that is so retro

:: 2004 14 March :: 3.22pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: silence

my family makes me happy. thank god for that. yesterday we went to miami for eating, shopping, driving, and more eating and driving. watching people and cars on south beach was interesting. losing my brother was a bit scary though. but it was fun. we were having our own party inside the car. we were gonna eat at joes stone crabs but. 2 and a half hour wait. plus five claws for $50. not worth it. so we went to this obscure chinese restaurant. not the best food, but the best conversations and reminiscing. my aunt and i couldnt stop laughing. we were discussing mine and andrew's risk of getting a mental disorder. yeah its pretty high. anyways. i cant wait til im old enough to go to south beach on my own. or even with my mom. my brother was gone by the time i woke up this morning. didnt get to say goodbye. sigh. back to boring life. and i couldve spent the day with my mom and aunt at an artfest and more shopping but i had to decline for homework. i dont even have that much. i guess i just feel guilty when i have too much fun.

i feel better.
EDIT
god. i regret the past few weeks so much. hurting people i loved. hurting myself emotionally. and now i have to pay at least some consequences. i would like to say "its not fair"... but the damn thing is, that it is fair. i guess it'll take time for things to be good again. my fault.

Marissa
You are MARRISA'S BAD HAIR DAY.

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sammibaby

:: 2004 14 March :: 2.07pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: fallen

I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT

hey all, its sunday and im bored. weekend was good...school WILL go by fast. im makin it go by fast. i freakin cant wait for spring break. ive been so stressed lately and i cant wait for a break. ayy..u have no idea. but i hope im not gone the whole time bc i wanna spend some time with my friends!!

ahh!! i didnt realize the time i gotta go and get ready for ..*fun*..hehe..ttyl

<3

:: 2004 13 March :: 10.07am
:: Music: Come On:: Ben Jelen

[....and andy is talking about shutting down woohu. +cries+ i love this journal & all my entries. all <3 & soul. maybe when he makes it official i will copy & paste all my journals to like... WORD or LIVEJOURNAL. o how i hate livejournal tho.]

friday was yesterday. damn it was long, and not a good one at that.

chem: work. i survived.

spanish: ms. french really doesn't favor me.

english: did my recitation & had morone impressed. turned in my daybook & he laughed at my funny pictures. pretam was pooping out books. i got love for pretam & anand. we laugh like hell in that class. w00t. i went to the bathroom during english too & as i was pulling out the toilet paper in the bathroom of the 700 hall... the metal cover of the toilet paper came off and chucked me in the lip. damn it. but of course, when i told anand, we laughed s0-o hard about it when i got back.

bio: murnan is accusing people of cheating. however, i took the whole damn class to finish that test, and not only that but when carrington offered to help me i turned him down. i sat there through the class while people were playing cards and talking as loud as they fucking were... and earned a good grade. if morone put my name on that list of cheaters.... maybe if he was looking through the door when i was the only one with the test talking to lindsay, telling her about tellin people to be quiet cause i wasn't done... then i'm gonna have to have a talk about it to murnan. because morone isn't gonna fail me again this year. i'm going for a B and damn... i'm going to get it.

as for friday night.... fell asleep afterschool, woke up, went roaming around jb's car with neil, jb, britt, danielle, & some kid chris... yes it was stupid... but it kept me from sitting here. s0-o i have no complaints.

10-12-03 ::: friday was also the 5 month anniversary of jonah & i. "... love is when u can't live without them." i love u.

xOx {sry 4 the Lo0o0ong EnTrY}

.*update on livejournal. cha-cha-check it*.

1 . | <3

:: 2004 12 March :: 11.27pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: evanescence

today was superb. it was much what i've needed. a day away from it all. i got up, drove my daddy to work, then went to costco with mom, and to look at some houses, and came home. shes into the whole real estate thing, i knew, but i didnt know that they were looking at other houses for us possibly? it just seems so weird. ive lived in this house.. for about 10 years. i dont know. then we went to the pool and i did laps, i stupidly wore my swim team suit and the tan has returned. wkhdfa. but its okay. then i came home, and started to read one of my new books, the 5 people you meet in heaven, its good so far. then went to pick up dad from work, and drove over to emy's. got there kinda late cause i missed the turn because of the glaring sun in my eyes. but it was all good. dinner was.. relatively painful. my dad brought up school, and how he wants me to take physics, and they kept bugging emy about his application to atlantic and how his school practically refuses to send it over at the risk of his leaving? he didnt seem like he's too persistant about it, but its up to him, and i felt like they were getting all worked up about it. some issues discussed were just like, i want to go home. but the footsie playing under the table i must say kept a smile on my face. there's nothing like ending a day in his arms. especially knowing that in less than a week he'll be around 24/7 for 10 days or so. : ] any doubt of him actually , wanting wanting me there, was overcome in the process of my trying to leave. it feels so.. good to know that he loves me, and to see him look at me the way he does, and how he holds me close and wont let me go, its so, mm. yes. he gave me a key chain. of him. lol. it's.. funny. school pictures that his mom ordered came with the whole shidazzle. and i took home like half of it. heh. drove home. biatch. i am getting mighty fine at this driving thing. just not driving away from him .
my dad suggested that he sleeps over thursday night so his parents dont have to drive him to the airport early friday morning. :D

:: 2004 12 March :: 11.25pm

i have lost all faith in the saying, "all you need is love."

1 . | <3

:: 2004 12 March :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: better. but i regret before.
:: Music: SC playing forever

hmm
sigh. wide range of emotions today. pain (physical and emotional), longing, desperation, indifference, tiredness, loneliness, anger, resentment. list goes on. dammit, that was like the third time i've cried in school. it's so not cool. i swear by the end of high school, the whole world will have seen me cry. *shrug*. i felt tons better after art, which is something i can always count on. i skipped lunch to keep on painting and katherine and ashley came to see me. i felt kinda like... =\ ashley was trying to find out what's wrong with me. i couldnt give her an answer. i dont know how many people have said or written "i miss you" to me. greta wrote me the most beautiful card. the looks i get now are so... i dunno. i can tell people miss me. wherever me is. what it made me want to do, is take all the notes, all the loving phrases, and synthesize them in a painting. if i have time one day. i'm just scared that it'll get worse because life/school/pressure only gets worse. i'm just not in the mood for anything anymore. i'm sure all of this may be redundant to you. shrug. i wish i had more to say. but i dont. like always.

edit
why can't he leave me alone? it's like it's impossible for him to understand where christina has gone. when he talks to me, i always feel like he's just blaming me for not getting my act together. what the fuck is that? seriously. i feel like everyone is sincere in their caring for me. and so is he, but sometimes i wish he could move on and not care about me so much. on the other side, i also can't watch him ignore me. i'm sorry that there's something wrong with me. it's completely my fault for feeling what i feel. what do you want me to do so that everything can be like how it was again?

lizzy

:: 2004 12 March :: 10.07pm

who the f*** is mike? justin?
Anna
You are ANNA'S JAUNTY CAP.

What Quirk From THE OC Are You?
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weird. eh.

had fun today...i love egyptian rat screw....sameen's spasm. niiiiice. on the bus....twas a verrry interesting topic of convo. that natalia won't shut up about :) after school rach and natalia came to my house and we were chillin. looking at yrbook, listening to music, watching all those i love the ___'s. <3

tmrw...last eagle-ettes saturday practice for awhile. yea baby.

lifesuxsodanz

:: 2004 12 March :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: pissed...ish
:: Music: Eve Six

and here I am again...
Could be @ Scott's 2nite w/every1 else but...nope of course not cuz jessica has hw and jessica is already goin out on saturday and jessica is so untrustworthy she will prbly just drink and smoke and have sex and get pregnant and go to jail all cuz she wanted to chill w/her friends....ok well that last part isnt entirely untrue but my parents still definately suck!!

yeah well hope every1 has fun I miss r old group from last year sumtimes when we used to hang out @ the "tree" remember those days? *sigh*

ok well last nite was NHS induction lol it was the proudest moment of my life lemmie tell u. lol thank god i was in between john and daniellle the whole night it made things so much more interesting. omg it was so boring lol john and i spent the whole time making sarcastic comments about everything especially the speaker...it was sum shrink guy who looked lyk abe lincoln on crack lol we decided that if my parents ended up sending me to a shrink lyk that id turn out even more fucked up than i already am...lol turns out my mom has ot only known the guy for years but was seriously thinking of sending me to him. lmao
~Highlights~
*while lighting the candles*
"don't waste the lighter fluid lets just smoke a bowl instead this will be a lot more fun that way"

"maybe the smoke will set off the fire alarm and then the sprinklers will go off then we can all go streaking up on stage!!!"

every1 lookin so preeeetttyyyy!!!

lol robbie callin out in the middle of the auditorium...i feel so bad 4 that kid sumtimes

me tripping as I went to walk up on stage....lol as jimmy put it 'a typical jessica moment'

my mom commenting on how rude I was talking through the whole ceremony and how shamelessly I flirt

my dad commenting on my flirting technique?!

whoa crazy nights in nerdland i'm officially a part of their clut...got sworn in and everything

thats all for now

~much luv~
Jess
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok idk how well it fits but it is pretty damn ironic...
Summer
You are SUMMER'S BOOBS.

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Lizzy

:: 2004 11 March :: 9.33pm

brown care bear
Funny Shit

today was fun. dancing on the bus woot woot. brown hair... there

nhs. "good times" here's some pics..yes i am a camerawhore to the max. u all love looking at em tho so dunt whine ;)

2 . | <3

:: 2004 11 March :: 8.33pm
:: Mood: stuffy nose.
:: Music: tipsy

3, to da 2, to da 1.
where my homiez at?

today wuz a day that was surely worthwhile.
danielle and i laughed s0o much today. goodness. and this time... i don't think it wuz slap happy. well.. sorta lol. <3

stats test: easy. i knew how to do it. w00t. like... i did the short answers and the AP question without a problem. damn straight.

econ: epstein gave me a zero for falling asleep after in his class after i did the work he asked... he said not to even bother turning my paper in... but you know wut i turned it in... just to prove that i did the shit. wutta bubble-butt-ed asshole licker he is.

art hist test: o gosh that test was a killer. i guess i will just make it up with a buncha extra credits... ugh.

hema and i are trying to figure out whether to go to scott's house 2morrow night or not. its not anything big, just old friends... hanging out. scott, neil, me, jb, hema, danielle, britt, dom, ally, cassie.... all invited but yeah... who knows if anyone is really going? idk. <3

s0-o. i took a nap, and jonah called me like... twice. um.. but then i couldn't go back to sleep the second time, so i walked my happy bottom over to carol's house (my 2nd mother) talked to her for a lil'. shared the love life stories... the school stories... she even began to cry talking about her husband. poor her. i love her, she's never done anything wrong to me, and she called me her daughter today... i felt so... loved. the "daughter she wish she had"... close to heart. like... i talk about anything with her.. and its nice. just like i do with my mom... only carol & i can share clothes too.

guess what tomorrow is. yes... it is friday duh! but... there's something even more special about it. jonah & i.... 5 months. this month took so long to go by. but damn, i've loved this boy for 5 whole months... its somethin' else buddi. not one fight. all love. no hurt. nor sorrow.

alrighty, i'm out... <3 xOx

sammibaby

:: 2004 11 March :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: better than before
:: Music: slow jamz

SO GRATEFUL...!!
wow, what a crappy day. thanks everyone for your support. im getting better as the night goes on..i guess. but i really wanna thank my special friend. i <3 u!! heh. thats all i feel like typing fo rnow..byebye

<3

:: 2004 10 March :: 9.51pm

==================
Stones2087: lol dont go thinking that just cuz ur gorgeous that ul get away with this wit ur husband one day!
Stones2087: it wont work and il laugh
LiLsHorTcaKe2315: lol
LiLsHorTcaKe2315: i'm not gorgeous. what r u talking about
Stones2087: pretty face aint gna bail u outa all problems woman
Stones2087: ummmm....yea
Stones2087: !
LiLsHorTcaKe2315: if i hadda pretty face... itd get me outta everything
Stones2087: lol shut up briana
Stones2087: im gna slap u
Stones2087: ur fuckin gorgeous woman...get over it
==================

why am i not seeing what everyone else is seeing?

+chem lab.
+art hist - study.
+ stats - study.

i wanna ace this nine weeks... i don't feel it happening tho.

no work this weekend.
+get to see danielle g.
+shopping for jackie's present & cruise clothes! ballerette.
+wanna c ms. hema this weekend if its possible.
+o how i miss jonah... i must see him too.

xOx... hi ho hi ho, back to work i go. <3

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: sc - "ruthless"

if i build you a city, would you let me? would you tear it down?
ok. i had my daily talk with my journal. and woohu fucking lost it. thank you, once again. damn. and it was like a culmination of all my feelings today and it is gone. it's these little things that keep me crazy. let me do my best at trying to remember what i wanted to say in this entry.

i hate my body. it hates me back. i ran today. yeah. christina ran. granted, i am sooooooo outta shape, but hey at least i did something right? i'm so sick of the way i look that i'm gonna try to get to a point where running isnt so much work for me anymore. hopefully then i will be able to satisfy myself. i skipped dinner. for like the first time in my life. only did so though because of my brother's treat.

my brother is the best in the world. when i have the crappiest days, he doesn't even know when or why yet he always does his best to make me happy. he makes me laugh. he took me to taco bell today. he cares. i hope everyone has things with their siblings like that. it's a beautiful thing. my favorite (one of two) aunt is coming down tomorrow too. this weekend with family will make me pseudo-happy.

god. my body really does hate me. not just cuz the way i look, but the way i feel too. supposedly, my mom says it's just allergies acting up, but like. ugh. usually when i have allergies, i get a stuffy/runny nose and i cant breathe and all that nice stuff. but as of now (like as in this very moment), my eyes won't stop burning and itching. and it just makes me want to close my eyes and go to sleep even more. it's so mean to me. i have valued my eyes a billion times more since i had pink eye, yet my body still thinks i need to learn a lesson.

something corporate. i keep going back everytime i get into the "i wish i could run away from it all" mood. of course, that's all the time, but specifically when i feel like i just can't find myself. i wish i could just have them playing in the background of my life 24/7. i'd enjoy it a lot more.

all the time.... it just feels like i need to close my eyes and not talk. talking to people used to be something i was interested in. consoling people, being the shoulder to lean on, the ears to listen to your problem. i still am. i just know that i don't seem approachable anymore. i am sorry for that. i feel more alone right now than ever. i know i know i have a buncha friends and i have my long time lovers and my family. but you know how it gets that way. i just feel like the best thing to do for me is to be... alone. in all sense of the word. if i could lie on the beach listening to something corporate all day long. i would be in my own heaven on earth. if i had a car, that's where i'd be.

long enough entry. woohu is forgiven. if this isnt lost.

heh. thats nice. my mom just yelled at me again. yeah i need to get my shit together. dont you agree? (sarcastic.)

i miss everyone. i miss myself. =(

1 . | <3

Lizzy

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.57pm
:: Mood: okie
:: Music: Usher "yea"

Ursher got the beats to make ur booty go ____
ladeda. just came back from my loggers run camp interview. it was kinda funny- one of the other applicants was this girl camila that was in my kindergarten class. lol. The interview was given by three guys, one anne's brother. I was a little nervous but i think i did okay. Hopefully that'll work out and i'll have a counseling job during the summer cuz that is what i like to do during the summer! besides relax :)

Day: NRT math went a bit too quick but thats okay. Natalia + Greta played a trick on me, they said greta had lice, and that resulted in me itching my head the rest of FCAT! Bananafish...nothing much else...bus was okay- i love u natali!

4 . | <3

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.14pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: outkast. foo.

today was swell.
a fine day at that. fcat makes school seem so much shorter. yearbook= i almost peed my pants man. greta. you are one funny funny girl. t'aime! hahahaha. ive learned so much about greta within the course of an hour that i'd never otherwise know about any person in a lifetime. perhaps too much. ; ]
in government we finished watchin that movie with marquese and jose. hahaha. marquese was sad. pobrecito. and mr epstien has demonstrated that he has a part of a heart. he moved our test to tuesday. yes. did some swimming after school and now when mommy comes home i'm off to go driving. : D hasta luego lechonitos!

4 . | <3

:: 2004 10 March :: 6.09am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: overnight celebrity:: kanye west

i could do more updating now... but one hand is holdng a cup of sea salt & water over my belly button to clean it, & i can't type fast enough with one hand 2 write what i want to. so for now... toodles.

<3 the first short white girl rapper. i promise.

===============
LiLsHorTcaKe2315: i do love u... i love u.... more than my heart allows me to. love u til it hurts. muah!
Dmx504boyz: well.............i love u past when it hurts lol
===============

2 more days. 10.12.03

:: 2004 9 March :: 11.52pm

things that make me happy these days:
-nice conversations with people that i don't usually talk to that much
-drawing pictures
-imagining and dreaming
-knowing that relient k will be playing on tina's birthday this year

<3

3 . | <3

:: 2004 9 March :: 9.28pm
:: Mood: disheartened
:: Music: something corporate - "me and the moon"

idk. crying again, for different reasons.
i dont know why but i feel like i can't talk to people anymore. all i can really talk to is this journal. i guess because i don't want to really bother people with my bitching but my journal will never mind.

i'm just crying because

sigh

yeah, christina will never be good enough.
=*(

despite how perfect i am in my peers' eyes, there's always someone at home to remind me that i'm still inferior (in more ways than one) and always will be.

let me just go into a dark corner now to be alone

:: 2004 9 March :: 9.00pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: goo goo dolls- girl right next to me

hm. yesterday rather than going about my work. i spent about 4 hours on the phone. almost 3 with emy, the rest con liz. oh how i love to waste time.
GUESS WHO GETS TO DRIVE THE NEW CAR TO LAKE WORTH FRIDAY NIGHT. WhaaaaaT! that is the high point of day.
i drove to the pool. and did my laps like a good little girl. : ]
is it really imperative to read economics tongiht? no. hopefully test wont be on friday.
parents & everyone= out alllll saturday. = house to myself. if emy doesnt come over.. partayyyy over here. ;)
i have been getting the house to myself quite often these past 2 weeks or so. i must say i like walking around in the undies and blasting music and dancing around and singing. :D tis fun.
i am enjoying life as of now. because . school isnt worth it to bring you down! at least not for now. heh. have a nice night all. even though one tree hill shall not air for the night.

biatch.

2 . | <3

:: 2004 8 March :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: slap happy
:: Music: none.

yep, finished with this paper almost. about one more page left. get to bed before 12? i doubt it. what is there to say tonight?

oh yes. i shall be getting a job soon, that means, saving up money, more stress, and less time to hang out with friends. doesn't it all sound great? i guess it's necessary though if i want the things i want like a car. desperately want one of those. i've come to the conclusion that i don't care what it is, as long as it runs and takes me places. today i drove to the library after school, oh how i love driving, lets me think and feel in control.

the prince and me advertisement is on AIM. everytime i look at it i imagine me as being julia stiles and dancing with the prince. i can't wait to see that movie.

blah. fcat today. science part. done so early, thank goodness, finished my daybook which will be good to turn in on time for once.

i think that is all for now. slap happiness all night long. =)

<3

:: 2004 9 March :: 11.03am
:: Mood: damn, i gotta peeeee
:: Music: honey:: mariah carey

where's my honey. i love him.
school days have become dull and plain. NOTHING, literally becomes exciting anymore. its like... all a part of life now, going there and coming home everyday. i can't wait til' i work mondays. maybe then there will be some more excitment in my life.

school, life, love, family, friends.. everything is s0o adequent that... i don't know what to do with myself. i have no worries... no stress. just to go to school and come home talk to my loved ones, and go to bed. i guess when u only keep the ones u love in your life and don't worry about anyone else... u have less problems. and especially since IB is one family and u love everyone that u talk to everyday... u never have a worry... except who's gonna help u ace ur next hour's test. lol and we all get along in that category. or... well... most of us anyways.

anyways... i miss a close one. hema. reminiscing made us cry today. so sad. haven't done that in awhile. and yes, thank you for the happy birthday... lol, i love how you said it five million times... and it never got old once, but a girl in bio kept saying it and i wuz like.... u can shut the fuck up already lmao. i guess thats what best friends do to ya. but damn... it all started with stealing a damn car and yelling at giorgio when we were TiPSY! WHOA! and the bed... whoa whoa wut the hell is goin on there?! never again! but hey at least it wuznt someone that would care right?! i mean i dont care... shit happens lol, hell, i bet it will happen to me... u there... accidentally when jonah & i... o yeah lmao. damn i miss the atlantic days with u in them. <3 daytona... here we come.

anyways, jackie is back from competition, muah! missed ya! how we can't wait for that spring break getaway to the bahamas. forget all ur worries and leave that shit at home.

then... hopefully... hema and i will get to go to daytona and we can escape some more... just to get away. damn. and then come home, see my boyfriend and be refreshed for school... that is... if there is no fucking god damn shitlessly pointless, bitch fucking teachers assigning homework. o how i will be angry. excuse the cursing above... but i will soooooo be mad. D-E-N-I-E-D! <3 hema lol

geesh, i miss jonah.... and i'm going to miss him more over spring break. goodness. i honestly... need to find a bigger word than love. it doesnt even describe our relationship.... if i ever lose him... or am stupid enough to do something to hurt him or break up with him even if he has hurt me... smack me... because i know there's not a guy better out there for me. although... none of the above would ever happen... with love.
bri -N- jonah:: 10.12.03. 3 more days.
50 days 'til School is OuT & SUmmER STaRtS!!!!
i'm out xOx. love.

Lizzy

:: 2004 8 March :: 8.32pm

It feels like its been awhile since i sat down to write a good ole- woohu entry. As a community we're kind of dying. Updates are getting fewer and fewer. Maybe we're getting over the "let everyone know my thoughts thing."

A few things happened last week but they're behind me now and relationships are good. FCAT, well what can u say. I've enjoyed my FCAT after-times with greta, natalia, and doing some card-playing. Eagle-ettes its getting down to "crunch-time"- the cruise is almost less than a week away and i still have not sucessfully been doing my half assed attempt at a diet thingy. I find it redundant to talk about classes unless something interesting happened. As usual, i enjoyed english, today we played a$$hole, just really fun. In econ, a pad was thrown across the room, yes muy intersante. Inna asked me after econ wat was thrown she was like "was it cheese?" LMAO. well i'm alright, yes just alright. wish i could be happier but i have my moments of sunshine. spring break is around the bend and of course, depseratedly needed. toodles....

:: 2004 6 March :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: hoobastank - "the reason"

the first cut
ya know. my weekend has been great minus one exception. the day after someone breaks up with you, is the day you recognize the most breakup songs. friday i cried more than i ever thought possible. because it hurts a million times more to know that it was my fault that he felt like i don't deserve him. because i don't. so i don't want anyone to be mad at him and i don't want anyone to try to console me. because the way i ignored him and the way i humiliated him every time i pushed him away... it makes sense that i can't keep hanging onto him. i should just go at life alone for a while. because ... i... i guess i'm not .. perfect. danielle saw so many tears. and my body hates me so since i cried so much, my allergies didn't stop. my eyes were burning and my nose was running. i never tell my family when i cry so they assumed i had horrible allergies causing my face to be all red. the tears ran so much that danielle couldnt catch them. there were too much. i couldn't sleep because i was drowning. and when i could sleep, it was horrible. i kept waking up. by far the worst sleep i ever had. and i woke up with swollen eyes. thank god for my family though. my brother came home last night. he makes me laugh. and we saw starsky and hutch. it's all good. today i went to tran's bday picnic. jimmy proposed. =) and i am gonna be a bridesmaid.

what else can i say?
i wish i hadn't treated him so badly.
because now i miss him more than ever.
and i hope he's happy without me.
all of our plans are gone now.

time to cry again...

i'm not a perfect person.
there's many things i wish i didn't do.
but i continue learning.
i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i found a reason for me to change who i used to be.
a reason to start over new.
and the reason is you.

i'm sorry that i hurt you.
it's something i must live with everyday.
and all the pain i put you through.
i wish that i could take it all away.
and be the one who catches all your tears.

i'm not a perfect person.
i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go,
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me to change who i used to be.
a reason to start over new.
and the reason is you.

3 . | <3

:: 2004 6 March :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: evanescence

save me from the nothing i've become.
i feel so, worthless. today my mom made me take a practice SAT test, and i just, felt so stupid. i usually do really well on math, especially on those kinds of tests, and i just sat there, for an hour or so, staring at a math section. i felt so stupid. thinking i wouldnt pass it with a good score, and i wouldnt get into a good college. and it scares me to death. because everyday colleges are raising their expectations for incoming students. and everyday we all get lazier. especially me. my grades arent anything special, there are tons of kids out there with grades higher than mine and 4.0 gpa's. and theres nothing special about me, i dont excell in anything, im just not good at anything. even if i do join clubs and whatnot, if i dont have a significant part in it, they wont even care. and the grades and the SAT's on top of it, chances seem like they get slimmer by the day. and i work my ass off to even get some of the grades i do get. so what makes me think im even good enough for college? im just another average kid. that doesnt even fit into her clothes anymore. its really depressing. in the course of less than a month i dont fit into about 5 pairs of pants anymore. it scares me how lazy this generation has become. we dont want to work in school, we dont want to participate outside of it, we dont want to exercise. all we want to do is eat pizza and ice cream and taco bell. we're all going to end up being obese lazy asses who dont get into college. at least i am. i wish i saw something special in me. maybe its just the mood swings that have accompanied mother nature's visit to me this lovely month of march, but i feel like, i just dont belong in this world. i belong in my own little bubble with my sappy movies and fat free ice cream.

6 . | <3

:: 2004 5 March :: 11.03pm
:: Music: Overnight Celebrity:: Twista

play something these hoes'll like....

i rap better than ur average white girl. <3

haven't updated since monday. probably because either i have been busy or the fact that everyone keeps asking me if something is wrong, when there isnt and it just makes me to sad to bother writing.

all in all.... this week was slow, tuesday felt like monday, wed. felt like tues., thurs. felt like wed. and friday feels like thursday.

don't let a brotha pimp you +singing+

i don't feel like sitting here any longer... intending on going to bed and dreaming of absolutely nothing but a white and perfect life.... xOx.

:: 2004 5 March :: 8.15pm

kljahsdfs. i have experienced the lost woohu entry. frustrating. IT WAS LONG!
long story short- emy called me from his meet, in the process of babbling and looking for kat for me, made me realize that for 2 years or so, ive become this, quiet keep to myself person for the most part. im not sure if its a good thing, or if its bad that, im not as lively as i used to be, or could be.
i miss him.

:: 2004 5 March :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: yellowcard - "empty apartment"

i think sometimes you forget where the heart is.

i'm going at it alone now.

2 . | <3

sammibaby

:: 2004 5 March :: 5.40pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: roses

BLSH BLAH BLAH...
hey everyone!! this week has dragged on SO long! im so happy its over..now for a weekend filled with homework and friend tutors. heh. i guess i need it..gotta do what ya gotta do..so yeah, im gettin my act together-about time right? i juss hope most of this stress goes away and soon!! i cant wait for spring break..i really need it..badly..

well im gonna go do homework or take a nap- u decide what im really doing lol.

<3