spinoangel
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::
2004 4 March :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: yc - "view from heaven"
so.
i'm just so... down. cant begin to bitch now. just dedicating a song to anyone who can relate.
i'm just so tired. won't you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams?
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place.
have a new name and face.
i just ain't the same without you in my life.
late night drives all alone in my car.
i can't help but start singing lines from all our favorite songs.
and there are melodies in the air singing life just ain't fair,
but sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone.
and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of my year.
and if we all believe in heaven then we will make it through
one more year, down here.
feel your fire when it's cold in my heart.
and things sorta start reminding me of my last night with you.
i only need one more day. just one more chance to say,
i wish that i had gone up with you too.
you won't be coming back. and i didn't get to say goodbye.
i really wish i got to say goodbye.
<3
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christini
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::
2004 4 March :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: that uhuh yeah .. oh oh oh uhuh yeah oh oh oh song. stuckinhead.
ladeeda.
this week. busy. as usual. there dont seem to be any more of those do-nothing weeks anymore. i miss them dearly. and i will treasure the next one that comes by. if it does. math test today. last of the quarter. i hope i got my 82 : /
ms french found it absolutely necessary for me to NOT MISS induction tonight. so me and liz and rachel went together.. to find all the ib's in the media center. it was funny. i felt like i was on a game show when they put on that music at first.. and that spanish lady was funny. cute. but funny. hung around a little with liz rach ari greta tina and allison, and then headed home. ended relatively quickly. it was a little odd, brother's ex-girlfriend handing me a flower. i was the only one she didnt really smile at . heh.
mommy dearest said she would take me into school at 10:30 tomorrow. = NO FRENCH CLASS! woot woot. i hate hate hate hate hate that class. it is pointless. especially now that iknow for sure i will not be continuing with the language. its like, why be there? oh well.
off to do homeowrk.
oh yeah- didnt we all love that video in government today? "i felt bad for robbing her.. but it was fun. i'd do it again!"
1 . |
<3
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lizzy
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::
2004 4 March :: 9.02pm
weeks been dragging by....
no, no torture was involved. just reciting stuff and eating cake :)
4 . |
<3
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boricuababy
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::
2004 3 March :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: fuck it-eamon
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..
my fuckin dad does everything ta piss me tha fuck off!! i'm soooooo glad i dun hafta put up wid dat shit everyday..but wen i do itz fuckin ten million times worse..ugh..he juss pisses me off so bad..dat im in a bad mood tha rest of tha day n take it out on ppl..n i did dat..(my bad..marina!!)..pssh..lol..like she even reads this..newayz..u shuddnt hafta do nething u dont want to right?? i dont wanna chill wid him dis weekend..bcuz i dont feel like it and bcuz i got sooo much crap to do..all dis homework n shit..n does he care?? NOOO..n den getz pissed at me..n my stupid ass brother backs him up..datz wha pisses me off tha most bout it too..cuz he feels tha same way but doesnt say shit..grrrr..
>>done venting<<
clarification: yesterday was NOT actually my birthday..lmao..ari..juss a sayin cuz i wuz happy..lol..ehh..so much for still being happy
<3
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spinoangel
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::
2004 3 March :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: something corporate - "break myself"
well i'm on fire. and the day is feeling hopeless.
god i lost my woohu entry again. this makes me pissed off like every other day. god. my computers freaking hate me. i have to restart them at least once a day.
this is how i feel... don't ask me to explain.
i'm willing to break myself
to shake this hell from everything i touch
i'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and grays
so you don't hurt so much
You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels.
(please rate)
What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the
Rough."
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
1 . |
<3
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christini
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2004 2 March :: 7.51pm
el f-gato can go.. suck a fuck.
that test blows. i learned about tomatoes. and trees. and diving for golf balls. good stuff man. the rest of the day was pretty much wasted. math- kdfaksdhf. im FAILING the test if the stuff he did in class today will be on there. there goes my A . left to do tonight: chem and french and spanish. i re-read my paper and made corrections and whatnot. and it is. d.o.n.e. the hardest part of this 9 weeks is over. 2 more weeks, and i'm off in colorado with emy. i. cant. freaking. wait. i wish it were tomorrow. but no. fcat. eh. 16 more days <3
new one tree hill tonight.... eh???
1 . |
<3
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alwaysfalling
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::
2004 2 March :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: rooney - i'm shakin
new haircut and chocolate cake, what could be better?
fcat today. blah. dumb. the whole time taking it i was thinking, "this is 4 hours of my life i could be doing something better, what a waste." government was fun, i have no idea why. i laughed plenty though. i think tonight i will work on my research paper and do a lot of chilling out. last night i watched lost in translation instead of doing any work. i like that movie. really made me want to go to japan. whew. i'm officially ready to go to california now. almost 2 weeks away. i guess that's it. peace out.
<3 love.
<3
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boricuababy
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::
2004 2 March :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: very smiley
:: Music: how many licks??
wo0o0o..
GO ME, GO ME, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mmmhhhmmmm..today wuz THE BEST day everrr..i had so0o0o much fun in P.E if ya kno wha i mean..we talked for a longggg time..well pretty much tha whole class period!! wow..it wuz great..i'm so giddy now..lol..and distracted..juss thinkin bout tha stuff dat happened..wid a permanent smile..:D
FCAT wuz borrriinnnnggg...it wuz madd easy tho so i guess dat wuz good..i fell asleep while i wuz takin tha test n forgot where i wuz..dat wuz funny..me all confuzed n shit..lol..newayz guess datz it..if u want more in depth details holla back..o0o0 o0o0o..lol
1 . |
<3
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christini
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::
2004 1 March :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
I AM DOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE.
1 . |
<3
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playmate101
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::
2004 1 March :: 6.30pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Are you Gonna Be My Girl:: Jet
and i've never seen a down moment of my brightest day.
u know when u turn another year older & u don't feel like u did? ha... i definitely feel 16.
Birthday Calls from Grandma, Papa, Neil, Jonah, Sahphiere, Brittany.
Birthday wishes from like everyone at atlantic & LUAN: Thank you especially to ashley p, jackie & carlos. <3
Took stats test... failed.. who cares, i'm ending up with a D in Chem. Took econ, i knew the stuff but i didn't. um... mommy picked me up... i got my belly pierced. we went to the mall & bought out victoria's secret. shopped w/ good memories from me & mommy. "this is the one", "saggy bra" & etc. but now we are at home goin' thru all the stuff we got... waiting for "family" aka carol & rick, tim & melanie & all of those kids to come over & have cake and open more presents. so it should be a good night. <3
i'll find the time to come back later, but now i hafta go wait up for jonah. muah! i'm in love. hehe
<3
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sammibaby
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::
2004 29 February :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Armageddon-ying yang twins
ITS THE MUTHA YEAR OF THE YEAR
you may be wondering what im doing here..or you may not be, but truth is i dont care, and im gonna tell you anyways. im putting off my homework, as usual. but i did get half way through, so lets just call this my "five minute break". sounds good to me. wow, i just had a conversation with myself pretty much, oh boy, im losing it [or should i say more so] anyhu, i shall try and get into the homework mood, if there is such a feeling.
<3
<3
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spinoangel
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::
2004 29 February :: 6.54pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: jessica simpson - "to fall in love again"
hmm.
my weekend. woohu lost my entry before about it. so i guess this is the newer version.
friday, i dunno why but i felt like such crap. for various reasons. i really regret acting the way i did, cuz i only made myself feel worse everytime i pushed people away. although i'm sure my murderous mood amused ashley cuz i wanted to throw some knives at people. it all culminated on the bus ride home. thank god for greta because ... she puts up with me when i bitch about my day on the bus. i just put my sweater over my head and i cried a little. shrug just felt a little trapped i guess. so i went home and took a nap and felt a little better. the rest of the night made me happier cuz i went with danielle and my mom out to dinner and then out to see dirty dancing. regardless of the annoying girls sitting behind us, i loved just sitting there and watching the movie. the entrance to the theatre was decorated with flowers and said "welcome to havana". i guess the movie embodies my fantasy movie life. going to a place you dont know, being scared, dancing, falling in love, having it all taken away but being happy that it happened. i wouldnt mind seeing it a sceond time just to lose sight of my real life again.
saturday my mom and i went shopping. yeah we had an excuse, that we had to get valerie and nicole birthday presents. we happened to slip in a few things for ourselves too. felt pretty good. then i got ready and went to valerie's house. it was interesting. i had fun in a very weird way. various things made me happy that night. well maybe not happy. but it made the evening worthwhile. dancing alone with danielle. talking to greta and wanting to cry. acting like a klepto in valerie's closet. standing in the rain. seeing how people act in a different environment. chillin in the garage with valerie and ashley after everyone else left. taking home lotsa food. wanting to be valerie's best friend again.
amongst other things.
that is always the phrase for me to use.
today i stayed home and did some homework while my parents went to ft lauderdale to see a jewelry show. i got into a bad mood again but i guess it's gone for now. sometimes all i need is to be left alone. with food and tv. but i have been rewarded with earrings from my parents. nice gesture from them. <3
will your arms still hold me?
and your eyes console me?
baby please don't turn your back...
and just pretend
that your heart still needs me,
and your soul completes me.
and we'll find a way to fall in love again.
2 . |
<3
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playmate101
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::
2004 29 February :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: anxious
la fiesta de Valerie.
good night, good memories. i miss valerie so much now.
all in all, it turned out good. i know sum people were a bit surprised by simple actions. lets get things straight:
+ danielle isn't on crack.
+ jessica can take care of herself & is able to do what she pleases.
+ valerie doesn't go to atlantic & it makes everyone so sad.
+ neil & hema have now called truths.
+ danielle & adam aren't a couple... yet.
+ briana & jonah are cute 2gether, lol, hadda throw that one in because that's all everyone talks about with him & i.
+ i miss hema.
+ ally was hot stuff.
i bet there's more that i think people should get straight but i can't think of it right now. um.....
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LESS THAN 12 HOURS UNTIL MY 16TH BIRTHDAY. 5:18 A.M.
o how i love those calls from grandma at 5:18 A.M. to wish me a happy birthday.
<3
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christini
|
::
2004 29 February :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: something corporate- me and the moon
the reasons like seasons they constantly change and the seasons of last year like reasons are floating away.
hmpf.
mixed feelings.
last night was a perfect night out with the chicas. rachel sam liz and natalia made my night. <3. i love going out to eat with them. its so, sex and the sam. heh.
homework-blah as usual. still not getting far on my paper. im bringing it to school tomorroow hoping that in my boredom some fantastic ideas will come to me. hey. you never know.
i feel fat. i dont fit into half my pants anymore. i need to go shopping. or go running. lzdkfjgf.
mae is tonight. i wish it was them with something corporate. i would be there in a everytime things get hard, i close my eyes and put myself in the crowd that night listening, and watching them play konstantine. its so, calming. it gives me the chills. <3
emy coming over tonight.
happy sunday
<3
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lifesuxsodanz
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::
2004 29 February :: 10.28am
:: Mood: conflicted....(bipolar maybe?)
Jesus Christ
wow....one day I will get thru a party without incident. I don't even care NEmore who is mad @ me who is w/e... every1 can say and think what they want I'm so tired of being judged and I'm tired of things being blown out of proportion. I was mad enough at some people last night to make up for all of it. (one person I must apologize again to is Greta tho...don't forget the monkey pills and toxic lips lol)
lol ANYWAY rite up till the end Valerie's party didn't turn out to badly it was just us chillin and watching movies and such it was nice. lol we did leave and go all the way to the gas station just for ju ju bees but lol y not.
Danielle and I were scared together until every1 got back from blockbuster lol....is this the right house?
It was gr8 seeing every1 tho lyk Hema and Melissa and yes Neil. This is the 1st time I've really seen Briana and Jonah together and I have to admit they r so cute lol it's alrite we're all jealous. Valerie also had a couple of hot friends Ally and I couldn't help staring @ all night lol
Well otherwise the rest of my day was....beautiful my mom and I went to Barnes and Noble so I could get my new book and a cd for Valerie. I swear to god I could live in a bookstore. I just ditched my mom and bought all my stuff (lol w/my own money like a responsible child) and sat in the cafe w/my white chocolate mocha and read for about an hour. It was so realxing I love my me time. After that we went next door to buy lucky some dog food...pet stores are another place I love lol i'm one of those odd people who are comforted by the smell of animals.
I'm so over being angry I'm mad @ Evan I'm mad @ John I'm mad at other people but I'm not getting into that here....but all in all I'm over it I don't care fuck everyone I don't need you. I'm happy alone
~Jess~
1 . |
<3
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lizzy
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::
2004 29 February :: 9.11am
:: Mood: still sleepy
:: Music: Hot Hot Heat "Bandages"
Hey, so yesterday was a good day. Eagle-ette practice in the morning wasn't too bad. Our dollies got their dresses lol. If my camera had any batteries i would post a pic of that.
Afternoon consisted of watching TV. Then at night, natalia, christini, rach, sam and I went out to Fridays. Fridays was fun, its really nice spending time with everyone outside of school in a relaxed atmosphere. Christine had a hair in her food, but they didn't give us free icecream :( lol. Sex and the Sam. After we went to coldstones, and then just hung out at a table outside of "panarhea" bread (rhymes with gonorhea, our poor sammy can't pronounce panera :) lol. TobAcco. After we went back to natalia's and watched a sex + the city episode. Then the night ended for me, i was sleepy! lol. thanks for a nice night girls- luv u :)
1 . |
<3
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sammibaby
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::
2004 28 February :: 4.02pm
TAKE THIS!
You are the Procrastinator. You always put
everything off until the last second, and your
grades suffer for it. Try starting your
homework BEFORE 11:00 PM
What Kind of IB (International Baccalaureate) Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
<3
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sammibaby
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::
2004 28 February :: 3.28pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: tipsy
LONG TIME NO WRITE..
hmm..lets start from yesterday..skipped 7th hr. with amara, ashley, n carlos..went to the media center, played cards..twas mucho fun. then me n amara missed the bus!! two shorties running...musta looked really funny..so we waited for her dad to come n pick us up..talked about religion..was interesting..then later carlos n his friend ivan stopped by..but i thought it was my chinese food..so i got confused lol..they didnt stay long because i had another friend over...that was friday night..quickly n briefly summed up
today was the CF walk..i walked with my friends and ran some! but it was freakin frio! then we went to the marlins and cardinals thing..waited on a line forever..and what did i get? NOT ONE autograph! they only were there for 50 minutes with about 5 thousand people waiting in line...i was 'disappointed'. next time..:(...later is my uncles bday dinner...good italian food..lol..cant wait..teehee.
CRAP loads of homework..so i will be going now luvies..xoxo
<3
1 . |
<3
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christini
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::
2004 28 February :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: something corporate- babies of the 80's
bozo the clown.
random song lyric.
im so, worn out. yesterday was alright, economics test, i suppose went as usual. theres no point in even trying to improcve. i spent the afternoon glued to the tv. i took nyquil and was asleep by 8:30. i was so beat. woke up at 10ish today. dilly dallied. played with my woohu. it was really cool, but you couldnt read it, so now its just. cool. today: maybe some hw. girls night out a possibility i hear? idk. tomorrow will be more hw. dads birthday dinner thing at 5-ish. emys coming. so it'll be okay.
have a nice weekend. <3
<3
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lifesuxsodanz
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::
2004 28 February :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Rise Against...Everchanging
there's nothing simple when it comes to you and i
always something in this everchanging life
and it probably always will
now that time is getting harder to come by
the same arguments are always on our mind
we've killed this slowly fading light......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hmmmm I like this song....ah well news I went out with Evan last night we saw 50 1st dates which was pretty cute. Un fortunately I watched the whole movie lol. Nah it was kind of awkward considering we havent seen each other in almost a year but I think it went ok....I think he's really hard to read sometimes. But he drove out here and paid for me and did all that date-like stuff and we were talking and having a pretty normal conversation before the movie...he just didnt try NEthing idk we'll see what happens there.
John called me all high and left me sum trippy message about how he was thinking about me @ 4 fucking 30 who gets high @ 4:30?? idk he worries me sumtimes i don't care as much as i used to but hes still a friend. I'll see him @ Val's party 2nite lol I kinda hope it's not another repeat of Hema's tho i don't think it will be. (lol not elaborating on that)
yeah so...what else lol I felt so wanted today Dom wanted to take me out somewhere michelle wanted to hang out lol it's nice to feel loved. Idk if I could be sure Dom wouldn't try NEthing with me if we hung out I wouldnt mind seeing him...he's ok as a friend.
econ and stats tests yeterday....we'll see I don't wanna talk about it really
I'm debating on dressing lyk a slut 2nite if tis gunna be cold but I have a really cute shirt I wanna wear. Ah fuck it I'm guna hear shit from every1 no matter what I wear. It honestly gets annoying sometimes lyk the second I walk into school I get examined...It's not like I do that to every1 else wear w/e teh fuck makes you happy it's none of my buisness.
lol heather and I had a nice conversation last nite about how cool it was that we got so close this yr. I'd consider her a really good friend now and we lyk never talked last year lol I <# my spaz!! She's gunna help spread the word that i'm not a scary bitch. (usually) hehe i'm also a damn good psychotherapist.
lol apparantly Alex G is starting shit again....I just have to say if she comes near NE of my friends I will kill her for fun. lol ok maybe not KILL but it will be an interesting party....drama drama see y'all tonite PEACE
~much luv~
Jess
1 . |
<3
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playmate101
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::
2004 27 February :: 11.33pm
honey got me hooked on you.
i just updated livejournal, so i don't know why i am updating here... i guess that entry was about my day, and here i guess i'll write about my feelings.
i'm kinda in a slumby [żis that even a word?] mood. just tiredsome & quiet. but today, i felt so out of place in school. there's like 2 circles in the morning right. the one where the guys [avi, jb, carlos, britt, logan, anand, pretam, sunil, & lawrence] are. also, sometimes ashley treu is in there, as well as amanda, but i am the only girl that is ALWAYS there... and for some reason it bothers me. like sometimes amanda will hang out with sam & kaila, and ashley will hang out with heather, danielle, ashley c, christina & everyone else... and i will talk to jackie the last five minutes before the bell rings... but it just irritates me like i am one of the guys idk what it is. ugh. like everyday when i'm feeling pretty & cute, everyone is in a big circle... but when i am normal... i'm aparted with the guys, & all the girls are hanging out in another circle. if there's any reasoning or symbolism in that.... idk, i am missing it. i can always explain what is happening i just can never quite figure out what it is.
===========================
SoWhatIfImBrown: i think u underestimate how pretty u really r
SoWhatIfImBrown: and i am telling u
SoWhatIfImBrown: right now
SoWhatIfImBrown: u r beautiful k
SoWhatIfImBrown: drill THAT in ur fuckin mind lol
===========================
now that all these people are IMing me & jackie, jonah, dominic, & carlos are making me laugh so hard that i'm going to piss my pants, i'mma go. xoxo good night <3
<3
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spinoangel
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::
2004 26 February :: 9.47pm
:: Mood: depressively angry
:: Music: josh groban and charlotte church - "the prayer"
i pray you'll be alright. lots and lots of rants
woohu just gave me massive amounts of pop-ups that made me want to kill myself.
amongst other things.
i do not know what has caused this wave of suicidal anger. me being angry is just pissing me off even more.
why do i feel like crying right now? i feel so fucking stupid. like i have everything. i have everything i want. everything. there's nothing missing in my life, there seems to be nothing wrong. i cannot pinpoint what the fuck is wrong with my personality. it's like i HAVE to get to these periods when nothing is good enough for me, not even myself. i have a beautiful, loving family. i have beautiful, loving friends. and i have someone who loves me like no one else. a couple of people do. i have straight A's. i am damn sexy. i am a saviour. i am brighter than the sun. i am perfect.
why can't i tell myself that?
i feel so dependent and independent all at the same time. like dependent in the way that i can't be happy without certain people. and independent in the way that i push people away when i dont want to talk. i just want to lie in bed and do nothing. can i do that? no. i really wonder.
i hate mr. epstein. really. like thanks buddy for confusing the shit out of me about everything. i have a freaking test tomorrow when i dont know one thing more than what i did before. wtf is that? seriously. i am here to learn, so teach me. just because i have PIB stamped on my head does not mean that i will memorize everything you say nor understand everything you explain. i have no previous experience in government. what makes you think that this comes so easily? pretty much never gotten an A on a test, but you expect me to retain all the pointless information that i couldnt understand in the first place? there is no reason to smile. the AP test is scaring the hell out of me. and it's just wrong to have him as a teacher. alright, let's skip half the chapter and have your test tomorrow to get you prepared for your AP test that's coming up. yeah right asshole.
like wtf. i feel like doing the following things:
1. running away
2. going to the beach
3. walking in the breeze
4. watch the sun rise
5. sleep all... sleep all day
6. attacking someone
7. hurting myself
8. banging my head against a wall
9. alleviate stress through art (not in school)
10. be completely happy
11. not feel sorry for my sorry self
12. follow a dream
i. have. everything. why is it not everything, though? ya know willie wonka and the chocolate factory? at the end, in the wonka-vator? willie wonka: "oh and charlie. don't forget what happened to the man that suddenly got everything he wanted.... he lived happily ever after." yeah right. in wonka land. thatd be a nice vacation. where nothing makes sense and the only point is to eat candy.
i refuse to be satisfied.
i refuse to pretend like i'm normal.
i refuse to do things unless i feel like doing them.
i just failed my govt self test. i have no idea what i am doing. =*( and i cant take it.
4 . |
<3
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spinoangel
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::
2004 26 February :: 6.22pm
:: Mood: procrastination
:: Music: vanessa carlton - "sweet baby"
if only this song was my mood all the time. -
you light me up and then i fall for you.
you lay me down and then i call for you.
stumbling on reasons that are far and few.
i'd let it all come down and then some for you.
pretty baby, don't you leave me,
i have been saving smiles for you.
pretty baby, why can't you see
you're the one that i belong to.
i'll be the embrace that keeps you warm
beyond the sun that breaks the storm.
i'll be alright in a sleep sound,
as long as you keep coming round.
and not most things can last forever,
but there are lessons that you'll never learn.
just the scent of you, it makes me hurt.
so how is it you that makes me better?
can you hold me and never let go?
when you touch me, it is me that you own.
pretty baby, don't you leave me.
hey man. this quiz result is like dissing me. shrug. i DO have a social life. people dont hate me!... right?
You are the Overachiever. You work far too
hard, and probably have no social life
whatsoever. But that's ok, cuz your GPA is
ridiculously high and you can get into any
college you want. The rest of us hate you.
You probably lied to get this answer, cuz REAL
overachievers would never waste time on a
pointless internet quiz.
What Kind of IB (International Baccalaureate) Student Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Schroeder!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
1 . |
<3
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christini
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::
2004 26 February :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: something corporate- cheshire cat
deep sigh.
6 hours of wasted day. i give up. i'll read the rest of government, and b/s the notes. and do my precalculus homework. but after that, i am so done. i ask myself, why cant i just be a complete failure, skip classes, get drunk off my ass every weekend, and be stupid as hell. but no, i have to be a goody good. and do all my work. and study for all my tests. and have morals. and a brain. (makes fist.)
i think i have come to terms with my schedule for next year.
AP English III
AP Spanish IV
AP Calculus AB
AP American History
AP Biology
Chem II
TOK/Health
and possibly chem research over summer. only cause its at olympic, and so darn close. i'd get to experience what its like to wake up past 5:45 to go to school.
we all seem to have this massive burden on our backs. because these class selection sheets have come upon us during a time of the year when we've all been swamped with work. and its extremely discouraging. at least to me. im worried that i wont make it. but i have to. i think ive changed my mind about classes about 20 times in the past 3 days, as have many others. but i think thats the way it will be. for now. oh. and i think i want to go into medicine. like specialize in something. not sure what though. something high paying. to satisfy my need for shopping. and i want to be haitian too. there has to be a way.
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bocaheath05
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2004 25 February :: 9.19pm
new journal on live journal swamp_inthe_sky
i still will update woohu
much love to all
<3
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playmate101
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2004 25 February :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: mesmerize:: Ja Rule -N- Ashanti
things seem to be getting better around the home... haven't fought with daddy in awhile, in fact, he took me driving outta his own will today... mommy & i have been getting along well, nothing new. and my bro & sis just get the idea of when to stay out of my way. (ex. while i'm doing hw, or on the phone)
school is no different tho. tomorrow is a half day. Wee. surprises. lotsa ppl that don't belong there want to show up. yes!
seniors made their "juvenile deliquent prank" today. how dumb... spray painted words of "c/o '04", missing tires off golf carts, & goo-ey door handles & locks. nothing special. nice try, but try again.
i didn't whiz the chem test... o well, i didn't want to, i was expecting a failure. even people smarter than i couldn't do it, meaning i most definitely couldn't. spanish went by smoothly tho, although ms. french insisted that last class she tried calming kristie down with the wasp on her leg. except, ms. french really didn't calm anyone down, she just kept teaching the lesson & didn't care about the wasp. english class is getting old. but i like the interesting conversations that we seem to have <3 in bio, everyone was ready to grab the umbrellas & go to the scrubs... only mr. murnan was joking. darn. s0o we played games against mr. dickhead's morone's class. o0o how we had fun.
now i'm sitting here.... procrastinating on statistics homework. o how i need an A on her test. but darn, why must i work for it? stupid question, i know, i know. <3 well, here we g0o0o, i'mma give it a try.
hopefully tomorrow will be a day of surprises & enjoyment.
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lizzy
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2004 25 February :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "She bangs" ...lol
Wasted by the way she moves..she moves.
Today was much better. I feel like i can manage everything now. I figured out all my next year's classes so I'm all good. Chem II, pre cal, psych, and health w/ TOK. It'll be hard, but i'm not overloading myself.
The senior prank was really dumb...hmmm, if they want to have their senior acitvities suspended, go ahead, for a really crap prank that made the school smell. Otherwise than that tho, good day. I dressed in my cute skirt and i got lots of compliments- thanks :) In first hour, i've been walking the track just listening to a walkman. I dunt really have friends in that class, but its all good becuz i enjoy starting off my day with a relaxing walk with music. Wish i was still in yrbook..but watcha gonna do. 3rd hour was pretty funny. danielle, heather, and i were passing around a note...pig porn anyone? LOL. then i was imitating danielle's role as a hick...then mr.epstein yelled at me. it was muy comico! English was okay, then in dance we learned more of the jazz dance. I don't really like the song, or the dance that much. Now i have to sell candy for dance. I'm gonna try to get rid of it ASAP! The bus was fun...just interesting convos. Now i gotta go read econ...<3
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spinoangel
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2004 25 February :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: something corporate - "space"
ugh.
edit- so i just read everyones journals that i didnt get to read last night. i didnt really read most of them, cuz we all seem in the same dreading-the-future mood and yeah. plus i need to finish my essay for english. the only thing i have to say is that you don't need to read the following entry because it's a buncha crap and it doesnt deserve to be read because it's the same old shit. oh yeah. something else. i love danielle more than anyone in the whole freaking world. just gotta declare that.
so many things are making me angry inside this week. idk what it is. ya know what i realized today though? something that REALLY pisses me off. i've known this before, but i've never known how bad i can feel because of it. what is it? it's... not understanding something. not learning. i had that in like 3 of my classes today. it's like... when i'm not able to comprehend something within 10 minutes, i feel like killing myself cuz i'm wasting time. government? that class brings me down so much. my inner morale and my self esteem for school just goes down the drain. him talking, the words going in one ear and out the other. it pisses me off and makes me angry (yes a lot at epstein) at myself. and i hate that feeling. like i can't stand myself. i guess it's cuz i've grown up being constantly praised and expected to do well, so when i dont do well, i just can't understand why. because it's not like i don't listen. and it's not like i dont WANT to learn, but those little rough spots when i dont get things in an instant, i feel like crap. do you think this is twisted? i think it is. art sometimes is even frustrating. and that's 100 times more wrong because it's my outlet and sometimes even that pisses me off because i can't seem to do something right. grrrrrrrrrrrr. i just wanna go away to california already. and have my fun time with my love. but i cant. i look at other people and wonder how they do it all and why i can't be like that. i know i know i'm great, i'm super and whatever, but the fact is, i can always be better. and i hate it. there's no reaching my goal, cuz i can always reach higher. but what if i never reach it? =( sigh. well that was my little rant for the day. probably gonna last for a while. i'm alright and happy but whenever i seem tired or out of it, i'm usually thinking about school. worrying, more like it. it dominates my thoughts over all else. ALL else. is that wrong?
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alwaysfalling
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2004 24 February :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: disappointed, sad, angry, depressed
:: Music: coldplay - the scientist
wrote this in my room while letting the tears fall
I wish I could say everything was fine but it isn't. Went to the therapist after school today with the mom and dad. It was a new one since the last one wasn't on our insurance and costed $100 per hour which was a little expensive for my family. I like dread going to see any therapist though. I'm still believeing that one day I will wake-up and everything will be perfect. I only go for the sake of my dad. I wish so many things these days. The biggest is to come home to a family with everyday problems and not a problem like this one that seems as if it is going to go on for a lifetime. I sat there on the couch by myself with my parents on the opposite couch listening to this lady I just met trying to fix something she doesn't even understand. Trust me, I know it takes time but when I'm being critized while getting help it pisses me off. My mom went off on the reason why she is unhappy is because me and my brother and how we don't pick our freaken clothes up off of our floor. She blamed it on US! Do you know how shitty that makes me feel? To come up with a reason like that, how dare her. It's like, "Thanks guys. You are the reason for my depression. It's all because of you for my unhappy life" She goes off on me then about how IB isn't hard if some nights I come home and sleep and that I'm not even in IB yet so I can't use that excuse. The therapist then says some crap like, "I see you have a lot of anger Mary Anne" then to me says, "Do you think you could start picking the clothes up off your floor?" I was about to scream. Say something like, "LADY WE AREN'T COMING HERE TO TALK ABOUT ME AND PICKING UP CLOTHES, MY MOM IS PSYCHO. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS TO FIX THAN MY FREAKEN CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR!" Well I don't have to go back for a while, thank God. My mom is going back next week alone. Oh how I will love to hear the crap she talks about then. I swear, I hate living here. All i could think about in that stupid meeting was going to college and getting away. Everything here is negative and if you know me, you know that I like to live positively. Like Megan says though, in the end this whole thing is only going to make me stronger.
I wrote that while sitting in the dark crying. Crying feels so much better. But then I cry and can't stop and sometimes even forget the first reason why I even started because I get so worked up that more things to cry about come up in my head. I cry silently so that no one will hear, especially my dad because then he will feel bad and I don't want him to.
nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be so hard. i'm going back to the start.
good bye. love you.
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playmate101
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2004 24 February :: 10.53pm
:: Music: Short People:: Randy Newman
if u can't download this song, read these lyrics... <3
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live
They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
Well I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here
Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love
They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here
<3
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