that is so retro

:: 2004 3 April :: 11.55am
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: something corporate- me and the moon

i am a butterfly.
so. lots of thinking this morning i suppose. woke up around 6.. couldnt really sleep. there is confusion in the land of the boy going through my head. and normally at a point like this, i'd spend my time crying. but i dont feel it necessary anymore. somehow i know that in the end everything will be okay, whether i'm with him or not, so there's no point in spending time crying and being sad when i could be out in the sun with my friends laughing and having a good time. i realize that im fortunate to have the life that i do, and i don't want to ruin it by being upset over some boy. which probably is over something misunderstood anyways. so, whatever. im going to live my life happily. because after all, these are the best days of our lives.
i have a date saturday night at the something corporate/yellowcard show with my fellow something corporate lover liz. i think i'll try and stop to get tickets tonight on my way home from the beach party. so liz, if you see this, call me and make sure you can go , for sure. and anyone else who wishes to see if they can go and want to join us, call me by 7pm on my cell phone

1 . | <3

sammibaby

:: 2004 2 April :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: appreciative
:: Music: my immortal-evanesence

WHEN YOU CRIED I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOU'RE TEARS
ive been sick this whole week..but i think its gettin better..i hope..

i really dont have anything to say..im juss eehh..

BUT i am SO happy for kaila n her cheerleadin!! missed u today chiquita <3

cant think straight right now..so imma go

wuv u all!! <3..x0x0

1 . | <3

:: 2004 2 April :: 4.45pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Bully :: Eminem

V-A-R-S-I-T-Y
"It's like a never-ending cycle
That just seems to come full circle
Everybody's gotta be so fucking hard
I'm not excluding myself
Cuz I been stupid as well" =Eminem

i'm s0-o ready to become one of those stuck up girls that feel like i'm too good for everybody else. because then i won't care as much of what people think about me, because truthfully... the comments need to stop. not once have i called any female friend fat, or have i said shit about any of them. and anand knows i'm rather good at holding in my anger. but once stuff happens i will never look at u people the same. sorry. i'm sick of the fake people that some of these people are. sweet to ur face, but then rude behind ur back. as far as i know, i've never given anyone at atlantic attitude. and i refuse to. and if i didn't care so much of what people thought, i would be ok. and i wasn't going to feel rude & like a bitch, i would go up to them and ask why they would have the nerve to say anything. think about it... nobody is perfect, and to point out my features that u don't think look exceptionally perfect... COME ON! at least i'm not eating tons a day, or not working out, or at least i'm attempting to be at least pretty.

if u have a comment about how i look, or the things i do, bring it to my attention, even if it requires to leave an anonymous comment here, or if it requires u to tell me in school. this way u can all do me a favor & if u think i am too full of myself, u can break my self-esteem a little bit. that's all u have to do to get to me. for god sake's i'm the one who won't wear a shirt that JB commented about... after his comment was just about the color.

on a brighter note, i made varsity this year. who knew? i did, and so did a lot of other people. thanks for believing in me. da-da-da-damn, i'm s0-o lucky. and the coach calls me by my name, and i didn't know she knew it because i never told it to her, so i am assuming Erin & Natalie have been doing a lot of talking about me. HAHAHAHA, i love cheerleading. i love my coaches, i love the team, i love this. gosh.

jonah, sameen, hema, kailannie, carlos, danielle, pj, jackie g, ashley t, jb, christina, ally, britt, kayli, vanessa, ashley p, logan... u guys are the best.

i have more to say but i wanna sleep because i am sick of sitting here when i am s0-o tired from tests and everything. s0-o i'm giving my heart to u. <3 peace babes

9 . | <3

boricuababy

:: 2004 2 April :: 3.01pm
:: Mood: ehh
:: Music: burn-usher

la la la la la
wow..haven't updated in awhile..last week wuz fun..thursday nite me n meli went out to tha paladium..dat wuz really koo..der were sum madd scurry guyz der tho dat wanted to dance wid us..and dat one mexican..eww.lol..but den meli got to dance wid danny!!..i wuz all happy for her..lol..that sunday we went to tha dade county youth fair..i met up wid meli ova der..but she wuz on her way out wen we got der..my dumb ass dad wuddnt listen to me n we got lost..i knew where we were supposed to go but he didnt listen..dis week wuz koo too..all week wuz cheer practice for tryouts..we learned a cheer, a chant, and a dance..tryouts were last nite..i messed up on my jump and really freaked out..lol..but i made it up but doing really good in tha dance and tha jump in tha dance wuz good..sammi called me dis mornin n told me i made it..:D..ahh!! im so happy..lol..i cant wait till camp and everything..right now im in tampa visiting sum family..tha ride up here wuz lonnnnnggg and borrrriinngg..lol..wagums n crystal called while we were driving..yea dat wuz weird..newayz..i started talkin to bryan again..hez soo cute..and hez really sweet..and hez not like a bad boy-playa type so datz good..imma call him up dis weekend..i still havent talked to my dad..im im to scared too but imma have to eventually and soon..blahh datz wha sux..well i hope everybody has a good weekend!!..wuv uuuuuu!!!!..x0x0..<3 kaila

5 . | <3

bocaheath05

:: 2004 1 April :: 9.19pm
:: Mood: sick

ow my stomach
today was kind of fun. this morning was funny watching everyone try to catch the altoids and such. my depression is low right now. i'm so glad i have all my friends.

between me discovering avi's man boobs, christie sitting with her legs open and me trying to get adrian to take a peek and me and amanda and my feet english was fun. i def cant forget me stealing avi's cd player. we rock.

Stitchless1221: thats cool. put that ashley pasion is the coolest chick in the world!

today was my dads birthday and my parents anniversary so we went out for dinner, cheesecake factory. i am SOO full, i really didn't eat that much, i mean i have def eaten more before. I also ate about 3 hours ago and i still feel SOOOOOO sick, i'm practically crying.

anyways...i'm just waiting for danielle to get back online and for some other people. well off i go.

<3

1 . | <3

:: 2004 1 April :: 8.49pm
:: Music: bout to burn Usher CD.

todos los dias.... ugh.
deseo escribir esta entrada de diario en espa�ol porque shakira est� en MTV y me est� inspirando. Hoy era bueno. La qu�mica era simple. en espa�ol tomamos un concurso que pienso que hice maravilloso en. almuerzo era la discusi�n grande. ingl�s era enojado para un poco, pero todo consigui� mejor en el extremo mientras que camin� mismo a la clase en vez para de Anand que esperaba. La biolog�a estaba muy bien, pero me sent�a mal para Kayli debido a Alex. no podr�a hacer mucho sin embargo. espero que el ojo de los jackie consigan mejor! de todas formas, debo ir.

:: 2004 1 April :: 8.39pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: my journal music

i think i'll stick with this layout.
today greta took me to barnes and nobles. <3 those after school outings with her. anyways... i think i'll stick with this song/layout. unless i hit a depression then it'll be dark again. but i like the blankness. this weekend is for being with some friends that i havent spent much time with, that i need to. thank god for weekends.

damn. i need to come up with things to talk about in this journal.

hoping to make more memories... sigh

1 . | <3

:: 2004 1 April :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: switchfoot- redemption

back into that same old routine.
hmf. i suppose school hasnt been too bad yet, its been somewhat fun being back with friends and in the presence of my usual surroundings of them. it seems like its back to the boring old days of nothign changing though. oh well. got my hair cut today. i like it. a weekend full of being in the sun should be dandy. :) . if only he were a part of it, it would be perfect.

:: 2004 31 March :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: aaliyah - "the one i gave my heart to"

how could the love that caused such pleasure, bring such misery?
not too bad of a day. im not in the best advice-giving mood right now, but i see some people writing about being depressed? it's just a phase. i guess. unless there's ... nevermind just let me shut up now before i say something stupid. i'll just leave you with something i wrote in art history.

take off your coat,
stay a while and break my heart.
you know you'll come back again
after i remodel my mind.
let me just invite you in and
maybe the pain won't feel as dark as usual.
pull my wrist to your body
and come closer so i can't hurt myself
because it's only your job to make me cry.
and why oh why, i do not know.
why can't we move on to grow
apart from each other?
instead we grow nostalgic and
we take a step backward.
that burn in your eyes gets to me
when i can't find something new to cling to.
just break my heart and leave again
and i won't have fresh memories
of you to live on.

greta and ashley said it was dark. it's not dark. trust me, if i wanted it to be dark, i can scare you. uuuuuuuuuh. yeah i felt really bad for mr epstein. =\ might not feel so bad after tomorrows test but yeah. i didnt go, but if i was there, seeing his face woulda been like heartbreaking. we played games with the white board instead. good times. uhhh. yeah nothing to say. sorry. shrug. just things i think in my own head nowadays. i think i'm done making other people listen to the redundant feelings of heartache i have. so lets just keep it to myself now, huh.

* gnite. *

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 31 March :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: R.E.M.

.california pictures.

the beautiful scenery of southern california. all though of the time, it was hazy and wasn't visible.

tina's mom wearing the sweatshirt that says, "i'm not listening." good laugh that was.

whole group except for mr.binh and christina. where are the skiers?!

the women. aren't they lovely? now look at that dirty snow in the background. yuck!

that's me with my second family.

so after we did the mountain thing we decided to drive to santa ana a.k.a. little saigon. guess who drove down the mountains? yeah. the wonderful tina. so the first thing we did when we got there.... went to a vietnamese mall.

yeah. asian persuasion baby. that store was cool. all the music, tina and i just wanted to bust a move or two.

yeah Ni bought cinnamon (?) and decided to put the ribbon in mr.binh's hair.

after that interesting trip... we left and went to go eat lobster dinner, vietnamese style.

this is us before dinner started. notice the writing in the background on the window... yeah, are we eating in a travel agency?

so sweet of a picture, tina's mom's smile at her husband. <3 they love each other. <3

mmm... lobster.

everyone was impressed with my open-mind to all the food. what can i say? i love food.

yeah. we were crazy by the end of this dinner.

definitely can't laugh with an orange in my mouth, neither can tina. =) what a nice dinner.

the next day we woke up and went to denny's.

mmm... coke in the morning, it's like my coffee.

chilling at denny's. poor vi... she's not in the pic cause she's taking it.

wow how this picture freaks me out.

the lovely women in denny's.

there's a star hiding behind that hand. my mouth is huge!

linh hiding behind the camera.

after denny's we took a trip to the mall.

what a sophisticated woman. very nice too.

the girls who grew up with each other. shopping and looking at thongs in different stores. i began to say, "too bad we aren't sexually active"

driving in the pimp mobile.

after driving for a while we ended up in a japanese restaurant just before meeting dr.wiegel's vietnamese twin.

there goes my love of food again.

japanese doll on the top of the booth.

so that night we drove through los angeles to camarillo, where christina's dad's parents live. the next day (sunday) we drove to santa barbara but we forgot batteries for the digi camera so there are no available pictures from there yet. santa barbara=beautiful and i swear i saw steven speilberg running along the boardwalk. i love the looks i got while riding in the basket of the bicycle. hehe. well the next day it was the girls, me, tina, and her mom. we left tina's dad at his parents to spend time with them and we drove off to beverly hills.

such a nice street sign. what a beautiful street. i adore dior and every other store on that street. <3

lily on rodeo drive. lovely.

so after beverly hills and dim sum in china town i was eager to find the star map of where they all live so we made the right decision to exit hollywood blvd.

doesn't she look like a star? drinking starbucks on hollywood blvd.

so tina was drinking her coffee and she looks down and look who is right below us... god's next door neighbor in heaven. the great walt disney.

so after our stop on hollywood blvd. and getting the star map and the mexican guy in the store where the map was telling me, "you are beautiful." with that nice, soft accent, we left and drove to find homes in the hills. boy did that not work out. but we got laughs. "larry king's house is right up this street! GO!" so we went back to camarillo and traveled to the outlet mall that was not a outlet at all. so we left.

some more pimpness in the pimp mobile.

laid back... such a pimp. maybe the pimpest of the pimp.

so that night we went shopping some more in a scary mall and ate dinner at olive garden in ventura right next to this big car mall. the next day we went to the getty, a museum dedicated to visual art on this hill, just outside of los angeles.

picture with louis.

my future bed.

mother and daughter at the getty.

freaky white elevator.

so after we looked at tons of beautiful art we ate at the super nice restaurant that was part of the museum.

tina and brendan frasier. woot. we were eating lunch where the stars eat.

after eating, we took a look at the gardens.

beautiful rose.

=)

nice.

even better.

us in the tran taking us back to the car from the museum.

after the museum we went to the farmers market in hollywood and then to look at star homes. mmm...

we were passing the great osbourne house and the gate was open. woot. good pic.

jack osbourne was in this car. what a good day for the stars. after passing the house for like the fifth time the police pulled up in front of the house... wonder what the trouble was.

playboy mansion anyone? yeah. behind that gate.

behind all those trees and the wall... thats where madonna's house is.

so that was our last day in los angeles/camarillo. here come pics from vegas... you ready? i doubt it.

damn she's sexy. we love that car. it became our second home.

driving into vegas.

my amazement. the lights, the people, buildings... everything..

the pyramid hotel.

this sign. whew. we saw a lot of em. sin city baby, when you go into any hotel room... all you see is sex. not very comforting.

vegas has everything, even it's own castle with a wizard!

bellagio fountains. if only you had your favorite man standing next to you.

to get myself in this position... boy did i look drunk.

so after our night out, the next day we went to red rock national park.

yeah this is lost creek. we are standing behind the waterfall. don't you like my hiking attire?... skirt and flip flops.

just... lol.

that night we got all dressed up to go to the venetian hotel to see a show.

freaken hot.

dancing in the car to ignition

the venetian... another place i was amazed at.

so on friday we drove in the car from vegas to torrance and then back to santa ana for our last dinner.

what a great picture of the two dads.

the women.

the girls at their last fun dinner.

the fish before it was eaten

before we started.

mmm... fish heads.... my favorite thing to eat. j/k!

it's done. boy do your hands smell after you eat that. soap is needed. after we went back to their house.... mrs.bing tried getting me drunk just for laughs.

what a lovely trip. i enjoyed every minute, from getting to know christina's childhood friends, to the drives in the car, to the hotel room by ourselves, to vegas, and everything in between. i loved it all. hope you all enjoy. sorry if you don't have dsl.

<3

5 . | <3

:: 2004 31 March :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Burn :: Usher

finally, i get a time to update.
cheerleading & tests have run me up the wall.
varsity, i'm praying.
i hope i got decent grades on my chem quiz, & stats test, i don't really care about epstein all that much, but i am really trying to pull that extra mile in my classes for my A's.

life has been harsh this week. waking up late, not finishing crap, i believe it's just because of spring break & cheerleading, but i missed not having that around. i love it. but it's worn me out... not being in shape, kinda pissed because running every other day isn't working.

school was normal today... kinda stressing, but i didn't let it get to me. i love my friends. no matter what shit talking happens, because its funny when u look at them, and then u say "ur my best friend" and they give u that guilty look... like they did something... cause u know they did. o well.

wonderful jumps, wonderful facials, just on speed a lil' bit lol alicia. <3 anyways, i'm out P-YcE. the oC is Onnnn.

stecker looks like a friendly frog, carlos is snufulufugus.. lol<3

12 moRe DayS -- 1o.12.o3 i love u.

bocaheath05

:: 2004 31 March :: 8.51pm

for some reason i get random stages filled with depression, i have no reason to be depresed i just am. today i stayed for key club, woohoo! NOT. in the car i just wanted to cry, like my eyes were watering, why is this?

the only thing i am liking about this depression is my lack of appetite. maybe i will not eat a lot and will lose weight.

my mother ius bitching at me about my GPA, so it is a 3.1428 better than a 3.0 or something, and i have a 3.7 HPA....i'm just so sick of everything.

we have an economics test tomorrow, am i going to study? NOPE, all i have is my note that i've typed up.

1 . | <3

:: 2004 31 March :: 7.08pm

im in a bad bad place right now...i havnt been this depressed in a very long time and no it is not because of anyone or any specific thing it is simply because i hate myself so intensely that i can't stand to exist within my own skin. I want to just crawl out of myself and get as far away from me as possible. Each time i open my eyes I hate sight and senses and i want to hide in the dark where I don't have to look at everything...I don't want to see all the colors.

I wanted to cry today when I heard my mom talking about my aunts unborn baby because no child deserves to be brought into this world. I wouldnt wish life on anyone right now. My dads store is closing and it doesnt sound like he got the transfer job he wanted. He has been looking at job postings in virginia and other states but my mom shut that down as soon as he mentioned it. now im not so sure tho could i even move...really what is keeping me here? nothing nobody.everything my mother says to me these days is negative...how i fucked everything up how i need to stop eating how terrible i look....and to think even before all this happened I laid under the covers for hours when I got home just wanting to die and no not figureatively I wanted somebody to come over a stab me until all the life bled out....im not over it i spend every second further realizing that i have nowhere to run but straight into the ground.

im sorry i know that nobody needs to hear this nobody cares nor have they in the past nor should they...so i made a new journal on a different site for all of this you all wont have to hear from me again until i have regained my faith and my sanity until i have found somebody i trust because i dont i trust nothing...ill be back when i want to live again...

I won't be back for a while

Jess

3 . | <3

:: 2004 30 March :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: fine

alrite every1 i'm not explaining what happened today....it's idk beneath me and all of us (or it should be anyway) so here you go this should explain everything...

LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:44:13 PM): jessica...
MisScarlet219 (9:44:49 PM): yeah
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:45:53 PM): i'm sry. i just told them the val's party story. and wutever they got out of it... idk
MisScarlet219 (9:46:33 PM): alrite
MisScarlet219 (9:47:04 PM): all i find amazing is that it makes me such a slut and ally is an angel
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:47:12 PM): no, it's not alright, will u like bitch at me or somethin?
MisScarlet219 (9:47:17 PM): ok
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:47:24 PM): they know shit about ally...
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:47:54 PM): how she isn't exactly innocent.
MisScarlet219 (9:48:26 PM): yeah well everyone who was there....
MisScarlet219 (9:48:39 PM): avi hasnt gotten NEthing since allison which means never
MisScarlet219 (9:48:48 PM): jb hasnt had a gf since danielle in middle school
MisScarlet219 (9:49:05 PM): steven is so pathetic he has to make up hookups with grl who are too good for him
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:49:17 PM): lma o thats wut i found out
MisScarlet219 (9:49:27 PM): anand is the one who tried to kiss my ass by telling me
MisScarlet219 (9:49:35 PM): hes also not gotten any in a long time if ever
MisScarlet219 (9:49:38 PM): and u and i
MisScarlet219 (9:49:41 PM): were never close
MisScarlet219 (9:49:46 PM): so it didnt bother me too much
MisScarlet219 (9:49:58 PM): but u apolgized and that means something so ill accept it
LiLsHorTcaKe2315 (9:51:38 PM): well the thing is i've always wanted to hang with u, danielle, and ashley.. that click, but i never had classes with u and wut not, and then u and ashley wound up in that big fight that i was told about...
MisScarlet219 (9:54:57 PM): another reason i really didnt need that today but thats besides the point
MisScarlet219 (9:55:45 PM): i never thought u were interested in being friends with me im not sure how this is gunna change it but idk im not upset or NEthing so u dont have to feel guilty NEmore...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so that is that...and yes everything about all of those guys is true therefore their opinions are not only meaningless but pretty goddamn funny...and it's good to know that some people are mature enough to own up to thier mistakes. lol I thought one fight at a time was enough did somebody bring back 6th grade without telling me?....it is amazing that people came up and confided this to me though most time people get trashed like that i dont think they hear about it. lol idk if i really needed to know or NEthing cuz it really doesnt affect my life whatsoever (though avi CAN write his own english paper w/out myhelp from now on) its just interesting...

god knows what the next 2 months will hold but hopefully the waters stay calm I know we are all dealing with enough personal shit to add this kinda drama to the mix.

1 . | <3

sammibaby

:: 2004 30 March :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: burn-usher

WHEN UR FEELIN AINT THE SAME AND UR BODY DONT WANT TO
back in school..ehh..its alright

yesterday was a good..especially considerin that i was goin on one hour of sleep n no food. spainsh- got to pretty much skip. math- did chem(ehm. copied) n did my work. chemistry-paid attention. lunch-walked really slow up n down the stairs a lot (kaila). art- pen fight..they were put in some 'warm' places lol..stecker stepped on my foot.OUCH. bus-with my chicas..then i went home..ate n slept. then had a rush of emotions lol (amara)

today..spanish- nada. health- learned about the penis. lunch- nothing really. english- watched a movie..morone got surround sound! ..stepped in some crap..nasty..economics- boring..but u damn ppl gotta stop saying shit..bus- fun. then i went to amys with amara..we ate n then studied for chem..

yepp thats my week so far..i have a crap load of tests comin up!! they dont give u any time to get back into the whole school routine..

im out <3

:: 2004 30 March :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: amused

wow you people never cease to amaze me with the shit you talk. Each day I find yet another person who is not worthy of existence. And no this one isnt a big deal it is for the most part people whose shallow and hypocritical characters I have been aware of from the beginning but still...i am amused

before you talk shit I think it is a good idea to A. get ur facts str8 B. notice who is around and C. take a look at your self and think long and hard about what you are about to say

as much as talking about shit that is none of ur buisness raises ur confidence it doesnt change the essentials... such as how pathetic you truely are though you may feel otherwise

oh and just a reality slap to some people...not everybody loves you

and to that miniscule group of people who I care about unconditionally and who are true to me im sorry because I have a tendancy to abuse the ones I love...im working on it

other than that....people arent worth my time

~have a good day~
Jess

alwaysfalling

:: 2004 29 March :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: R.E.M.

eek. danielle's stomach hurts.

what else? pictures from cali and vegas... coming soon, when i feel better. school tomorrow? yeah sure if i feel better.

i want to kiss a boy and not just any boy. when you wish upon a star....

good bye. <3

1 . | <3

:: 2004 28 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: GrAB a ParTnEr, TakE iT DOwN

jonah, d0 me b4 i give iT 2 BriTneY lol <3
i love britney spears.
:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:!:

worked. came home. talked to jonah, talked to carol, watch them leave for the concert, did some hw. watched britney spears. saw brittany.

my nights are lonely without u.
&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%
1o.12.o3 -- 6 MoNtHs, CominG SooN.

bocaheath05

:: 2004 28 March :: 9.31pm

you really appreciate the people you have
HandOfDoom21: yeh
HandOfDoom21: thats aweose
HandOfDoom21: aweosme
HandOfDoom21: aweseome
HandOfDoom21: awesome

2 . | <3

:: 2004 28 March :: 4.32pm

hello children,
christine is home.
longing for the 12 degree weather and snowstorm of yesterdays skiing. hmpf.

http://community.webshots.com/album/129210827nQrQFf

1 . | <3

:: 2004 28 March :: 1.33am
:: Music: jason wade - "you belong to me"

i emptied another box of tissues
i cant stop crying. this whole night. great homecoming huh? coming home to feelings of...

it.
just.
hurts.

and i cant breathe.
it's so hard to control myself.

let me rant. dont read this.
why can't it just be happily ever after? everytime i think about it, i just can't help but sob and let the tears flow. and edgar asks me why, why do i keep stabbing myself in the heart over and over again. danielle says i need to learn not to let it hurt me. but i'm not strong enough. my heart just takes over and i wish so badly that everything just was... right. instead of every word piercing and making water run down my face. i thought that maybe if i just pretended like i could be his friend still, i'd actually be able to move on a little and at least carry on a normal conversation. but instead it leads to talk about broken hearts which brings crying. and then it leads to talk about happier times which brings crying. all i can do is lie in bed. i hope that my dreams arent as painful.

im giving up on love, but it doesnt seem to be giving up on me.

3 . | <3

:: 2004 28 March :: 12.37am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: the little mermaid - "part of your world"

mmph. home sweet home. homework. confusion. stress.

joy.

take the emo quiz.created by jessi

:: 2004 27 March :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: annoyed

u think u know... but u have no idea what i really feel like.
one hour, 30 minutes of sleep. about 6 hours on the phone with jonah. 1am-7am.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
woke up around 8:30am to about 15 paintball players in my house, packing for their tournament. then, my mom & i painted my room.
ChEcK OuT The ALmOsT FiniSHeD RooM now we are just gonna add the paper lanterns, and go buy new comforters sometime this week.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
when i was making my bed, i hit my head on the wood. and then when i was on the slip -N- slide with my sis, i kinda did a backward roll thing, which WAS NOT pretty. +shrug+
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
i want to be britney s0o badly. gosh, its just like... killing me. seeing her all over and knowing how many people want her and how many people look up to her and think she is hot. i wanna know how that feels. i wanna become britney. like... just walk in her footsteps, i mean, do u think she wakes up every morning knowing that she's about to make millions of dollars for the Onyx Hotel Tour? do u think she asks herself how many people would die for the clothes that she wears in her videos, or to the award ceremonies? damn... i needa print out her picture, stick it on my wall & remember that i wake up every morning because my goal is to be as close as to perfection as she is. perhaps my own worst flaw is nearing perfectionism, but i want to be perfect, because... i'm a perfectionist, and these days, i'm settling for whatever comes. that's not my wish, i want better. ok, i'm content with my loved ones, but not with the life i lead, or where i'm headed. i feel like there is something more... something i can get. life is great. everyone deserves to live it up for it's fullest potiential... but sitting here.. writing in this everyday, talking online and on the phone consistently is not what i want. i want a car. with wheels. take me every place in america. i want to act, sing, dance, choregraph, model, work, and just.... rghaergiherghflgndfbedrfughrew. be what everyone else doesn't expect of me, even if it ends me up in playboy.

i don't want someone's famous face. i want to make mine one. <3

let me live the life i want to lead. and if i can't live it... well, at least let me dream.

:: 2004 27 March :: 10.35am

phhhbt.
it = snowing
has anyone seen my switchfoot cd around?
:-/

im a cool little boarder. whaaaaaaaat
adios lechonitos
have a wonderful end of break.

1 . | <3

lizzy

:: 2004 27 March :: 10.35am
:: Music: Lost Prophets "Burn, Burn"

Wake up wake up
for some reason i didn't think we had school again until tuesday.

rude awakening.

homework...here i come. :-/

nice time with bryan yesterday. trivial pursuit + all the dumb questions. <3

lost prophets = good

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.40pm

LiLsHorTcaKe2315:
FOR ADOPTiON:
4'11'' Female.
Blonde Hair, Hazel Eyes, Big Bottom.
Disowned by her boyfriend.
Call 963-4492 To Adopt.
Dmx504boyz: or 2548483
:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:

LTR4N: =-O.. i would adopt you in a heartbeat
:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:

LiLsHorTcaKe2315: hey if i got disowned.... would u adopt me?
Baseballa4eva17: no doubt
Baseballa4eva17: he wouldnt like it if i adopted u
LiLsHorTcaKe2315: u'd abuse me with scoops
Baseballa4eva17: not if u were my dughter
Baseballa4eva17: then thats child abuse lol
:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:

LiLsHorTcaKe2315: if i was disowned, would u adopt me?
Stones2087: fuck no
Stones2087: id like marry u
:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:-*-:.:

today was just chill-axin'. talked to jonah all day, when i wasn't, i was reading, or doin hw. <3 ttyl xOx

:: 2004 26 March :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: great just fucking great

There is something so pathetically debilitating about depression I can't stand the feeling. It's like im a baby again and im crying in frustration because I don't know what the hell I want and I can't communicate. Only Im all grown up and I have no tears to waste for such pettyness but anger....now anger is a great feeling It gives you this adreneline surge and boosts you to the point where you could not only face the world but kick its ass. I love being angry it's like sum crazy high where I can shoot fire from my eyes. If you think you have ever seen me angry you don't know you wouldnt even get it.

But whatever i'm laughing im happy i'm crazy life is good I needed this to stop feeling sorry for myself. depressed jessica is a pathetic I think right now i'm somewhere around frightening, like the mental patient who smiles too much and never blinks.

moving on tonight what did I do....NOTHING we ordered italian and I ate a calzone that was not only disgusting but could have eaisly fed a small country of starving children. I feel gross but the gr8 thing about eating too much is that its nothing that can't be solved by a finger down your throat with the shower roaring in the backround to mask the sound. If only all mistakes could be purged so eaisly.

~Have a beautiful evening~

sammibaby

:: 2004 26 March :: 5.48pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: dirt off ur shoulders..??

HAPPY SPRING BREAK!!
hmm..lets review:

thursday: went to amaras with amy, kaila, n carlos...then went tot he mall with amy..speed shoppers lol
friday: laid out
Saturday: got nails done..amy came over..fun fun
sunday: chilled, did some homework
Monday: marlins vs. astros game, dinner, movies with carlos to see Secret window...good movie
Tuesday: lunch, then off to grandmas, and bowled
Wednesday: went to the pool, came home
Thursday: went to aunt n uncles hose for dinner..then had a girlie night con mi hermana...typed all of the economics notes!!
Friday: saw the passion..i dont even know how to describe..just that if u havent seen it..GO!

thats a very vague summary of my break..but i dont feel like typin it all out lol..so u'll juss have to deal..

oh yea- i love my late night phone convos..hehe

<3