, or able to talk about.

If I seem whiny, it's because I am. This schedule has taken a real toll on me. I'm going non-stop, practically for a week now. There is nothing that I would like right now than to just forget about the world, ofrget about everything. Screw it all. I can't wait to get back to school. Everything will be better then. I'll feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. I don't know if this is me losing control again. I don't know if this is me hitting my adult mood cycle. I really don't know about anything anymore. All i know is that she came over today, and it didn't cheer me up. It didn't even come close. Not that I want to be dependent on her for that, but I'm too tired, too emotional barren and distracted right now. Plus I have to go to work and start my 4-day 30 hour work experience.

:: 2004 5 August :: 7.42am
:: Mood: cold

I'm about to leave for my fourth day of band camp. Yesterday went a hell of a lot better than Tuesday, when we had a whole shit load of freshman have to leave for cheerleading, Courtney broke/fractured/sprained her ankle/foot, and one of my girls 'got sick' on the field and I got to clean puke out of her flute.

All in a days work.

:: 2004 2 August :: 10.04pm

i suppose that's pretty much it, in a nutshell.

because i'm sick and god damn tired of carrying on, intentionally ignorant, with you, and jumping through hoops, just so i don't have to see you cry.

i make you cry enough as it is.

i figure one last time is enough.

although, i've never hated you.

not nearly as much as i hate myself.......

:: 2004 1 August :: 11.59pm

she's just not for me anymore.

maybe she never was.

i've had people tell me that.

but still. i don't know where it all turned around.

and maybe i'm just bullshitting, and it never really has turned around.

maybe i've simply stopped caring, stopped deluding myself, stopped being stupid.

wait, no. i'm still stupid.

and i'm not really sure if i still care or not.

i must still care, if it preoccupies my mind this much of the time.

but, then again, when there's stuff enough going on to drive it out of my mind, it gets very little attention.

however, it always comes back, once the rest of the music stops.

time to take a shower, so i'm fresh enough for band camp.

fuck.

i feel so unprepared.

for anything. everything.

my life is such a mess.

i guess it always has been. it just pisses me off that i can't even convince myself that it's fine, whether it actually is or not.

i'm just rambling nonsense.

went to the "annual" priest family picnic today.

instead of the mive get together at fucking krispy kreme.

oh well. there's always september. i think.

as long as the car is still running.

barely.

15 comments | critique me

:: 2004 1 August :: 10.31pm
:: Music: 311 - Hydroponic (live)

BAND MATES!!!!!
guys.

just in case that email didn't go through-

i am free on monday, thursday, and possibly friday this week.

thursday looks like the best bet. or wait.

maybe tuesday.

i'm not sure.

i'd prefer thursday.

let me know if that won't work for one of youse guys.

9 comments | critique me

:: 2004 1 August :: 1.15am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls

Girls
Tonight is just one of those nights. One of those nights where I know exactly why I am crying, but I won�t tell her. I won�t tell any of you directly. You�ll just have to guess, good luck.

It�s been such a hard day. From seeing someone I didn�t want to see. Well, not that I didn�t want to see, but someone who brings back some bad memories that I wished hadn�t happened. And then seeing someone I really wanted to see, only to be disappointed by the entire endeavor. Why is it always females? No, I�m not going on some raving post about how I don�t understand women, nor how much I hate women. It�s just a decent human problem that I seem only to have with females, and today reminded me of that.

Boy do I want to just let it all loose now. This pain, and yes it is real pain, that I am feeling in my chest and the heaviness of my eyes just wants me to let loose. Why won�t I? Is it because I won�t let myself? I am allowed to be weak. I think it�s one of my greatest assets. That I can be weak, that I can show that to people.

First, the person that I did not really want to see again. Mostly I�ll talk about this because it�s what brings up most of my problems that I can think of with girls. Only because it involves three of them, with two conspiring against me to basically ruin my life because of my feelings for the third. Why does it have to be so awkward? So what is the big deal? I had a crush on her. Good for me. The other two blew that for me by 1. Writing a note informing her of that crush, 2. By being a willing delivery person playing games with my life, which you thought was fine. Well, okay. So you didn�t mess up that bad. Except for the fact that she is a nice person who I wouldn�t really mind having a friendship with, but now all that chance that ever existed is gone because of one stupid moment in my senior year of high school, that had, in reality, very little to do with me being stupid. So part one of my sorrow does not really inform parts two or three, but it does tell you that I had a rough day with all the thoughts above coming before noon today.

Second was actually born out of one and three but I�ll make it second anyway. Where the hell did you all come from? Where the hell were you when I was lonely? Where were you when I was afraid that I had no hope with the female persuasion? Where were you when I had no confidence in myself? Please tell me where. Now that I have a girlfriend, all of you are like, �I had a crush on you� or �I love you� (no offense to the two of you whom I am actually quoting, I like the sentiment, just resent the timing, besides, you are not the only ones). After that date I had at the end of my freshman year of college, I did not notice it for what it was. I was too wrapped up in her feeling for me to really look deeper and realize that I may be desirable to females. That all that time I spent in high school waiting for girls to grow up and get a clue, that it�s not about image, that that time had come. I missed it I guess. Or I�m living in it now.

Third, and the biggest reason of them all, is her. And none of it matters because I love her. And I really cannot say anything about this because it hurts so much. It�s just when it happens it leads to so much disappointment. I know it really shouldn�t but it does. It�s not my life, it�s hers. And it�s hers to do what she wants with it. I just feel like she�s trying to run away. That�s what happened the first time. She tried to run because she didn�t want to face it. Now I�m afraid that�s what she�s doing again. Setting herself up to run. It hurts so much to say that there is nothing I can do for her but when it comes down to it, I really can�t. There�s times where the feelings I get are just so out there and off the wall that I can�t understand the things coming out of my head. I can�t make her change. I can�t even attempt to make her change, not that I would if I could. It was just such a big disappointment. I don�t want her to know that. That�s why after she told me I wouldn�t let her look into my eyes. No matter what she says about not being able to communicate through each other�s eyes, it was so apparent in mine tonight. I know she could see that and that�s why she tried what she could. But it didn�t work. It�s not working now. So many things I want to say. So many things I want to scream, but I never will. I�ll just linger here in silence. Alone, waiting for the next disappointment to fall. That�s what she says, and maybe she�s right. Why should I expect anything? Life just leads to disappointment.

spud	:: 2004 31 July :: 11.16pm :: Music: BNL - when you dream Ye olde conqueror GO SOUTH GET TRINKET GO NORTH GO DENNIS GIVE TRINKET you win! 2 pts. critique me

:: 2004 31 July :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: rediculously rediculous
:: Music: barenaked ladies

Katie.
~ says:
i'm a little grouchy right now.
~ says:
letting stuff get to me.
~ says:
and i don't want to take it out on you.

~ says:
i guess..
~ says:
just go ahead.
~ says:
blame it on me.
~ says:
it's where the blame rightfully belongs anyway.

~ says:
again, i apologize.

~ says:
i left last night because i was tired and you hurt my feelings.

~ says:
but you didn't want to fulfill the needs of the situation, because that would mean relenquishing your control.
~ says:
regardless.
~ says:
i don't blame you.
~ says:
i made a decision last night. a decision which i take full responsibility for.
~ says:
and i don't have to justify it with you.

~ says:
no, you're just obstinate.
~ says:
but that's okay
~ says:
because it's not your fault.
~ says:
i failed to communicate.
~ says:
that was what happened.
~ says:
and i let you down.
~ says:
and that put me in a bad mood.
~ says:
and i didn't want to force my company (being in that state) upon any of you guys.
~ says:
and i was tired anyway.
~ says:
and i didn't really want to be there.
~ says:
that's what went wrong.
~ says:
because my expectations were different from what actually played out.

~ says:
however, i did want to teach you that it's not my job to always give you what you want.
~ says:
and i apparently succeeded.
~ says:
at least in neglecting you.

Katie says:
is this the end?
~ says:
not for me.
~ says:
unless i die in some freak lawnmower incident.
Katie says:
thats not what i mean
~ says:
whether we break up or not, it won't be the end for me.

~ says:
if i want out......
~ says:
you'll know.
~ says:
i will tell you when i want out.
~ says:
and i trust you to show me the same courtesy.
Katie says:
have i ever acted like i wanted out?
~ says:
i don't care what you act like.
~ says:
if you want out, i expect you to tell me.
Katie says:
i think its funny that i question it so much and you give it no thought
~ says:
it's not that i don't think about it.
~ says:
it's that i trust you.
Katie says:
well i don't trust you
Katie says:
i can't trust you
~ says:
and that's why it doesn't work between us.
Katie says:
but it used to
~ says:
because it wasn't as important.
Katie says:
how come it's only gotten so bad since school has been out
~ says:
it hasn't.
~ says:
it's been bad for a long time.
~ says:
it's just been getting progressively worse.
~ says:
because we can't ignore it as easily as we used to.
~ says:
and i'm finally stopping some of the mistakes that i've been making for a long time.

~ says:
i have to mow lawn.
Katie says:
you said that 30 minutes ago

-[E/E]- Cpt. FIL ||"without passion, you are already dead" says:
nothing is guaranteed, that's life
~ says:
yeah, i know.

:: 2004 31 July :: 4.05pm

good grief.

i'm tired.

a lot, lately.

yep.

band camp next week.

and i just made reservations at the hilton next wednesday for a U of M informational meeting.

we'll see how that goes.

in other news:

my car is still falling apart at the seams.

while simultaneously running like a champ.

and the band thing....... i don't know.

i don't think it's going anywhere.

and i don't think i can dedicate myself to it like i would need to.

on the one hand, i'm sick of practices always coming to rest upon my fucked up schedule.

but i also know they'd never forgive me if i quit.

eh.

i don't know.

we'll see how life goes.

i'm along for the ride.

3 comments | critique me

:: 2004 28 July :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: morose
:: Music: "One Week" Bare Naked Ladies

Today has been so strange
Well I talked to some chick on the phone today. Her name was Amanda. It was really weird because she was telemarketer. And she asked for me by name. Not by my usual given name that most telemarketers ask for me by, but by Charlie. So it was kind of weird. She sounded nice so I decided to placate her for awhile. She was very obviously reading from a script and was kind of rushing through it. So I let her give her speil, then I just told her the truth. "You must be misinformed, I don't have a mortgage," I said.
"I think you just invented a new way of saying your not interested," she responded. "You know, alot of people just say that to get rid of us."
"I'm telling you the truth. I'm 20 years old and I still live with my parents," I explained.
"So it's your parents I should be talking to," she said, obviously puzzled by having the wrong information.
"No, they have their mortgage paid off."
"So do you want a mortgage so you can get out of there?"
"No, no thank you."
--- CLICK ---

4 comments | critique me

infinite

:: 2004 28 July :: 1.31pm

whatever happened to GOOD music?

:: 2004 26 July :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: calm

I had my training class at Meijer's tonight (and for all of you wondering, it opens August 3rd!). Old people can be pretty cool, and I think I'll do good there, if I stay. I'm not sure right now, all it is to me right now is some way to pay off my car, my insurance, have money for gas, and have money for any frivolous thing a sixteen year old girl could want (you know, for cigarettes, condoms, drugs, alcohol, male strippers, and pizza).

I know, I know, I have such an entertaining life.

One week until band camp! I finally realized how much of a dork I am today. The first thing we did in class was go around and say our names, where we would be working, and something about ourselves. A lot of peoples was something like the following:

Hello, my name is Dave, I'm working in the Deli and I like to sky dive.

Hello, my name is Sara, I'm working in groceries, and I take care of a five year old and a two year old.

Mine was the following:

Hello, my name is Michelle, I'm working on the Courtesy Team, and my life revolves around music and my flute.

That's my life, I can't help that I might like it sometimes.

13 comments | critique me

:: 2004 25 July :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: drained

So you left. I'm here. On time. Like I said I would be, and talking to everyone except for you. Maybe i'm too deepy invested in this? Maybe. Or maybe I'm so hormone ridden the sight of chocolate makes me cry and I can't do anything right today. I think that's it.